Mangosteen Juice Goldbelly Pies Mad at the Internet LOCALS 2026-04-27

0:00:01
Unknown_01: Hello, chat. I don't know if this is even picking up. I've never tried to record off this, but I promise people that if I hit the subscriber goal on the Keeley Farms, which I did, it is actually now about 770 out of 600, which is over the goal.

Unknown_01: So to complete my side of the deal, I have acquired a gourmet pie and real authentic, not from concentrate mangosteen juice, as you can see here.

0:00:35
Unknown_01: So I am going to first test the mangosteen juice, and then I will cut myself a slice of pie and I will taste, taste, test it for the viewing audience.

Unknown_01: So just so you know, mangosteen juice is preposterously expensive. I believe it is like traditional Chinese medicine food because, uh, it's way too fucking expensive. I think that this was like $40 for this fucking juice bottle. So it better be special is all you gotta say. It definitely didn't help low tax not die. So it can't be effective against bullets. At least we'll see if it's effective at other things, such as taste.

0:01:18
Unknown_00: It's very thick. How many calories are in this? 10 per ounce. That's not much. So it can't be very sweet.

Unknown_00: It's like a syrup almost. It's so thick. Which is shocking because it doesn't have that much sugar in it.

Unknown_00: I have partaken of the mango stain juice.

Unknown_00: Hmm. That's pretty good.

Unknown_00: It smells like apples, but very slightly.

Unknown_01: It doesn't have a strong flavor.

0:01:53
Unknown_00: It is very thick, very viscous.

Unknown_00: It has sort of like grit to it. There's something inside of it that they ground up.

Unknown_01: Like pulp. Pulp is in it. So it's kind of pulpy, but like in a gritty way. Very weird syrupy viscous feeling to it. And a very slight taste of apple and nothing else. So I assume that this is something that you only drink if you're really into mangosteen. Which as I said, I think is a

0:02:26
Unknown_01: Traditional Chinese medicine. Oh, okay. Let's cut pie now.

Unknown_01: Okay, as you can see, the pie has been cut. I also did take a look at the nutritional facts of the mangosteen juice, and I thought maybe it had like apple juice to cut it, but no, this is the real deal, pure organic mangosteen juice. And it even says mangosteen peel. So I feel like that is the grit, is the peel that they include for health benefits, I guess. What's funny is that it has a directions. You're supposed to have one fluid ounce, preferably before breakfast. Additional fluid ounces may be taken throughout the day if desired. I also shook it extra hard to see if that changes the flavor. And it doesn't. It just thickens it kind of even more.

0:02:59
Unknown_01: But let us not delay. There is pie to be had.

Unknown_01: As you can see, beautiful, perfect, homemade from scratch, organic lives.

0:03:38
Unknown_00: See, that's perfect. Even though it is like fruit and I don't like fruit and dessert.

Unknown_01: The thing is it's like custard and custard is like delicious.

Unknown_01: um i talked with ppp about dessert food and i remarked that i don't like bready cake i like cheesecake and stuff like this and uh this is much better i'm not usually a fruit person but

Unknown_01: It is March. It is spring. This is a perfect spring dessert, chap. Key lime pie, of course, is the official pie of the state of Florida, the free state of Florida, actually, the official name.

0:04:10
Unknown_01: For some reason, they made strawberry shortcake the official dessert because apparently they make a lot of strawberries now. But key lime pie is the official pie.

Unknown_01: and that um i want to eat a bunch of food on camera that's a bit weird i'm not quite there yet i'm still somewhat reserved that is my mango sting and pie review i really seriously considered buying a fn57 to complete this review and maybe a giant sausage log however i think that is the the second follow-up review that you do after the mangosteen and pie Thank you for watching.

0:04:57
Unknown_02: hello locals and gumroad uh this is a very impromptu video because i filmed the uh the mangosteen and pie review which is just sort of like a joke um if you don't know for whatever reason i would actually highly recommend that you go watch the low tax person stream that i did but basically lopex was a uh forum administrator for something awful and there was a brief overlap between something awful and the kiwi farms And it is a meme that whenever anyone is angry at me, they will compare me to low tax because low tax fumbled a huge asset that he was offered millions for at some point. One of the early internet community pioneers who just took everything that he had created and spiked it into the ground as hard as fucking possible. and some of the things that he did that were made fun of in his lifetime was that he tried to do a covert undisclosed affiliate marketing with a health group that was selling mangosteen juice and if you're white you've probably never heard of a mangosteen before hearing about low taxes affiliate deal with mangosteen

0:06:14
Unknown_02: Because it's like an Asian, I want to say it's traditional Chinese medicine, but don't quote me on that. But it's very popular with like Asian people as like a wholesome food supplement.

Unknown_02: So he chimped the fuck out when people called him out for, um, trying to shill this mangosteen juice. And that was like the first crack in the veneer that a lot of people acknowledge that he was kind of a fuck up. And then much later, um, he apparently was spending all his money on gold belly pies.

Unknown_02: which I thought was like a line of gourmet pies that they would ship to you that they made that were like the best of the best. However, to my extraordinary disappointment, Gold Belly is not actually a baker that sells pies. They are an Etsy for bakers and other food producers. And the shit they sell is ridiculous in terms of its pricing and what you get for it.

0:06:55
Unknown_02: So originally when I did my review, um, I was going to actually buy a gold belly pie, but I looked at it and I decided that it wasn't worth it because these pies are like a hundred dollars and they ship it to you. So it's going to get fucked up in the shipping process. And it's not even like, you know, like if I would be more minimal to reviewing like a Dubai chocolate labubu.

0:07:35
Unknown_02: because that's like a meme. But it's also like a thing from like a producer that I can criticize. If I criticize something I get off Goldbelly, it's just going to be whatever random baker that I bought it from. It's like criticizing Etsy by buying something from Etsy and being like, wow, this thing I got off Etsy sucked. Well, it's like, okay, well, you bought it from a bad vendor. So it's not even like you can critique it. So it just wasn't worth it.

Unknown_02: I did a homemade pie instead. I did a key lime pie.

0:08:13
Unknown_02: And I feel like that was a much better expense of my generous supporters money than buying one of these. So just true.

Unknown_02: just to kind of cement this i'm going to click around on the gold belly site and uh we're gonna make fun of it together okay because there is some shit let's let's just start off with the easiest thing here easter is coming but that means passover is coming so there's a whole passover cooking thing Passover traditions old and new. Passover is a time to honor tradition and maybe start fresh new ones with an em dash here. Suspicious. Whether you're keeping a classic with a full cedar from a beloved Jewish deli or bringing a stand-up dessert to the table, these perfect Passover foods ship nationwide.

0:09:01
Unknown_02: is also a crazy thing like if you are in california you can buy from new york and they're going to ship food to you which i can't imagine is is that great because it's like you know whatever okay so matzo crunch how much is this look at this

Unknown_02: Oh my God. So it's matzah, but it's like candy matzah. Cause you, if you don't know in, uh, in the Passover story, they have to eat unleavened bread. So it's just really crispy bread. That's not leavened at all. And I guess they're just making it into desserts now so that it's more, um, appetizing instead of just honoring the tradition. But, oh my God, check this out. Sort by popular now. How about bestsellers?

Unknown_02: So the best seller is you can get $15 toffee matzo. That's reasonable. But check this out. The Big Fat Cookie is selling Big Flat Crack. Sorry, Big Flat Crack, parentheses er, I guess implying that this is crack.

0:09:50
Unknown_02: Giant Passover chocolate-covered matzo.

Unknown_00: So you're getting like four matzo things that are covered in chocolate that you can get for it.

Unknown_02: $85 so this is like 20 plus dollars per cracker and this is why I was like fuck this um

0:10:28
Unknown_02: fanny gerson's mexican chocolate matzah choose your own sixty dollars probably for one cracker right yeah you only get one of these so it seems like it's less expensive than this one but this one is like you're getting one of this plate sixty dollars this that's why um low tax lost all his money can i start by like most expense oh i can't

Unknown_02: The borscht belt delicatessen, matzo crack ice cream, $115. This, listen, if I was Yahweh, I would be very displeased if this is how you were spending. This is not, the fucking story of the Passover is about the Jewish suffering and how they had to eat unleavened bread because they didn't have the resources to leaven their bread. If you're eating matzo crack ice cream for $115, you are not respecting your traditions, okay?

0:11:32
Unknown_01: That's crazy.

Unknown_02: Arrives by Easter? Do those dates just like completely align? Is that why they have that?

Unknown_02: Speaking of Easter, let's see what's going on. Easter in full cover. A $90 bunny cake with like little chocolate cookies like second to the top. That's funny.

Unknown_02: Oh yeah. You can buy like a whole ham. You want to buy like a whole, Oh, that fucking animation of the mouth chewing really pisses me off. $290, $290. You could add merge. I can, what the fuck? I can add a $30 patch hat too. Wow. This is really dude. So these hats are $30. That's crazy.

0:12:04
Unknown_00: Okay, so what you get is a whole ass ham, a whole ass turkey, and a whole ass pecan pie.

Unknown_02: Now, I'm from the South, so I should explain that the National Pecan Association says that the correct way to say pecan is pecan. However, if you ever talk to somebody from the South, it is pecan, which does sound nicer, I'm not going to lie, but it is a pecan.

0:12:42
Unknown_02: fat oh it says eat sorry i thought that thing says fat um if i sound different today i know it's because i'm recording on linux i think and i have like a my throat's a little bit dry this does look good i'm gonna not gonna lie but uh is it 300 fucking dollars good no i like very little is 300 fucking dollars good

Unknown_02: bestsellers what do we got for that the 300 fucking dollar ham set with the pecan pie is the best-selling thing where's the it has to be the highest thing too no way there's even more expensive shit it's a turducken 360 for a turducken this is excess this is real fucking a fraser friendly ships nationwide

0:13:43
Unknown_02: You can have your turducken sent to you from Tulsa, Oklahoma. And it's going to arrive just like this, I'm sure. That's crazy. All three of these things are different turduckens.

Unknown_01: Now, this is just a ham.

Unknown_02: $330 from Mom's Restaurant in New Orleans.

Unknown_02: Then there's another one from Cajun Ed's Scratch Kitchen for $320. That is crazy.

Unknown_00: $300 ham. Let's look at something else.

Unknown_02: Easter sides, is that macaroni and cheese?

Unknown_01: That might be worth $300 if that's macaroni and cheese. It's hurt by best sellers.

0:14:20
Unknown_02: Gourmet Lobster Company, $75 mac and cheese casserole for $4. Yeah, that's probably worth something. A matzo ball soup, $14. That's on the conservative side there. I don't know why this is on sides and appetizers for Easter. It's for going to Passover, right?

Unknown_00: Easter pizza rustica? I've never even heard of a rustica.

Unknown_00: Chopped liver, $26.

Unknown_00: Never had liver either.

Unknown_02: I don't think my grandfather, um, if in the South only, I think if you go to KFC, you can ask for fried chicken liver. They don't have that everywhere, but if he went to KFC, he'd get a box of fried chicken livers. That would be something just, he would eat.

0:15:00
Unknown_00: I've never tried those.

Unknown_00: Okay.

Unknown_00: Let's look at actual pies, I think.

Unknown_02: I think that I owe you an actual pie. Oh, those are hot cross buns. Hot cross buns. Hot cross buns. First thing you learn on the recorder when you're forced to learn an instrument in school.

Unknown_02: Let's see. Let's just see top foods.

0:15:35
Unknown_02: Let's do pies. I actually think he bought cookies, but for whatever reason, pies was the main thing.

Unknown_02: Top pies, a GoldBelly subscription everywhere, USA. So every year, every month, you get a different pie for $65. Or you can pay annually for $779 for pie.

Unknown_02: I mean, I guess I did pay a lot for cheese, but, you know, cheese is like a decadence for the elites and for high IQ people. This is just pie. This is just fat and sugar.

0:16:10
Unknown_02: What is the best-selling pie of the entire country? The St. Pat Caken, a $110 St. Patrick's Day Irish cake.

Unknown_02: which I guess is vaguely supposed to look like the Irish flag. That is the tricolor. If you were to assume that the, what I assume is a pecan thing down here. No, it's a salt. It doesn't say what the layers are. Looks like nuts. Looks like some kind of pecan or something. But I assume it's supposed to be like orange, like the flag. Actually, their tricolor is vertical, if I remember correctly. So that's a little bit off.

0:16:42
Unknown_00: Horizontal is like the coat to ivory or some shit.

Unknown_00: Or Italy. Anyways, the pie cake and bake shop and yawk.

Unknown_02: Then the key lime shop. Well, it is, this is what I almost got.

Unknown_02: And as you just watched the video, you can look at this pie and see that mine's better and I didn't have to pay $85 for it.

0:17:18
Unknown_01: So, um, I made the right choice.

Unknown_02: Another key lime pie. This one's for, at least these are from, um, flow rider. So this is a $100 key lime pie, $100.

Unknown_02: That is fucking insane. I just can't imagine. It's like, you have to have absolutely no value for your money. If you're going to buy a pie for a hundred fucking dollars, like how badly do you need a key lime pie?

0:17:52
Unknown_00: that you're gonna pay $100 for it to have it express delivered to you by Tuesday.

Unknown_02: Apple pie baked in a paper bag registered trademark.

Unknown_02: Is it literally baked in a paper bag? It's literally baked in a paper bag and then you tear it open.

Unknown_00: From Wisconsin.

Unknown_00: Why is being baked in a paper bag like a selling point?

Unknown_02: Should it be cheaper? If you're going to not give me like a pie dish for my pie, should you not be charging me less than $100? It's like, I'm sorry, this is like a cobbler or something. This is like a deconstructionist expression of a pie. This doesn't even qualify as a pie at this point, but it's still $100.

0:18:29
Unknown_00: um so yeah i think the cookies again is what he actually got i'm not too sure but let's try ooh pizza okay i can i can gold belly a pizza i guess i'll do that next uh top cookies the best sellers italian cookie tray for 65 signature cookie assortment a four pack you get

0:19:11
Unknown_00: four cookies for 32 dollars that is nuts that is obscene and this is what low tax was buying pass over flourless dessert samplers at least they don't try to call this matzah it's matzah because it's uh flourless i guess um

Unknown_02: So I was going to say, okay, these macarons, Passover macarons, really? Oy fucking vey. For $60.

Unknown_02: I mean, that makes sense at least because macarons are like really hard to make.

Unknown_02: When I was in Ukraine, I had a friend in the area, and there was a dessert shop in Ukraine that sold macarons and other desserts. And this guy was like a proper foodie, and he swore up and fucking down that the macarons they made, the chocolate ones specifically, only the chocolate ones, definitely had to be made in-house by like a master baker, because the other ones, he could just tell there was something off with them, I guess. But eventually he got really pissed because they started tasting worse. I thought they were all delicious, but he insisted they had some sort of in-house baker that was making this shit. And it was the best macarons he's ever had until they fucked it up eventually. They were not Jewish macarons, in case you were wondering. Although, um, I live very close to a street literally called Jew Street in Odessa. There was a big-ass temple there, and they had, like, their own fleet of vehicles that all had, um, uh, Hebrew on them. And, uh, they looked at you weird. This is the area where there's that little kid that was, like, a Hasidic Jew, and he was wearing a t-shirt that said Pikachu, and the Pikachu in it had, like, Hasidic Jew curls and a hat on, which was very cute and very funny.

0:21:05
Unknown_00: Um...

Unknown_00: Easter cookies for $70. It's just such, this is about, okay.

Unknown_02: This like, I don't know if you're going to Paris, Paris, France, $85 macarons for 20. This is reasonable. The most reasonable thing on this thing comes from, uh, France and not from the United States for whatever reason.

Unknown_00: Yeah.

Unknown_00: Well, they also have meats. I'll do the pizza next, but I think there's like meats on this as well.

0:21:40
Unknown_00: iconic eats what does that even mean oh my god you could you could buy a 90 bucks of burritos for literally like 11 a burrito a philadelphia of philadelphia cheesesteak for 140 dollars

Unknown_02: There's four of them. So that's, that's more than what that's more. That's like 30, $35 per Philly cheesesteak. That is fucking insane with cheese was okay. Look, I I'm aware.

Unknown_02: that the philly cheese steak must be made with cheese whiz and not american cheese or any kind of real cheese i am aware that that is a requirement according to people from philadelphia so listen i'm not look i'm not one to to judge okay but i am going to say that

0:22:42
Unknown_02: the onions say with onions and without onions it's pretty funny but i'm just saying that if you're going to use cheese whiz as an ingredient theoretically the purpose of doing so is to keep the cost low right because you're using it like a dairy product and not like a real cheese so the price shouldn't be 140 fucking dollars is what i'm trying to say or something composed with cheese with the apple pie in a paper bag thing is like really big for whatever reason Then I got pink eggs. $160 for the French dip sandwich served with pink eggs. I mean, this at least is like really nicely presented. This looks good as fuck. Not $160 good, but that looks good.

Unknown_00: And then real bread for $55 for what you can get for a euro in Europe. Oh, this is like a chocolate babka.

Unknown_01: This looks like a cinnamon roll.

0:23:42
Unknown_00: Okay, let's look at the meats.

Unknown_02: You can buy top meats. I would love to see top meats. Maybe I should buy a sausage log so I can low-tax max it. Okay, these are the best sellers. You got shepherd's pie from Centerville from $80. Panberry double-crust hand pies, a 12-pack for $140. I mean, that's...

Unknown_02: That's more reasonable because you get so much Italian beef sandwich kit for $120. So they're just going to ship you the tubs like, uh, for eight. That's also compared to the other ones. That's like a better deal. It's on sale too. It's usually 150.

0:24:17
Unknown_00: Okay.

Unknown_02: Here's the Edwards, Virginia smokehouse, a $90 ham, boneless slice, honey glazed ham for $90.

Unknown_02: snow's barbecue $250 supposedly it's the best barbecue brisket in Tejas $150 for him that's so crazy $110 for a two pack of Wagyu ribeyes. I don't know. I'm not like a huge steak person, but I assume that might be more reasonable. Gold bellies taste of Peter Luger sampler gift box for $265.

0:24:51
Unknown_02: They got an old guy in the picture though. So that means that it is a good.

Unknown_00: That's a lot. That's a lot. Look, you get gold chocolate coins as well with your purchase. Do you literally get the gold chocolate coins?

Unknown_00: It's in the picture.

0:25:26
Unknown_00: Yeah, you do.

Unknown_00: Wait, yeah, milk chocolate Luger coins.

Unknown_02: Well, there you go. That's where all that money goes to, to the gold coins.

Unknown_02: Okay, and then I wanted to look at pizza because I said that I would.

Unknown_02: Check out, oh, I have to go to Top Pizza. Okay, best sellers.

Unknown_02: Two Lou Malnati's deep dish pizzas, $83. Which, I mean, the cost of delivery is going way the fuck up, so that's not ridiculous. It's about twice the price as just getting a pizza locally, but it's not like $100 more. That looks bad. Pan-style deep dish pizza just looks like shit. Just make a fucking lasagna at that point. What the fuck are you doing?

0:26:00
Unknown_02: Deep dish is also like a Philadelphia thing, right? Oh, Chicago. Sorry. Chicago deep dish, right? New Haven style pizza. Apparently Connecticut. Connecticut is famous for nothing except they have their own style of pizza, but I would never drive to fucking Connecticut to try this. Let's look at it. What does a Connecticut style pizza look like?

0:26:36
Unknown_00: It's very thin and minimalistic, I guess.

Unknown_00: What makes it? Okay, let me look this up. Hold up.

Unknown_00: What makes a Connecticut pizza different?

Unknown_02: New Haven style ultra thin oblong crust that is heavily charred, not burnt in high heat, coal fired oven. That's more of a traditional pizza, like a Neapolitan. Like if you go to Italy, they, that's how they cook their pizzas. They're just usually very small. So who am I to judge? I'd eat the fuck out of this. I don't know who I'm getting.

0:27:09
Unknown_02: Um, Chicago, fuck Chicago. Look at this shit. Get make a fucking lasagna. What is this? This is not pizza.

Unknown_00: I mean, it's pizza. This all looks pretty good. Except for the fucking lasagnas.

Unknown_02: Except for the fuck. Look, deep dish pizza is basically transgender. It's a lasagna that presents as pizza gendered. And I find that offensive, but the other shit looks fine.

Unknown_02: Hey, look at this. Ah, Sicilian. Oh, does Sicilian mean like the, is that one where the cheese is under the sauce?

0:27:41
Unknown_02: I try it, but I don't like extra, like, the bread of a pizza is, like, the most calorific and the least tasty. I don't want, like, super bready pizza. I don't want fucking lasagna pizza. I don't want, like, super deep dish pizza. I want more cheese. I don't want more bread. I can go to, I can fucking make bread, okay? If I wanted to, like, calorie max, look at this shit. Look at how fucking dark this is.

Unknown_02: Because it's a deep dish pizza. You have to burn it on the outside. The people in Chicago are like, oh, we have to burn our pizzas too. It can't just not. Look, it would just be a lasagna otherwise. We have to burn it to say that it's pizza. Fuck you. Fuck you, Chicago. You piece of shit.

0:28:18
Unknown_00: Chicago Sten Crust.

Unknown_00: Now look at this. This is what I mean. This has cheese on it.

Unknown_00: I eat this. This is good. This is fucking good.

Unknown_02: Yeah.

Unknown_02: It's like, it's like these Chicago people, they move out of Chicago and then they're like, oh, I really need a, uh, a deep dish burned to a crisp lasagna. I can't get it anywhere because nobody else eats this shit. I'm gonna have to go to gold belly and pay a hundred fucking dollars for them to express deliver my piece of shit pizza to my fucking doorstep. I need a black UPS driver to chuck this at my fucking porch from the street.

0:28:59
Unknown_02: I need it that bad.

Unknown_02: transformer outside my trailer just blew but my computer is on because I have a backup battery that's fascinating chap oh that seems like an omen that I should finish this the fuck up let's see

0:29:40
Unknown_02: it oh oh not like low calorie like you have a dietary restriction okay i understand oh boy we got some options here kosher that's boring let's see what's uh keto vegan okay let's see what the tastiest vegan looking thing is on gold belly i'm curious how much expensive it is a vegan gluten-free carrot cake is it all just dessert that's boring show me like some exquisite vegan food

Unknown_02: vegan passover dinner for two matzo ball soup that's basically it and this looks like a shepherd's pie but i imagine it's not a shepherd's pie vegetable dumpling soup matzo ball soup potato crush spring vegetable pies for 150 dollars and there's no meat you gotta really love your your fellow jew to pay for that

0:30:39
Unknown_02: Yonashimokanishes. The only reason why I know the word knishes is because there's this weird ancient YouTube meme video about potato knishes. And that's why I know what the fuck that is. But outside of that, I don't know.

Unknown_01: Hey, something from China or Japan or something.

Unknown_02: Spicy Moon. That's me. I'm a spicy moon.

Unknown_00: Vegan Don Don. Noodle kit for two. This is a very well put together...

Unknown_02: demo this is very attractive this is very well uh this is a good aesthetic 60 dollars too it's like the cheapest thing is this uh korean i thought for sure this would be chinese because they have chinese on them oh it's szechuan so it is chinese

0:31:30
Unknown_00: Okay. A little bit disappointed. Oh, here we go. $110 of vegan. I mean, this looks good.

Unknown_00: It does. Oh, with macarons too, bro.

Unknown_00: And a vegan cookbook.

Unknown_00: Oh, you don't get the macarons.

Unknown_02: If you want the macarons, you have to add $16 to it. The 110 is just two of these. That's not worth it, man. If this was all four for 110 and you got the macarons, that would be the best deal in the whole fucking site. Shalom. I actually wanted to record a little bit more because I found a category for Instagrammable purchases on GoldBelly. These are things that you can buy to put on your Instagram page.

0:32:02
Unknown_02: yes if you're an influencer you can razzle dazzle your audience by uh buying a cake that looks like random um in particular this is the bagel and lox cake from the flower shop in california and uh it is literally just a

Unknown_02: Cake that is shaped like a doughnut and I imagine that's fondant on the outside Which is if you don't know fondant is how they make cakes that look like stupid shit The fondant is barely edible any cake that has fondant in it is a failure of the cake. I

0:32:47
Unknown_02: And America Sim. So this is a Jewish creation. I shouldn't be too mean about it.

Unknown_02: I think that is cream cheese frosting, it says. And then I think that's regular frosting with sesame seeds on the top. I guess it's fake sesame seeds. But yes, it's just a cake that amuses Jewish people. It says it serves 15.

Unknown_01: That is an optimistic comparison.

Unknown_02: based on the size of this fucking thing uh next this is not fried chicken ice cream nine pieces so uh guess what you see the the person the melanin opens up they bucket a chick on they eats the chick on and do their shock and horror this is not real chicken this is ice cream that looks like chicken um

0:33:37
Unknown_02: Pretty good, actually, very convincing. What is it, like chocolate covered cookie bone? Oh, there's like a literal bone in it?

Unknown_02: There's not the, oh, is that the bone? I think that's the bone right there. There's kind of shove it in there and it doesn't really fit in the middle, but okay. So there's a cookie that's pretty creative. I'm not gonna lie. Coating of white chocolate and corn flakes. Hmm.

Unknown_02: The corn flakes are the least creative thing about this.

Unknown_01: It's really, there was some other thing that could have added to, to be better than corn flakes. I gotta admit, this looks fucking good though. I'd eat this.

0:34:09
Unknown_01: Ready to eat. Yeah, I bet freezer friendly.

Unknown_02: Yeah, I imagine.

Unknown_01: I imagine the freezer, the ice cream is freezer friendly.

Unknown_02: Like I said, this is pretty creative Charleston, South Carolina.

Unknown_02: Can we have two states with capitals or Charleston? That's funny.

Unknown_02: Chicken bucket cake pop six pack. Okay, this is a less good version of what we just saw, I guess. These are cake pops. I think they're the same thing, but they're, no, this is in Woodbury, Minnesota. They're using like the same bucket design as the other place, but they're just cake pops.

0:34:41
Unknown_02: This is much shittier than the other one, I'm not gonna lie. Probably because it's from Minnesota by somebody called Nadia.

Unknown_02: Next, oh this is okay. What really is crazy about this is how expensive they are. Those are like $100 each. Then we got Mr. Goldman here from Baltimore, Maryland. Is this like a money laundering racket?

0:35:14
Unknown_02: All these people have such suspicious names. For their novelty products. I'm getting a little bit suspicious over here. Okay, this is the date night handbag cake. $230 fucking dollars.

Unknown_02: It's got to be fondant on the outside.

Unknown_02: Yellow layer cake with chocolate ganache and caramel buttercream. That's the inside layers. That's perfectly fine.

Unknown_02: Hand decorated with the Baltimore Atelier. I don't know how to pronounce that word. Limited edition cakes. Limited edition.

0:35:46
Unknown_02: What's on the out? Oh, black fondant. Dude, just a waste, man. That's how they have to use fondant for this kind of decorative shit, but it just sucks. You're paying $2.30 for a cake that's primary layer, the outer coating, is fondant, which is just the cheapest, shittiest thing ever. This is if you have a Ukrainian...

Unknown_02: You took advantage of the Ukraine war by adopting a 30-year-old Ukrainian woman as like a six-year-old wealthy man living in Maryland, siphoning off the government from DC.

0:36:21
Unknown_02: So you adopted a 30-year-old woman as like your wife slash daughter. And she's like, babe, buy me purse cake. And so you go on Goldbelly and you buy her a purse cake and she's very pleased for her 29th birthday party coming up.

Unknown_02: Uh, next guy, Ferrari in flavor town, USA. That's illegal. That's false advertising. There's no fucking flavor town, USA. Where's this coming from? Where's this being shipped from? This being a ship from like Guatemala or some shit guys, barbecue, brisket, trash can, $110 guaranteed safe ship.

0:37:03
Unknown_02: You can add a margarita mix for 20 bucks more, or you can go to Walmart and get it for $10.

Unknown_02: Um, so it comes in a, like a Folgers, um, steel can, and then it's a bunch of those little tortillas that are fried and he just stacks that. I mean, look, this is a very cute idea.

Unknown_02: Actually, here's what I thought about this, right?

Unknown_01: I've had a very heated debate with a friend once about soggy food.

Unknown_02: This friend insists any kind of crunchy food must not mix with sauce, which necessarily precludes any kind of nachos. And I've tried to explain to him that

0:37:46
Unknown_02: what you get is the crunchy and the sauce together and then you mix it right before you eat it so you have saucy crunchy and that is a very it's difficult to execute but when it's done well it's done very well i look at this and i see the fried tortillas the chips and all the sauce in it

Unknown_02: Oh, you don't get it like this. It's a kit. You make it yourself. Okay. I understand. So you're effectively bro. Come on guy, Ferrari from flavor town USA. So you don't even get this in your mail, but.

0:38:19
Unknown_02: i was thinking like you get this in your mailbox and you just pull out a fork and just start eating it you're like yummy and it's like i was thinking okay so this is like this is all like soggy and by the time it gets to you and then no you actually have to cook this yourself and it's like but you're paying 110 fucking dollars for this so you have corn tortilla chips super melty cheese

0:38:56
Unknown_02: Bracho beans, pickled red onions, pico de gallo,

Unknown_02: sour cream, shredded cheddar, like the most plain-ass fucking bullshit yellow cheese ever. And then on the side, cilantro, which you don't need. You just throw that shit out as soon as you take it out the packet so you can eat the jalapenos.

Unknown_02: Then there's BBQ brisket and then like some kind of barbecue. Honestly, I'm going to ask Claude, how much do you think these ingredients would cost at Walmart? Question mark. Let's see what Claude has to say. Cause I'm going to, I'm going to say this is like a $10 shopping trip to Walmart. The ingredients are there. Okay. Fair enough. You can't replicate the guy Ferrari flavor town. Actually, I bet you could buy the sauce off his website for like $10. And then you don't have to do this.

0:39:31
Unknown_02: Roughly $27 to $30 to buy everything at Walmart. Does this include? What's the most expensive thing? The brisket. Half a pound pre-cooked. Assuming this is half a pound of brisket. I fucking doubt it is.

Unknown_00: I fucking doubt this is half a pound.

0:40:06
Unknown_00: Oh, it says here.

Unknown_00: Seven ounces. A pound is 16 ounces.

Unknown_02: I'm right.

Unknown_02: I'm right. It's not a half a pound. Get fucked. You don't even get a full half a pound of brisket. You get, you just get fucked.

Unknown_02: Wow. Thanks guy for $110. That's inconceivable.

Unknown_02: The Clinton station diner already turned off by the name, but when you are offered a seven pound Zeus burger kit. Oh, this is another kid. This is something you have to cook yourself.

0:40:38
Unknown_02: So do you already get, is the bun, I guess the bone bun can't be toasted. They expect you to toast that yourself. You're gonna have to butter up a whole skillet and toast this fucking thing.

Unknown_00: Does it come with the Heinz ketchup?

Unknown_02: It doesn't. You have to buy your own fucking Heinz ketchup. You wanna, you want ketchup on your burger, bitch. You think that you would get it in a $145 gold belly giant Zeus burger kit that features the Heinz tomato ketchup in the picture.

0:41:14
Unknown_02: well fuck you buddy you gotta go to walmart you're gonna be halfway done preparing this shit and then you're gonna be like oh fuck i don't have any i don't have any ketchup let's go buy a giant squeeze bottle at the uh at walmart that's crazy um

Unknown_00: Yeah. What's the cheese, American cheese, 32 slices of American cheese, five pounds of American cheese.

Unknown_02: Wow. So this is like the shittiest and it's just iceberg. Dude, this is shit.

Unknown_01: This is absolute dog shit. Look at this a whole ass.

Unknown_02: It's like beef steak tomatoes. So like the least appetizing tomato to put on a burger.

Unknown_02: Just pure water. No tomato taste whatsoever. Whole ass onions. A gigantic head of iceberg fucking lettuce. Tastes like dirt and water with some crunch to it. And then a beef patty, which...

0:42:01
Unknown_02: When you're talking seven pounds of beef, that's like a gigantic can of dog food for like a pound of dogs. Okay. Now, like a pound of dogs, like a, like a weight, like an actual like dog pound. And then you have this bond, which I guess is the most impressive thing. You can probably buy like a jumbo burger. Okay. Let me ask. Sorry. I know this is in professional. How much would this cost? Question mark.

0:42:32
Unknown_00: The bun is also seven pounds, seven pounds of bread.

Unknown_00: Okay. It says that the ingredients are like 60 to $80, but you can make your own bun.

Unknown_02: So I've been fucking lazy.

Unknown_02: A jumbo bagel, $85. At least let's have some stuff on it. Is the stuff not included? The filling's not included. Arrives plain and unsliced. So I hope you have the world's biggest bread knife ever so you can cut this piece of shit. And then this tasty looking ensemble that this woman is so happy to be eating. You gotta make it yourself, bitch.

0:43:03
Unknown_02: What is everything? I keep saying everything and I have no idea what it is. It does not sound appetizing. I don't want everything. I want like a little bit, but good, okay?

0:43:36
Unknown_02: The swine fighter, pepperoni pizza.

Unknown_02: I can't see the cheese. That's the main thing here. There's no other pictures. Can I get like a cross section? They couldn't even bother. They couldn't even be bothered to like cut this and try to do like a pool to show like the cheese pool or like the little pepperoni cups like tumbling. They didn't even bother with that to like show you how it looks on the inside.

Unknown_02: New Jaisy. Tony Bologna. New Jaisy.

Unknown_02: Swine fire, eight ounces of pepperoni, two bottles of Roni grease ranch. That's very appetite. I did. I hate restaurants that are like, so like kitsch about being unhealthy. Like I don't need to be told what I'm eating is unhealthy. Okay. I know it's unhealthy. I fucking, I know what a fucking, I look, I saw this. There was no benefit of a doubt left in my mind that when I ordered this $120 pepperoni pizza from Tony baloney, that I was making a good bodily decision at that point in time. I don't need to be told that it's a grease ranch on top. Okay.

0:44:44
Unknown_02: Yeah, that's a bit much.

Unknown_02: Okay, this is actually kind of cute.

Unknown_02: This is the cartoon cake. I assume it looks like this from precisely one angle and one angle only.

Unknown_02: If you took this, like this isn't an actual video because if you saw an actual video of it, it would like destroy.

Unknown_01: This is another thing that you have to assemble.

Unknown_02: I have to watch this fucking soy boy assemble this fucking cartoon cake to get it to look like this.

0:45:15
Unknown_02: It's like, um, an early, um, like PlayStation graphics for like a Simpsons game or something. That's what it reminds me of 80, $75 in fondant, dude.

Unknown_02: You get a tub of fondant. You don't even have to make your own fondant. They just give you a tub of fondant. And that's your, that's your cake kit. Step one, bake a cake. Step two, cover it in fondant. Step three, make it look like a cartoon cake. Bam. Whammo. Pazow. You're gonna have a cartoon cake, courtesy of your own labor for $76.

0:45:52
Unknown_02: Okay. This one's just bizarre. I actually was kind of nausea like this. Sorry. I feel kind of bad because I'm like tearing down small businesses, but at the same time, like, fuck you. This is pop pasta. 90% love this shot from Brooklyn Yacht. And this is the mac and cheese spaghetti donut eight pack. This guy, I assume that this guy, what he did.

Unknown_02: is that like everything in New York is about like street foot traffic and selling shit that they can eat while walking to their very busy job, right? That's how I conceptualize New York food is that it has to be a storefront that you can walk in and pay $5 to get like a piece of shit slice of pizza or bagel or whatever. And then you leave and you go to your Manhattan office and you talk about buying and selling stocks. And that's like the entire New York food economy, right?

0:46:23
Unknown_02: So this guy must have thought I'm really hankering for some spaghetti. There's no spaghetti that I can eat while selling and buying stocks on the stock market. So he said, wait, I've got spaghetti stuff and you have bagel tins. Just slam my spaghetti shit into your bagel tins and then we'll have bagel spaghetti. And so spaghetti on the go suitable for Nyaka was, was assembled.

0:47:05
Unknown_00: Um, well, it's just like, I just imagine my hand getting greasy.

Unknown_02: I guess he had like a little paper thing for it. There's another thing that he made too, by the way, this one's even more weird. This is like mini red sauce spaghetti, 18 pack. So it's literally red pasta. Bologna is spaghetti. And at this point it's, it's starting to look like aspect. You know what I mean? If you don't know what aspic is, go look it up. It's like a Russian gelatin type thing where there's like shit suspended in the aspect. And it looks like a jello dessert with like meat in it, which is like nauseating to a Western person who's never seen aspic.

0:47:41
Unknown_02: But aspic itself is like very savory. It's not a dessert food. It looks like a jello snack in the US, but it's actually like a meal that's very like hearty. And like, it looks like a bagel shaped spaghetti aspic and, and kind of like brains. Like someone shaped somebody's brains into a, into a bagel shape. These are again, it's like $95 for this. You can make this at home. Do you have a spaghetti? Do you have red, uh, red sauce? Do you have a bagel 10? Well, well, well, you know, have many red sauce, spaghetti donuts, 18 pack without spending $95 for it.

0:48:17
Unknown_02: You can take like a 10 of, uh, SpaghettiOs and probably make these at home without too much effort.

Unknown_02: Okay. This is, I used to, when I was a kid, I really loved flaming hot as like a flavor.

0:48:51
Unknown_02: As an adult, I do not. It tastes like a chemical. It doesn't taste appetizing. It's like spicy and sour, but it just doesn't taste like food.

Unknown_02: I had like a little packet of Flamin' Hots because it was out of what I would have wanted. And I tried them. It was just like, oh, this isn't as good as I remember it. But don't let the bagel nook and freehold and jazzy

Unknown_02: uh be stopped by such nuances this is the overloaded cheetos of flaming hot bagels with cream cheese it feels like a packet of flaming hot cheetos mixed into cream cheese on a gigantic bagel bun this is a one pound ghost pepper cream cheese or i can add another pound of nutella cream cheese on this

0:49:54
Unknown_02: It's a hundred dollars. It's a hundred dollars with a Nutella on it.

Unknown_02: That's obscene. Dude, imagine, imagine the kind of person who actually eats this and what they look like.

Unknown_02: Some prep light assembly.

Unknown_02: Do I have to put the fucking cream, a dozen flaming hot Cheeto bagels. a pound of your choice of ghost pepper cream cheese or cool ranch cream cheese, a bag of flaming hot Cheetos, and then whatever else you order. So you get the bagel bun, the cream cheese, and the flaming hot Cheetos, and you have to put it together. That's what kills me. It's like, if I'm going to make a bad decision like this, it has to be like, I'm in New Jersey. I'm drunk. Wandering the streets of freehold, New Jersey. They took my keys from me cause I'm so intoxicated. And I see this in a window and I'm thinking like, dude, bro, that would be like, so fucking the mood right now, buddy. And then you order it and you immensely regret it the following morning when, or even within the hour when you start puking and you're puking up cream cheese and flaming hot Cheetos and alcohol.

0:51:09
Unknown_02: that's what kind of night you're asking for with this and it's not a good time it does not sound like a good time to me uh and then i did find some cheese my curiosity got the better of me cowgirl deluxe cheese collection oh you can add a green cooler bag for ten dollars fantastic so this is not like a thing that rotates you just get this one thing this would be a nice gift for somebody but for a hundred and sixteen dollars

Unknown_02: don't know it may be if you have like a real if you're like real good friends with somebody and they're really into cheese this could be your jam seven ounces that's not big that's not huge mount tam original american original cheese or best-selling cheese a triple cream Ooh, we don't know. Oh, are these all triple cream?

Unknown_02: That's just cheating. Okay. You can make any cheese delicious by making it triple cream. That's basically like just eating heavy whipping cream at that point.

0:52:10
Unknown_02: You're just eating fat. Okay. Anything with that much fat in it's going to taste fucking good.

Unknown_02: The cowgirl creamery, the cowgirl sat down and thought, how do I make the best cheese? Mega milk. That's what we're going to do. We're going to render milk down to fat and we're going to put tons of fat in our cheese.

Unknown_02: Bravo. Great idea. Okay. And this is the last one. I think, um, this is a, there's one more. The cheese sampler pack was another one from Cypress Grove cheese in Arcata, California. This is definitely triple cream. That looks real fucking decadent. These all look decadent.

0:52:49
Unknown_02: They're flavored. I hate when they flavor shit, though. It's like it's cheating. It's not, like, don't get me wrong, there are some flavored cheeses that are really good, but it's like, I'm too pretentious. Like, I want, ooh, there's kiwis in this platter. I want a cheese that is just good cheese. I don't want, if you're adding, like, honey to cheese, like, honey tastes good. It has sugar in it, okay?

Unknown_00: So I know it's gonna taste better with honey.

0:53:23
Unknown_00: It doesn't even say if these are

Unknown_00: triple cream or not it's a good fucking good i'm not gonna lie you just think do they supply crackers no they don't you have to buy your own crackers this is only 70 that's a good deal compared to the other ones all she needs to do is throw in some crackers you gotta pair some crackers with the okay and you'll have a i'll be that'll be premium that'd be actually a really good gift

0:53:55
Unknown_02: I support those. Let's see what else they got. Holy shit. Your cheese board cheese and like a new age taco bell font.

Unknown_00: Very enticing.

Unknown_02: That looks great.

Unknown_00: Yeah, that looks, that looks great. Five pounds of cheese. Holy shit.

Unknown_00: That looks good.

Unknown_00: Is it, this is also, Oh, it's a goat cheese, bro.

0:54:26
Unknown_00: Yeah, this is good.

Unknown_02: This is good as shit right here. I bet you that's a fucking bomb ass cheese. For sure, brah.

Unknown_02: Okay, next. And this is the last one.

Unknown_02: From Rogue Creamery in Central Point, Oregon. You get the perfect cheese board for $145. Some prep. So you get the shit and it's just like, look, we picked all this stuff out for you. It's good. I promise. You got to put it together on the board though. This presentation, not guaranteed. Your cheese board probably don't look like shit. You don't have the artistic eye to do what we do, but we tried our best. Okay. We gave you all the tools. It's not our fault. that you couldn't accomplish this cheese board.

0:54:59
Unknown_02: Okay, let's see. Oregon Blue, Rogue's Merry Herbert Cheese, Tuval Cheese, Girl Meets Dirt Pear Cutting Preserves.

Unknown_00: Must be that thing right here with the spoon in it.

Unknown_02: Uh, olives. Wow.

Unknown_01: No, it doesn't even say like origin.

Unknown_02: It's not like this is like a California local American grown or like these are imported. I'm saying it's just olives, bro. It's just, fuck it. We're here for the cheese. Fuck the olives.

0:55:31
Unknown_02: Roasted hazelnuts, Olympia provision, artisan salami and rustic bakery flatbed bites.

Unknown_00: That's oh, this is the crackers. All cheeves are organic. There we go.

Unknown_00: Nice recommended for you more from Oregon.

Unknown_02: Yeah. So I'm saying these guys are the best triangle Bermuda triangle. Oh my God. It's so clever. What a, what a great branding.

0:56:04
Unknown_00: Yeah. $250 lamb chopper.

Unknown_02: made exclusively for Cypress Grove in Holland. So they're in Cypress, Cypress Grove from California, but they import this from Holland and California, not make cheese.

Unknown_00: Uh-huh.

Unknown_00: It's a pleaser and a favorite with kids. Hmm.

0:56:35
Unknown_00: It's a lot.

Unknown_02: Nine pounds is a lot of cheese, though. You better have some hungry fucking kids that love cheese. If you're going to eat nine pounds of it. Okay. Okay, that's my addendum to this review.

Unknown_02: A cake? How can you say you're on a diet if you're eating cake? If you're eating a caramel layer cake, is sugar and processed flour not considered not paleo?

0:57:06
Unknown_02: An organic mix food box, four pounds for $95. Does this have a mangosteen in it? If this has a mangosteen in it, I'm done for the day.

Unknown_02: The available fruit changes differently.

Unknown_02: Surely you have a mangosteen, right?

Unknown_00: No mangosteen. Can we get a mangosteen pie on Goldbelly? Did I spell it wrong? Mangosteen?

Unknown_00: mango sting no you're just if you want mangosteen pies you'll not get it on gold belly this is why low tax died the one thing that could have kept him alive he was not he was denied by gold belly so moral of the story is

0:57:52
Unknown_02: Uh, gold belly killed low tax by putting them into debt for $110 deep dish, Chicago pizzas and pies. Okay. And I didn't give him any mangosteen pie too. So he, he was mangosteen less.

Unknown_01: He withered to a fucking, um, like a, like a mummy. He just like desiccated himself with no mangosteen.

Unknown_01: All right. Thank you for watching. Thank you for subscribing. I appreciate you. Bye bye.