Awesome Adventures of Captain Spirit - Bad at Video Games 2024-03-01

0:00:03
Unknown_13: Oh God. I sat down a little bit late. I don't have anything ready. But we don't- I don't need anything.

Unknown_09: Not today. So, let me... Uh, I'm waiting. I'm waiting for messages to come in. I see DesireLions is already telling me to die. That's a good start.

Unknown_13: I had pizza today.

Unknown_13: I don't usually have pizza, but I wanted... at least today.

Unknown_13: Also, I'm streaming on Twitch I'm going I'm gonna go ahead and I'm gonna go ahead and link my twitch and the restream chat in case you happen to win Want that for some reason don't swear Don't swear in it because I will get in trouble Desire lines need to be set on fire. Oh my god

0:00:55
Unknown_09: Thank you Andy streams are shit. Well, I don't intentionally try to stream. I've said this repeatedly I don't try to stream when Andy is streaming but Andy streams from like

Unknown_09: I'm like 8 a.m. Eastern Standard Time to like 6 p.m. He streams an Unimaginable amount of time there's it's impossible for me in my time zone to not stream River Andy I'm either streaming at like 3 a.m Eastern Standard Time or I'm streaming 3 a.m. My time so it's like oh jeez very very stressful the politics of internet racist and then

0:01:29
Unknown_13: I see a lot of people on YouTube actually, that's weird.

Unknown_13: Oh jeez.

Unknown_13: Hell yeah, my- My YouTube thumbnail is still the fucking- let me pull this up actually.

Unknown_09: Let me pull this up and show people what that thumbnail is.

0:02:09
Unknown_13: because I set it as my thumbnail like fucking weeks ago and it's not changed.

Unknown_09: It's the Black Square by Kazimir Malevich.

Unknown_09: It's a pre-Soviet painting from Russia and for some reason I cannot take this black square down. I've tried repeatedly to fix it but it doesn't want to work.

Unknown_09: One day Andy will realize that he has to prepare and put in work every day I don't like I don't know a thousands of people watch Andy streams But when I watch I just get so confused the dude talks circles around me very so stressful Let me go ahead and chill a little bit the game we are playing today chickadees is a

0:03:03
Unknown_09: The Awesome Adventures of Captain Spirit.

Unknown_09: That's not a joke, that's the actual name of the video game. I have no idea what the fuck it's about. I have no clue whatsoever.

Unknown_09: But for a most like I mentioned I'm streaming on Twitch. I'm gonna try to be civil I'm not gonna I'm not gonna call the little kitten inward. That's a that's off-limits nor am I gonna hail any Hortlers whoever Hortler may be Yeah, yeah life is strange she only has one episode out I will a hundred percent play life is straight a strange show a hundred percent play it But I'm gonna I'm gonna wait for it to be finished before I do that

0:03:52
Unknown_09: Okay.

Unknown_13: Okay.

Unknown_13: I'm sorting out the, what's it called?

Unknown_13: The... The paperwork?

Unknown_09: Am I doing paperwork? I'm not really doing paperwork.

Unknown_09: I'm just fucking around on the internet.

Unknown_09: But I am, I'm checking the statistics and chilling, but I think I'm done. I think I'm done. Let me fix OBS, get the game thing ready.

Unknown_13: Live audio is on. Unmute it.

0:04:22
Unknown_13: It turned gay real quick.

Unknown_13: How about I just omit this whole thing?

Unknown_09: Oh, yeah, the Sargon thing? Yeah, I'm done with the Sargon thing. I don't care. And the Tonka thing? I don't care. That's why I'm playing The Awesome Adventures of Captain Spirit.

Unknown_09: I'm so excited. I'm so excited for this game.

Unknown_13: Oh, geez.

Unknown_13: Okay.

0:04:56
Unknown_13: Where's my phone at?

Unknown_09: I have to be able to check and make sure that this shit fest I've got going is actually working.

Unknown_09: It's very strange to be able to press a button and have like a couple hundred people just like pour in to watch you play a game about an autistic child, but you know, that's just how it is.

Unknown_09: Don't look a gift horse in the mouth, I guess. Where the fuck is the game? I pressed the game button. And it's not starting. I'm gonna be so pissed. I didn't even bother to fucking make sure this game boots before saying I would play it.

0:05:31
Unknown_07: Wait, yes!

Unknown_09: Oh, I'm so excited. I missed you, intro slides.

Unknown_09: Oh, instead of a journal, it's like a photo album. Or a comic book. Because I guess Captain Spirit likes comic books, because he's a child. And children, little babies, little babies with developmental disorders like comic books. Not anybody else. Just throwing that out there.

0:06:03
Unknown_09: Shots fucking fired. Is the game gonna go? There we go.

Unknown_09: Okay, Captain Spirit, I'm ready for your awesome adventure.

Unknown_09: Oh.

Unknown_09: The first puzzle.

Unknown_09: This is like the, uh, the photo puzzles from, uh, Life is Strange.

Unknown_09: I think we're good. Welcome to the awesome adventures of Captain Spirit. Square Enix would like to personal- Oh, fuck no.

Unknown_09: I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Squenix. You're not getting my daters.

0:06:35
Unknown_09: I would like the subtitles.

Unknown_09: Ah, there's that music.

Unknown_09: Best feature from Life is Strange.

Unknown_06: Oh yeah.

0:07:08
Unknown_06: This is gonna be great.

Unknown_06: This is gonna be fantastic.

Unknown_07: This is a great game

Unknown_09: I'm ready to be surprised. I'm not gonna shit on it. I'm not here to be a negative dancy. I never want to do something to not have fun on the internet, but I am ready to be positively surprised at this point. Why does he have a scythe in his bucket? That's a dangerous fucking gardening tool for harvesting wheat. You're like a small child.

0:07:41
Unknown_18: What is this planet?

Unknown_18: I don't know. We've never been here before.

Unknown_09: Did they get like an actual little kid? I didn't even think about that. The little kid has a voice actor.

Unknown_18: Hey, cool. Let's see if we can find some aliens.

Unknown_18: Hey, the ground is moving. The planet's going to eat us.

0:08:20
Unknown_18: We have to get back to the ship right now.

Unknown_09: Oh, geez. They got Vor already. Let's get the heck out of here. Oh, no.

Unknown_09: This is a family friendly game. You can't say the H word. We're stuck in the middle of nowhere.

Unknown_18: Hold on. Let me just give you a hand.

Unknown_09: The voice actor has a range of characters he can play. Oh shit he's gonna rewind time.

Unknown_06: Game magician.

0:08:57
Unknown_09: Is this game gonna end with a bird tornado?

Unknown_09: Oh, you cheated! You cheated! I thought you were actually levitating that thing. You lied to me, child. Oh, Jesus.

0:09:33
Unknown_18: Do I get to draw it? I want to draw it. It draws pretty well for a little sped kid.

Unknown_09: This is a game in parenthesis.

Unknown_18: Fix chat? Is chat already fucking broken?

0:10:05
Unknown_09: Oh god, a mask or a helmet. I'm overwhelmed. No! Wait, I did want the mask. Okay.

Unknown_18: Yep, looks cool so far.

Unknown_18: Let's see.

Unknown_09: No, this is a game. I got to press a button.

Unknown_09: I want heavy armor like Batman.

0:10:41
Unknown_06: No, don't, no!

Unknown_09: Helmet, helmet kids get out, leave the chat immediately.

Unknown_09: We are, this is team mask. He's dark, he's like Batman. I already said Batman, jeez.

Unknown_09: Glass the juice?

Unknown_09: I do want some juice, in fact I'm gonna open a bottle of juice.

Unknown_09: Oh, jeez.

0:11:12
Unknown_18: I don't think any kid would name their superhero Captain Spirit unless they were, like, religious.

Unknown_09: Wait.

Unknown_09: This doesn't make any sense, kid. You already messed up. Where is Sonichu? They're all Sonichu.

Unknown_09: No, they use a different font in this game. That's great.

Unknown_18: Where? Oh, god. The way you select the options in this game is inferior to the, uh...

0:11:56
Unknown_09: into Life is Strange. Oddly, this is a downgrade. Because like, let me show you. Over here, you got the shark stinger down there. It's a cool thing. But usually in Life is Strange, you look at something and then you pull the mouse in a direction to pick an option. Here, you have to like, you have to like use your scroll wheel to select between it. It's very easy to fuck up. And like, I don't know, are they going to have more than four options for stuff now? Maybe. Throw the basket.

0:12:28
Unknown_09: Throw it. Shoot. Shoot. You fu- AHH!

Unknown_18: Air ball. What was that?

Unknown_06: I'm sure you'll try to show me again.

Unknown_09: What was that? You fucker.

Unknown_09: Ugh.

Unknown_09: You already let me down, child. Play with us.

Unknown_18: Ooh, the shark stinger is looking for victims.

Unknown_17: Look out! Here comes the evil car!

0:13:00
Unknown_09: Get him, shark stinger! Get him! No! Stay in the way! I want violence!

Unknown_17: Do nothing! Yes! Get him! Get him! Yeah. Damn right. The plot's already going.

Unknown_09: Power Bear.

0:13:32
Unknown_09: Another bad guy? Is he a bear? Is he Russian? Get him. Get him, bear. Get him, bear.

Unknown_17: We don't have to fight!

Unknown_11: Oh, don't talk him down, Bear. Get him! You're a bear!

0:14:09
Unknown_17: You have amazing powers. Why don't you join our team? Join Captain Bear?

Unknown_11: Are you serious?

Unknown_17: He's my enemy! Only because Mantroid Brainwashed you. You can help the world with us.

Unknown_11: You can't be reasoned with, Bear!

Unknown_07: You have to go for the kill!

Unknown_07: You have to do it!

Unknown_01: Yeah! Get him!

Unknown_17: An unmovable horse. An unstoppable object.

Unknown_01: He's dead.

0:14:56
Unknown_09: You've crippled him for life. He'll never walk again. At some point in the future, a young girl will inject morphine into his neck and kill him. But until that day, he suffers.

Unknown_11: Destroy him! Destroy him! Why can't I destroy him?

Unknown_07: Where's my... I want to... Game... Game is already screwing me in my quest. I want that bear dead.

0:15:27
Unknown_07: How, how do I switch over? The game, game, no. No, I wanted. I wanted to destroy him and the game wouldn't let me.

Unknown_09: Use my rewind power? I wanted the bear to die. Okay, listen. Listen to me.

0:16:03
Unknown_09: Whatever. Noctarius, if I get the chance to destroy you, I will destroy you. I'll be right there.

Unknown_09: Be punctual, child.

Unknown_02: Well, this is a first.

Unknown_02: I didn't have to tell you twice.

Unknown_16: The food smelled good.

Unknown_02: You know how to work the ref.

0:16:35
Unknown_02: I think the eggs turned out all right. Salt is a secret. You let me know.

Unknown_09: Can I get a Belgian waffle this time?

Unknown_02: Pour yourself some milk, okay? Is this the gameplay?

Unknown_09: Do I not get the option?

Unknown_09: Oh, look at how disappointed he is.

Unknown_02: Milk mission accomplished.

Unknown_09: Oh, those eggs are hot.

Unknown_02: Breakfast of champions. I guess we don't get a Belgian waffle this time either. Sorry, Desire.

0:17:09
Unknown_09: We'll get you a Belgian waffle one day.

Unknown_07: It runs in the family.

Unknown_09: Oh, no.

Unknown_02: It's good. No, don't. It's good.

Unknown_02: Oh, you can lie better than that.

Unknown_18: Dad, I'm not lying. It's just the eggs are good.

Unknown_02: Listen, buddy, you won't hurt my feelings if you don't love my eggs.

0:17:42
Unknown_02: I know this doesn't compare to your mother's breakfast.

Unknown_02: Is the mom dead? Did she kill herself? I can't talk about that on Twitch. My Twitch account will be deleted.

Unknown_09: And I will lose the large Twitch Awesome Adventures of Captain Spirit audience.

Unknown_09: Oh, is he an alcoholic?

Unknown_18: You're drinking beer before you eat?

Unknown_02: Yeah, it's game day.

0:18:15
Unknown_02: That's an excuse!

Unknown_03: You're an alcoholic, Pa!

Unknown_03: Damn, dude! Calm the fuck down! He's like a little kid! Jesus Christ!

Unknown_02: I mean, what am I supposed to do in this fucking town? Go to church like all these assholes?

Unknown_09: Hey, language. Your small autistic son's in the room. Don't swear, okay? Yeah, fucker.

Unknown_02: I don't.

Unknown_18: Superheroes don't swear.

Unknown_02: Looks like I'm off the team. Tell him.

Unknown_18: Nah.

0:18:48
Unknown_02: Tell that asshole. That drunk motherfucker.

Unknown_18: Like a rebel.

Unknown_02: He has to drink to raise his autistic son on his own?

Unknown_09: Is that his power? Alcohol? Did you beat the fuck out of him?

0:19:26
Unknown_02: Is he getting, oh my god!

Unknown_07: This game is not about an awesome adventure at all. It's about this asshole dad beating the fuck out of his kid.

Unknown_18: Oh no, the daddy knows in chat.

Unknown_09: Then Santa needs to get me a new job.

Unknown_09: Well, you're not gonna get a job drinking on game day, Dad.

0:19:58
Unknown_02: You're an asshole, Dad.

Unknown_09: Look at how disappointed he is.

Unknown_02: I feel so bad for this kid.

0:20:31
Unknown_09: Do it. Do the pinky. It's now a blood bond. You will die in seven days if you break this promise and don't get this pine tree.

Unknown_07: He's on his third beer!

Unknown_07: He's on his third beer!

Unknown_07: No, dad! Daddy, no! Put it away! What the fuck, game? I just wanted to have fun as an autistic kid. Why is the dad a fucking drunken wreck?

0:21:04
Unknown_09: That dad has no ass? Maybe they're using the models from Life is Strange.

Unknown_09: Maybe there's a job in this whiskey bottle? I don't think there is.

Unknown_18: Okay. What would Captain Spirit do?

0:21:36
Unknown_09: Destroy the beer cans.

Unknown_18: Ew. Sticky beer cans.

Unknown_09: He drinks light-late yoghurt or whatever the fuck. Fuck this guy.

Unknown_09: Take them. Destroy them.

Unknown_09: Wait.

Unknown_10: How do I... Okay.

Unknown_09: Mmm. Give me a sec. I'm gonna pull this up. I'm gonna find the answer to this shit. How the fuck do I use... Oh.

0:22:09
Unknown_09: My keyboard's in Russian. Maybe that's why it wasn't working.

Unknown_09: I'm so pissed off. I want to pulverize the fucking cans.

Unknown_09: Google.com.

Unknown_09: Awesome adventures of Captain Spirit. Change.

Unknown_09: Change option. How do I change the option?

Unknown_09: I can't even make the first- Middle mouse wheel or mouse 3 to swap between choices.

0:22:46
Unknown_09: game you're pissing me the fuck off with this shit how to play move to interact with an object okay when in dialogue to select an answer and confirm to toggle on off your answering options this I am so fucking pissed I am like legit mad Josh if you have a laptop you're fucked what?

Unknown_07: Press the FN key?

Unknown_09: I don't have a controller. I will not give up.

Unknown_07: I'm gonna pulverize these fucking cans. Hold E. Oh shit!

Unknown_07: I did it.

0:23:50
Unknown_09: You're so weak.

Unknown_09: The soy runs deep.

Unknown_09: Confiscate the alcohol. You'll pour it out.

Unknown_09: Rests have things to do.

Unknown_09: I can make the Captain Spirit's costume now.

Unknown_09: I can't let Water Eater defeat me.

Unknown_09: Mustard Party 2, but I need to unlock Dad's phone. My superhero team is strong, but I better keep my eyes on Mantroid. And his super phones. I knew I should have destroyed Mantroid, but I couldn't. I didn't have the E key.

0:24:23
Unknown_09: Captain Spirit's treasure is buried around here. I need to assemble the two parts.

Unknown_09: On these dangerous beer cans. Oh, Jesus. This is sad.

Unknown_09: Okay.

Unknown_08: Okay. What am I gonna do?

Unknown_09: What am I gonna do?

Unknown_09: I want to find out why is mom's gone. What happened to mom? Did he beat her? Aww, he sounds sad.

0:24:54
Unknown_18: Can I call pizza? I wanted a pizza goddamnit.

Unknown_18: Pizza? Ciao.

0:25:43
Unknown_09: Look, he knows Italian. He's a protege.

Unknown_02: You better not be making any prank calls.

Unknown_09: So dad's like a washed up basketball guy? If I stand in front of the screen, is he going to beat me?

Unknown_02: Oh, I didn't know you had invisibility powers. Except they don't work.

0:26:15
Unknown_06: Whose room is this?

Unknown_09: Oh, it's my room.

Unknown_09: Again, fucker.

Unknown_09: What a sad room. You need some action figures, dad. Oh, no.

Unknown_09: Beer can.

Unknown_09: Fix the lamp. Yeah. If only I was playing Life is Strange and I could rewind time and change the table so that the key doesn't fall here but luckily this is the awesome adventures of Captain Spirit and I can just reach down and pick up the key like a normal fucking person.

0:27:09
Unknown_18: I'm glad Dad kept Mom's perfume.

Unknown_09: She's so dead.

Unknown_18: Smells just like her.

Unknown_09: She is so dead. Well, he obviously hasn't measured the kid in a fucking long time. Look at this.

Unknown_18: I'm too old to be measured now.

Unknown_18: Right?

Unknown_09: Why does he sound so sad? Kid, you sound sadder than me. Oh no.

Unknown_18: Careful of booby traps.

Unknown_09: I found like a vibrator in here. The fuck's this? Dad never told me he had a new...

0:27:42
Unknown_09: Charles, I'm sorry about what I said the other night. I was just pissed you don't seem to listen to me when I express myself. My job can be very stressful and I know it stresses you out. That's why I want to be more involved in your world. I hate to see you so sad when you make me so happy. And if you can't tell, I have a very hard time reading cursive. Oh wait!

0:28:15
Unknown_09: Yeah I'm still waiting to meet your son and I get the feeling you might be ashamed of me. Don't be angry I hope I'm wrong, but you do say things that hurt my feelings I care for you in so many ways and just had to express myself. So you understand I think you and me together About you and me together. So I hope you know this message comes from a place of love in my heart Your tiny dancer. Oh, that sounds kinky Audra. Oh

Unknown_09: Dad's sleeping around. I hope mom's dead.

0:28:46
Unknown_18: Yeah, he's like a loser. And he has like an AA pamphlet. I think I'm supposed to be upstairs having fun as a kid, but I immediately break into my father's, uh,

Unknown_09: Uh, closet. And start reading depressing shit that kills this kid's entire life.

0:29:24
Unknown_18: And I spoiled Christmas for him.

Unknown_18: Okay, sorry kid, there is no Santa Claus, your mom's dead, and your dad's fucking another chick, and she's also an alcoholic.

Unknown_09: I can't say the n-word. I almost did, though. I just said Nickit. Like, Nick at night.

Unknown_09: But, you lazy ass- Just get up and answer it yourself!

0:30:03
Unknown_18: Uh, hello?

Unknown_12: Good morning, sir. How are you this glorious day?

Unknown_18: Um, okay?

Unknown_19: Hey, who is that? Who keeps calling?

Unknown_18: I don't know. Uh, who is this?

Unknown_12: Thank you for asking, young man. My name is Derek, and I'm a proud member of the Universal Uprising Church. I'd love to tell you and your family about Jesus, our righteous Lord and Savior. Our church just wants you and your loved ones to share the Holy Spirit.

Unknown_18: Spirit?

0:30:36
Unknown_18: Um, we're just watching the game.

Unknown_12: Well, always remember that our Lord is watching out for you. By the way, is your mother or father available to speak?

Unknown_18: Well, I have to ask first.

Unknown_02: Chris, who the hell are you talking to?

Unknown_18: Nobody, Dad.

Unknown_02: Jesus is... Get fucked, Jesus.

Unknown_09: I told you guys that this was a religious game, you didn't believe me.

Unknown_09: What's in here? A comic book.

0:31:09
Unknown_18: Is this the end of Hot Dog Man? I hope not.

Unknown_09: Like, two pages long.

Unknown_09: Okay, so hot dog man is walking down the street and somebody drives and splashes him and he's very sad but then toast Toast man gives him a ride.

Unknown_18: Wish I could draw like this.

Unknown_09: I'm pretty sure you could kid So there's rainbows coming out of the exhaust but then there's a giant mechazoid and the mechazoid destroys the car and I think oh, that's a very suggestive pose that the toast is in

0:31:59
Unknown_09: And then the mechazoid is going to stomp on them.

Unknown_09: But then the hotdog man stands up to him. It's like two pages long. Who issues comics that short? Wait, there's not even a staircase? It's a very small house. Stop drinking, dad.

Unknown_09: It's dark in here.

Unknown_09: No, it's not.

Unknown_18: What if I had real superpowers? I could protect the whole town.

0:32:32
Unknown_18: Now you will learn your lesson and stay clean.

Unknown_09: This is a very strange game. I don't know how I feel about it. Flash.

Unknown_16: I hope I set this right.

Unknown_09: You have to grow up fast when your dad beats the fuck out of you.

Unknown_18: The dark door? No, don't go in there!

Unknown_09: Mr. J- Okay, I have to put on the magic cape.

0:33:20
Unknown_10: Drawing manual.

Unknown_18: I hope I can draw as good as mom someday.

Unknown_10: Oh no! Was his mom a comic book artist?

Unknown_09: Chris, since you're going to be... Oh, I can read it in that cursive.

Unknown_09: My own superhero, this book is a great start. You can be everything I am not. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life watching you save the world. Oh no, she totally had like a super, a super mega terminal illness. Oh, fuck.

0:33:53
Unknown_09: Oh.

Unknown_18: The secret treasure is buried out there in the wild.

Unknown_18: Now I have to locate the second part of the map.

Unknown_09: You drew it though. It was Henry.

Unknown_18: Sorry, you're too cute to fight evil.

Unknown_09: That's rude. No swearing dad, geez. Wait. Oh yeah. Go. Use your powers. You can do it.

0:34:34
Unknown_09: He does the exact same hand thing that Max does when she rewinds time. You're a thief, Max. No, you're not Max. What's your name?

Unknown_09: Is it Chris?

Unknown_09: You're a thief, Chris. Max is a boy's name. Max is a better boy's name than Chris.

Unknown_09: Where's the cape at?

Unknown_08: There it is.

Unknown_08: Aw, yeah.

Unknown_09: That wasn't very magical. All right, now we're gonna open that door.

0:35:10
Unknown_17: We're gonna confront Mr. Jefferson in the dark room.

Unknown_09: Do this. Just watch out for needles, kid.

Unknown_09: I thought this kid was going to be autistic, but he's not autistic. I don't think.

0:35:45
Unknown_09: Oh, fuck. What the fuck?

Unknown_09: Mr. Jefferson, come out.

Unknown_09: If there's like a boss battle in this, this would be awesome.

Unknown_09: What is it? What are you? I got you. You don't scare me!

0:36:16
Unknown_09: I have a superpower called autism. I will kick your ass, motherfucker.

Unknown_18: You can do it, Captain Spirit.

Unknown_09: I got you.

Unknown_09: Get him!

0:36:48
Unknown_10: Get him!

Unknown_10: Oh no, quick time events.

Unknown_09: I don't know what to do. Oh, you're going to die, Max. You're going to die.

Unknown_09: You're so going to die, kid. I'm sorry.

Unknown_09: Nash with, oh, I have to click it. Ah. That makes more sense. Thank you for telling me that sooner. I'm pressing buttons.

0:37:18
Unknown_11: I'm pressing them.

Unknown_09: Get fucked.

Unknown_09: Get fucked, water spirit.

Unknown_09: I did it. Yes!

Unknown_09: How does it feel to be better than Cosmo at streaming? I feel absolutely nothing. Well, that wasn't too hard.

0:37:51
Unknown_18: I've tamed the water beast.

Unknown_09: Oh, I did something. Okay, I made the Captain Spirit costume.

Unknown_09: I've destroyed the Water Spirit.

Unknown_09: What's this?

Unknown_02: Okay.

Unknown_18: Hey Dad, the water heater was down again, so I fixed it.

Unknown_02: Wow, you put it back on?

0:38:24
Unknown_02: Congrats, buddy.

Unknown_02: I know you hate getting in there.

Unknown_02: What's he doing?

Unknown_09: What you doing?

Unknown_09: Must be like a football thing whenever the fuck he's watching.

Unknown_09: What's this?

Unknown_18: I could take over the town with this army or the world.

Unknown_09: How do I get the snow clothes on so I can go outside? What's this?

0:38:56
Unknown_09: Bug motel. Oh no.

Unknown_18: He's got like a, he's got like a spider pet. What the fuck? Kid, kid, you're no good.

Unknown_09: What's this?

Unknown_17: Roger, I'm here. I hope so, Sky Pirate.

0:39:27
Unknown_09: This is making me sad again, guys. What do you see up there? I'm catching depression. Have you spotted Snowmancer?

Unknown_17: Not yet.

Unknown_09: He needs a friend. It's hard because of the storm.

Unknown_17: This is perfect cover for a Snowmancer sneak attack. Eyes sharp.

Unknown_09: This kid is so dead, you think he dies? There's no way the kid dies.

Unknown_17: Thanks, Sky Pirate.

Unknown_18: Over and out.

Unknown_18: I know you're out there, Snowmancer.

Unknown_09: To do, raid medicine cabinet, drink stuff from the bottles under the sink, play with daddy's gun.

0:40:01
Unknown_09: Why do you have to be a dick to Chris?

Unknown_09: I like Chris.

Unknown_18: He's not an asshole.

Unknown_09: Max was an asshole. Everybody in that game was an asshole. This kid's not an asshole. That didn't count. Oh, is there a cookie?

Unknown_18: He ate your cookie? What?

Unknown_07: I ate the cookie out of the advent calendar. Dad, you're such a piece of shit. What the fuck is wrong with you? You're eating your son's chocolate.

0:40:38
Unknown_09: Yeah, put on some heavier clothes, kid, so you don't die of the hypothermia.

Unknown_09: This is a comfy game, so far. It's not like a- it's not like a... an RPG, but it's not irritating. Like, fucking, uh... Life is Strange just made me so angry playing it.

Unknown_09: Like, so far this has managed not to piss me off. Besides the fucking... the... info about what buttons to press.

0:41:16
Unknown_09: I'm just gonna blame that on the French... devil.

Unknown_09: I don't know, I feel compulsed to make him do chores.

Unknown_09: Clear that snow. Yeah. It's lower. You know how much of a pain in the ass it is to clear snow?

Unknown_18: Am I gonna get, like, like, chocolate?

0:41:53
Unknown_09: I hope the dad gives him chocolate and stops beating him.

Unknown_09: Snowman. It was foretold. I have to destroy him.

Unknown_18: I can't wait to get a real pine tree this Christmas.

Unknown_18: Like we used to with mom.

Unknown_18: Chris taunts his prey. He's a slow and insidious killer. What's made out of junk?

0:42:47
Unknown_09: It's like a- like a windshield wiper. He's got a twig, like a normal person. That's the most gimpy-ass snowman I've ever seen. He's got a beer can for a nose! This game is fucking with me! Why is he- Why is Chris using a beer can as a nose? Whatever. Time to die, motherfucker. Yeah.

Unknown_09: Kick his ass.

0:43:23
Unknown_09: I've got my mouse button ready. I'm gonna click this motherfucker. I'm gonna click him into the dirt.

Unknown_09: It kills me. When he... When he holds up his hand it makes me think of fucking Life is Strange every time. He already just had the fight.

0:43:54
Unknown_09: I thought that was the fight? What? He's not destroyed yet.

Unknown_09: You are a tough adversary, Snowmancer.

Unknown_09: I need some kind of tool to destroy the snowman.

Unknown_18: Dad won't fix this wing because it's too dangerous to fix.

Unknown_09: I like how everything you look at just reminds him of how much he hates his lazy sack of shit father.

Unknown_09: It's like everything makes him slightly more miserable because it reminds him of his dad.

0:44:29
Unknown_09: I hear you in there, dad. You lazy cunt.

Unknown_09: Can I walk up this?

Unknown_18: This part of Beaver Creek is so different from where we lived before.

Unknown_09: What's this? What is this?

Unknown_09: Why is there junk?

Unknown_09: Oh, this is a fortress. How do I get into the fortress? Let's see.

0:45:03
Unknown_08: Go in.

Unknown_09: Oh, shit.

Unknown_09: He looks like the little kid from James and the Giant Peach. That's what he reminds me of.

Unknown_09: I haven't seen that movie in forever. Uh-oh.

Unknown_08: Uh-oh.

0:45:35
Unknown_09: How the fuck does Desire lie- How do you- You're Russian. How do you know what James and the Giant Peach is? You're a fucking liar.

Unknown_09: Yeah, I'm waiting for the autistic monologue about capturing the moment Innocence is lost in the Play Fortress.

0:46:14
Unknown_09: Oh no, I hope he doesn't get photographed.

Unknown_09: That's illegal. That's illegal everywhere. I'm so lost.

Unknown_18: Where's the map? What?

Unknown_10: What map?

0:46:50
Unknown_09: The video is even more shit than usual. That's because the game actually has graphics this time. And I'm only getting like 30 FPS on this. I'm not fucking around. I'm getting 30 frames per second for the awesome adventures of Captain Spirit.

Unknown_18: Jerks. Like people don't drink in bars around here.

Unknown_09: What, did your dad like piss off the neighbors?

Unknown_09: Yeah, dude. I'm getting 37 right now. It dips to 24 sometimes. I don't know if the game is poorly optimized or if my computer is shitting itself. Like, I'm mailing in my regular computer from the US. I had to find a remailing service. So for now, I'm just on my old laptop. And streaming is resource intensive.

0:47:22
Unknown_09: Oh, I can go to the Garbin on the left. God damn it, do I have to like watch him take off his fucking parka?

Unknown_09: I'm into this now, Andykinlate. I appreciate your vote of confidence.

0:47:57
Unknown_02: Nah, I'm just gonna walk away from it.

Unknown_09: You get nothing, you fucker.

Unknown_09: Wait- Oh no, he's turning into fucking Chloe!

0:48:33
Unknown_18: With the tattoo! I'll be using needles later in life, child.

Unknown_09: I hate to spoil it like I spoiled Christmas for you, but... What am I looking for? I don't know why I came in- Oh, I'm looking for the map. Okay, I have to get to the fortress.

Unknown_18: Where's the map at?

Unknown_09: Where is it? I just saw it. Oh, there it is. Okay, secret map.

Unknown_09: There's the maze of doom. It doesn't say what the... Oh, I have to find it.

0:49:25
Unknown_09: Home base, two. One is in the back, right near where the fence ends.

Unknown_09: I got this.

Unknown_09: Let's make sure.

Unknown_09: Anything else? Okay.

Unknown_18: Wait. Wait, wait.

Unknown_09: Okay chat, look at this map and memorize it.

Unknown_09: Because I'm 100% gonna need your fucking help figuring out where this goddamn map is buried.

0:50:05
Unknown_09: My voice is growing on you. It's probably a sign of brain cancer. You're gonna die like this kid's mom did.

Unknown_09: And don't listen to Desire, he's a part of the gauge and uh... Here.

0:50:38
Unknown_09: I know for a fact. Goddammit. It has to be here.

Unknown_09: I looked at the map and everything, game. You're just fucking with me at this point. Where is the second part of the map? You have to bring the stripper over to entertain your dad while you find the gun.

0:51:09
Unknown_09: I don't think that's gonna happen. I'm going for the good ending. I'm going for the good ending.

Unknown_09: Where the kid finds a cure to autism and brings his mom back to life from the dead.

Unknown_18: Sky pirate, what's the situation? Sent your last report. Did the storm cause any damage? No, captain. The magnetic field protected us from any harm.

0:51:41
Unknown_18: We're lucky to have you. Keep up your good work.

Unknown_09: He has like a bomb belt, like an ARAB bomber.

Unknown_18: I can't let dad find my secret stash.

Unknown_09: Oh, geez. What do you have in your secret stash, brother? Let's take a look at that.

Unknown_18: Is this the dark room?

Unknown_09: Bring out your photographs.

0:52:14
Unknown_09: What's this?

Unknown_18: I don't want to read it out loud because it'll make me sound like a gay.

Unknown_18: Notice you're not a basketball fan. You don't have your dad's card.

0:52:58
Unknown_18: Too late? Shut up!

Unknown_09: I don't sound like a gay. I sound masculine. I'm virile.

Unknown_09: Your son Chris got into a small fight with my son Harry Sorber and his friends after school. He claimed they were saying inappropriate things about you, but Harry is not that kind of child and only knows you as me.

Unknown_09: Honor student decorated Boy Scout Talk to Chris about his behavior if this bullying continues. I'll be forced to speak to his school Fuck you Brett.

0:53:32
Unknown_18: This is my worst report card. I'm doing better now How do you get a D in PE?

Unknown_07: how

Unknown_07: How do you get a D in PE? That's your free A. That's how they pass retard kids out of school, Chris.

Unknown_09: What the fuck are you doing? He failed because he's too soy.

Unknown_07: They take a dipstick and stick the dipstick into you. And if they pull it out, And you can see the soy on the dipstick, you know you gotta flunk em. You gotta flunk em from P.E.

0:54:10
Unknown_09: A in art, D in P.E. I don't think these Frenchmen know how American schools work.

Unknown_18: Dad keeps telling me this is a girl's doll. So what? She's the ice queen.

0:54:45
Unknown_09: Wow, that's some gender inclusiveness for you kids. That's Noctarius's son.

Unknown_18: He looks like his dad.

Unknown_07: Old bull? What? It looks like weed. He's got a bull.

Unknown_18: I had to rescue my old cereal bowl after Dad used it for an ashtray. Gross.

Unknown_03: Aw.

0:55:25
Unknown_09: The weird thing about this game is that it doesn't feel like you're watching a kid do autistic shit. It feels like you're following them, because, like, he talks to you like you're a normal person.

Unknown_03: This game's, like, the people that make this game need to fucking work on their music taste.

Unknown_10: I don't know how it is gonna end.

0:56:02
Unknown_03: Is he gonna die? I imagine the emotional impact of this is far more than when you're watching it with a bunch of grown men and women.

Unknown_09: Mostly men. Some fake women.

Unknown_09: My point is that it's not the same as watching it by yourself. I don't know.

Unknown_09: The music is the only good thing about this game. Aw, dude, you got some issues. Did your mom die too? Of mysterious non... nondescript terminal illness?

0:56:38
Unknown_08: Okay.

Unknown_09: What's this?

Unknown_09: I need to unlock his phone. Uhhh... That one's done.

Unknown_09: I have to go back and get the map.

0:57:15
Unknown_09: Go into the garage before I go back in.

Unknown_09: What's in the gay-rage?

Unknown_18: Seek the magic key to unlock the portal to another dimension.

Unknown_18: It sucks we don't use this landing bay much. It's so cool. I guess I can't go in the garage.

Unknown_09: What's this? It's a hole.

Unknown_18: Hmm. Looks like we had a visitor.

0:57:53
Unknown_09: Go inside. Can I not use this door? Side door looks like it's blocked off. What, I can't even walk off it? Fuck.

Unknown_09: little bit of snow kid use your thigh muscles can get inside his truck yeah I bet I bet that's where the key is let's take a look at the map though

0:58:28
Unknown_09: I will beat this puzzle.

Unknown_18: Make it happen, kid. Where is it? Oh, I have to use the- I have to use my powers.

0:59:02
Unknown_08: What? What? Oh.

Unknown_18: How do I get to the maze? Wait, wait, wait. What the fuck? I don't understand.

Unknown_09: I don't get it.

0:59:32
Unknown_09: Oh.

Unknown_09: What?

Unknown_09: Oh.

Unknown_09: This map does not make any fucking sense. Child! I am racking my fucking brain.

Unknown_10: Up, up, down, left, right, AD.

Unknown_10: Left, right, left, left, fuck it.

Unknown_09: I'm glad I have chat.

1:00:03
Unknown_09: Somebody left a comment. I had to delete my YouTube archive of the fifth episode of Life is Strange. I'll have to re-upload it somewhere because I don't think stream.me did not appear to archive it properly. I did download it before I deleted it off YouTube. But I said some questionable things on it that would probably get my account deleted on YouTube. So I had to take it down.

Unknown_09: But, um, somebody left a comment on that video saying, uh, finally, DSP plays or DarkSide filled content that doesn't flood my notifications.

1:00:44
Unknown_09: Because if you don't know, DarkSidePhil publishes literally like 50 videos a day. He breaks his Let's Plays up into like 20 minute bits for some reason.

Unknown_09: So like people get hundreds of notifications a week from him regarding his uploads. So I guess they're saying that basically I'm shit.

Unknown_09: I'm shit at video games.

Unknown_09: And now they can watch people be shit at video games without the notifications fam.

1:01:28
Unknown_09: Look, I will beat this child's video game. I promise you. I'm not gonna- there's not gonna be a day two of this shit. I'm gonna fucking beat The Awesome Adventures of Captain Spirit in one sitting.

Unknown_09: In fact, I'm- I'm, uh... I'm, uh... Speed streaming. Whatever the fuck- what do you call it? Speed streaming?

Unknown_10: Quick plays? What the fuck is it called?

1:02:03
Unknown_07: I will beat this child.

Unknown_07: I think his dad already did.

Unknown_09: Speedrunning. I'm transitioning. I'm transitioning into a speedrunner, chat.

Unknown_20: Oh, to the guy who said the music was his favorite part.

Unknown_09: Here you go. Oh, I'm not speedrunning, I'm spedrunning. Thank you. Aww, goddammit game!

1:02:36
Unknown_11: What the fuck is wrong with you?

Unknown_09: My reward for beating this very difficult puzzle is that he gets to look at pictures of his dead mom.

Unknown_19: You'll never see us again.

1:03:16
Unknown_09: And this is sappy.

Unknown_09: Why is he keeping his treasured photos in the snow? That's a good question.

Unknown_09: I wanna make sure you take care of that shit, kid. Don't get moisture on him. He needs some kind of dark room.

Unknown_09: Weed eyes! He's just cold!

Unknown_09: Be nice.

Unknown_18: Way to bring me down, game.

Unknown_09: I was talking about spedrunning a couple minutes ago, and now I'm thinking about dead moms again. What's in the mail? Moshi moshi.

1:03:49
Unknown_09: Is it Marge?

Unknown_09: Dude!

Unknown_09: Whoever... Whoever, uh... Whoever wanted to play with Dad's gun, here you go. I like the domain cleangunsatct. I don't think that's how domains work.

Unknown_09: Take the mail out. What's wrong with you?

1:04:29
Unknown_09: The spirit mobile. Oh geez, don't get your keys.

Unknown_18: Really? Really game? Really game?

Unknown_09: Okay. I have to walk around. Just get that out of the truck.

Unknown_18: What's wrong with you?

Unknown_09: That's right there. Oh.

1:05:02
Unknown_09: Maybe it means a different piece of armor.

Unknown_09: I wonder if I walk in front of the TV if he has a different line. Because I'm wearing his shame as armor.

Unknown_09: Is this a hobo simulator?

Unknown_09: Really? Why are you such a useless cunt? I'm taking this.

1:05:35
Unknown_18: Why does he drink that if it just makes him mad?

Unknown_11: He drank that entire bottle? That's like a liter. That's a liter of fucking whiskey. Drink it.

Unknown_09: Oh, the child, he's too poor. Pure.

Unknown_09: Now I can get his phone unlocked.

1:06:09
Unknown_18: Dinosaur land is open for business. Eat everybody! I am Marty Rex, and you are my lunch.

Unknown_09: Play with fire, child. I command you to.

1:06:41
Unknown_09: Yeah.

Unknown_09: Throw it in.

Unknown_09: Throw it in.

Unknown_18: Yes!

Unknown_09: Become a pyro. That's my only request.

Unknown_09: What am I looking for? Ooh, steal his phone so I can play video games.

Unknown_18: Oh, I hate seeing him like this.

Unknown_16: Dad loves his dad notebooks.

1:07:18
Unknown_09: Yes!

Unknown_09: Mission accomplished. Time to drive the car. So excited.

Unknown_09: Let's go, let's go. We got some driving to do, motherfucker. Beep, beep.

Unknown_09: Power drive.

Unknown_18: Goddammit. I have to find the other piece. I just got the keys. You mean he doesn't have the garage keys on his fucking... Ah, whatever.

1:08:05
Unknown_09: Let me see if I can go beat up the snowman.

Unknown_09: Then I'll look for the car keys again.

Unknown_09: I'm gonna kick that snowman's ass. I got armor now, motherfucker.

Unknown_09: I'm protected by, uh, hipster, hipster beverages. Did I break the game?

Unknown_09: You know what, maybe I just need to get the armor first. Yeah, I guess I have to find the keys to the garage.

1:08:50
Unknown_09: Walk faster. Goddammit, you're like Max. Slow as fuck.

Unknown_18: I wish I could've gone on a hike with mom. This has to be mom's. She liked art.

Unknown_09: She liked taking photos of young women the moment they lose.

Unknown_18: I wonder why dad never hangs out with Nick anymore.

1:09:22
Unknown_09: That's a good question. I'm curious now. What's this?

Unknown_18: Hmm, I should check this out. Ooh, that looks scary. I should read that.

Unknown_09: The letter.

Unknown_09: Dear Charles, we just wanted to let you know how much we care about both you and Chris. I know life has been hard since Emily left us, but we're still a family and we intend to keep it that way. That includes making sure Chris is getting all the care he needs at this fragile age. We've always been honest with you, so please take our concern as a sign of love.

1:09:59
Unknown_09: The way you loved our beautiful daughter. We also heard through a friend that you were in some kind of a bar fight, but the police declined to arrest you. Thank God, please take care of yourself.

Unknown_09: We cut to the chase, we want to help so we hope you will allow us to take care of Chris for the next year or as long as you need and consider joining a support group. Now you get to go to Grandpa's house, how fun.

Unknown_09: We're not judging you in any way, only showing that we care by offering our support and love to your wonderful son. A letter seems impersonal, but we want you to think without pressure. Forgive us if you feel we have overstepped our bounds. This is only about how much we love you and Chris. We're both here for you always.

1:10:36
Unknown_09: That's sad.

Unknown_09: Use his laptop. Find the titty porn.

Unknown_18: There's my hot dog, man. Aw, fuck yeah.

Unknown_18: I can't see dad selling homes.

Unknown_18: Whoa, is he getting us tickets again? That would be a blast being a freight hopper. Choo choo.

1:11:13
Unknown_09: He apparently was a conductor or something.

Unknown_18: Oh, those are dad's pages.

Unknown_09: Play the hot dog game.

Unknown_09: I can't play the hot dog game? I love the way he says that!

1:11:47
Unknown_07: Take a picture of your kid covered with mustard and send it over? Lots of Hot Dog Man exclusive toys to win?

Unknown_09: That sounds like the fucking... The fucking Nickelodeon thing that Dan Schneider did where everybody had to send him pictures of feet. There's some sick fuck out there in the Marvel knockoff universe. Where kids are sending them pictures of mustard covered children.

Unknown_09: There's my hot dog man. Hot dog man plays a special game where it covers me in mustard.

1:12:23
Unknown_09: Oh jeez.

Unknown_09: This game took a dark turn. I just hope he doesn't get a fucking needle shoved in his neck next.

Unknown_09: And fucking Schneider.

Unknown_18: Oh, here we go.

Unknown_09: I have to move the chair first. Yeah.

Unknown_09: Now we're playing Life is Strange. Hopefully there's a gun up there.

1:12:54
Unknown_09: Dear Captain Lee, since you have not answered my calls or emails, I'm sending you this letter as more proof that I've been more diligent about this case than you or your police department. It's your duty to keep your citizens and taxpayers safe. I hope to hear back soon or you'll be hearing from me. Regarding what? I remember daddy yelling on the phone a lot. Although I appreciate what you have gone through the past few years, I'm afraid that I have exhausted all my resources in regards to this difficult investigation. If you wish to discuss the matter without another angry message, I'm always available to talk. In respect to your case, I'm only invoicing you for one month's work.

1:13:32
Unknown_09: It's a private investigator.

Unknown_18: Jeez.

Unknown_18: Dad wrote a lot of letters.

Unknown_09: We regret to inform you that street surveillance data is not available for Asteroid Drive and Mantel Street nor to the general public unless accompanied by an official state or federal investigation. We cannot help you with your inquiry.

Unknown_09: We hope your local Oregon law enforcement will listen.

Unknown_09: What's this in regards to?

1:14:10
Unknown_09: Was it just the graffiti?

Unknown_10: No, it can't be the mom dying. I think the mom died. Like, if... If, uh... Oh, she died. What? There's even... There's even a nipple. Nigga, put that shit... Put that away. Oh, jeez.

1:15:05
Unknown_09: Oh no, did I accidentally put more hipster music on?

Unknown_04: This isn't hipster music.

Unknown_18: You know, this is a full game.

Unknown_09: It's a short game. It's completely free though. I didn't pay for it. It's just something they put together for fun.

Unknown_09: This game sucks.

Unknown_06: Fuck. Be nice.

Unknown_09: Be nice to Captain Spirit. Here, I'm going to put up a poll. Give me a second. Because I'm curious what people think.

1:15:38
Unknown_09: Putting up the polls. Okay, poll. What killed the mom?

Unknown_09: drunk dad driver or drunk dad driver or uh wait let me rephrase that dad killed killed her d-u-y or non dad related accident or

1:16:29
Unknown_09: Permanent disease. There we go. And that's in the stream edits. I don't know.

Unknown_04: All right. I want to see what the results of that poll is.

Unknown_18: I love listening to mom's old records.

1:17:01
Unknown_18: I think we already opened this. Wait, what's this? Wow, dad had fans when he was playing.

Unknown_18: Dad got fired? That's when he started working for the railroad.

Unknown_09: Oh, he was a teacher or something.

Unknown_09: Yeah, like he ruined his whole life with fucking alcohol and shit.

Unknown_18: What's this? Yeah, that's it.

1:17:41
Unknown_09: Where is the garage key? That's all I wanted. I didn't want to see boobies.

Unknown_18: Dylan! How do you know what cancer is? Eat it. There is a lighter up in the fortress.

1:18:22
Unknown_09: We're going to smoke the fuck out of this.

Unknown_09: This smart.

Unknown_18: I've never seen dad get that mad.

Unknown_18: It really scares me.

Unknown_09: I can't imagine what else I can find that's going to explain what happened with the mom.

Unknown_09: Maybe it doesn't tell you.

1:19:01
Unknown_09: My English homework? He missed, like, a bunch of consonants in that word. I shouldn't criticize anybody for how they talk, but... Just sayin'.

Unknown_18: What?

Unknown_10: What did I do? I have no idea what I did.

1:19:40
Unknown_16: What kind of a Viking would I be? I have no idea.

Unknown_09: The game just rewarded me for something. That's the day he was going to fix that last month. And I have no idea what I did.

Unknown_18: Right.

Unknown_09: You're so mean about your dad. He's got problems.

Unknown_09: Give him some space, kid. He killed his wife.

Unknown_09: The game doesn't let you hide in the closet. Very... Very unfair.

1:20:24
Unknown_09: Wait, I didn't find the garage keys yet.

Unknown_09: Where are the fucking garage keys?

Unknown_18: Dude, the freaking key should be inside the house.

Unknown_09: Don't use the F word, man.

Unknown_09: Okay. I guess I didn't search the kitchen. I got distracted by the dead mom.

1:20:57
Unknown_18: Those dishes definitely need a mega clean.

Unknown_09: Clean the dishes.

Unknown_09: Can't clean the dishes. Why would you even have that then? Where are the garage keys at?

Unknown_09: Where are they?

Unknown_18: Dad doesn't want to set up Christmas decorations yet. Makes him think I'm off.

Unknown_09: I'm going to find you.

1:21:31
Unknown_18: We never use this door in winter because of the snow.

Unknown_09: Where are the keys at?

Unknown_09: I have to find, oh wait, you know what? The garage keys are probably in... I hate that beer can smell.

Unknown_09: They're probably in the truck, but you have to find the armor to open the truck, because he doesn't want to.

Unknown_09: Jeez.

1:22:08
Unknown_09: Look up? I am looking up.

Unknown_09: What's in the fridge? Are they in the fridge?

Unknown_09: Jeez.

Unknown_09: Power crash. Do it. That wasn't very powerful.

1:22:38
Unknown_18: There we go. It's fucked.

Unknown_07: What else is in here?

Unknown_09: Keys.

Unknown_09: Keys. Keys.

Unknown_09: Drink the milk. Drink it straight from the container. Chug.

Unknown_09: Chug it.

Unknown_09: Yes!

Unknown_09: Nobody can stop me. Nobody can stop me. I've turned him into a delinquent monster.

1:23:15
Unknown_09: Chris killed his mom with his telekinect powers.

Unknown_09: Wait! His phone's on the table. We never opened that. Unlock it.

Unknown_10: There is a number.

Unknown_09: I swear to god I saw a number somewhere.

Unknown_09: I even mentioned it. Did the number have any significance to Life is Strange? No, it's not 1488. I don't think that's right.

1:23:53
Unknown_18: Chris, these are the most important numbers for you on this list.

Unknown_09: Oh yeah.

Unknown_06: Well, chat is saying that it's 1,488.

Unknown_09: Let's try it out.

Unknown_09: I don't think that's right.

Unknown_09: Oh, I can actually interact in this one.

Unknown_09: No, you fuckers lied to me.

Unknown_09: I saw a number written down somewhere.

Unknown_08: Uh, not there.

1:24:30
Unknown_08: Not there. I sense danger.

Unknown_18: Mantroid must be in the area.

Unknown_09: What?

Unknown_09: You're sure?

Unknown_09: Where is he at kid?

Unknown_09: I have to consult chat because I think there was for sure

Unknown_09: Some sort of, uh... I swear to God I saw a number written down somewhere and I almost said something about it.

1:25:04
Unknown_09: But I didn't. Now I regret it.

Unknown_09: That's totally what the fuck.

Unknown_09: Not gonna be in his room.

Unknown_09: Sorry, I was reading chat and walking into a wall. What the fuck was it? Wait, look!

Unknown_09: It's the yellow submarine. What the fuck was the number?

1:25:45
Unknown_09: It's probably gonna be something like his wife's birthday number or something.

Unknown_09: I don't see any goddamn keys.

Unknown_09: That's something that was on the...

Unknown_18: I swear to God, I saw a fucking... I saw a fucking number written down somewhere. I'm gonna lose my mind. It's not eight digits, it's only four.

1:26:24
Unknown_09: It has to be some- I swear to God. I'm gonna lose my fucking mind, I swear to God I saw a number written down somewhere. 6372. I know that.

1:26:56
Unknown_09: I'm afraid to guess, I don't know if it's gonna lock me out.

1:27:37
Unknown_08: Oh!

Unknown_09: You guys keep giving me random numbers, I don't trust any of you fuckers.

Unknown_09: I don't trust you. Is it more than four? Oh, it can be any length of numbers.

Unknown_09: Ah, fuck.

Unknown_09: We're screwed.

Unknown_09: The game is over.

Unknown_07: It is officia- It is officially over.

Unknown_18: I already did 1,488. Don't even. Wait, was it on the grocery list?

1:28:27
Unknown_09: Add ice cream. Do it.

Unknown_18: Let's see. What do we need?

Unknown_09: Pranked. Eat shit, dad. You're buying ice cream now.

Unknown_09: No, I don't want to open the fridge. The number is not in the fridge.

Unknown_09: It's, it's obviously not going to be 8 6 7 5 3 0 9 around here.

Unknown_09: I hope you're not looking at beaver. I already found some beaver.

1:28:59
Unknown_09: Oh boy.

Unknown_09: Definitely saw a fucking number. I saw a number, I swear! The numbers, Mason! What do they mean?

Unknown_09: If somebody actually, like, I see like 10,000 different numbers.

1:29:32
Unknown_18: Wait!

Unknown_09: I got the hot dog number. You're right. Okay, fuck the phone. We're going.

Unknown_09: Great job to whoever noticed that I've been walking around for 18 goddamn minutes.

Unknown_09: Hotdog Man is clearly the protagonist of the game, even though he wants to smother Chris in mustard. That's kinda weird. Turn on the light.

1:30:30
Unknown_16: What kind of code would he use?

Unknown_09: No, not this one either. One day, one day we'll find a pin code that's unlocked by that, but it's not today.

Unknown_18: This is where mom went to school before we came here.

Unknown_18: I'm going to go to art school because of me.

Unknown_09: Oh, there's more letters. She was already an amazing artist. As principal of Blackwell Academy, and... Wasn't Blackwell Academy the name of the university? In fuckin' Life is Strange? I'm pretty much 100% sure that that was the name of it. Because the principal was named Principal Blackwell. I know that for sure. Okay. Well, it's good that she didn't go. She almost got killed by a fuckin' bird tornado and kidnapped in the darkroom and shit.

1:31:05
Unknown_09: Blackwelled.

Unknown_09: As principal of Blackwell Academy, I want to personally reach out and thank you for your continued support of our art program to our prestigious school.

Unknown_09: We love displaying your work along with a long list of other alumni. We all have fond memories of you here. So thank you for thinking of us, and we hope you will come visit the campus soon.

1:31:46
Unknown_09: Dear Emily, we received your letter of withdrawal and resignation and first wanted to congratulate you on your forthcoming child. Oh, that's sad.

Unknown_09: While we are truly happy for you and your family, we are also selfishly sorry to lose one of our most promising students and artists. Your unique and witty illustrations have been well-received on campus and in the school paper, so we expect to see more of your work with us and others. Hopefully, when you're ready, you'll reconsider. Oh, wow.

Unknown_18: I remember when Mom drew that. And dad couldn't stop laughing.

Unknown_09: That's stolen.

1:32:24
Unknown_09: I've seen a comic exactly like this, where they're fighting over the blankets. I don't get this one.

Unknown_18: I'm too young.

Unknown_08: Uh, okay. Not good.

Unknown_18: He's stuck in the past. You're a bird.

1:33:19
Unknown_18: Mom and Dad always talked about how they met at school.

Unknown_18: It was weird having my mom as my kindergarten teacher, but fun.

Unknown_18: My first picture, it looks so tiny and weird. Maybe I'm an alien baby.

Unknown_09: There's certainly an alien.

Unknown_09: And that's it. That's weird. The fuck?

Unknown_09: I'm tempted to cheat and just look them up. 2005. Okay, people keep saying 2005.

1:34:00
Unknown_09: Can I, just out of curiosity, what is the context? Like, where does that come from?

Unknown_18: Grandma and grandpa were so nice. I wish we saw them more. Thank your lovely note and flowers for Kristen's birthday.

Unknown_09: They always mean more coming from you. We miss you and would love to see how Chris is growing. Like you, we also still miss Emily every day, every hour and minute. We know that grief is part of your life, so always know that we think of you often. We're always here for you like you were there for us forever. Please stay in touch and let's make plans to meet soon.

1:34:39
Unknown_09: How did she die?

Unknown_09: Woman killed in hit and run.

Unknown_09: Okay. So that's the, that's it.

Unknown_18: I know dad spent a lot of money on the funeral.

Unknown_18: Oh, it'll hit and run that occurred in December.

Unknown_09: Let's see. In 2000, I drive the victim walking from her stranded car when she was struck head on by an unidentified speeding vehicle.

1:35:12
Unknown_09: So that's it. Let me check the poll. It was an unrelated collision. I want to see how many people guessed that before the poll came up.

Unknown_09: I guessed terminal disease. Dad killed her was the most popular option. Non-dad related accident was the second most popular. Terminal disease was the least popular result.

Unknown_09: Oh, score.

Unknown_18: Now I'm ready to rock. Sorry, Dad.

1:35:46
Unknown_09: Screw you, Mom. I got a firecracker now.

Unknown_09: Did you guys ever find the, uh... She was murdered.

Unknown_09: I don't think the dad hit her with... With, uh... It's not possible.

Unknown_09: I hear a bird or something.

1:36:17
Unknown_09: I guess that's it. Find me the number for the, uh, the phone. I can't... I can't think about it.

Unknown_09: Alright, I... I can't remember what it was. It might be up there. Oh, we have to go smoke that cigarette in the clubhouse. Let's go ahead and do that. While we're out here. Can I beat up the snowman yet? Oh, yes I can. Time to get fucked, snowman.

Unknown_09: Now you are ready to battle with Captain Spirit!

1:36:48
Unknown_11: Move away from it!

Unknown_07: Boom! Boom!

Unknown_09: Aww, headshot. That's a dead-ass fucking snowman.

Unknown_09: He's got cigarettes in him.

Unknown_18: He's got the snow they rolled him up from his dad's cigarette stuck in the fucking snow.

1:37:24
Unknown_09: Okay, time to smoke that cigarette.

Unknown_06: Oh yeah.

Unknown_10: You have to light it.

Unknown_18: Slow, like dad. Wait.

1:38:05
Unknown_18: Stop.

Unknown_09: He didn't like it.

Unknown_09: Okay, okay, I see the phone code.

Unknown_09: Sorry, I was just enjoying my cigarette. My cigarette break.

1:38:38
Unknown_08: Alright, let's open that phone.

Unknown_09: Run.

Unknown_09: That's all you have to do.

Unknown_09: I got the snowman. Okay, we need to play Mustard Party 2.

Unknown_09: And then we have to... I think the final thing is when you get into the car.

Unknown_09: That's where the epic fight is. This part of Beaver Creek is so different from where we lived before.

1:39:15
Unknown_09: Fuck, I caught my fucking chair.

Unknown_09: Oh jeez.

Unknown_09: I guess the autistic one wasn't the kid after all.

Unknown_09: Okay, phone. By the power of people telling me what the phone number is, I will beat you.

Unknown_09: Wait, shit. I fucked up.

Unknown_09: I fucked up bad. Wait, no I didn't.

1:39:50
Unknown_09: Where did you get that from? My hot dog man. Oh shit.

Unknown_09: Like floppy birds.

Unknown_09: Now this is some gameplay.

Unknown_09: Life is strange when I ride this shit.

1:40:21
Unknown_07: Ah! You gotta be gone, bird.

Unknown_07: No!

Unknown_09: I have to beat the high score of 256. Can I shoot? Do I have any shooting ability? No.

Unknown_09: Now he's not a very good superhero if he can't shoot.

1:40:52
Unknown_09: Remember to send pictures of your feet covered in mustard, kids. Dan Schneider needs a- AH! Goddammit.

Unknown_09: I'm doing better. This game might be unbeatable because it requires me actually playing a video game.

Unknown_09: I got this, guys. I have faith in me. I'm an expert gamer.

1:41:26
Unknown_09: Take that, bird.

Unknown_09: This music is somehow better than all the hipster shit they play.

Unknown_11: Give me the mustard pecks!

Unknown_14: Ow!

Unknown_11: I'm overcompensating, I'm overcompensating.

1:42:02
Unknown_10: I'm almost there, I'm almost there, I almost got it.

Unknown_06: No!

Unknown_10: God damn it.

Unknown_10: No, I have to beat the score of 256.

Unknown_09: I'm pretty sure that's what the, uh...

Unknown_09: The game needs. And I got 229 that time. I'm doing better each time, okay?

Unknown_09: I promise there's a point to this.

Unknown_11: I'm gonna beat this fucking game.

1:42:58
Unknown_09: It's getting better.

Unknown_09: Fuck birds.

Unknown_11: God damn it!

Unknown_07: It's over guys. The stream is officially fucking cancelled. I can't beat Mr. Hot Dog Man.

1:43:52
Unknown_11: I'm getting better. I'm getting better, guys.

Unknown_09: Wait. I was going to say, my secret tactic will just be to stay up there as much as possible. I don't think that's an option.

Unknown_10: Am I- I'm almost there! I'm almost there! I'm a point away! I did it! I did it.

1:44:23
Unknown_18: I did it. I... I...

Unknown_09: I am the hot dog master. I want you guys to- I'm no longer the impresario of Kiwi Farms. I am the hot dog master. Get fucked, naysayers.

1:44:54
Unknown_09: Okay, now what?

Unknown_09: Okay, I need to find one more piece to his costume.

Unknown_08: Put that here.

Unknown_18: It's not safe out there. Yeah dad, I know.

Unknown_10: What's this say?

Unknown_18: Maybe the kids who lived here before didn't like it.

1:45:31
Unknown_09: I need the helmet. That's right.

Unknown_09: That's right, I need a mask, not a helmet. I'm not a, I'm not a, uh... I made this very clear to everybody before, that there will be no helmet. This is a mask.

Unknown_09: Okay, I'm gonna find the mask.

Unknown_09: Fucker!

1:46:02
Unknown_09: Fucker, where is the mask?

Unknown_09: Gotta be around here somewhere.

Unknown_09: Check the recycling bin.

Unknown_09: Are you guys reading game facts for me now?

Unknown_09: Oh, these are the beer cans. Jesus Christ.

1:46:45
Unknown_09: You got this. Do I have to aim it?

Unknown_08: Aw yeah.

Unknown_08: Aim it right there.

Unknown_17: Fucked.

Unknown_09: Oh, what's it called in bowling when you have like two pins up? A spare? That's a spare. That's the beer can equivalent of a spare. Fucker.

1:47:15
Unknown_09: Okay.

Unknown_09: I need the mask.

Unknown_09: Hmm.

Unknown_09: Okay, I'm a stupid little kid. I'm looking for a mask. Where could I get a mask?

1:47:46
Unknown_09: Well, it looks like that. Oh, the bathroom. That'd be a good place to check.

Unknown_09: I don't think it's gonna be up there. I would have found it.

Unknown_18: It's hot chocolate weather.

1:48:48
Unknown_18: I wonder when I can start to shave.

Unknown_18: Superhero shave?

Unknown_18: I can't believe Dad let me put these stickers here. Maybe he likes them too.

Unknown_08: Interview.

Unknown_18: Welcome to W-H-E-R-O. Today we are honored to have an interview with the world's most awesome superhero, Captain Spirit.

1:49:21
Unknown_18: Beaver Creek sounds like an innuendo.

Unknown_09: Soon. Oh Jesus. He stays anonymous on the internet.

Unknown_18: What a pussy. There is no forgiveness.

Unknown_18: My message is that Mandroid will never win, and I will find you, and I will crush you. Yes. You're either with us or you're our enemy. That's my job. And that's why we love you. Can you tell us who your superheroes are?

1:49:55
Unknown_08: The only hero I have is me.

Unknown_18: That's good to know. Can you give us a hint about how you discovered your epic powers?

Unknown_18: No.

Unknown_18: Okay, do you have any final words for your audience?

Unknown_18: Be nice and always fight for the good team. Thank you, Captain Spirit. I'm thinking of a certain Waffen SS song playing in my head right now.

1:50:27
Unknown_09: He's going to destroy Mandroid and smash the patriarchy.

Unknown_09: That's true. It probably is.

Unknown_09: Makeup?

Unknown_18: Yeah. I'm gonna get a mask. It's time to- oh yeah!

Unknown_09: We're set. Right. That's right. I remember the paint.

1:51:17
Unknown_09: Yeah, chat, he's already starting his transition. He's gonna be Christine. He's gonna be Christine Beaverton after this. Whatever the fuck his last name is.

Unknown_08: Okay.

Unknown_08: Right ping. That's right.

1:52:02
Unknown_09: It's kind of kick-ass.

Unknown_11: Don't rewind time! No!

Unknown_09: I did it. We did it guys. Okay.

Unknown_18: Actually, Captain Spirit to the rescue. And it's time to visit Mandroid's home planet for a change.

1:52:34
Unknown_09: It's all over, Mandroid.

Unknown_18: Here I come, Mandroid.

Unknown_18: Come on, let's get going.

Unknown_18: This is Captain Spirit, do you copy? Are you there, Sky Pirate? Captain Spirit, I read you loud and clear.

Unknown_09: You are authorized to start your father's car and drive. Don't worry about me.

Unknown_18: Man, Troid is the one in danger. Gotta do a quick system check first.

1:53:09
Unknown_09: All systems are go, Captain Spirit.

Unknown_18: Instrument panel, check.

Unknown_09: Begin to drive the vehicle at full speed down the highway.

Unknown_18: Proton missiles, check.

Unknown_09: Oh, I'm so fucking hype. Drive this fucking car.

Unknown_14: Drive it!

Unknown_11: No! Actually, physically drive the- Ah, you fucker! You fucker, you got my hopes up!

Unknown_17: Oh no, it's pedestrians in the road!

1:53:43
Unknown_09: Game, you got my hopes up. This small child is going- Did he just have a fit?

Unknown_09: You need a sedation? Hit Chloe with a car?

Unknown_18: She needs to die. I do like the sound effects. Oh shit.

Unknown_09: We're on the red planet.

1:54:18
Unknown_10: Gas, gas! Find him and destroy him, child.

1:55:04
Unknown_18: I don't trust the French.

Unknown_09: This is gonna get weird.

Unknown_18: Dan Schneider's gonna come out and pour mustard all over this fucking kid.

Unknown_09: I feel it coming. Stop saying anonymous on the internet.

Unknown_17: Be a man. Fight me in real life.

1:55:45
Unknown_09: Fuck this time you won't get away from me fucking cyber bully. He's like a little kid Fight me instead of hiding You can't win this.

1:56:21
Unknown_04: You're chasing the ghosts. I'm bored now.

Unknown_04: Let's finish this.

Unknown_17: No! I can't... I...

Unknown_11: Did you bring your inhaler?

Unknown_06: Ah!

Unknown_11: I will fight you.

Unknown_09: Fucker. I'm pushing the buttons, chat. I won't let him get away. I don't know, what? Is this gonna be the street where his mom got hit on? Oh, fuck off! What the fuck, game?

1:56:59
Unknown_18: You will pay for what you did, Mandroid. I swear.

1:58:02
Unknown_18: Is he dead? Holy fuck!

Unknown_19: Fuck! Dad, are you okay? Do I look okay? No, I tripped. Can't even watch one goddamn game. What the fuck?

1:58:32
Unknown_11: Fuck!

Unknown_11: What the fuck? What is wrong with the French?

Unknown_19: I think I sprained my foot. Shit.

Unknown_19: Chris, why did you wake me up?

Unknown_18: You told me to wake you up. I thought, I thought you said the pine tree.

1:59:08
Unknown_20: Pine tree? I can't even walk in my own house, man.

Unknown_18: You should be careful when you're, you know, when you wake up.

Unknown_20: Don't be a smart ass, Chris. I'm not in the mood right now.

Unknown_18: Yeah, Dad. Okay.

Unknown_19: Jesus Christ, who is that?

Unknown_19: It's Grandma and Grandpa. It's either Grandma, Grandpa, or CPS. I feel it. There she is! It's Grandma!

Unknown_09: Hi Grandma!

1:59:59
Unknown_00: Oh my, look at you. What kind of costume is that? I'm Captain Spirit.

Unknown_00: Of course you are. We need all the superheroes we can get.

Unknown_00: And how are you doing, Chris?

Unknown_18: Good, Mrs. Reynolds.

Unknown_18: Just... just... Just?

Unknown_00: He clearly is playing crazy bitch. Don't say that!

2:00:51
Unknown_00: That explains all the beer cans. Actually, I was going for a nice walk, but it sounded like the 4th of July over here. Is everything okay?

Unknown_18: Totally. He and my dad were just decorating the tree. Oh no.

Unknown_09: I can tell the lies are compounding. She's becoming suspicious.

Unknown_18: But dad caught it. And he fell, so... No!

Unknown_11: She's on to your bullshit!

2:01:24
Unknown_00: Gee, that's some story.

Unknown_00: Is everybody alright? She's barging in! No! Must have been quite a scare. Mrs. Reynolds, don't do it! I hope you have something else planned for today.

Unknown_18: I wanted to fix up the treehouse. Maybe Steven could come by and help? Well...

Unknown_00: That sounds like a fun job for a father and son, right?

2:01:58
Unknown_14: What? What kind of options are these? Oh, geez.

Unknown_18: Oh, my dad wants to, but he's super busy today.

Unknown_00: I'm not gonna fuck this up, Chat. Stop bullying me.

Unknown_18: I'm gonna get this- I'm gonna beat the final boss of this game.

Unknown_07: This is Reynolds. AHH! You don't-

2:02:34
Unknown_00: please listen I'm not trying to hurt you okay we want to help you're not in trouble you haven't done anything just stay put and we'll come by in a little bit I have to do to you when Mr. Jefferson did Nathan your loose end

Unknown_02: So what did that nosy bitch want?

Unknown_18: Nothing.

Unknown_19: Oh, nothing, huh? I was listening. I heard it all. You could have gotten rid of her.

Unknown_18: What? I tried.

Unknown_03: Man, I bet you want to tell her what a shitty dad you have. I tried to lie for you. I tried to lie.

Unknown_18: I swear that. Please believe me.

Unknown_03: I'm turning against this. Stop that whining. What is wrong with you? Calm the fuck down. You're yelling at him. What the fuck? What the fuck?

2:03:27
Unknown_03: And if it wasn't for you, she would have never taken the car that day.

2:03:58
Unknown_07: So you're blaming him? Oh, hey, Chris, look, I didn't mean that.

Unknown_03: Now, fuck off, dad.

Unknown_02: Yes.

Unknown_02: Yes, you did. No, listen, Chris.

Unknown_09: Leave, child.

Unknown_09: He has lost the plot.

Unknown_09: Leave.

Unknown_09: You're going to get frostbite, though. You don't have your boots on.

Unknown_09: He can't climb up that tree because he sprained his ankle.

2:04:38
Unknown_10: What the fuck?

Unknown_11: What? France! France, what is wrong with you?

Unknown_03: Is he dead?

2:05:23
Unknown_09: Wave.

Unknown_09: Imitate human life and wave. Good job.

Unknown_09: Use your autistic superpowers to kill her. What? That's it?

Unknown_07: You fucking Frenchman! You did this to me twice! Why do you do this?

2:05:54
Unknown_07: What motivates the French?

Unknown_09: The wrong side won World War 2 If these were German names, this game would have had a satisfactory ending

Unknown_09: In the next one, he plays a vegetable. Do you have to ask a young girl to inject morphine into your neck until you die?

2:06:32
Unknown_09: I'll play Life is Strange 2 when the entire thing's out, because I don't want to have weeks or days in between chapter 1 and chapter 2. I'd like to do it in a week, like I did the first one.

Unknown_13: What?

Unknown_13: What?

Unknown_13: What? Look at this chat.

Unknown_07: I demand it. Look at your screen. I'm not going to read this out. You will look at your screen right now. You will turn your attention to the monitor and review the contents on your screen.

2:07:21
Unknown_13: So in case you're blind and you're listening to this because you just love the bass tone of my voice, Life is Strange 2.

Unknown_09: Meet Chris again in Life is Strange 2. And there's a direct link. What if I click on this? Oh, it just opens up my Steam browser to buy Life is Strange. Game! Game, you twisted my heart strings, you made me feel complicated emotions about a father character that I never had, and then you try to sell me Life is Strange 2, a game that's not even fucking out yet.

Unknown_09: Ugh, Sacrebleu, Wandya, can't believe it. Square Enix, you French motherfuckers.

2:08:09
Unknown_09: It wasn't a terrible game. It was cute. It's a nice little premise. Something not to take seriously.

Unknown_09: I don't regret the two hours. I don't.

Unknown_09: It was the perfect little time slot for a stream or something.

Unknown_09: Let's see.

Unknown_09: Wow, there's like 250 people watching this on YouTube. That's crazy. And 125. That's crazy. People are weird.

Unknown_09: I don't know how to end this now. I Did I did take this one picture? I'll just upload it and show you guys the picture I took I took one screenshot of this because I thought it was I thought it was cute as like a visual and I know somebody who's on the forum and the Kiwi farms their username is Their username acronym the CS I was like, this is cute They might they might appreciate this I thought that was a nice little image and form fit screen just so I can eat without chat Hey, isn't that a nice little visual guys?

2:09:19
Unknown_13: Play the other Life is Strange 2 is not out yet again.

Unknown_13: It's uh It's just not out yet play angry goy to I don't think I can play that

Unknown_13: Here you know what I Don't I don't want to go to bed just yet. Oh Before the storm is that out?

Unknown_09: Is that all the way out?

Unknown_09: I'll play that next week. Is Josh turning into a cock? I don't know. I don't want, like, the thing is, when games like that, like, there is nothing wrong with that game. I mean, they didn't have a lot of gameplay, but at the same time, it wasn't insulting. Like, Life is Strange was insulting at times. Like, I played, like, fucking, um, Fallout 76 is insulting. That game was free.

2:09:53
Unknown_09: The French, out of the bottom of their hearts, and probably to sell Life is Strange 2, put together a gay little story about a kid and his alcoholic father and put it out for free to advertise their other game. Like... There's nothing wrong with it. It's exactly what it needed to be as far as It wasn't a lie. I didn't enter into this expecting something else. It's exactly what I thought it was No, I'm not gonna be mad about the video game Oh boy, he's gonna enjoy life is strange to in the wrong way I don't know like what you said about life is strange to it sounds sounds pretty fucking horrible Here I'll set a timer actually know what

2:10:59
Unknown_13: I don't know. I'm tempted just to play Darkest Dungeon. Just do like one dungeon of Darkest Dungeon before I call it a night.

Unknown_13: What do you guys think? Should I just play a song and kill the stream or should I play a single dungeon of Darkest Dungeon?

Unknown_09: There's gonna be the new Chloe.

Unknown_09: In Life is Strange 2, I'm pretty sure it's a prequel. I know Before the Storm is a prequel, but I think Before the Storm just follows Chloe.

2:11:33
Unknown_09: Okay.

Unknown_13: Okay, the results are in. They want me to play Darkest Dungeon.

Unknown_13: Play a song and kill yourself? Maybe one day. That'll be my final stream.

Unknown_15: Ruin has come to our family.

Unknown_09: Let's see, let me make sure. Yep, okay. It does work.

2:12:04
Unknown_09: Play Blockland?

Unknown_09: I don't think so.

Unknown_09: You guys get to see how fucking bad I am at this game too.

Unknown_13: Darkest Dungeon is an RNG-based football manager?

Unknown_09: That's a pretty good way to describe it.

Unknown_15: You've never played Darkest Dungeon?

Unknown_09: Oh god, you guys... Desire Lines is already... he's getting a little bit excited in his pantalones. Watch me play this fucking game.

2:12:42
Unknown_09: Um, I don't think I have an A-team set up.

Unknown_09: We're gonna have to go with my B-team.

Unknown_09: Let's see, who do I got? Who do I got? I think I got you.

Unknown_09: Are you position three? You are.

Unknown_09: You're position two?

Unknown_09: Oh god. This party's not ready.

2:13:14
Unknown_09: You guys are not good to go. Wait, hold up.

Unknown_09: Yeah, we'll just do that. Let me upgrade their armor and shit first.

Unknown_09: Make sure they're all good to go.

Unknown_09: Where's the other guy?

Unknown_09: Nope, not gonna do that.

Unknown_09: And you don't have anything. Okay, I think we're good to go. This is a perfect setup.

2:13:47
Unknown_09: the fuck is this ages scale mysterious scale from the distant waste fierce protection what the fuck is this I don't want that take this and that and that right now I don't want the farmstead fuck that I want something short I'll do something a little bit long no I want something short there we

Unknown_13: I can't believe there are people watching this who don't know what Darkest Dungeon is.

2:14:46
Unknown_13: Okay, I'll just describe the game.

Unknown_10: When I play the game, you walk into the dungeon and then you die.

Unknown_09: That's basically it.

Unknown_09: The antique lady needs to... Can I unlock it?

Unknown_09: Goddammit, I wasted a fucking key. Oh, there's nothing inside. Great, we're off to a good start.

Unknown_09: Open it. Oh jeez, fish monsters.

2:15:42
Unknown_09: I can already tell this one's gonna go great.

Unknown_09: Just fantastic.

Unknown_15: Oh god. These guys are not geared out at all to how I like them.

Unknown_09: See, the game, as they complicated the game and added more stuff to make it harder, it became less fun. Because now it's like you never ever get to use the characters you want to use, because they're always in the fucking tavern and shit.

2:16:22
Unknown_15: She's almost already dead.

Unknown_09: Josh is becoming an actual streamer boy now? Probably.

Unknown_09: I just wanted to play the autistic kid and then people said play darkness dungeons.

Unknown_09: I get to avoid responsibility for my actions by just blaming chat. It's a great perk.

2:16:59
Unknown_15: Success so clearly in view or is it merely a trick of the light?

Unknown_09: It was too easy before the DLC and patches maybe I don't know it was the perfect difficulty for me Now it's just like it's not that it's harder it's just that it's fucking annoying I

2:17:31
Unknown_09: Like, you can't ever relax and just send out a B team. Syphilis?!

Unknown_07: She got syphilis from the fucking wheel?!

Unknown_09: Lady, you're getting fucked by tentacles now too, jeez.

Unknown_09: No, I've only just got the DLC for this game. Oh, please don't be a- I don't want to have to go that way.

2:18:05
Unknown_09: No, I've never actually beaten the game, because I stopped playing before they added the Darkest Dungeon.

Unknown_09: It's like before, you know, you had your party, you could send them out, you could loot and do stuff, and relax, but now it's like if you spend... If you send too many, like, parties out to do stuff, you'll get, uh... You'll get, like, bandit attacks attacking your town and shit.

Unknown_09: Because it used to be, like, if you, um...

Unknown_09: No matter what, your hamlet could never be attacked.

Unknown_09: And you could just spend as much time as you wanted, you know, building up your forces. But now it's like if you spend too much time fucking around, they come attack you. And that didn't really add anything to the game really.

2:18:42
Unknown_10: Oh, yeah, and then they added, like, illnesses, so on top of, uh... on top of, like, blights and bad personality traits, you can also just get fucking diseases that make your characters, like, shit for no reason.

Unknown_09: So, on top of having to send them to... to shit for... for afflictions and stress, you also have to, uh... send them to the doctor to, like, remove... like, if I... if I switch over to the lady, I will in a second.

2:19:32
Unknown_09: and open her profile, she has diseases. So she has syphilis, which makes her automatically in everything she goes to, less accurate, less damage, less HP. She has less bleed resistance, less max HP. So she has already, just from this, 20% less max HP and less crit. So you have to send them to the doctor to fix that as well. So every time you go out, You run the risk of getting permanent afflictions and shit. I don't understand why they would add that.

2:20:07
Unknown_06: No!

Unknown_10: I didn't say it required skill. I'm just saying that before, it wasn't as annoying.

Unknown_09: Now, a lot of the shit that they have is just annoying. I don't understand why they add it.

Unknown_09: No, they did not. When I first- I played this game really, really early in the beta, and they did not have diseases. The only thing they had back then was the personality traits.

2:20:48
Unknown_09: I sound like a casual. I don't know, have you ever watched me play a fucking video game? I'm pretty sure that's obvious.

Unknown_09: Like, I don't play that many games.

Unknown_15: Secrets and wonders can be found in the most tenebrous corners of this place.

Unknown_09: Yeah, let me cut down the, uh... Hopefully this is better.

Unknown_13: Oh, fuck! I just crashed the game. Oh, that's okay. They autosave all the time.

2:21:26
Unknown_13: I'm so bad at video games, just trying to alt-tab and change shit. Fucking... Fucking crashes it.

Unknown_09: Why does it sound like the streamer is crying? It's just how I sound. It's a permanent affliction. If you check my character profile, I have a disease that says I have a crying voice.

Unknown_09: Okay, the game is refusing to boot up.

Unknown_09: I'm gonna give it one more try and then I'm just gonna kill myself.

Unknown_13: Oh, there we go. Suicide has been delayed.

2:22:02
Unknown_13: He has one of the Ellen Page voices. Does that mean that David Cage has jerked off to me naked? Alright, let's get back to me losing.

Unknown_13: And a cold lurker's lying way just below the water's surface.

Unknown_15: These salt-soaked caverns are teeming with pelagic nightmares. They must be flushed out.

2:22:37
Unknown_15: Executed with impunity.

Unknown_15: Yo, stop fucking up!

2:23:12
Unknown_09: She's about to die, just like flat out.

Unknown_09: Not much I can do for that.

Unknown_09: Might go watch some paint dry. This will be a short dungeon and then I'm going to be over with it.

2:23:45
Unknown_09: It's probably going to be over when I fucking die. I kind of have the feeling that I wouldn't be successful playing games that I kind of take seriously. It's more fun just watching me fail at being a teenage girl.

Unknown_09: That's my forte. Holy shit!

Unknown_09: That guy's killing everybody just by letting them attack him.

2:24:27
Unknown_09: The issue with streaming games, games that are actually decent, is that for it to be interesting to people, it has to be something that they're interested in. You know what I mean?

Unknown_09: And you have to be good enough at it to not just be like, why am I not playing the game that I like instead?

Unknown_09: I do want to wear these. This is a gun by the inventory.

Unknown_09: Oh, and when you're playing as Ellen Page, you cannot pay attention. You can just read chat while the cutscenes are happening.

Unknown_09: And you can't really do that with Darkest Tension.

2:25:19
Unknown_15: As the light gains purchase, that purpose is made clear.

Unknown_09: Diablo 2.

Unknown_09: Missalicious plays Diablo 2.

Unknown_09: Is that better or worse? I don't know.

2:25:53
Unknown_09: Is it better to fail at being a teenage girl or succeed? It's probably better to fail because at least it's funnier.

Unknown_14: Oh geez.

Unknown_09: I'm debating what song I want to play at the end. What do you think of a good one? Something about... Something about violent alcoholic fathers.

2:26:27
Unknown_09: Who's Frank?

Unknown_09: Was Frank a character in Life is Strange? Oh. Oh, Frank was the drug dealer, that's right. I remember. I have bad memory. You guys should know that by now.

2:27:04
Unknown_09: No, I did not save key.

Unknown_10: Dive I'm gonna play a new game now after this.

2:27:39
Unknown_09: I'm just gonna head out.

Unknown_09: I figured I'd try playing like a

Unknown_09: a real game just to see what the reaction would be and it's about what I expected.

Unknown_09: I get the feeling that people who would want to watch me would want to watch me play something that's not something they'd want to play themselves.

Unknown_09: I downloaded Firewatch and Where the Water Tastes Like Wine, because they're walking simulators. And I thought people would probably want to see me play something like this, not something like Darkest Dungeon.

2:28:13
Unknown_09: Trying to save the site? No, these sites do not... I do not make any money playing video games, I promise.

Unknown_09: Imagine my reaction?

Unknown_09: Oh, what, to Firewatch?

Unknown_09: Yeah, I don't know.

Unknown_09: Don't spoil it for me. I definitely want to have genuine reactions to whatever happens in Firewatch.

2:28:50
Unknown_15: Remind yourself that overconfidence is a slow and insidious killer.

Unknown_09: That is the best line in the entire game.

2:29:29
Unknown_15: The pungent odor abates.

Unknown_15: The things are driven back for a time.

Unknown_09: See what I mean? Like, what is... Scurvy, fuck that.

Unknown_09: Does the game really need to give me, like, more bullshit fucking traits and shit?

2:30:02
Unknown_15: Alright.

Unknown_13: Alright.

Unknown_13: I might have downloaded something to play.

Unknown_13: No, I did not. I lied.

Unknown_13: I fucking lied.

Unknown_13: I can't think of any songs about an autistic child either. Say the word erver?

Unknown_13: I don't know like I know for a fact I have to say I like I have to open my mouth and say oh over it is over and out but for some reason it's just easier to say erver.

2:30:44
Unknown_09: It sounds better to me.

Unknown_09: Like, I'm not physically incapable of saying it, I'm just a retard. Ooh, I know!

Unknown_09: Let's play this song out. I'm happy with this.

Unknown_13: I am happy with this.

Unknown_13: Null doesn't open his mouth when he speaks? Probably. That's probably it.

Unknown_09: I speak indistinctly. I've worked- I was more indistinct in the past and I've worked on it and now I'm audible. I say words semi-correctly. Makes me sound like a complete fucking retard.

2:31:20
Unknown_13: Like a mumbler.

Unknown_13: Is a zombie.

Unknown_13: Mumbly boy.

Unknown_13: Alright.

Unknown_13: Just downloading it. Here we go. Perfect. Perfect. Now let's play out with this.

2:32:10
Unknown_04: They'll look high and they'll look low They'll look everywhere we go But when the sinners find us we won't hide

Unknown_04: They'll come loud and they'll come fast. We shoot first and we can last. Keep your rifle by your side. Singing, oh Lord, this earth was made for us. Singing, oh Lord, this sinful life just ain't enough. So we'll take a stand because we must protect our land. Keep your rifle by your side.

2:32:51
Unknown_05: Someday they'll come night, they'll have our children in their sights. But if they don't have faith, their eyes are blind.

Unknown_04: They can scream and they can shout But they can never smoke a sound Keep your rifle by your side Singin' Oh Lord, this earth was made for us Singin' Oh Lord, this simple life just ain't enough When we hear the voice We know we have no other choice Keep your rifle by your side

2:33:31
Unknown_04: They'll have bombs and they'll have tanks Cause they've got money in their banks But we won't fall as long as we can fight

Unknown_05: They'll go on and preach their hate, but they won't get past the gate.

Unknown_04: Keep your rifle by your side. Singing, oh Lord, this earth was made for us. Singing, oh Lord, this sinful life just ain't enough. When I see your face, I know I must protect my place. I'll keep my rifle by my side. Singing, oh Lord, this earth was made for us Singing, oh Lord, this sinful life just ain't enough When I see your face I know I must protect my place I'll keep my rifle by my side Keep my rifle by my side Keep your rifle by your side