Ralph HUSBANDO Tier List! 2023-02-23

0:00:00
Unknown_00: What up gamers, it's your boy JCM92 coming at you with another YouTube tier list. Today we're going to be looking at possible husbandos for Ethan Ralph. And you might be confused, you might be saying, but Josh, Ethan Ralph is a proud, heterosexual, red-blooded American man. However, recent evidence has come out because he leaked his password, like the only password he uses for anything ever. And it turns out that he's actually gay and he tries to fuck men and arrange like cuckolding hookups. I don't know. We haven't verified the contents of the email because it's like illegal to break into someone's email account. But other people have.

0:00:37
Unknown_00: So we're looking at this and this is from 2013.

Unknown_00: Ethan Ralph saying, I just lost the one person I could turn to no matter what a week ago. I lived with him for four years and he was just 26 years old. A year ago, I betrayed him by having sex with someone else. I began dating the person I cheated on him with, but continue to speak to him. He was an alcoholic and I was lacking physical passion for him. i still never really let go and hope maybe we could reconcile one day well i never got the chance because he died suddenly while experiencing excruciating pain from liver and kidney failure i wasn't there even though he always was there no matter what i can't seem to get over the pain and loss or the guilt of what i did it's overwhelming my mind and my thoughts and i don't know how to go on it's a constant blanket of darkness and simultaneous isolation inside of me i can't take it or get on with my life Now this is from 2013, which is around the time that Ethan Ralph was talking about having a threesome with Milo in Medicare. So it's pretty sussy. So we hope that Ethan Ralph will have the courage to come out of the closet. He's actually confirmed that email is real, but he says that it was a key logger that emailed him from Nora's computer. So I don't know if that's true. I'm going to assume that it's not because it sounds like obvious bullshit. And we're going to go ahead and assume that Ralph is a closeted homosexual because it actually explains a lot about him. We're going to go ahead and evaluate possible men that he could hook up with purely from the perspective of who he would have good synergy with, not necessarily if they are a homosexual and they would reciprocate these gay desires of his.

0:02:15
Unknown_00: Let's go ahead and start off with someone easy. We do have Nick Fuentes. Nick Fuentes is someone who Ethan Ralph constantly sings the praises of. A man that he is extremely attracted to, who he literally cannot say enough nice things about.

Unknown_00: And who, as we know, Nick Fuentes is probably gay himself. So this would work out pretty well.

Unknown_00: Maybe not for the America First movement, which is why I'm going to have to put him in A.

Unknown_00: Instead of S tier, because the America First people would probably commit jihad and then self-terminate as a result of this revelation that Ethan Ralph and Nick Fuentes are in a homosexual gay relationship.

0:03:00
Unknown_00: um now we do have godwinson here godwinson uh is a he's one of those grown men that likes wrestling too much and now can no longer delineate between real life and fantasy and tries to make things as entertaining as possible now i've covered before with may's church chart that godwinson has everything that a woman could want besides being british However, for a gay man, I would also say he probably ranks high. And because he's British, that's actually a positive and a negative when it comes to homosexual relationships. And because Godwinson has pledged his undying loyalty to Ethan Ralph, that's some pretty good synergy. The only problem is, as I've mentioned, Godwinson is the type of person who stabs homeless people behind a dumpster at night and gets away with it because they're homeless people. Ethan Ralph would probably end up in a bunch of different dumpsters scattered throughout the Yucatan Peninsula if he were to hook up with Godwinson. So for that reason, I can't even put him in an A. I'm going to go ahead and drop Godwinson down to a B tier. Still pretty good synergy. It would be funny while it lasted. However, Ethan Ralph would eventually be murdered by a serial killer, allegedly.

0:03:56
Unknown_00: Let's go ahead and take out Rakeda. Rakeda is an oddball here. Rakeda is straight. However, I think he's more of a heteroflexible.

Unknown_00: He may be down. He's up for experimenting. He's going through a time of his life where maybe some gunt would entertain.

Unknown_00: However, that's a bit of a far cry. I think that Ralph genuinely hates Rakeda too much. He said such nasty things about his family that I can't imagine that they would be a power couple. However, it would be pretty funny. It would spice things up a little bit. I'll go ahead and throw him in a C tier.

0:04:27
Unknown_00: Then we got Jesse from Podawful. Jesse would literally do anything for attention, including have sex with another man. I don't know what his actual alignment is. He's pretty gay to me. However, while I do think that he would hit it off, he would do anything because it would throw him in the limelight, and he could then blackmail Ethan Ralph for months by cataloging everything that they did together and then announcing it on his podcast to humiliate him.

0:05:09
Unknown_00: I don't want to give Jesse any more attention. Even adding him to this tier list is a necessity because people keep asking me to make fun of Jesse or explain why I make fun of Jesse. I'm going to go ahead and throw him down in the F tier where he belongs.

Unknown_00: Just not something that I would personally want to add to the mix of people.

Unknown_00: Likewise, we got Jim Medeker. Now, this is actually a hard one. This is a really hard one to put together because on one hand, the sexual tension between Ethan Ralph and Jim is extremely high. However, I don't know if Jim's body could even stand the pummeling that Ethan Ralph would give him. It would just be some rock-hard pounding. It would fucking kill him. It would literally just destroy what remains of his corporeal form, and he would dissipate from this earth. So, on one hand, very high sexual tension. On the other hand, it would kill him. And I'm not sure if I'm rooting for that. So I'm going to go ahead and actually go right down the middle. Worst kind of answer and say that there are some definite upsides to the Jim Ralph ship. However, the downsides counterbalance that almost perfectly.

0:06:26
Unknown_00: Then we have let's go with.

Unknown_00: Kanye. Now, as we all know, let me start from the beginning. Kanye is gay. There's nothing more I can say. Monday, Tuesday. Kanye is gay, okay, okay.

Unknown_00: So obviously Kanye would be DTF, as the kids say. But we got to look at the pros and cons of this. Ethan Ralph, of course, would love to fuck Kanye. There is not a single request that this gimp mask wearing man could make to Ethan Ralph that Ethan Ralph would not loyally oblige and follow to the letter. However, on the flip side, when it comes to Kanye's participation, it would rehabilitate his image a bit if he just came out and said, I'm a homosexual. I'm going through a crisis because I'm reconciling my homosexualness. And that's why I recently supported a homosexual fascist in my bid for presidency. I'm just gay. Let's just be real. But even with that in consideration, Kanye West could do better than Ethan Ralph. We're going to be real. They could maybe hit it off, get into the news cycle a little bit, disrupt the America First thing, help them accept the fact that they're just gay. Uh, but then Kanye West would move on and my boy, Ethan Ralph, he would have the best possible, uh, husband that he could possibly have. And then when the Kanye would inevitably move on after another mental health crisis, um, my boy, Ethan Ralph would never recover. It would be like that, that letter, but all over again. So I'm going to go ahead. I'm going to drop Kanye into the D tier. Uh,

0:08:12
Unknown_00: I mean, Ralph would be happy, but is it better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all, basically?

Unknown_00: This is very similar. Queen Kefals. There's some good points to Queen Kefals. Let's not completely rule them out at this point.

Unknown_00: Now, Kefals is transgender. So Ethan Ralph could very convincingly, in today's day and age, continue to pretend to be a straight man by hooking up with a transgender person.

0:08:48
Unknown_00: As far as the general public is concerned at this point, Ethan Ralph would be married or in a relationship with a woman. Now, we would make fun of him still, but that doesn't matter. We're on the fringe. He would be living his best life. He'd be getting the best of both worlds, so to speak.

Unknown_00: However, Calf Bulls, of course, has completely different political alignments. Though I don't know. I mean, Ethan Ralph does lean left a bit when it comes to certain things. And really, there's nobody that Ralph hates more than a woman. So I'm actually I'm going to go ahead. You know, I'm going to go ahead and throw Queen Calfalls up in the A tier. I think that there's good energy. They both hate women. They both would benefit. Ralph could just flip-flop on his politics because he doesn't give a fuck, and he could continue to say that he's straight, which is what's really important to him. Very good energy, actually. It falls up in the A tier for sure.

0:09:27
Unknown_00: Now, let's get Dick.

Unknown_00: Now, as Dick says, you want Dick, you love Dick, you need Dick, and it's the show that...

Unknown_00: I don't know. I don't remember the rest of it. It's something like that. I remember the first part. So Ralph definitely is in that want dick, needs dick category.

0:09:59
Unknown_00: And the question is, what would their synergy be like?

Unknown_00: I don't think it would be that great. I think that Dick enjoys Ethan Ralph from afar. You know what I mean? He's not somebody who wants Ethan Ralph actually in his life fucking everything up for him. He likes to keep Ethan Ralph at arm's length. So I think that if they entered into a relationship, Dick would simply tell Ethan Ralph to shut the fuck up, and that would be boring. That would not be great content. Not an F tier. It's definitely not a pot-awful situation type deal, but it is pretty, pretty grim.

0:10:35
Unknown_00: to say the least.

Unknown_00: And now we got, we got good options. This is a good ass fucking list. I'm not going to lie to you. Every single one of these, I can say a lot. I could go on for about an hour explaining the pros and cons of these relationships.

Unknown_00: Um, Blamenco. Oh geez. Ah, geez, dude. I geez. What do we do with him?

0:11:06
Unknown_00: I think, like, in the May list, it was funnier, because flamenco was basically like a May, you know what I mean? And Ralph doesn't like May. I mean, that's just the reality. He didn't even like flamenco on his show. So it's like, what do we do with a flamenco?

Unknown_00: He's definitely not in a high tier. I'll throw it like that. It's just at what point in this low bracket do we put flamenco in? Because, you know, I'm...

Unknown_00: Yeah. I'm going to put them in the F I just don't see it. I just don't see it. Uh, the anime shit. I think that Ralph, I think Ralph would break up with flamenco. Just I'll say that like that.

Unknown_00: flamenco is talking about some animation and ralph just like i can't i can't do it i can't do it anymore i don't give a about your lollicons i don't even i lost my ralph voice i don't know how i accomplished that but he's just like i can't do this anymore i can't i can't possibly sit here and listen to you talk about boku no pico or whatever the and i can't do it anymore so flamenco is down in the f tier for sure

0:12:08
Unknown_00: Andy Worski. We got round, but you may be wondering who this handsome black man is. This is our stock photo sit in for Bibble, who is not identified yet. However, he is presumed to be melanated, which is already a positive. He's sitting up here in the lofty high spots of this chart.

Unknown_00: um now bibble seems to just want to play dungeons and dragons and has zero interest in the kill stream itself that doesn't that's not necessarily a bad thing though ralph hates the kill stream too they have that in common so he could i'm gonna throw him up by god so i'm gonna say that this is a good a good pick this is like a healthy relationship with a man of color as ralph wants to be in i'll throw him next to godwinson in the beat here now gator

0:12:57
Unknown_00: F. I'm going to go F. I don't even have to justify this. I think that Ralph could barely tolerate Gator for the time that he was there and the anime shit, same as Flamenco.

Unknown_00: You know, actually, you know what?

Unknown_00: I'll bump him up. I'll bump him up to E, or next to Dick Masterson, because Gator's got that loyalty that Flamenco doesn't have, and I can't put them together, because Gator's stuck around for years. Even in an unhappy, malfunctioning relationship, Gator would put in the work to keep it together for at least a decade, and you gotta respect that. That makes it better than nothing. Actually, you know what? Fuck it. I'm gonna bump it up to Aditya. That's right next to Kanye. That's where it belongs. Now, Sergin.

0:13:34
Unknown_00: As Ethan Ralph has languished in the field of internet blood sports, Sargon has been doing transcontinental, trans-European politics. He's seen the world. He's grown as a person.

Unknown_00: He's had children. He's painting models.

Unknown_00: Now, if Sargon were to sneak away from his family and have a secret love affair with Ethan Ralph, that would turn the worlds of several people upside down. It's really just some negative energy, and he is British, so...

0:14:11
Unknown_00: I'm debating ERF when it comes to Sargon.

Unknown_00: I might throw, you know, I'm throwing them down. I'm throwing them down by the, uh, because I think that, uh, Sargon has grown as a person, whereas Ethan has not. And there's just, it just can't, it just won't work. It just won't work.

Unknown_00: So now we're down to four. I've arranged them in like a paw print on accent. Let's start with Rand bot.

Unknown_00: This is a hard one.

Unknown_00: See, whenever I... I have a hard time setting aside my personal contempt for Ranbot. I hate his voice. I hate everything he's ever said. I hate when I look at, like, a clip of his stream, and it's, like, anime shit with, like, swastikas stuck onto anime girls. And it's, like, he's extremely mentally ill and, like, perverse. And he lies about his... Like, who he was. He lied for years about being dogs. He lied, like...

0:14:48
Unknown_00: I just don't like Rand bought.

Unknown_00: Ethan Ralph does, though. He's constantly invited him back. I don't know. I think it's really hard. It's really hard for me to play his song. I think that he's so dint-headed that Ralph could manipulate him, which is what he desires in a relationship. So I'm not going to put that in the F, even though I would personally put Rand in the F category for everything ever. But I'll put him in the E next to Dick Masterson. there's like some weird shit going on there that, uh, is not necessarily a good thing. Now Eddie Orski and Ethan Ralph have already had sex. If you listen to Gonzalo Lira. So that makes them a good contender for, uh, but I mean, if they've had sex and they, they, they broke up afterwards, there's, they can't be too high. It's not a perfect relationship.

0:15:58
Unknown_00: Um,

Unknown_00: Andy Worski is pretty annoying. If there was anything that could kill the kill stream for good, it would be Andy Worski, which is not good content. So I'm going to go ahead, even though there is something there, which makes it a positive. I think it's a negative thing. Andy Worski would be poisonous influence to our boy Ethan Ralph. I'm looking out for him and I'm picking his husband, though.

Unknown_00: I'll save him. I'll go to PPP next. PPP, of course, is bigger than everybody else. He's the biggest in the sector.

0:16:30
Unknown_00: Now, if our boy PPP came out of the closet and just had gay, raunchy sex with Ethan Ralph and published a video of it, that would explain a lot. It would definitely help the Keno Casino if him and Ethan Ralph were having gay sex.

Unknown_00: But what does it do for her out? You know, what does it do for Ralph? Would Ralph enjoy this? I guess, I guess he's, he apparently is into like humiliation stuff. I think that PPP could humiliate him well enough. You know what I mean? I'm actually, I'm going to, because he's so big, I can't put him in a single category. I'm going to put him in both A and B because it would be very funny. It would be nice for, it would be good for PPP to finally get this off his chest. And I think Ralph would enjoy the relationship.

0:17:02
Unknown_00: But Ralph would enjoy it more than PPP, hence it's in two tiers at once. Then we have Digibro, a.k.a. Digi-Ni. Now, this has the Keffel's effect where Ralph can pretend to be straight even though he's in a relationship with a man. He could definitely spite Pansu because he would have to break up with Pansu to get with Digi-Ni. I mean, hey, he breaks up with Pansu to get with Digi-Ni, and then Pansu is spited, of course.

0:17:39
Unknown_00: Or they become a polyhule. It becomes like a bisexual threesome relationship going on.

Unknown_00: Pansexual, technically, because he's trans.

Unknown_00: Um, and then they all live happily. I mean, that's how that goes, right? These threesomes happily ever after no drama, no murders. I'm pretty sure that's how that, how that usually goes. That's, that's pretty high energy. Um, I'm going to go ahead and throw him up in the B tier. Uh, he's got that five Moses dick where he can't wash himself properly, Jordan Peterson style. So that's pretty fucking nasty, but Ralph might like that. Ralph might like that.

0:18:15
Unknown_00: You know, I'm going to keep them up in the A. We got good picks for Ralph. More good ones than bad ones. However, this list would not be complete. I did the secret picks before, so I only have one this time. I only have one.

Unknown_00: My secret pick for this one is actually the entire Kansas City Chiefs.

Unknown_00: I think that I have watched...

Unknown_00: Ethan Ralph, talk about that Super Bowl game. He knows the name of every one of these mahogany sun gods. He gushes about how awesome they are, how good they play the sports ball. I think he would let all 50 of them run a continuous train on him like Cartman's mom, and it would just be a mystery who the butt baby belongs to by the end of it. So I'm gonna go ahead. I'm gonna throw the Kansas City Chiefs up in the up in the A tier. It's a one and done type thing like most gay relationships. Throw them up in the A tier. Actually, I lied. There's actually two of them. The second one is May. Now you might be wondering, May is a woman. She's had children. We know this for sure. We were we were all skeptical until the baby was born. And now we're pretty sure.

0:19:29
Unknown_00: Uh, let's think about this for a second.

Unknown_00: Um, now that May knows that Ethan Ralph is a homosexual, she will be disgusted by him, but she has no choice but to live with him. So she will suffer. I consider this a positive thing. Uh, second of all, she looks like a man. So Ethan Ralph can just pretend. Um, I'm sure they can figure out some way to make it work. They're all basically already there. It's already working. Um,

0:20:01
Unknown_00: Now, also, I mentioned that Ralph might like Digibro for some disgusting reasons I will not repeat a second time on this stream. He gets that second hand by kissing May on the mouth. So why even have the Digibro? Just cut out the middleman. Cut out the middleman and go straight for the May. As far as I'm concerned, there is no S tier except for May. Ralph's true and honest husbando. Happily married for...

0:20:33
Unknown_00: One month. One month and counting. I'm locking it in. May is the one true ship for Ethan Oliver Ralph, even as he enters the gay phase of his life.

Unknown_00: I hope you have enjoyed this cheer list. I will continue to do these until my annual New Year's prediction for Ethan Ralph has come to fruition as he continues to fuck up his life on the week doing something stupid.

0:21:09
Unknown_00: All right. I will see you guys on Friday. I have something special in the works.

Unknown_00: I will say no more.

Unknown_00: Actually, something special maybe for next Friday, not this Friday.

Unknown_00: We'll see. We'll see. And thank you to the Gumroad people. I put out a stupid video like this every month for them. But this one, I might as well just make it to the public. I've already done a tier list for the Gumroad.

Unknown_00: All right. Bye-bye.