0:00:00 Unknown_07: You can trade stuff, so try trading something for wagon wheels. Unknown_09: Fuck it. Too late. Unknown_09: Let's trade a wagon. Okay. We've got... Oh my god! Unknown_00: Oh, that's very confusing. Unknown_03: It's leaving April! Unknown_09: Why April? Unknown_02: Fuck! Because if you leave in July, you're not going to have enough time to get there before it starts snowing and then you can't move. God damn it. How passionate Stalin is. Unknown_09: Stalin's a fucking Spurge. Unknown_02: I love this game! Unknown_09: Okay, nigga, why don't you take the fucking wheel? Hold up, I'm setting up all my shit. Again. Okay, we got Pixie Terry, Crowley, Peppy, and then who was the last guy? 0:00:34 Unknown_04: Uh, Jace. Oh yeah, Jace. I was going to say Pampershoot for a sec. Unknown_03: Oh, it could be Q-Sand or Aristocrat or... It should be a quick shout-out rap, okay? Unknown_04: Okay, Faggot, what do we do? Unknown_03: Okay, so, can you... hmm... Okay. Independent. Do I always start off from Independent? Unknown_09: Okay. 0:01:06 Unknown_03: You didn't fucking say anything, asshole. Oh, Private could have been one of them. Okay, I think you're good. Unknown_04: That lady was, like, not there before. There was a guitar guy right there. Unknown_03: Yeah, I was just gonna say. Hey, guys, there's good news, though. Okay, mine has a lag between what happens on your screen and what happens on my screen, so... Okay. I have good news. If Crowley gets dysentery, he's already wearing a diaper. Unknown_00: Yay! Unknown_04: He's gonna have it contained so it won't be spread to everyone. Unknown_01: Yeah. Diapers. 0:01:38 Unknown_09: Do you get Lyme disease in this? Unknown_02: I don't know. Unknown_03: Oh, are your eyes going off in opposite directions? Yeah. No, it's spooky. So perturbed. Unknown_09: That was when I was listening to Stalin's bullshit. What the fuck do we do? Unknown_03: Don't get your animals, you stupid fuck. What fucking animals? Unknown_09: I got animals last time. They said that wasn't good enough. Unknown_02: Just have Jason J. Crow pull the card. Unknown_09: Okay, no. I'm here. I'm at the fucking thing. What do I want? 0:02:10 Unknown_02: And you're standing by the lady in distress. How many oxen? Four. Unknown_09: Four oxen. Okay. Bam. Done. Now what? Unknown_02: We need wagon parts. Unknown_09: Okay. We're going up to the wagon stow. At the wagon stow, what do we do? Unknown_03: Get one of each. Unknown_03: Except two wheeled wagons. Shit. Unknown_09: Fuck. How do we get there? Fucking shit lord. Fuck ass. Fuck. Unknown_09: shit god damn it stop turning you shit fuck okay there we go how many curse words can Noel say in one minute okay I want yes applicant I do what's an ox yolk do I want one of those let's look next to oxen together yeah okay I'll take one of each and I'll get two wagon wheels okay we're set now what okay now I need to go get um food um so that would be 0:03:04 Unknown_09: And the general store? Unknown_03: Yes. Unknown_09: Okay, what are we getting? Unknown_03: Okay, wait for my screen to catch up. Unknown_09: I'm on the food menu. It's going to take like a minute. Maybe we should get 19 pounds of candy. I mean, if you want to, go ahead. Unknown_03: No, you should because they're all autistic. I think you should get 18.5 pounds of candy. Unknown_09: Okay, we're getting a pound of candy. That's going to happen. Unknown_04: What kind of candy is it? Unknown_03: Well, we do have a child on board. All we have is a candy corn circus king. 0:03:38 Unknown_04: We have five children on board. Unknown_05: No, we have five children on board. Unknown_09: Six to be cut, Chris. Unknown_03: You gotta buy some weed for Jason, otherwise he's gonna go mad. Um, I think the closest thing we have to weed is celery. Celery? Unknown_09: Are we buying bacon or what? Come on, son, what the fuck? Unknown_03: Page of food? Unknown_03: Look on the hand thing. Unknown_09: i'll got this kind of food holy shit much food you really have now would be a month but this is page two tell me when you can see it but i'm not i haven't clicked open and there you go okay but i don't think one of you know that you wait i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i Okay, I've got ten pounds of cornmeal and one pound of candy. Now what? 0:04:33 Unknown_03: Uh, crackers. Unknown_09: How many? Unknown_09: Nigga. Hold on! You're not picking up a fucking wedding dress. Unknown_01: Crackers. Unknown_03: Get some crackers. Get some dried bread, get some cheese, get some flour, get some dried vegetables. Unknown_01: Yes, I agree with Dormy, get a whole block of cheese. 0:05:07 Unknown_09: Yes, a whole block of cheese. And we're gonna get another- we're gonna get some garlic too. Unknown_02: Keep away the vampires! If the long fat man would be suicide for anyone going on any kind of voyage. Unknown_09: Fuck. Unknown_02: Do we not have any cheese? Unknown_09: We need a whole block of cheese. I agree. It's a block of cheese cinnamon. Unknown_03: Did you get flour? Unknown_00: Imagine 1850s fat man. Unknown_03: Nigga, when you say get something, you need to tell me how many because that is a fucking perennial. How many pounds are in the flour bag? 0:05:39 Unknown_09: Five. Ten. Unknown_03: Then you need like four. Unknown_09: Okay, so we have We have one pound of candy, a hundred pounds of cornmeal, five- or twenty-five pounds of- We eat corn muffins for a while. Nigga, say a number in English. In the English language, how many fucking pounds of cornmeal? Shit ass. Unknown_01: Oh, buy some shit ass too, if you can. 0:06:13 Unknown_09: We have at least three shit-asses on the wagon already. Unknown_05: Wait, wait, wait, wait. Do we have a spaghetti? Alright, what did I miss? Lots of spaghetti. Why do we only have one pound of garlic? Unknown_04: Okay, we're getting four... We're getting 40 pounds of cornmeal, too. Unknown_09: So now what? Unknown_09: Okay, so we're happy with the items that I currently have, right? Okay. So, we're gonna leave this place. We're gonna go to the pharmacy. 0:06:48 Unknown_03: Oh, also, wait. Have you left already? Yes. What do you want? I'm going back. You're gonna tell me what you want. I'm there. What do you want? You gotta leave again? Unknown_09: I don't know if you get it from there. Unknown_06: Oh, she's getting a cocktail. Unknown_09: Say it again. What do you want? Unknown_03: Fishing gear. Unknown_09: Fifteen deer? Unknown_03: Fishing gear. Fishing to go fish. Unknown_03: He's stolen. Start yelling very loud in Russian. Unknown_09: Fifteen... Ah, shit, I just clicked my K-play button. Guess we got Capri Sun. Unknown_03: Yell P's at the top of the line. I'm gonna get some pop. 0:07:20 Unknown_01: This calls for some pop. Unknown_03: What? I, too, need a drink, I think, to deal with this. I honestly don't really feel like drinking alcohol tonight. Unknown_04: Fuck! Yeah, that's why I got Capri Sun. Unknown_09: Why can't I open the game again? You've got to be fucking kidding me! Unknown_07: Wow. Unknown_02: If I have to start this shit ever, I'm going to blow my fucking brains out. Unknown_09: Oh my fucking Jesus titty fucking Christ. 0:07:53 Unknown_04: Is there like a more stable version of the game you can download instead? Unknown_04: Alt tab, alt tab. Unknown_09: I'm trying to alt fucking tab. Unknown_07: It doesn't let me do it. Unknown_00: You fucking shit cunt. Unknown_09: God damn it. Check if it's responding. I'm just mad at you. Unknown_09: Stalin, it's all your fault. No, it's not your fault. You fucked up. How do I run this shit in windowed mode? Who the fuck wants to run it in 16x480? Well, I guess the learning company does. Ooh, I got it. 0:08:27 Unknown_07: Okay, we're set. Okay. Unknown_04: Alright, don't fuck it up again, Stalin. It's not my phone. Unknown_03: Well, I'm not the one on the computer. Unknown_09: Okay, now, I'm going to turn my headset up. My headset's up really loud. Stolen, what do you want at the general store? Unknown_03: Fishing gear. Unknown_09: Fishing gear. Okay, so we're going to go to tools, utensils, and I'm going to get... Teach a man to fish. Unknown_09: Okay, we have nets, poles, and spears. Unknown_03: You need a pole and a net. Unknown_09: Have sex with a man. He'll feed you forever. Unknown_03: Two poles, one net. 0:09:00 Unknown_09: Two fishing poles, one hunting knife. Okay. Unknown_03: I didn't ask for a knife! Unknown_02: I said a nut! Unknown_09: A nut? A net! Oh! Net! N-E-T. Okay, thank you. Unknown_00: Hunter, if you can translate this into human English, that would be great. Unknown_09: Yes, I will spell everything Stalin says. Okay, fishing nets and two poles. Now what? Unknown_06: Apparently, you don't understand Chicagoan. Unknown_09: Now what? Okay, yeah. Unknown_03: Yes. Unknown_04: This is gonna be really, really funny. What? Unknown_03: Now you need to go to the pharmacy. 0:09:37 Unknown_09: P-H-A-R-M-A-C-Y. Stop talking over him. Fuck. I would have an easier time understanding him if it was just him. Alright, everyone be quiet. Now we're at the pharmacy. What now? Unknown_03: Okay, I need to wait for my thing to catch up. Unknown_04: Five hours later. Unknown_03: Fuck you. Fuck all of you. This has to be perfect. He's going to get us through the Oregon Trail. Seriously. Okay. Okay. Let's see. Unknown_03: Just need medicine. Okay. You need one bottle of brandy. 0:10:13 Unknown_09: Okay. Is that it? Unknown_03: No. Unknown_09: You need one of all of these things. Unknown_03: So, aloe vera. Unknown_09: Not allspice? Unknown_03: No, not allspice. Unknown_01: Aloe vera. Unknown_09: Aloe vera. Unknown_01: Hey, no, don't get all of the spice. Just get some of the spice. Unknown_09: I can't get some of the spice. It's an option. Unknown_01: I was making a play on words, okay? Unknown_09: I got you. Unknown_05: Don't get that. Just get the spice, girls. Unknown_09: Very cheeky, Apocat. Unknown_01: Yes, I also agree that you should get the spice, girls. 0:10:45 Unknown_09: Okay, so you just want aloe vera and brandy. That's her medical kit. That's her first aid kit. Don't tell no one what he wants. Unknown_07: I do use aloe vera. Unknown_03: Okay, I'm back. Hello. I got booze and a banana. Unknown_04: What you drinking, uh, hunger? Unknown_03: I got whiskey. Unknown_03: Ooh. Are you drinking a neat? Unknown_03: What? I think you're drinking a neat because you're so neat. Unknown_09: I got a... Alright, be quiet, let's go. Page two is open. Unknown_03: I can't see. I have a pig on my thing. Occasionally freeze zone. Oh, no, you're still blanking on something. 0:11:20 Unknown_04: Booze, candy, and ammo. I think we're all set. Yeah. Unknown_07: Here we go. Unknown_03: Do you have a rifle? Do you need chamomile? Unknown_09: One. Unknown_03: One of everything. Unknown_09: One of everything on this page? Unknown_03: No, not... If I say anything in here, in the pharmacy, I just need one of it. Unknown_09: Okay, then I'm going to go to page three, right? Unknown_03: You got the chamomile? Unknown_08: Yes. Unknown_03: You got the camphor? Unknown_08: Camphor. 0:11:54 Unknown_07: It's right under it. Unknown_08: Oh, I gotcha. Okay. Yes. Unknown_03: Okay, and one castor oil. Unknown_08: Gotcha. Unknown_03: Next page. Unknown_03: Don't tell me it froze again. Unknown_05: Castor oil is actually fucking balls. Unknown_03: I know, it sucks, but you need it. Unknown_07: I know you need it for the game, but like, you know, just... If you've ever had castor oil, it's fucking balls. Unknown_03: Gotcha. 0:12:26 Unknown_08: Gotcha. Unknown_03: Hydrogen peroxide. Unknown_08: Gotcha. Unknown_03: Epicac. Unknown_08: Gotcha. Unknown_03: But I know what it does. Unknown_08: And iodine. Unknown_03: Okay. Sack, phage, sea blue glaze. Unknown_08: Okay. Get a couple of sacks of garlic while you're at it. Unknown_06: You're gonna need to, you know, stop the vampires from trying to come in. Unknown_09: What, fucking slash it? We're just gonna drag Chachu behind us the entire way? Unknown_08: Yeah. Unknown_07: Yeah. You're gonna eat those- you're gonna eat those sacks of garlics to beat strategy with? 0:12:59 Unknown_04: No, when you come across a pack of ogres, you get Pixie Terry to seduce them with the garlic breath. Unknown_03: Um... I don't know what- strategy's friends from Vampire Freaks show up. Next page. Unknown_09: Oh dear. What friends? None- none on this one? Oh, good point. Yeah, cause I don't know what any of that stuff does. Unknown_05: Okay. Unknown_05: All zero effect. Unknown_03: Well, you know what? In this game, Hellblazer, it actually kinda does okay, I guess. Unknown_01: Laudium is what you use in the, um, in Amnesia the Dark Descent to make your crazy go down. I thought the crazy went down when you saw puzzles. 0:13:35 Unknown_09: Wait, niggas, give them a second. What do you need? Unknown_03: Two peppermints. Unknown_09: Two peppermints, gotcha. Got to have a nice breath on the way there. My breath must be fresh. Unknown_03: No, peppermint, if your stomach is upset, it'll help cure that. Yeah. Next page. Unknown_01: Get some sassafras, cause we have not nobody sassafrasing each other. Unknown_07: Sarsaparilla. Sarsaparilla. How the fuck do you say that? Unknown_01: Sarsaparilla. Sarsaparilla. Unknown_07: Sarsaparilla. Tell them he's gay. 0:14:08 Unknown_09: Do we need- Sarsaparilla. We need some soap. Unknown_03: Get whiskey, Chazel. Unknown_07: Whatever you do, avoid the soap. Unknown_07: So we're not getting soap. We're not getting soap on this trip. Unknown_04: You can wash yourself in the clean springs of Oregon. Unknown_07: As a matter of fact, get some sulfur. Unknown_04: Do we need gunsmith? Unknown_03: I didn't know what that was. I think sulfur is used to make gunpowder. Unknown_03: Sulfur just smells very bad, that's all I know. Unknown_07: And soap smells very good. Unknown_06: Are we going to the gunsmith nigga? Okay, um... Does he need a gun? 0:14:42 Unknown_03: He's right there. Unknown_03: Did you get the laudanum? Unknown_07: The laudanum? Um, you said you didn't need anything on that page. Unknown_03: Well, apparently it's a painkiller. I didn't know what it was. Unknown_09: Fuck! I just minimized the game again. Oh, fuck. Unknown_00: Oh, give me a second. I am gonna play The Sims. Unknown_01: If anybody needs me. Okay. Okay. Let's get one bottle of some laudanum. Unknown_03: This is stressing me out. If you can get it up again. Again, I have legs. Unknown_09: Fuck. Unknown_09: Fucking game. I hate this shit. Come to me, game. 0:15:16 Unknown_03: Hunger, I just saw your picture of one of your dogs. Unknown_04: You look cute. Unknown_03: What? Who? Unknown_04: Hunger. Unknown_03: His dog is cute. She has many cute dogs. Unknown_07: Two of them. She has two of them. Unknown_03: How did I do this last time? Fuck! I don't remember. Unknown_07: Go to applications, not processes. Just check if it's running. Unknown_09: It is running. I don't know what the fuck that does, I'm just saying. 0:15:47 Unknown_04: Such an unstable game. No, it's just that when I click it, I can't reopen it, and I don't know why. Unknown_09: Do the dance. Unknown_04: Have you tried alt-tabbing into it? Unknown_09: Yes, nigga, I've tried alt-fucking-tabbing. Unknown_00: Yes, you tried alt-tabbing, that's the first thing you did. Unknown_03: Oh no, not the mist, anything but the mist. Unknown_09: Piece of shit. Fuck. Ooh! Fuck, that's not what I want. Unknown_09: I saw it. For a fleeting second, I saw the fucking thing. 0:16:20 Unknown_09: Maybe if we go to... No. Unknown_09: Dickbutt, what the fuck did I do? I don't remember anymore. Unknown_03: You wrecked my beautiful game. I hate this fucking game and everybody that's like it. Unknown_09: Especially Stalin. Unknown_01: What if we did Amazon Trail instead? I wouldn't know how to win that one. Unknown_09: Ooh, got it, okay, it's open. Unknown_03: Okay. Unknown_07: What do we need? Unknown_03: Hold on. We're at the gunsmith, right? Yeah, you gotta go to the gun store now, cause we got the laudanum. 0:16:54 Unknown_07: Oh, the laudanum. Unknown_09: That's it. Laudanum. Laudanum. Is it laudanum? Unknown_03: Yeah. Yeah, laudanum. Unknown_04: Say it five times fast. Unknown_03: Laudanum, laudanum, laudanum. Unknown_09: Okay, we're at the gunsmith now, what do we want? Unknown_03: Okay, wait for my... Maybe, uh, two hunting rifles or one? I would just get... There's never any problem with guns, so... Just get one. Unknown_09: One gun. What do I need for bullets and shit? Unknown_07: Yeah, so you do need bullets, but... Do I need a shotgun sheath? 0:17:27 Unknown_03: Okay, I'm almost... Okay. Unknown_03: Uh... So you got the rifle, right? Unknown_00: Mm-hmm. Unknown_03: Okay, um... Get, like, ten boxes of bullets. Unknown_00: Okay. Unknown_03: Okay, I don't know guns, and I don't remember what I usually get. It's been a while. Do you need the shot? Do you need to buy shot and gunpowder? Unknown_09: Yeah, I'm gonna get 10 of that to match, I think. Unknown_03: Okay, just get the same amount. Unknown_09: Okay, and I'm gonna- 25 pound cake and gunpowder. Unknown_03: Gunpowder, I think we'll be okay with like- Oh, shot, I'm sorry, shot's for the shotgun. Oh, it is? 0:18:02 Unknown_09: Yeah, I'll get half as much gunpowder. Unknown_03: Yeah, that's a good idea. Unknown_09: Probably not even that. Unknown_09: Okay, so that should be good. We have $300 left. Now what? Do we need clothes? Unknown_03: You're gonna need your clothes. Yeah, winter clothes. And blankets. Unknown_09: Do we need socks? Unknown_03: Yeah, get some socks. Unknown_09: We need more socks. Unknown_03: I have socks and sandals. Unknown_09: Okay, I'll get... Do we need... Do we need, like, one of each for each person? 0:18:38 Unknown_03: Yes, I get five sets of winter clothes. Unknown_09: But we have six people, right? Unknown_03: Yes, six sets of winter clothes. I think they have a set of winter clothes. Unknown_03: Oh, that's it. Unknown_09: I need ten pairs. Six pairs of socks. Unknown_01: I agree, we should get bonnets for everyone. 0:19:15 Unknown_04: If we're doing Manifest Destiny, we should look fabulous. Unknown_03: We should be in bonnets. Unknown_01: I agree with Rhea. Unknown_03: I found a cookie! Unknown_09: Oh, hi guys. Unknown_01: Chris found a cookie. Hi guys. Unknown_09: Chris would never find a cookie because he would eat it. Unknown_05: What if Chris found a fish? Unknown_03: You don't need- his hair is everything. I just need winter clothes. Unknown_04: Yeah, I had more college stuff to do, so I was like, ah, damn it. Okay. Unknown_01: Colleague stuff? Unknown_04: Yeah, college stuff. 0:19:49 Unknown_01: Okay, colleague furry stuff? Unknown_07: Yes. Okay, I have everything. Unknown_09: There's a butcher and a dry goods store. Do I need any of that? Unknown_03: You don't need to get, like, half the stuff you're buying. Unknown_09: Shut up. I brought it already. Maybe some dry goods. Unknown_03: Ah, you just wasted so much money. Unknown_09: I don't give a fuck. I'm ready. Unknown_05: Are you ready? Yeah, but they look fabulous. Unknown_03: Okay, what else is there? Unknown_09: Um, I don't know. There's a butcher and a dry goods store. Do we need any of that? Unknown_03: No, we already got food. Unknown_07: Oh, look at who owns the dry goods store. Unknown_09: It's the same shit. 0:20:22 Unknown_07: J.S. Stone. Unknown_09: Okay. I think we're ready. You ready? Unknown_07: I'm ready. You ready? Unknown_09: I'm ready. Okay.