Echoes in Time: KingCobraJFS Mad at the Internet October 31st 2021 2021-10-31

0:01:37
Unknown_15: Hello, chat. It is that time again. It is the best day of the entire year. It is Halloween. The patron saint day of my webzone and my community because, I don't know. Fall is just the best time of the year, right? Spooky stuff is the best stuff. Best movies are all spooky movies. Everyone remembers Halloween fondly. There's no, like, political slant to Halloween, at least not anymore, so... Everyone has a good excuse to enjoy October.

0:02:08
Unknown_15: In particular, KingCobraJFS has a reason to enjoy Halloween, as he is... Actually, I have proper notes this time. I received 20 pages of information about this guy when I asked for help. Literally a 20-page document, and I've reduced this to four pages of notes that I can follow along with. I downloaded, like...

Unknown_15: I want to say like 10 gigabytes of, of archives. And I think that's actually it's five pages. Holy shit. I think that's the main barrier of entry with this guy. He has like a dedicated fan base that goes back a long time. He's been on YouTube for like 10 years. And I think the main issue with why he's not like some incredibly popular, well-known person is because his content is like small bursts of,

0:03:02
Unknown_15: minute long segments in a three hour long stream where he's just like in his chair drinking and just kind of chilling.

Unknown_15: So, uh, he would like to be known as a sexy goth bad boy. Uh, I think he's approaching his thirties now. He might be in his thirties, but he's from this, this blows my mind. He's from a town called Casper, Wyoming, which is one of the biggest places in Wyoming, but Wyoming has a population. I'm pretty sure, uh, Fewer than 1 million people. It's a very very Desolate state is hardcore Badlands the only part of Wyoming which is actually livable is an area called Jefferson County, which is just south of Yellowstone National Park and Jefferson County is one of the most like rich areas in the entire country. It's like multi-million dollar ranches in that one area because

0:03:52
Unknown_15: All the people from L.A. will buy like a vacation home in Jefferson County in Wyoming because it's one of the most libertarian states in the entire country and it has almost no tax on anything. They have very few reasons to tax people because they don't really have a state. It's just a big parcel of land. And so rich people take up residence there. But on the opposite side of Jefferson County is Casper. And it's it's. Truly, truly the Badlands of the U.S. And he is the only person I know, except for Dick Cheney, to come from Wyoming. It is a very remote part of the country.

0:04:25
Unknown_15: But some interesting fucking people apparently live there. Because this guy and his circular friends are very weird. And I apologize to the hardcore fans. Of KingCobraJFS, also known as Josh Saunders, I believe. Because there is no fucking way I can adequately cover everything about him.

Unknown_15: There's so many small details and memes in the community that I just have to paint the broadest picture possible. The most stark thing about him that you'll notice immediately is that he has a lazy eye. I actually think he has two lazy eyes. I don't know how that's possible. I don't feel like he's ever looking at me when I'm looking at him through a camera. I don't know what the fuck he's looking at, but it's not straight ahead. It's quite remarkable.

0:05:06
Unknown_15: But he has a wide assortment of talents and interests. He is a reviewer. He reviews alcohol, tobacco, and food. He cooks and he eats on camera. He sings and raps.

0:05:42
Unknown_15: He's a craftsman. He makes wands and staves and he paints them at home and sells them on Etsy. He sells all sorts of stuff. He's a true entrepreneur, making the great state of Wyoming proud.

Unknown_15: And I'll get into that.

Unknown_15: And I was surprised. I actually saw a live stream with him just the other day, just the day before the stream.

Unknown_15: Very frustratingly, like I said, I downloaded all these videos that were sent to me. Let me just count real quick. 143 items selected so I have 143 items I won't be going through all of them but I will be going through a lot of them I sat through downloading these and I saw his streams live and he gets like 400 live viewers so he has a genuine audience of people who just kind of like sit and watch and have him on his background music then occasionally he throws up on himself

0:06:35
Unknown_15: midstream and they all laugh and post about it on the forum he has a pretty active forum thread and he also has an active subreddit

Unknown_15: That's just KingCobraJFS. And from what I understand, they're actually – it's one of the rare situations where Reddit thinks that we're not mean enough. I only know this with two people. For whatever reason, Reddit thinks that the Kiwi Farms is too nice to Chris Chan and to KingCobraJFS. And I think they're a little bit more A-loggy, but I've not read the subreddit, so I can't – I can't attest to what I've seen, just what I've been told. I'm sure that it's one of those things where I'm sure going into this that no matter what I say, those people are going to be super pissed. No matter what, there's going to be a discussion right about the stream and they're going to be like, this fucking idiot doesn't know a single thing he's talking about. He got everything wrong. He didn't even cover... The best part. He didn't even cover the can opener. And the can opener is like his arch nemesis. And he didn't even mention the can opener. Shit like that. I just know I'm going to get it. It's unavoidable.

0:07:19
Unknown_15: He's also had multiple documentaries about him, and the interesting thing about the documentaries is that the first one he got was, I think, in 2013, and then he had another one that's more recent, I'm pretty sure. Let's see. I'll check out the date on this one. I'm not going to play it, though. Each one's over an hour long. Okay, this one came out in 2020 called King Cobra JFS, Now It's a Party. And then there's the first one that came out in 2013 called Gothic King Cobra. And that was before he really got popular doing anything on YouTube. So if you want to check out those documentaries, they've been suggested to me. I'll provide a link to them for those interested.

0:07:58
Unknown_15: So I feel like the best way to cover him, because I have like five different pages going into detail, what I thought were the most interesting arcs of his life. But going through his stuff chronologically might be an interesting story, but I feel like I should just give you guys a sampling. So, in no extremely particular order, I'm going to show you just a couple things which I've picked out from what I was shown, and we're just going to watch them. We're going to go in cold, and hopefully it will give you a good understanding of what he's like, and if you actually want to sit through two hours of me talking about him.

0:08:32
Unknown_15: Also very frustrating is that I downloaded these with, like, the video titles. So there's one archive channel that starts every archive video name with KingCobraJFS. And then at the end of my download is the URL code for the video for YouTube. So when I reference these in my notes, it's a little bit difficult to find it.

0:09:16
Unknown_15: So I ask for your patience as I try to shift through all this shit.

Unknown_15: So the first one is called King Cobra JFS Britney Spears.

Unknown_15: And I really, really should have provided myself more information than that. Oh, wait, there it is.

Unknown_15: Okay. Like I said, each one of the screens are like three hours long. So then step two of this is to go to the timestamp that I have picked up. This is a very professional system and I spent a long time setting this up.

0:09:52
Unknown_15: Excellent timestamp.

Unknown_11: think i did it again i made you believe we're more than just friends oh baby that is so typical of me oh baby baby oops i did it again i played with your heart lost in the game i feel like i should prefix this immediately with

0:10:45
Unknown_15: What I believe is also very fascinating about him, and what I think keeps a lot of his audience with him, is he's an extremely genuine person. He is not doing things just to fuck around with people. I don't think he's even playing up his character. I think he just does what he enjoys, and he assumes that because he enjoys them, other people will also enjoy them. And he's just completely earnest about it. That's that's the vibe I get from his videos I'm more excited for the second song

0:11:41
Unknown_06: I'm very tempted to sing along with it because I know the words to the song, but I don't think I would ever live it down. How do you not know the lyrics to Smash Mouth, bro?

Unknown_06: I didn't know the lyrics to Britney Spears were not to smash.

Unknown_12: Oh, that's gross.

0:12:25
Unknown_16: Ew! There's a buggy in his beard. I messed it up.

Unknown_12: I didn't notice that.

Unknown_12: God damn it! I hate when that shit happens.

Unknown_06: It's gonna worry! DMX Rough Riders lyrics.

Unknown_15: Oh, he's got to sing Where the Hood At. That's the best one. That's the best DMS song.

0:12:57
Unknown_06: There's a rough ride in this world. Crackers want to glide.

Unknown_06: Crackers want to die. All I know is pain. All I feel is rain. Now, I know that rap likes to use the N-word a lot, but I'm not black. Even when they add an A at the end, I still don't feel comfortable saying it, so I'm going to say Crackers because I'm white.

Unknown_06: Shut up now. Shut up. Talk is cheap, motherfucker.

0:13:28
Unknown_06: Talk is cheap, motherfucker. Rest in peace, DMX. That was actually a really good rap.

Unknown_06: Exactly. Long live Ozzy. And that got you banned from my channel, you little fucking asshole.

Unknown_06: But there you go, YouTube. Thanks for tuning into the Saturday stream.

Unknown_15: He's got like one of those like Australian hats. It looks like one of those like Australian outdoorsman hats that have like a lifted brill on like one side only. Very strange choice.

Unknown_15: What I really appreciate about his sense of fashion is that I've looked at videos from him going back to 2012 and at no point does he ever decide to stop wearing a spiked collar. In fact, there's one spiked collar which he wears consistently throughout his videos, which is like cracked and broken because he's had it for so long. I don't know what he even wears like a an ass carve or whatever. Ass cough, ass cough underneath it because he has a touch of the autism. And for whatever reason, you know, autistic people don't like their next touch. So I think he wears that under to protect his neck.

0:14:06
Unknown_15: Even Chris, when he had the Sonichu medallion, he wrapped like a towel around the back of it because he didn't like the back of his neck touch.

Unknown_15: Alright, now we're going to watch the cooking. This video is a couple minutes long. It's completely worth it. It is some of the grossest shit I've ever fucking seen. And I would not believe that this was authentic. Except that he eats it. So I do believe that he cooks this way. He prepares his food this way. And he actually eats the food that he makes.

0:14:46
Unknown_14: Uh...

Unknown_14: Where is the cheeseburger video?

0:15:18
Unknown_14: Oh, I fucked up. Did I not put the right code into this?

Unknown_15: I might have to, you know what, I'm going to book this up on Mozilla, on Firefox, and we'll watch this, because I don't know if I saved this one, and this is the best video. Actually, okay, here's the, while I'm loading this up, let me tell you that I actually have a list of his cooking videos.

Unknown_15: I've watched two of them.

Unknown_15: And...

Unknown_15: Some of the most vile shit I've ever fucking seen.

0:15:51
Unknown_15: So, for the end of the stream... We're going to watch this one because it's pretty fucking gross.

Unknown_15: And then when...

Unknown_15: We get towards the end. I'm going to just watch a random one for the first time that I've not seen before. Cheesy pasta. The deep fried avocados is like fucking wild. But I want to show you this one first, actually.

Unknown_15: Okay. I promise you that we'll watch the cooking video. So this is King Cobra JFS Cooking with Cobra. The Quartanel Cherry Cheeseburger.

0:16:27
Unknown_07: What is up, YouTube? So, rockin' out with you the long way. Chillin' like an old-school rockstar villain. And we got our pan heated up on the stove.

Unknown_07: I'm gonna make a cardinal cherry bacon cheeseburger for your sick entertainment. There's a lot of bacon grease and hamburger grease in here. Let me know if it's too quiet. First thing I'm gonna need...

0:17:00
Unknown_07: for our sandwich bun.

Unknown_07: We're gonna drop the bread into the pan on top of that grease.

Unknown_02: If you think that just sounds ridiculously unhealthy, it's about to get worse.

Unknown_07: Now that our pan's ready to go, we're just gonna take the bread and drop it in there just like that. Now all that grease is gonna toast on the bottom for the inside of our sandwich.

Unknown_07: Cardinal Cherry Bacon Cheeseburger.

0:17:37
Unknown_06: I know of two people who use tubed meat. I've seen it in Walmarts when I lived in the U.S.,

Unknown_15: I have never bought a tube of meat in my life. There's something about it which is innately unappealing. The only two people I know who eat tube meat are Amberlynn and now King Cobra JFS. You know, Wyoming's a place that grows cattle, so you can theoretically go to a butcher in Casper and eat local beef.

0:18:15
Unknown_15: proper cuts of local beef and fresh ground beef from local ranchers or you can go to the walmart and buy a tube of beef from like 8 000 different cows that were pressed into a blender or certain situations in such a uh cynical light we got our tube of beef that we're gonna put back in the fridge thick patty

Unknown_06: That looks beautiful when I drop that.

0:18:54
Unknown_06: Do you know how many people told me, oh, you're never going to make a living selling sticks? It's this judgmental tone. I'm like, first of all, they're not sticks. They're wands. I make them from real sticks that I find in Mother Nature.

Unknown_15: I bet you regret asking for me to cut it up now, huh? Okay, so...

0:19:33
Unknown_15: He first he lined the pan with like oil, probably like Crisco or something. And then he puts beef in and that beef is probably like 20% fat. So now you have a combination of vegetable oil and beef oil. And then he adds bacon.

Unknown_15: like number one bro you do not need oil to cook bacon number two if you had cooked the bacon you then had oil for your beef but you don't even really need but then you would have like a tastier burger but no he he's on some next level shit this doesn't even begin to scratch it like fucking delicious bacon cooking up something proper start piling this bacon on one piece at a time

0:20:17
Unknown_06: Now here's all the bacon piled up on top right there. That looks pretty good so far. Got that on frame?

Unknown_07: Excellent. I'm gonna take and push that bacon down just a little bit so that way we can make room for our next ingredients.

Unknown_07: I'll take a sprinkle of brown sugar and put it on top of that bacon. This will give it a nice flavor with that cheese. It'll caramelize with it.

Unknown_15: It was just like dumping brown sugar on top of meat. Oh, yeah. That's like a lot of sugar, too. I want to take our mozzarella cheese.

0:20:53
Unknown_06: Yes, please.

Unknown_15: That's like carbonized fucking bacon because it's been cooked in grease. Now he just has like this dry ass mozzarella he's dumping on top of it.

Unknown_06: Sprinkle it on top.

Unknown_06: then give it a drop in the microwave man well there we go still going all right cool the first burst is for 44 seconds now he's nuking it and then we'll do another burst for 34 seconds and that will get the cheese perfect on top of this burger because there's not that much

0:21:25
Unknown_15: this this is the last thing a tube of meat ever sees and he's he's checking his back too so nobody gets this tube of meat while he's eating it much cheese mind you so to help those cardinal cherries stick to the burger i'm gonna use

Unknown_06: some jif creamy peanut butter and i'm gonna spread it by the way i want to know how he came up with 34 seconds as the second nuke like what what did how did he arrive to this did he try 30 seconds and then 35 seconds and then settled on 34 as the perfect point for that cheese like how many times has he made this burger where he knows how long to put it in the microwave for 34 seconds specifically

Unknown_15: And it gets worse. Like, okay, the brown sugar is fucking, like, gross as shit. Nuking it is gross as shit. But now he's adding peanut butter? I mean, what's this about cherries, right? What the fuck is he talking about?

0:22:12
Unknown_06: Remember all that grease cooked under our top bun right here? That's gonna be where our peanut butter goes. Put it on top.

Unknown_02: There's that.

Unknown_06: I get to lick the fork because I'm the one making it. Let's see what that burger looks like before you put the chocolate on top.

0:22:47
Unknown_06: There it is, folks.

Unknown_15: It's like melting off the sides. That's so gross. I don't even know what the fuck that is.

Unknown_06: That's the tube juice. I got some Queen Anne dark chocolate covered cherries right here.

Unknown_06: There is four left in this tray. I attempted this recipe last night. And the recipe turned out good. However, there were a couple of mild filming mistakes that I had made that I wasn't happy with.

Unknown_06: So you take four of these cardinal cherries, place them on top. You know, I just stick around. Like a goth burger.

0:23:22
Unknown_07: Now that we've got that on there, what I'm going to do is I'm going to... It's carbonized like his soul.

Unknown_15: Squish these together a little bit closer so they land on the patty. Okay, get ready. This is one of the nastiest fucking things you'll ever see.

Unknown_15: Look at that tube juice.

Unknown_15: Yeah, and the audio is... Oh, God.

Unknown_12: Squish just a little bit.

0:23:55
Unknown_06: So it begins. That sandwich looks thick, ridiculous, greasy, and unhealthy. Am I able to even pick it up at this particular moment? Let's take a find out. Mmm, yeah.

Unknown_07: I got a bite of that chocolate and that peanut butter and that bacon.

Unknown_15: That sound of him biting into it needs to be recorded by, like, a Foley artist for some sort of video game. Or, like, a giant metal thing crushes a bunch of people. Like, that's fucking rough.

0:24:26
Unknown_07: Oh, yeah.

Unknown_07: Bomb-ass cross-section.

Unknown_06: camera to focus you can see where the queen ants are bursting open on the inside this burger is massive and this is the kind of burger your doctor's gonna hate you for eating this is the kind of burger dude that was righteous thank you for watching my cooking video if you like the awesome junk food that i cook subscribe for more bacon cardinal cherry cheeseburger yeah

0:25:08
Unknown_15: By the way, he smokes with a pipe. Oh, this is a good picture. I should have used this shot for the thumbnail I made. It's got the doll. It's got the pipe. It's got him. It's got the eye. This is excellent. I'll hold it on this, actually, while I talk. The best way I can sum up his attitude, his worldview, is when I saw this video, I realized he's someone who, because he has legitimate developmental delays...

Unknown_15: He is someone who, as he reached adulthood, when he hit 18, 19, 20, 21, hopefully 21 at the latest, you're still a teenager, but you now have the freedom of an adult. So you do all those things that you really wish you could do that you never did as an adult or as a teenager or child. And then you realize that your parents didn't want you to do those things because they're really fucking bad for you. And they're going to make you feel like shit. And King Cobra hit that phase.

0:25:48
Unknown_15: Decked himself out in goth shit. Started making himself burgers with sugar on it and cherries and all sorts of horrific shit. And then he never exited that phase. He never was like... Yeah, I really shouldn't be smoking and I really shouldn't be eating like this and I really shouldn't be dressing like this, especially not in public. You never you never had that moment where it's like, oh, actually, there's a reason why most people don't do this. It's because it's a bad idea. So he has persisted for the last 10 years after the normal period for experimentation with unhealthy drugs. and uh and practical ideas and has never has never left it and that he's that's why people like him because he's stuck in that phase that a lot of people would be embarrassed to to have others find on their facebook history but he just lives it and breathes it unironically all the time um okay

0:27:05
Unknown_15: So let's take another detour back to his rap because he actually loves those cherries so much. He sang a song about them.

Unknown_15: And this video, for whatever reason, is called Wands for Sale.

Unknown_14: Maybe not. Maybe I can't find it.

Unknown_14: Okay.

Unknown_14: Hold on. Give me a second.

Unknown_15: I apologize.

Unknown_15: I downloaded 143 videos, but little did I know that I should have downloaded more than that.

Unknown_14: Let's see. I have it marked a different time.

0:27:49
Unknown_15: This is once for sale, and I have this as a cardinal cherry wrap.

Unknown_20: yo yo yo listen up dude i know junk food's good but listen up when i'm rapping in my cobra's hood be sitting here cause i know them cardinal cherries be good nice and sweet like a little treat when you take a bite you're feeling all right then sugar kick one lick and ready to stick to the roof of your mouth when you're swallowing it down yo

0:28:29
Unknown_06: candy is dandy but food helps you poop i want to sit here and bust a mad rap about this to this musical loop moderation and ain't that hot don't treat it like it's a retard don't even try to discard the fact because you know cardinal cherries are the dankest candy on the planet however you pronounce it potato potato

Unknown_15: Good recovery. I thought he lost it there when he mispronounced it, but then thankfully, cleverly, he reincorporated that into the freestyle. Good catch, my man.

Unknown_15: He also eats on camera, obviously, but he does what he calls yuck bangs, and I don't know if, in my information, in my notes, if calling this yuck bangs was making fun of the fact that he

0:29:26
Unknown_15: Makes gross food or or if it's actually that he eats yucky shit because in this video that I have He's eating something very special that I'm sure a lot of people would would immediately recognize as a meme Okay, and time stamp is foe minutes We can see it better

Unknown_06: It's this Swedish fish from, it's called surstrommings fillers.

Unknown_06: They say the smell is going to be like really fucking bad, but it's supposed to be like a delicacy in Sweden.

Unknown_06: Shout out to the Casper Police Department. I saw them do that challenge on YouTube and they looked so grossed out by it. I was like, bro, I got to try this challenge for YouTube. One of my fans sent me the video and I was like, Dude, that's sick. I gotta try that challenge.

0:30:19
Unknown_06: And of course, the very fun process of fucking with the can opener. Oh joy, you know how much fun I have with that on YouTube.

Unknown_06: Alright, so... You know, it's 2020 and they have yet to invent a can opener that's not a pain in the ass to use. You squeeze it the wrong way and you sit there and do circles with it and it doesn't do shit. I went camping for a bit, which was nice, despite being rained on. And the people I was camping with having to deal with drama. You know, it's weird because you escape social media to get away from drama. There's so much of it in the world that...

0:30:52
Unknown_06: Happy Monday to all of you out there.

Unknown_06: Just what the doctor ordered. Well, this is kind of ironic because most doctors tell you to slow down on alcohol and I'll slow down as I get older. I'm not going to like drink heavily all the time. He's still fussing with the can opener, by the way. When I turn 50 or 60, if I'm lucky to live that long, which honestly, I'm not worried about it. I'm just making the best of each day.

0:31:27
Unknown_06: Yep, that's a big ol' fuckin' can right there. Look at the size of that son of a gun.

Unknown_06: Salouch. Salacha. Saloo. Cheers.

Unknown_06: Let's see if we can get this can open without making a complete Asperger's of ourselves.

Unknown_06: See what I did there? I made a joke about my... autism.

0:32:04
Unknown_06: I beat the trolls to the punchline. Ha ha.

Unknown_06: I like them apples, YouTube. I got it. Oh, it's squirting.

Unknown_06: Oh, dude, that is nasty. This is the guy that eats cherry burgers. That smells like sh... I should have opened that in the trash can.

Unknown_06: I don't want that smell on my shirt. Gross, dude. Why would you eat fish that smells like this? Goddamn, dude, that is rank.

0:32:39
Unknown_15: If you don't know, it's like literally rotten. It's putrefied.

Unknown_06: But this is like rotten dink. I don't know. I've eaten some weird shit, but this... Nice hiss. This fish stinks. I'm like, it can't be that bad. I mean, I'm smelling some stinky fish, but this... Ew-wee.

Unknown_15: Okay, so... It smells more fishy now than... We have established that that is a can of putrefied fish, and he is, like, holding it, like, at an angle. So, what do you think is going to happen, guys?

0:33:14
Unknown_06: Yeah, this can's being a right pain in the ass to open. Oh!

Unknown_06: Oh, dude! No, I did not just open it and spill it all over my carpet.

Unknown_12: Oh, whoops! Whoopsie daisies!

Unknown_06: Oh, dude, no!

Unknown_15: She wasn't lying that Sue Strumming could squirt. I'm going to have to change these pants and clamp the carpet.

Unknown_06: Well, I got it open, but at what cost?

0:33:49
Unknown_06: At what cost? Bastardizing fucks.

Unknown_06: So I'm going to throw the fish away that touched the carpet that's sticking on the outside of it.

Unknown_06: Oh, wee.

Unknown_15: Imagine the smell. Oh, dude, that is so fucking grody smelling.

Unknown_06: At this point, I'm just going to fish out.

Unknown_06: No pun intended.

Unknown_15: He's committed to this. He's going to eat that fucking rotten fish. Oh, no.

Unknown_06: It spilled out.

0:34:20
Unknown_12: What are you doing?

Unknown_12: He's like thoroughly masticating it.

Unknown_06: Oh, the aftertaste. Actually, hold up.

Unknown_06: I can kind of taste the smell in the aftertaste. It's just a hint of it. But it's not overpowering. It just tastes like really salty fish. Oh, wait. No.

Unknown_06: Whoa, dude. Nope. That is nasty.

0:34:53
Unknown_06: Dude, this is just fucking beyond gross.

Unknown_06: Oh, you can taste it in the aftertaste, dude. Oh, God. Oh, dude. No, this is fucking gross.

Unknown_12: He went for another bite. He can't get enough of it. He's becoming sweetish.

Unknown_06: Oh, God. That is so nasty.

0:35:26
Unknown_06: Oh, dude, no. He spits it out on the floor, bro.

Unknown_12: What the fuck? I can eat the whole can.

Unknown_06: No, dude. I gotta get that taste out of my fucking mouth. I'll get... I'll eat something super delicious to get it out of my mouth. That's not a problem.

Unknown_15: He's like... I don't want this shit on my chair.

Unknown_06: He's mopping it off his chair with, like, toilet paper.

Unknown_15: Bro, that shit's never coming out. You gotta burn that fucking chair.

Unknown_06: God damn it. The strips smell like Asperger's, dude. God damn it.

Unknown_06: This shit smells like straight up putrid Asperger's, dude. Putrid Asperger's. I need to get this off first. I'm not changing on camera completely. Okay. So that's his yuck bang.

0:35:59
Unknown_15: We've now covered four of the seven principles, the seven pillars of King Cobra JFS-ism. The fifth principle to cover is that he is a warrior when he needs to be.

Unknown_15: I don't suck!

Unknown_10: Fuck off, loser! I came from Matt Green, you piece of shit! Go home, you drunk!

Unknown_08: You're getting sued tomorrow. Yo, Josh. Fucking do it, you pussy.

0:36:31
Unknown_08: Yo, yo. Fucker, I will finish you, dude. Josh.

Unknown_08: Fuck, don't do it, dog. Go home. You're fucked up. Yeah, you're fucked up. Go home. No, you're fucked up. Fuck you, dude. Go home. You've been fucked up since evening. Eat. Yeah, I know I have. Go home. Fuck you. Fuck you. Go home.

Unknown_08: I'm going home.

Unknown_08: I'm going home. Do my sponsor right now. Yeah, go ahead. Go home. Night, sir. Are you going home to your bridge, Alex? Josh.

0:37:03
Unknown_15: They keep shouting his name reminds me of the Blair Witch Project. That's a weird movie to watch as someone named Josh because there's a part where they're just running around the woods going, Josh! Josh! I'm like, what? Every time. It's so distracting.

0:37:35
Unknown_15: uh so i so there's like an extended universe of like king cobra like i don't know what the fuck is up with people in wyoming but there's like a whole universe there's like a marvel extended universe of king cobra jfs like companions i can't even touch on that i have no no fucking idea who that guy is i think he's literally homeless and hangs out with him because it's like a warm place to stay um Um, he has had friends who have like catfished him with fake women. There's like a girl named Izzy who was not real, but his friend kept telling him for months that he had found this big titty goth GF for him. And he was like, Oh dude, hook me up. And he's like, Oh man, I would hook you up, but I got to work on Sunday, bro. And then that went back and forth for months before he finally realized, Oh, there is no Izzy. That's all bullshit.

0:38:11
Unknown_15: Literally, I can't even get into that. So I apologize for anyone who has a favorite sidekick character, but you'll have to do your own research into that. Actually, I'm lying. I'm lying. There is one person that I need to talk about. He is the most important person outside of Josh himself.

0:38:47
Unknown_14: Let's see, which one is it? I think it's just called...

Unknown_14: It legit feels like... Am I losing my fucking mind? I have this video marked down.

0:39:21
Unknown_14: And I don't see it at all.

Unknown_14: Okay, here, wait.

Unknown_14: Here we go. Sorry, sorry, sorry. I'm trying my best over here.

Unknown_15: I've got like eight million fucking videos.

Unknown_15: So this is the only other person I feel is worth introducing besides Josh himself.

0:39:58
Unknown_14: McCarthy ventriloquist puppets and I painted the eyes green and then made it look like he's wearing

Unknown_06: goth makeup or just kind of creepy looking like, you know.

Unknown_06: You don't even know a shot will sit on my shelf and people just look at him like, oh, you got one of those things. Can you actually make him talk?

Unknown_06: Yeah, but you're lousy at it.

Unknown_06: I'm not that bad of an adventurer quest. Uh-huh.

0:40:43
Unknown_06: You're talking out your ass.

Unknown_15: I need to pause this and explain something for people listening.

Unknown_15: There is a... He said the name of it, but there is like a stereotypical ventriloquist dummy that you can picture in your head. He's got like the parted hair and the red lipstick and stuff, and he's just... If you think of a ventriloquist dummy, he looks just like it.

Unknown_15: He has one of those. He tries to do a ventriloquism... The only thing that you can tell it's supposed to be the dummy talking is that the lips of the dummy are moving. So if you're listening, it just sounds like he's talking to himself like a schizophrenic. He does have the doll, and he is manipulating it, but you can clearly see his lips moving and everything. So he's not doing a very good job. It would be more convincing if ventriloquism involved having your eye look in a different direction, but unfortunately, it's oratory.

0:41:19
Unknown_06: You have to be impossible. Do you really think... Yes, I do have to be impossible.

Unknown_06: No, you don't. Yes, I do. No, you don't. Yes, I do.

Unknown_06: No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. I can argue with you all day. No, you cannot argue with me all day. Yes, I can. Oh, my God.

0:41:54
Unknown_06: I find it very hard to believe that you're a ladies' man. What? You don't believe me? No, I don't believe you're a ladies' man for as obnoxious as you are. I'm only obnoxious to you, Joshy. Oh, my fucking God, Sean.

Unknown_15: What I really love... Okay, number one, Sean's name is spelled S-H-O-N, which is a very... I think that's wrong. I don't think there's anyone ever called Sean spelled that way.

0:42:30
Unknown_15: It's like a joke name, because when people spell Sean from The Dick Show, they always spell it in bizarre ways. That's like a joke name that someone would come up with for Sean. But Sean is... What's very convincing about his performance, if anything, is that he sounds like he's genuinely irritated with this puppet talking back to him.

Unknown_15: It's very convincing. He might actually be annoyed by the things that he says to himself. I don't know how he does it. It's very performative.

Unknown_15: uh but the doll has never betrayed him the doll shows up in his videos to this day nothing bad has ever happened to the doll so i i don't know something protects the doll and spoiler alert uh josh hooks hooks the doll up i don't know if i should should spoil that there's an upcoming saga and i'll get into to detail with that more but uh for his loyalty sean is rewarded

0:43:27
Unknown_15: And then finally, there is the seventh pillar, and this is where I will start to get more in-depth with him. As I proceed to page two of my notebook, we have his magic. His magical powers represent a large part of his character, like how he perceives himself. He is... Hey, YouTube.

0:44:17
Unknown_09: I'll show you how I control fire. It's quite easy really.

Unknown_09: What you're gonna need, you're gonna need some matches and some zippo fluid in a cup.

Unknown_15: And just so you know, this is like a 2012 video. He looks, between, like, 2012 and 2021, something bad fucking happened to him, because he looks like he got hit by a truck. And then your chi.

Unknown_09: Once you get a match in your chi, it's really just piss and vinegar. Oh, his collar's off, you're right.

0:44:50
Unknown_15: Maybe the collar inhibits his magical abilities. Because it's made of leather. Like in RuneScape, anything like leather arching stuff reduces your magical ability. So he took that off because it affects his chi flow.

Unknown_15: It rises.

Unknown_15: He's manipulating the fire with his chi, chat.

Unknown_09: It goes down.

0:45:22
Unknown_09: It rises.

Unknown_09: It goes down and it's out.

Unknown_09: Anyway, this is KingCobraGFS from the video. Thanks for watching. Turn on the control fire with Chi.

Unknown_15: Someone said 2009. This is dated 2013, 6-23. So I trust that more than the guess. He does look like a 2009 video, but I think that's just what he had. Look, you can even see Sean in the background. Cameo. He's in the window sill back there. So what happens is he puts this...

0:45:54
Unknown_15: I don't know what it is. I guess it's paper in there. I thought it was like one of those things, like those little white things that you use for grills that he put in there. But it ignites, it hovers his hand over it, and the flame rises. And then afterwards, he puts his hand under it, and then it's extinguished. So very, very mystical, very powerful here.

Unknown_15: We have some more magic that I would be happy to show you. This one is called Using My Magic Wand to Control Traffic Lights.

0:46:29
Unknown_15: Or streetlights, I'm sorry.

Unknown_06: Good fine evening, YouTube. So guess what? I'm walking around outside in the beautiful night.

Unknown_15: This video is tilted. It's tilted like he's using portrait mode.

Unknown_15: And I do not think that there is anything that I can do. Wait.

Unknown_15: Oh, I can actually.

Unknown_06: Oh, the master. The master. I'm doing it live. Beautiful, windy Casper, Wyoming. Hold on a second.

0:47:02
Unknown_06: Let me get my hood at least untied. Ah, there we go.

Unknown_06: Now, I have my wand right here.

Unknown_15: I'm supposed to skip this because he literally wanders about on the street for three minutes or so.

0:47:33
Unknown_15: Okay, here we are. 3.20.

Unknown_06: I'm about to use my magic wand once again. I'm about to do real magic in real life.

Unknown_06: Okay, there's light ahead of us.

Unknown_15: Watch.

Unknown_15: He's pointing his wand at it. He's doing that spell in Harry Potter with the light. I command that light to turn on. I command that light to turn on.

0:48:08
Unknown_15: I command that light to turn on, chat. I command it.

Unknown_06: Yeah. How'd he do that, YouTube?

Unknown_06: How the fuck did he do that?

Unknown_15: Not the traffic light. You all saw that shit, right? We're going to go back. We're going to watch this again, right? So he's pointing it at the street light to the right. Oh, yeah, there it is. Okay, it's left of the neon sign. So he's, like, pointing directly. Can I show my mouse? No, I can't. Okay, there's a dim light directly above the end of his wand. I command that light to turn on. And it's kind of, like, vaguely flickering.

0:48:40
Unknown_15: command that light to turn on and now it's steady there's the street light right above his wand yeah how'd he do that youtube how'd he do that youtube how the fuck did he do that let's take a look again because actually i couldn't i couldn't see this the first time i watched this video i thought he didn't do so you see it right there above his wand there's a there's a

0:49:29
Unknown_15: A light that's off. And then after he says it the first time... I command that light to turn on. It starts to flicker on. I command that light to... Fuck you! Oh my god, it's like a sun. It's like a blazing star in the sky. The entire street's illuminated. I've never seen magical powers like this, chat. It's unreal. He truly is a magician.

Unknown_15: Okay, next one. This one's called Rant. And a lot of his videos are just called Rant or Chilling. So I have to identify them by their...

Unknown_15: Their YouTube URL. Okay.

0:50:00
Unknown_14: Perfect. He's wearing his hat again that I like so much.

Unknown_14: Okay. Seven minutes in. Not seven.

Unknown_15: This is about as political as he gets.

Unknown_15: Some people who are trying to spoil things are spamming something in chat, which comes from this video, and I will explain it.

Unknown_06: I'm tired of blacks being shot by racist cops.

0:50:32
Unknown_06: And I'm tired of white people being perceived as racist.

Unknown_06: So I'm like, if I could use my magic in any way, shape, or form, I'd cast a dark circle of energy around those four cops that shot George Floyd. And I said, may their asses rot in jail, so mozzie be in the witch's circle.

Unknown_15: So, like I said, he's not like a political person. I think he likes Trump. I'm not sure. Basically, he doesn't understand things. He just knows that he thinks racism is bad, right? So he sees racism on TV and thinks, well, that's bad. And then he doesn't know anything else about it. So his opinions are very, very loosely shaped by what he sees on TV and on Twitter and stuff. And they're not a huge facet of his personality, which is great if you're someone who doesn't care about politics at all and just wants someone who's an apolitical cow. I said once upon a time, a few streams ago, that I might do a King Cobra JFS video, but I was reluctant to because I thought he was a political commentator. I'm very wrong about that. He is not a political commentator. I think the only reason why I thought that is because he looks like a cross between Sam Hyde and 6 Hexenhammer 666.

0:51:47
Unknown_15: This is like a more interesting Styx who has better opinions about stuff. And unlike Styx, King Cobra JFS has buckled down his little town of Casper, Wyoming, whereas Styx has fled the U.S. while claiming that he's a patriot. Truly despicable, chat. Truly despicable. And then they got persecuted, and now they're tried.

Unknown_06: So justice was served. And I felt good using my dark powers to help a movement...

Unknown_06: I've also used my dark powers to take down ISIS, giving energy and aid and magical assistance to people fighting those assholes. And during one of Trump's speeches, they were like, they took down the leader of ISIS and everyone shouted, praise Cobra's magic. And I was like, a what?

0:52:32
Unknown_06: Okay, that's what's up.

Unknown_15: Okay, so, just in case you missed that, he said during, I think this video is from, it doesn't say, during one of the Trump speeches, he said that they killed one of the leaders of ISIS at the time that Josh was doing magic against ISIS. And then he heard the audience chant, praise Cobra's magic, praise Cobra's magic. And that has stuck. So people in chat, anytime they see him performing magic, supernatural powers, they're always sure to chant, praise Cobra's magic to recognize the game.

0:53:18
Unknown_15: So there is another one on this.

Unknown_14: there is another one like this there's so there's so many of these that are just like king cobra jfs i've really fucked myself with how i've decided to uh to organize these okay hold up i have to go back to firefox for this one

0:54:25
Unknown_14: So after helping kill the leader of ISIS, he receives a very special letter.

Unknown_15: A letter from the, um, from the White House.

Unknown_06: I had to cover up my address for obvious reasons, but there you go. Alright, so let's take a gander here and see what we got. Honestly, I want to keep this letter just because of what it says. All my trolls love to talk smack about my dark magic, but...

Unknown_06: Right there. Read it in print, ladies and gentlemen. I'm going to read you this letter because this is just a trip, dude. Dear Joshua Saunders, Josh, or as I and my team know you, Gothic King Cobra. I have always said I know the best people. Everyone who knows me knows I know the best people. They always say that's about me.

0:55:04
Unknown_06: the best people. When the time comes I will do more than this but for now I would like to personally thank you for your help with ISIS. Your magic has done much to help us with our war against the terrorists. It is great. Tremendous. I know you are very busy in your fight, but it would be for the best of this nation if you were to use your magic to help end my re-election. Sincerely, Donald J. Trump, 45th President of the United States.

0:55:41
Unknown_06: There. Right fucking there.

Unknown_06: So people who don't believe in my powers, take a look at this letter right here.

Unknown_15: Take a look at it yet. So I guess for whatever reason, despite receiving such a nice letter, he decided not to help Trump win the election again. He decided to use his dark magic to propel me. I don't know. Maybe there was like a bunch of wicks, witches that were like hexing Trump or something. And he just didn't have enough magic to make him win. That's lots of possible explanations for that one.

0:56:13
Unknown_15: Okay, so he's also a Satanist, and I think that requires a little bit of explanation. I believe he is a member of the Church of Satan, and if you don't know what that means, it was established, I think, in the 70s.

0:56:54
Unknown_15: And the basic idea of it is that you should be able to do whatever you want as long as it doesn't hurt somebody else. So when people talk about Satanism, they say, well, it's actually a great thing because it's like, do whatever you want as long as you don't hurt other people. And on his face, everyone's like, oh, that's great. That sounds wonderful. So King Cobra isn't really a super huge into the Satan church thing. He's like...

Unknown_15: He only brings it up on certain occasions and he only brings it up when he's bashing Christians So here we have a video of him summarizing his his beliefs Praise the satanic 11 rules of the earth because this was a tasty burger So when he has a particularly tasty burger he gives joy he gives thanks to Satan and

0:57:50
Unknown_15: And that's basically it. There's nothing else to that. He just wants to give thanks for the burger.

Unknown_15: Okay, this one has some more timestamps. This is a lengthy video here, but we got some.

Unknown_04: I don't have boobs. I got pecs, you fucking wanker.

Unknown_06: If I had fucking a pair of double-D titties right here on my own chest, I'd never get anything done. I'd be sitting here playing with them all day like, ooh, poopies!

Unknown_15: That has nothing to do with Satanism. No, I'm serious.

0:58:23
Unknown_06: What the fuck makes people sexually attracted to, as Sidney Watson would put it, pudding people? It's gross.

Unknown_06: They don't have boobs. They don't have the same intellect or the same maturity level.

Unknown_06: It just, it fucking kills me, YouTube. Pedophilia is so fucking gross. It's one of the forbidden four, in my personal opinion, in my personal morals.

Unknown_06: You don't fuck children, you don't fuck dead bodies, you don't fuck animals, and you don't fuck your family. That's gross.

0:59:05
Unknown_06: I said that in my Fuck Chris Chan video, but it turns out Chris Chan's more autistic than I am. And it turns out he's super gullible. I say he, I meant to say she, excuse me, pronouns.

Unknown_06: Some people bullied Chris Chan into fucking his own mother. How the fuck does that even happen? You have to be the most gullible, nastiest fuck to do that shit, dude. Like, fuck off.

Unknown_06: I don't fucking care if Chris Chan was bullied into fucking his mom or not. Fuck Chris Chan and fuck the asshole who bullied him into doing that shit. It's fucking gross.

0:59:44
Unknown_06: Our society makes me want to drink. So here we go.

Unknown_06: Got the same drink combo from last night.

Unknown_04: Pinnacle Cake Vodka.

Unknown_15: So that's the gist of it. His trolls can be really mean to him, and I'll cover that in a second. But for some reason, they call him a pedophile. Some of them do. Not all of them. I think they come from the Reddit, because Reddit's horrible. And I've seen nothing, absolutely nothing, that would back that up. I've only seen him in his mind, right? He's got a very simple, easily understood worldview. And Satan has told him about the forbidden four, and he just accepts that on its face, and he has no questions. Okay. I believe him. I trust him. I don't think that he has the capacity to lie about such a thing. So...

1:00:18
Unknown_15: One more demonstration of magic powers, I think. And some people who like this guy are already asking for it. I see it in chat.

Unknown_15: He has one more manifestation of his powers that is very well known in his community. And I would like to show it to you now.

1:00:59
Unknown_15: And it would be this guy too. I have all these videos. See, this happens at like two hours in.

Unknown_06: So you want to see a Thai chi ball live on YouTube?

Unknown_06: Let's make this chi ball green.

Unknown_06: Green's one of my favorite colors.

Unknown_04: Let's make this chi ball bright green. Oh, yeah.

1:01:33
Unknown_15: And he stops after that and he's reading chat right now. And his chat is like praise Cobra's magic and like, whoa, how'd he do that?

Unknown_15: But let's take a look at that again. Just real quick.

Unknown_04: On YouTube.

Unknown_04: Where is it? Bright green.

Unknown_15: One more time.

Unknown_04: Bright green.

Unknown_15: Let's see it.

Unknown_04: Oh, yeah. You guys see it?

Unknown_04: Bright green. Oh, yeah.

1:02:06
Unknown_15: I don't know. Maybe just a little bit I saw it. There's another time where he doesn't.

Unknown_14: Is that one hour into this?

Unknown_20: A Tai Chi ball?

Unknown_20: Yes.

Unknown_15: Shout out to my man Sean back there on the couch.

Unknown_15: Oh, I didn't even notice, but you see that, like, bucket? That trash can of, like, twigs back there in the corner behind Sean? That's his, um... He gathers, like, driftwood and shit. Well, it's not driftwood, because Wyoming doesn't have a single drop of fucking water in it. But he collects, like, branches. And those are his magic staves that he's working on.

1:02:40
Unknown_06: I'll hang out with my friends tomorrow, for sure, but...

Unknown_06: Right now I'm getting those wands done. Oh look, we got a green one.

Unknown_15: He sees it. Maybe it's because his eye points in the other direction. He sees something green and his brain meshes it together.

1:03:15
Unknown_15: So he's doing his hand thing. He's got his hands together.

Unknown_15: He for sure sees it.

Unknown_15: Magic is so powerful, only fools can see it.

Unknown_15: It's still doing it.

Unknown_20: Go against the white wall so we can see it.

1:03:53
Unknown_15: He dead-ass fucking sees that shit. Like, he really... Look at him. He's not like... Fucking hate sick fucks in our society.

Unknown_15: He's still doing it. He legit is acting as if he sees it. I don't know what he sees.

1:04:26
Unknown_15: Oh God, I'm looking at his beard and I just thought about when he got a booger in it again. It's making me wanna gag.

Unknown_15: Okay, so that's the cheat ball. Now we move on to Sean.

Unknown_15: However, when I talk about Sean a little bit, I want to do a poll right now. I just want to do a poll. Do you think King Cobra JFS is a virgin? And we'll just do a quick poll while I spend the next 20 minutes trying to find this video in my giant folder of fucking videos.

1:05:06
Unknown_14: Vote now.

Unknown_14: OK, I found it. I found it.

Unknown_14: Get up to the right time zone, and then I'll check it.

Unknown_14: All right, let's check out that poll.

Unknown_15: No. 63% say no. 37% say yes. Well, let me introduce you to two people. Sean and his girlfriend at the time, or not Sean's girlfriend, but rather Josh's girlfriend, Stephanie. uh who i'll talk about a little bit uh and what i really really think is very very unironically cute about this video is that he's doing his little puppet thing and she she is like obviously like doting on him super hard throughout the entire thing and it's very cute oh the most random ventriloquist episode of sean cyrus ever holy crap i'm rising oh stop it

1:05:42
Unknown_05: We put some on my dick again. Oh, someone stays down. Pervert.

Unknown_05: No one's stepping around. She kind of has that effect on me. Aw, that's so sweet. And kind of disturbing.

Unknown_05: What's up?

Unknown_15: Rusty? What?

Unknown_05: What?

Unknown_15: You sound like a hand puppet with a snake, too. But you're a cobra sock puppet.

Unknown_05: I don't think it'd work out.

Unknown_05: I see what you two do. It's kind of hot. Ha ha.

1:06:44
Unknown_15: And he's like saying flirty things and she's responding like I mean, it's super obvious watching them that she's into him, which is very funny.

Unknown_15: So let's, I guess, I mean, there's one more thing to the Sean arc, but specifically with Stephanie, it's a weird story. They met in 2012, and they dated for about two years. They briefly moved in together, and he cheated on her with a pregnant woman at his friend's place, and she retaliated by cheating on him by getting fucked in the ass by one of his friends.

1:07:22
Unknown_15: and then he made a joke about raping her which ruined the relationship and uh he talked shit about her for like years so in 2017 i want to say uh she puts out this video for the first time uh with her side of the story and uh so this is like years after the fact like three years after the fact she tries to like tell her rebuttal some of the things that he says

Unknown_15: Apparently she's like a hoe now, but she talks about that in the video.

Unknown_00: Like the whole he made me an info thing is not true.

Unknown_00: I've pretty much always been one, I've just been more reserved about it until now. Speaking of fuck off, as far as if he knows anything about me, he has not talked to me in years. I mean that. So he knows nothing about me. What I was trying to do is I was just trying to calm on his BS. I was pretty much trying to say, If you have shit to say, say it to my face. If you want me to give my shit, say it to my face. Instead of hiding behind people or YouTube videos or whatever. I did not intend anyone to go to his work and hurt him. I did not find out about that until, like, the day after, and that was from one of my friends, who I... Who me and them are very close. What I think about it is I think it's stupid. I don't see any reason why it should have escalated to that. It was just me trying to call him out. I didn't intend anyone to get hurt. I'm like blown away that it escalated to that point, honestly.

1:08:56
Unknown_15: So her story is just that he starts talking shit after they break up. He says that he turned her into a nympho. So I guess she's like sledding it up all over Casper now. And she says like, nah, man, like I've always been like a huge hoe. I just didn't actively hoe until now. So he can't take credit for that.

Unknown_15: and uh he has he has some some regrets about her this is a more recent video you can tell because he has no hair and he looks like he's 20 years older i guess because he drinks so much he like ages fucking rapidly um of course there's eight different videos called night video i think this is it it's not too long i mean there's it's not too recent 48 30.

1:09:48
Unknown_14: The thing about me and Stephanie was me and Stephanie were each other's first boyfriend, girlfriend kind of thing.

Unknown_06: And it had its cutesy factor going about it. You know what I'm saying? Yeah.

Unknown_06: I had fun with Stephanie Peterson and I regret cheating on her, to be honest. I let the confidence of getting laid go to my head. And that's one of the few things that I regret doing in life, to be honest. You cheated on her and now she's a hoe.

1:10:35
Unknown_15: You can't change the past.

Unknown_06: All you can do is work on the present so your future is better.

Unknown_15: there's there's more to why he's so torn up about her in this and i'll get into the detail with that later um but he's he's in a depressed period right now it's been going on for a while he's been in this in a slump for a long time um but right here in particular he's obviously extremely like oh i really fucked up something that i had that was good and uh he regrets it intensely

1:11:25
Unknown_15: Just like, arms crossed, staring at his computer.

Unknown_06: So, my advice to you, even though it makes me extremely hypocritical, don't cheat. A lot of guys don't realize what they have until they've lost it.

Unknown_15: Go to that chat. Straight from the Cobra's mouth. Learn from his mistakes.

Unknown_15: So the romantic tale of Stephanie and Cobra, he says that they were first, and that is true.

1:12:03
Unknown_15: But it ties in. I have this actually in the same category. the first and the windy saga well how does how does the windy saga and the stephanie saga intertwine well it all starts when cobra was told by his father that he had to get a job he was either going to go into a home for autistic people or he was going to get a job so he goes to something called the job corps which is a place to find work and he meets stephanie there

1:12:35
Unknown_15: Before I explain their meetup, let me just play the clip about the group home.

Unknown_15: Real quick.

Unknown_14: My parents have said I need to be in a home for people with Asperger's or you need to get this, this, or that, blah, blah, blah, whatever.

Unknown_06: And I said no. Okay, I told them no. I want to be in a group home for people with Asperger's.

Unknown_05: And it's not a bad thing, Josh. I'm like, I know it's not a bad thing. But goddamn it, I want to be independent and make my own life happen, because I'm determined to prove to myself that I can be a functioning adult in society, despite the fact that I dress like this, and despite the fact that I have autism.

1:13:12
Unknown_09: It's overcoming obstacles.

Unknown_15: Now would be the appropriate time to mention that he smokes that pipe because he saw the cartoon 101 Dalmatians. And in the waiting room scene in that movie, the dad, the human dad, smokes a corncob pipe while waiting for the puppies to be born. And that influenced him significantly as a child. So now he smokes a pipe because he likes that aesthetic from that movie.

Unknown_15: Just a little, little factoid. And there's lots of things like that, which I'm not going to mention because I just don't know that people are going to be like, why didn't you mention that? It's like, well, cause it's, it's little factoids about random shit like that. But what I do know is that King Cobra, JF, Josh Saunders, and Stephanie lost their virginity in the bathroom of the job court. And then, and then he, uh, got his, got his job at Wendy's where he worked continuously for five years to his credit, uh, uh not with perfect attendance but uh he did maintain his career and i would like to give you an example of from one of his famous videos which i would be remiss to play uh if i can find it because this is one of those videos that start with king cobra jfs

1:14:41
Unknown_14: I'll give you, it's a video that explains why, uh, what, what kind of things could cause him to, to lose, uh, to be late for work.

Unknown_15: I see it on my search bar. Oh, there it is.

Unknown_09: Hey YouTube. Um, this is, uh, King Cobra Jeff. That's another video. Um, uh, I got paid Wednesday and I thought I had to work at 1130 today. So I called for a ride and Got my check cashed early, which is really nice, you know, and all that. Oh, it turns out I don't have to work till 5 tonight, so... He doesn't have to work till 5 tonight.

Unknown_15: So I went into a little bit of shopping.

Unknown_05: Thumbs up. And, um, bought me a Monster. I finished that off, you know, and, uh... Cigarettes.

Unknown_09: I got more flints for my Zippo. Um, I got some... What else? iHome headphones, retro style, and they got a nice sound quality to them, so... Hopefully these fuckers will last.

1:15:21
Unknown_09: Um... And? Here's the case. Uh, so I got some, um... hair dye black hair dye look at that that's what my boy needs right there so let's skip ahead a little bit see how this hair dye operation type deal goes hold that thought hello uh what are you saying no i was shopping

1:16:02
Unknown_09: Oh, Jesus Christ. I... Oh my... I'm out at the apartment. Son of a bitch. Wow. Well, I feel like an idiot.

Unknown_09: Oh, crap.

Unknown_09: Alright. Dammit.

Unknown_09: Alright.

Unknown_09: Alright, that works. I'm so sorry I misunderstood the dates. Alright, bye bye. Fuck.

1:16:34
Unknown_09: Well, I feel like an idiot. I messed up the days and it's Thursday, not Friday. I was supposed to come at 11.30 to 7. But they said I could come in at 4. So, what time is it?

Unknown_09: All right, I got plenty of time. Yikes.

Unknown_15: So he's got to hurry. He's got plenty of time to get ready for work. He has to come in late. Someone else covered his shift, so he's coming in late today. So what's he going to do to eat up that time? What's he going to live stream for us?

Unknown_09: These gloves are too small. I need XL gloves because I've got big-ass fucking hands.

1:17:07
Unknown_05: But I can't eat this little thing. Just move it in your hand. And just start working it into your hair.

Unknown_05: Now, you should use a kitchen sink or a towel because it's very messy, but I'll take my chances.

Unknown_15: I've never dyed my hair.

Unknown_05: Is this how hair dye is done?

Unknown_15: In a salon, I can guarantee you that.

Unknown_05: Are you supposed to get it all over your scalp? All over your forehead? That's my hair underneath the shower head.

1:17:40
Unknown_15: Beastie doesn't give a fuck. This doesn't sound good right now, but I gotta go to work in a couple hours, so that's not gonna happen until I get off work.

Unknown_05: We'll see that when I get off work. Oh, yeah, I got it all over my fucking head.

Unknown_15: He's got like a blue face right now. He's in blue face because he's just allowed this black hair.

Unknown_05: Yeah, it's a chick product, but you know what? Fuck it. I don't care.

Unknown_15: No wonder why he's bald. Does this affect your scalp to do this?

1:18:11
Unknown_15: God, that hair is blue.

Unknown_09: It's fucked. Yeah, that's why it's soaking the shit. Oh, that's lovely. That's just freaking lovely.

Unknown_15: Cobra face.

Unknown_15: Oh my god, he's got it all over his shoulders and shit too. I did some blue fucking hair.

1:18:46
Unknown_15: He's dying of his mustache, too. He's got a blue mustache. Mustache, too.

Unknown_15: The way that it looks, it looks like someone gave him... He's dying of his eyebrows and his mustache. It looks like someone gave him a shitler stache when you take poo and put it on top of someone's lip.

Unknown_15: Except it's blue poo, I guess. Oh, yeah. A dirty Sanchez, that's it.

Unknown_18: Why so serious?

Unknown_09: Really, Josh? Joke reference? Yes, really.

1:19:18
Unknown_21: Oh, this guy.

Unknown_15: So he's going to show up to work in a couple hours. Like the Blue Men group. You know what I'm saying? It's black, man.

Unknown_05: You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? Oh, this guy. I've got an avatar. Holy shit. My skin's all blue from the black air dye. Ah!

Unknown_13: Ah!

Unknown_05: Ah!

Unknown_13: Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah

1:19:51
Unknown_15: He's going full Joko mode, chat. He's going Joker mode. That's his most famous video from what I understand. So while he's mostly a positive guy, he gives out positive vibes, right, chat? There is, unfortunately, the Reddit menace.

Unknown_15: I guess I couldn't blame this on Reddit. Exactly. I mean, I'm sure he's from Reddit. I'm sure he browses our cuckold on Reddit right now.

Unknown_15: But I would be remiss to talk about this guy and not give a special shout-out to someone named Castillas Zemi. Also known, lovingly nicknamed by KingCobraJFS and also the broader KingCobraJFS community as FatFuck. And that is how I will refer to him going forward. So FatFuck, probably from being a Redditor and a FatFuck... uh, decides to email Wendy's corporate and say, do you know that one of your employees in the middle of absolute fucking nowhere, one of the most desolate shitholes in the entire country is a weirdo who dyes his hair on, on YouTube. Did you know? And he pestered them so much so that he was literally fired because of this man, uh, So we're going to take a look at Castilla Zemi, who was forced to delete everything on the Internet and now has to browse our cuckold in total anonymity because he was chased off the online for basically confessing to having King Cobra JFS fired from a job that he managed to keep for five years as a heavily disabled person because he didn't like his YouTube videos.

1:21:10
Unknown_14: For the last couple of days,

Unknown_14: What's up guys, welcome to a brand new video.

Unknown_01: If you guys have been following my channel for the last couple of days, you guys have seen that a lot, and I mean a lot of fucking haters have came over to my channel, been talking a ton of shit and all this different, I mean just stupid shit. I just want to go ahead and clear the fucking air and just let you guys know that whenever he lost his job, before he even lost his job, I released this video. So this video, I don't even talk about how he's gonna lose his job or he had lost his job. I uploaded this video before I even knew that he lost his job. And it was not my intention to have him lose his job. It was my intention to bring it to Wendy's attention that they have an employee that's doing this stupid shit. And, you know, hopes were that they would tell him to cut this shit out or something like that. My intention wasn't to get him fired. Did I contribute to it? Yes, I absolutely did contribute to it. I'm not the only one. There were multiple people that sent. So he immediately contradicts himself.

1:22:04
Unknown_15: He starts off as I didn't get him fired. I just wanted to notify them that their employee was acting a fool on the Internet. And then he's like, oh, yeah, I did contribute it to it. Like, bro, I'm sure it's entirely because of you that he got fired. He even says that he got pulled aside by his manager and said, like, look, the corporate's been getting emails. So we're going to let you go because you're getting our bosses hurt. My my boss's boss's boss harassed. So what fucking option do I have?

1:22:38
Unknown_15: You know, the manager of that one store is beholden to the regional manager, who's beholden to the district manager, who's beholden to, you know, the corporate manager, managerial board.

Unknown_15: And then when that board is getting complaints directly to them from this fat fuck, they're like, well, what are you going to do? Are we going to stick our neck out for this guy with the lazy eye who dresses like a mall goth from 2005? Are we just going to fire him? And then I like how he strategically positions this crucifix behind him. His wall is completely barren. It's either completely barren because he never hangs anything up or he had to take down all his anime posters before doing this video. But then he frames it like, oh, I do this because he's a Satanist, and I have to let Wendy's know they have a Satanist. If you're trying to spread the good word, I'm pretty sure this guy getting fired by a fat fuck Redditor Christ cuck is going to be like, oh, well, now I believe in Jesus, guys. Look at the good work that the fat fucks from Reddit are doing in the name of Christ. I feel so compelled to believe that this is better than my Satanist religion, which is like, do no harm to other people. Fuck this guy. And then he has other people who are complete dicks for literally no reason. This is like the most harmless man in the entire world. He had a nasty falling out with a girlfriend, but it's like, who gives a shit? It's really not your fucking business to get upset about. But then this happens to him.

1:24:34
Unknown_03: Hey, what's up? Hey, what's up? Okay, I did. Okay, okay, okay, okay. You're all right, you're all right.

Unknown_01: There's a shotgun at you.

1:25:06
Unknown_15: The shotgun is a BB shotgun, by the way. He doesn't own a firearm. That is an air pump lead pellet BB gun that could not kill a fucking pigeon if he shot at it.

Unknown_13: It is a real shotgun?

Unknown_15: Oh my god. Oh my god, I've been corrected live on air. Alright, back clear, check.

1:25:53
Unknown_15: My thing is, you have these guys, the police, they walk in, they see the shotgun, but none of them see the dangerous magical tools right there. It's right in front of the camera. They walk past it like three times. He could take out an entire city with that kind of weaponry. Unbelievable. So, yeah, there's people out there who want to completely fuck with this guy for no apparent reason. Literally no reason to do this to him.

Unknown_15: And then I think I think that even contributed to his depression because it's like, you know, you for someone who has like autism to have a job that you maintain for five years, that becomes part of your routine. You know, you become responsible for the Wendy's and shit and then to lose it and have to find a new job.

1:26:36
Unknown_15: That's frustrating. So, I hinted at this earlier. His current arc, which he has been stuck in since 2016, which has only been getting worse, and is exacerbated by the fact that he's currently jobless. He's looking much older than he used to, and no longer looks as youthful. And the age certainly doesn't complement his attire anymore. I guess it's quirky when he's like 20-something, but now he's like 30.

Unknown_15: So, looking like a moggoth is less and less flattering every year. And the alcohol is not helping either.

1:27:09
Unknown_15: He is in the dry spell.

Unknown_15: The dry spell. People already know. He talks about this a lot. He has not had sex for a long time. And it bothers him a lot. And it certainly doesn't help that he sits there in his chair and he doesn't do anything and he drinks and then he watches like MGTOW shit on YouTube about how you don't need no woman. How you're a strong, independent man and you don't need no woman.

Unknown_14: So, uh...

Unknown_14: he starts putting out hints to his audience that he is looking for a sex doll and I actually don't know what this clip is but I'm gonna play it it's called the perfect wig is the name of the video I've been doing odd jobs around town these last couple of days

1:28:10
Unknown_06: You know, trying to make a little extra cash here and there.

Unknown_06: I have no shame in admitting it because, you know, in all honesty, there are a lot of pros to having a sex doll.

Unknown_06: One of which is you can't get your sex doll pregnant.

Unknown_06: That's not nearly as good of a perk as, oh, she's not going to reject you. She's not going to say things like, oh, your dick's too big, it hurts. You know what I'm saying? Excuse me.

1:28:43
Unknown_06: She's not going to have standards. Yeah.

Unknown_06: images of a customizable custom misable yeah there we go these next couple of video stills are going to are going to contain

Unknown_06: Um, images of a customizable sex doll. So this next part is not exactly what you would call safe for work.

1:29:17
Unknown_06: But then again, then again, YouTube, my channel is not for kids.

Unknown_06: Okay, so again, this is the sextile I'd like to present.

Unknown_15: I want to interrupt it there. I don't care what his perfect sextile is. However, he mentions that, and I have to show you this. He was tipped or dared or whatever to wear a green spandex cock holster. And a man true to his word, he does in fact do this. And I just want to present this without comment.

1:29:53
Unknown_06: Sexy and I know it As promised

1:30:30
Unknown_03: It's for the animals, baby.

Unknown_10: Yeah.

Unknown_06: Ladies.

Unknown_15: This man is such a fucking Chad. You can only wish to have so much confidence.

Unknown_06: Yeah.

Unknown_06: I promised my fans too. I said, look,

Unknown_06: You help me, I'll give you something to really sink your teeth into.

1:31:05
Unknown_15: He's completely clothed. How is this goodbye to the Maddie? Hold up, hold up, y'all. Let me go to YouTube.

Unknown_15: I guess it doesn't want to load now. I guess YouTube is fucking dead forever. I'm sure you can show a clothed Venus on, on the internet. It's for a good cause. He was doing that for a charitable cause to save an old dog chat. Let's not be, uh, let's not be prudes here in the name of charity.

Unknown_15: Uh, so he basically asks after that for a pocket pussy, and he gets one. So there's this video called, I'm Give Eng, spelled with an E, I'm Give Eng Eng Up On Sex.

1:31:41
Unknown_15: Give Eng Up On Sex.

Unknown_15: And let's go to, this video is an hour long, because he's really, really wanting to tell you about how he's giving up on sex.

Unknown_06: Got this pentagram t-shirt.

Unknown_06: this thing came with it.

Unknown_06: Now I haven't used it yet.

Unknown_06: But what I did was I pulled off the sticker on the front.

Unknown_06: And that little thing of plastic that was surrounding it right here.

1:32:22
Unknown_06: And I'm like, what in the actual fuck is this?

Unknown_06: Oh, there's a good choice. Thank you. And it's

Unknown_06: Oh, look.

Unknown_06: I think one of my fans might have sent me a pocket pussy.

Unknown_06: Oh, that's fucking adorable.

Unknown_15: So he gets a shirt and a pocket pussy in a little box.

Unknown_15: That fan walked to a FedEx with a pocket pussy and a t-shirt and said, FedEx man, I need this shit to the middle of fucking nowhere post-haste. I want to overnight this pocket pussy. This man needs it.

1:32:58
Unknown_06: I'm glad people seem to think...

Unknown_06: that my lack of sex is a laughing matter. I'm glad people think that... Oh, this poor bastard needs a tenja.

Unknown_06: Whatever the fuck that is.

Unknown_12: Oh, I... I think he had cataract surgery at some point.

Unknown_15: You can see his eyes are, like, less fucked up than usual. He's, like, looking ahead now, actually. Someone pointed that out in chat. I didn't even notice that.

1:33:30
Unknown_06: I'm glad people seem to think... That me not having sex for practically a year is funny.

Unknown_06: Yeah, because guess what, YouTube? I have not been laid in an actual year.

Unknown_06: Oh, yeah.

Unknown_15: Oh, this is before the surgery.

Unknown_06: And it wasn't by choice, mind you, at first. At first, it wasn't by choice. At first, I'm like, what the hell? Why can't I get a girl to like me, you know what I'm saying? Like, this is ridiculous. It's because your house smells like soot strumming, my man.

1:34:02
Unknown_15: Step number one, replace that fucking carpet.

Unknown_06: Honestly, I felt a little bit insulted when I got this. Like, when I got this, I'm like, what the fuck is it? I see the sticker, and I'm like, it says peel off. Okay, so I peel it off.

Unknown_06: And then I see this plastic right here, and I peel it off the plastic around here. And then it's just like,

1:34:34
Unknown_06: What the fuck is it? Is this supposed to be a lid? And then when I pulled it off and stuck my finger in it, I'm like, oh, this is supposed to be one of them pocket pussies.

Unknown_15: If you are, I think right now, every year supposedly he does a stream from graveyards.

Unknown_15: And so right now he's in a Casper, Wyoming graveyard chilling out streaming. I'm pretty sure he's probably live right now in case you're curious. So if you are the big titty goth GF of his dreams and you want to feed this man the best cherry burgers that he's ever had,

1:35:14
Unknown_15: He's available. I'm opening the door for all those women, all those eligible bachelorettes right now. He's in that graveyard. You could walk up on him. You could take that flight to middle of nowhere, USA, and walk up on him.

Unknown_06: A fucking pocket pussy, really?

Unknown_06: Fucking... I appreciate the thought, you know what I'm saying? Maddie, the viewer's about to drop.

Unknown_06: Okay, I appreciate the thought that someone out there cared enough...

Unknown_06: Just send this to me.

1:35:46
Unknown_06: But when I have no sex drive, you can't expect me to fuck this thing. So I want to take these scissors and I'm going to destroy this thing. On camera, I want to try to cut it in half here.

Unknown_06: Like, someone made a comment on one of my YouTube videos.

1:36:25
Unknown_06: They're like, somebody send this guy a pocket pussy. And I deleted the comment because I'm like, no! Don't fucking send me a pocket pussy, goddammit. I find sex to be disgusting. Like, what the fuck? I'm glad everybody finds... It's now a trans coochie.

Unknown_15: The fact that I can't get pussy to save my fucking life.

Unknown_06: I'm glad people find it to be so goddamn funny that they're like, oh, we feel sorry for this guy because he can't get laid. Here, let's send him a pocket pussy. Fuck you.

1:37:02
Unknown_06: This is what I think of your stupid pocket pussy right here.

Unknown_06: This is what I think about love and companionship.

Unknown_15: Somebody thinks about love and companionship.

Unknown_06: I put up a poll asking you guys. Do you guys think that he regrets destroying the pocket pussy?

1:37:39
Unknown_15: Maybe 90% of people are saying yes, but maybe I can change your mind. He has this other video called I'm depressed from 2016 and he explains that He's not even a sexual you see he is anti-sexual

1:38:27
Unknown_14: that I'm an anti-sexual.

Unknown_06: They had no idea. Now this is the difference between being asexual and anti-sexual.

Unknown_06: An asexual will experience no sexual attraction whatsoever.

Unknown_06: But the anti-sexual still experiences a sexual attraction or just an attraction in general to a specific sex but doesn't find sex itself that appealing.

1:39:12
Unknown_06: That being said, I still find women very attractive. Let's be honest here.

Unknown_06: Women are the more attractive sex. Let's not bullshit ourselves here.

Unknown_06: But the idea of sex grosses me out.

Unknown_06: Because people get their hearts ripped out. People go through drama and bullshit.

Unknown_06: And it's just like, no.

1:39:50
Unknown_06: But don't sit there and say that I'm not grateful because that's bullshit.

Unknown_06: Case in point.

Unknown_06: Fan sent me another package This happens to be a Zippo and

Unknown_15: So as he's clearly established, hopefully not all of that was muted.

Unknown_15: He's not asexual because asexuals don't desire sex. He's anti-sexual because he's repulsed by sex. He never wants to have sex. So clearly he doesn't need the pocket pussy.

1:40:25
Unknown_15: So he obviously repaired the pocket pussy. He repaired it with super glue. And from what I was told...

Unknown_15: He repaired it by super gluing it and by using duct tape. Not duct tape. Of course, that's fine. He took the duct tape off a mop that was also repaired with duct tape and he reused the duct tape. He recycled the duct tape to repair his pocket pussy. And he apparently, despite his claims, reused the pocket pussy before and after destroying it. So when he said he didn't use it,

Unknown_15: I guess that was like a post-fap guilt or something, because he definitely fucking did, despite trying to claim otherwise initially.

1:41:08
Unknown_14: So, after that, he starts explaining that he would actually like a full sex doll.

Unknown_15: And sure enough...

Unknown_15: The absolute menches of the King Cobra JFS fandom sent him a full sex doll.

Unknown_15: And there's a bit of a story to this, right?

Unknown_15: The person who sent him the sex doll asked him, well, he claimed that he got it, but it was never used, and then it was destroyed. And he claims that a meth head, this is his story, he claims that a meth head broke into his house. and stole his sex doll and the police found it in a dumpster uh stripped down because the um the crackhead the meth head was harvesting the metal bones to sell for for meth money

1:41:49
Unknown_15: And I think he explains that he lied later. And his story is that he actually physically destroyed its vagina with his penis.

Unknown_15: And then dismembered it and threw it away because it was ruined. And the person who sent it to him actually does not believe the story.

Unknown_06: Now, for starters, my homeboy Scotty had no idea what was going on with the lie.

1:42:36
Unknown_06: What I did was rather eerie, to say the least, yes.

Unknown_15: So he's holding up the face, which appears to be carved in half from it.

Unknown_15: It kind of looks like flesh from Silence of the Lambs that would be used to stitch together some kind of coat.

Unknown_06: Out of sexual frustration.

Unknown_06: Would I do this to a real girl? Absolutely not.

Unknown_15: Just to clarify. What happened was... To clarify for all those goth girls that I mentioned before that are now on their way, like who are sitting in an airport waiting to arrive in the middle of nowhere, USA, he does not dismember real women. Let's clear the air here.

1:43:12
Unknown_06: A couple of fans had sent me an awesome sex doll, and I was tickled pink. I was like, dude, this is cool. I never would have thought something like this would happen.

Unknown_06: So of course I was having sex with it and then my dick tore a huge gash in the vagina and I was embarrassed and frustrated that I couldn't fix it and that, well nice going dumbass, you broke your fuck toy. Fucking it of all things. It's like cutting a coupon for scissors with scissors under the paper, you know.

1:43:46
Unknown_06: Just know, just know that I am here for you guys, my fans and my friends. What I did was eerie, yeah, but let's face it, people, let's face it. I'm gonna get a lot of hate for this, I know. I know.

Unknown_06: And... Just know that if I ever get the chance to pay back the people for this, I know it's not the point. Okay, I know this.

1:44:25
Unknown_06: It's gonna fucking happen. I mean, they all want free ones.

Unknown_06: I'm down.

Unknown_15: I'm gonna need some boomer drink for this one.

Unknown_15: He gets a replacement sex toy. He apologizes to his fans and says, I understand it was wrong for me to destroy my gift so generously given to me by my fans. I won't do it again. And he gets a second sex toy.

Unknown_15: Would anyone like to guess what unique property the sex toy has that puts him off from it? Would anyone?

1:44:56
Unknown_15: I guess people who know King Cobra JFS know.

Unknown_15: No, it's not because she's black. Everyone's guessing that it's black.

Unknown_15: It's a male. No, it's not a male. It's not black.

Unknown_15: It's a child Someone gets it. They sent him a child sex toy. I guess it is black, but that's not what he sees Too wrong about it So, let's see 50 17 now he says that his penis is too big for the sex toy But don't you worry? My man has a plan your name?

1:45:36
Unknown_06: My name is Felicia. Oh Felicia. That's a pretty name. Yeah, I

Unknown_06: So what's your favorite animal, Felicia? Well, guys think I'm weird, but I love snakes. They're so cool looking. How about that? I met a girl who likes snakes. Snake lover. Especially your snake.

Unknown_06: Wow.

1:46:16
Unknown_15: destroy the child so he's just playing with it in this one right but he has he comes up with an idea he has he has a plan for this doll assuming i can find it ac01 there tata there's a plan for it

Unknown_15: God.

Unknown_15: I don't think I've ever made a stream like this that has so much video content. I'm pretty sure that this is the first one I've ever done that's just like 100% videos.

Unknown_15: The Mobility Mary one was 100% videos too, but it was not 10 years of shit. It was like a couple funny videos that I made a stream out of. KingCobraJFS has a fucking library of Alexandria of content behind him.

1:47:11
Unknown_06: Now I'm kind of glad that I washed it with the wrong soap because that thing was disgusting.

Unknown_06: The first one was sent by trolls too, man. You know what I'm saying?

Unknown_06: They got it, ripped the finger off, and then sent it to me in a box because my trolls are next level fucking crazy. Oh, it is loud, sorry.

Unknown_15: This doesn't have the sound bite that I was hoping for.

1:47:53
Unknown_15: So I'll just explain it. He melts, he ends up using,

Unknown_15: I don't know this from experience. I'm just saying what I was told. If you use the wrong soap on the sex toys, it will melt the vagina. So he used the wrong soap. He used dish soap or something, and it melted the skin off of it. So it ruined it.

Unknown_15: And he says he's glad he did that. He's glad he ruined it because fuck it, right?

Unknown_15: But he ends up keeping the doll because he can't have sex with it, and he gives it to Sean. So now Felicia is Sean's girlfriend. so as you can see he's still back there he's by the bundle of sticks and he's now a made man he has he has a girlfriend and everything i'm not sure i'm not sure if he actually tried to use it or what i think he probably i guess he must have if he tried cleaning it right

1:48:24
Unknown_15: I guess he tried to, and that's why he said that it was too big. Like, he's too big for it, and it's just like, oh, whatever. So then he tries to clean it, and he can't, and it melts, and he gives what's left of it to Sean.

1:49:02
Unknown_15: What a Chad.

Unknown_14: Okay.

Unknown_14: There's also one other thing.

Unknown_15: I don't think I actually have a video for this, but...

Unknown_15: He has one thing in common, and I'll just pick a random video to show you this, because it's all pretty obvious. Is this a good one? It has to be a recent one. No, no, no, he's still young there. Oh, here, this one right here. Look at that scalp, right?

Unknown_15: He obviously has something wrong with his hair. And this is very, very coincidental, because this is actually kind of a rare condition. but he and shoe on head have something in common. He has a trick at area or trick of mania, which is when you pluck your hair out. And apparently he did this when he was younger and his scalp does not recover. Uh, he does the thing where he just, I guess trick of mania is when you eat it or something. And trick of Terry is when you just pluck it. But, uh, uh he did that and then apparently it stopped after a while he says but that's why he's balded so much it's because he's literally plucked his own hair out um someone says that's a lie he's lying about it but he actually has a nail pattern well that's his story i guess is that is that he had the hair plucking thing um i guess if he did have it

1:50:26
Unknown_15: I don't know. His balding pattern's really weird. It's like right down the middle and also to the sides. I can believe that he's plucking his hair out. Because it's not like a proper male pattern baldness. But it's hard to tell because he's got long hair. And I have this video for his hair stuff.

Unknown_14: That's what it looks like.

Unknown_06: If you take a garlic shampoo, wash it in your hair with lukewarm water, like you get a little bit in there, scrub your hair with it, then wash it out real quickly.

1:51:07
Unknown_15: Chad seems to be reprimanding me and saying that it's a cope. His dad has male pattern baldness too. Here he is explaining that he's used garlic to try and increase his hair growth.

Unknown_20: Then you put another gob of it in your hair, leave it in there for a good...

Unknown_06: five minutes, wash it out with the same warm water, and then put the garlic conditioner in with your hair, scrub it, massage it, all that, leave it in for two minutes, wash it out with the same water. Simple as that.

1:51:44
Unknown_06: This is for people who are balding, hair loss, or have trichoteria and are trying to speed up their hair growth.

Unknown_06: It covers all those things.

Unknown_06: And this garlic shampoo and conditioner smells really good.

Unknown_15: This guy walks around smelling like garlic because he has garlic hair conditioner. So this man stinks. This house must be appalling. He's got rotten fish putrefied into his armchair and floor. He's got that fucking kitchen where he's making these cherry burgers at. He...

1:52:16
Unknown_15: When he takes a shower, he bathes himself using garlic. Just appalling. Can you imagine being this police officer who has to barge into this shit? You're not prepared for it, I don't think.

Unknown_15: So now that he's fired from Wendy's, how does he make money? The answer is he does arts and crafts. He does his magic wand making stuff.

1:52:52
Unknown_15: And let's take a look at his Etsy store, actually. I have this pulled up.

Unknown_15: He doesn't have anything for sale right now, unfortunately, so I can't show you things you can buy. I can't advertise for my man.

Unknown_15: But it's Cobra Craft Wands, handmade crafts from Wyoming. 420 sales. Is that why he's not selling anything? He got nice.

Unknown_15: He just stopped it after that. He's like, I can't. I'm never going to top this. It's a long way to 420. 69 sales. I guess I got to just end my business here. But maybe he'll throw something up.

1:53:24
Unknown_15: He was selling ones as of this year.

Unknown_15: So that's one that he bought. Oh, there it is. Those actually look kind of cool, as far as little sticks go. Oh, here's a handwritten note that he got.

Unknown_15: Thank you for buying a copper-colored shotgun shell wand from Cobert Crafts and Wands. Josh Saunders.

Unknown_14: End. There's a random end at the end.

1:53:56
Unknown_14: Shotgun shell glowing parlor wand.

Unknown_15: Here's that. That's like electrical tape. It doesn't look as good as the other one. There was one that I saw. Oh, here he's got a staff and it's got like, um, that, that like shit you put on stuff to like, like, like preserve it. And that looks like a praying mantis that he's like melted onto the stick. And that's pretty fucking cool. Here's a closeup of it. I don't know if that's fake. I would assume it's fake. oh resin i would i would assume it's fake i would hope it's fake but um or epoxy yeah but i don't know that's pretty cool as far as like a and that's like it looks like the cord for like a uh a nintendo like a super nintendo controller he wrapped around it

1:54:44
Unknown_15: um this is 877 canadian dollars and i guess he sold it because it's not for sale anymore uh and he also sells a t-shirt um he got into trouble because he was selling um on like a redbubble or whatever he was selling copyrighted images on shirts and i guess i think he copied the snake from like google um I think people found out that you can Google, like, Cobra and find this vector image on Google. So he either bought it or stole it, and then he added some gangsta-looking font. It says King Cobra, and now he sells this.

Unknown_15: But I also want to show you this. He is selling carpet.

Unknown_15: Selling chunks of carpet that he signs on the bottom.

Unknown_15: It's an interesting story. I'll get to that in a second. I'll explain the carpet, I promise.

1:55:41
Unknown_15: Actually, I'll explain it right now. That's the next video.

Unknown_15: Also called Chillin'. I think every single stream he does in 2021 is just called Chillin'. This one has T8 as the code. Here we go.

Unknown_15: Now I'm skipping to 1435. An autographed piece of carpet from my old apartment.

Unknown_06: That's nostalgia, baby.

1:56:13
Unknown_06: Freakin' nostalgia.

Unknown_06: Um, I'll pop the link in the... Shut it up.

Unknown_15: Hold it. Show the signature. I'm going to be signing it right now. There we go. There we go.

Unknown_20: Getting them autographs done. Watch out.

Unknown_15: So he's selling carpet from his old place. I'll just go ahead. I was going to save this for after explaining his merchandise, but I guess I might as well say it now.

1:56:47
Unknown_15: He was evicted from his old apartment.

Unknown_15: He was called midstream, and I'll play that next.

Unknown_15: And from what I understand, he was smoking hookah by using a blowtorch.

Unknown_15: He had dropped some rotten fish on the carpet.

Unknown_15: He was not supposed to be smoking at all, but he was smoking indoors and smoking through his pipe and cigarettes on livestream. He was drinking and throwing up on the floor midstream.

1:57:20
Unknown_14: Every stream. And...

Unknown_15: Oh, his wand crafting. He was spray painting his wands indoors. And the landlord said that he had done about $6,000 worth of damage to the apartment. And he was wondering why tenants weren't staying in the adjacent apartments. And it was because it smelled like rotten fish and spray paint and smoke and smoke. So he had issues selling them and he lost money because those are empty for whatever reason. Which is quite, I mean, it's funny, but it's also really, really tragic.

1:57:56
Unknown_15: And here's the stream where he actually finds out. Thankfully, he's live streaming himself fucking constantly.

Unknown_06: Hey, what's up?

Unknown_21: Hey, what's up?

Unknown_06: What? Why? I don't want to be a... No, like, I can quit smoking indoors. Oh my fucking god, dude! Where the fuck am I supposed to go, dude?

1:58:38
Unknown_15: I'll just repeat it. Clint says, which is, uh, home dad Clint, I think is what he calls him. Uh, well, I don't know, Josh, you know, if you just followed their rules and they told you that nobody was allowed smoking in the building. This is the thanks I get for giving him an ashtray out of my own fucking pocket.

Unknown_15: Oh my god, Josh, an ashtray. His dad says incredulously to that statement.

Unknown_06: I bought an ashtray for fucking outside. This is the fucking thanks I get. Real fucking nice.

Unknown_15: What?

Unknown_15: You bought them a $25 goddamn dollar ashtray, he says. That was $40.

1:59:11
Unknown_03: Uh, told me intelligible, but we know $6,000 worth of damage to your apartment.

Unknown_06: There's no way I'd cost $6,000 worth of damage to this apartment. That is bullshit. Fucking God, dude.

Unknown_06: I didn't do it intentionally. Shit.

Unknown_06: I'm getting evicted for using spray paint on my wands? Seriously?

Unknown_06: Okay, I'm listening. I'm not turning this on anyone. I'm just asking questions, man. That's okay. You know what? I'm sorry, too, Dad. Oh, I won't rant about them at all. They've been very patient with me, you're right.

1:59:42
Unknown_06: No, I don't, Dad. Okay? No, I don't need counseling. I just need to make smarter decisions.

Unknown_06: All right, Dad. Thanks for letting me know. All right, Dad. I'll keep an eye out. So I'll keep looking. I'll start looking, too.

Unknown_06: All right. I appreciate you. breaking news to me as gently as possible.

Unknown_06: I'm glad she didn't want to do it, but I understand why she's doing it.

2:00:17
Unknown_06: You know, it is what it is. I would like to personally thank the people who run this building. You've been very patient with me.

Unknown_06: I guess spray painting the wands indoors was a no-no amongst other things. It was a no-no, Chet. Yeah.

Unknown_06: That, um... It is what it is.

Unknown_06: Man, I really like this apartment, too, but unfortunately, YouTube, I'm being evicted. So for the next 30 days, if you don't see me on YouTube, you know, I'm, uh...

2:00:55
Unknown_06: I'll be looking for a house or so.

Unknown_15: Let's go back to the merch. I took a detour. So on top of his, obviously he has to hustle now because he has to pay rent and shit, right? So he also sells, as I hinted at, he sells his music. He literally sells his music on cassette tape. Probably the only person in the entire world who still makes cassette tapes. So you have to buy this physically. Or, if you're so lucky, you might catch a live performance of him singing.

2:01:38
Unknown_15: That's his original song in the background. He's not singing yet.

Unknown_18: But if you're a guy and she's too fat for you, you're body shaming.

Unknown_10: If you're not, if you're only listening.

2:02:10
Unknown_15: You're really missing out. He seems to be reveling in his work. He's like lip syncing it. Like, yeah, yeah, that's how it's supposed to sound. That's right. I hit it perfectly. Then that was a great take. Like he's really reveling in his own, his own craft here.

Unknown_06: Like some power metal right there. I was his body shaming. That'd be sick, dude.

Unknown_18: But if you're a guy and she's too fat for you, you're body shaming.

2:02:46
Unknown_06: God damn it, too long on that last note.

Unknown_15: Perfect.

Unknown_15: No, he does not need a job because he has sponsors. And from what I've been told, he does have a legitimate sponsor who is not shaken from him. And he shills them every single stream. And he'll constantly reiterate this story of the time that...

Unknown_15: He went to Walmart and a big titty goth GF said to him, hey, bro, you smell real good. And he tells that story over and over again because he is sponsored by Tactical Soap.

2:03:24
Unknown_15: This audio, I apologize, the audio on this video is horrific. The gist of it is, is that he shills the soap, and then he takes a shower with it, and you can hear him taking a shower.

Unknown_15: So I apologize, the audio fades in and out, because I guess he's fucking with his camera as he plays it, but I think this part's audible.

Unknown_20: Soap kicks ass.

Unknown_06: Okay. I struggle with Asperger's, so sometimes talking to the ladies, not my strongest suits. But when I rock tactical soap, I feel confidence. I feel sexy. I feel manly. So yeah, man, I definitely recommend this soap. This soap is the bee's knees, my dude.

2:04:03
Unknown_15: I apologize. This is as loud as it gets.

Unknown_15: I'll try to replay this. Hold up.

Unknown_20: This soap kicks ass.

Unknown_15: Okay, then after this, it's really loud. I'll play it one more time with the audio. But when your ear drums get exploded, don't blame me.

Unknown_06: Okay. I struggle with Asperger's. So sometimes talking to the ladies, not my strongest suit. But when I rock tactical soap, I feel confident. I feel sexy. I feel manly. So yeah, man, I definitely recommend this soap. This soap is the bee's knees, my dude. Oh, we're going to get a strip tease.

2:04:39
Unknown_15: Lovely.

Unknown_15: He's so hairy.

Unknown_06: Okay, this is when he starts... That's the soap.

2:05:16
Unknown_15: That's the tactical soap. That's Bond.

Unknown_15: It's great for autistic people because you smell real good. And goth girls will check you out at Walmart.

Unknown_15: He's also got God of War beard oil, apparently. I don't know if that's also from tactical soap.

Unknown_15: Oh, he's in the shower.

Unknown_06: The following video is going to contain references to movies and TV shows.

Unknown_15: So, throughout this 38 minute long video, he's showering. And he's actively using the... Oh, he's reaching for it. Ah, there's the product placement. Why is he... Is he putting the soap back into the box?

2:05:49
Unknown_15: Why did he bring the box into the shower? He put the soap back into the cardboard! Ha!

Unknown_12: Bro, it's gonna get wet. It's gonna fall apart. You can't put wet soap back in the box, bro. It's not made for that That's funny that's I didn't I didn't expect that There that guy he looks so much like Sam Hyde right there when he puts on the glasses put on the glasses I

2:06:37
Unknown_06: I love tactical soap. Yeah!

Unknown_15: Look at that. Dead ringer, my man. Dead ringer. That is Sam Hyatt. That is the Samson Hammer 666.

Unknown_15: Beautiful.

Unknown_15: So that's tactical soap. Highly recommended product by Asperger's everywhere.

Unknown_15: Makes you smell good. Makes you irresistible to goth. The goth girls.

Unknown_15: Good stuff.

Unknown_15: And as we extend into the third hour of this, I have wrapped up everything I've prepared. And I know that I missed a lot. Let me just scroll up and down my notes here because I know there's some stuff that I missed. There's lots of little details that I could only vaguely cover. I didn't mention any of the other people besides Sean and Stephanie, for instance.

2:07:13
Unknown_15: He's patriotic.

Unknown_15: uh here let's see this i just as a as a cursory thing here's him trying to play the guitar i believe to show his patriotism for america and that's 109 25.

2:07:56
Unknown_15: Oh, say can you shart at the local shart mart?

Unknown_15: Beautiful.

Unknown_13: He has neighbors.

Unknown_15: Wonderful.

Unknown_15: um i didn't cover his drink reviews here's one let's take a peek at this just to cover my bases i guess i have to sign in for a drink review are you fucking kidding me this is why i had to download everything noon review oh there's sneaky snake root beer float that's most definitely what's up

2:08:45
Unknown_06: Cheers, folks. We got the wands in the mail.

Unknown_15: It's root beer with cookie dough ice cream and Hershey's chocolate sauce. He will have three or four on stream and literally get drunk off his ass on desserts.

Unknown_15: So he starts by drinking one and then 12 minutes later he makes another. Oh!

Unknown_06: Companies like it when you give free advertisement. That's how you get sponsors and your name out there.

2:09:16
Unknown_06: A cop basically can then choose whether to represent you or not.

Unknown_15: I actually almost forgot this one. So here he is eating a second tub of ice cream, but yet he's not fat. How is this possible? Well, you see, there is a meme.

Unknown_15: You ask King Cobra, King Cobra, how do you stay thin, my man? And he has an answer for you.

Unknown_06: How do you stay so lean? Well, I walk everywhere. I ride bike in the summer. I ride bike whenever the weather is permittable and I'm in the mood. I have a high metabolism. I walk everywhere. I ride bike.

2:09:52
Unknown_06: I ride bike and walk everywhere I go because I don't have a car. So I'm always getting some sort of exercise to burn it off.

Unknown_06: When I was a kid, you could ride bike and nobody would say shit about it, you know? There was no ifs, ands, or buts except watch for traffic and wear a helmet.

2:10:33
Unknown_02: I don't have a car. I pretty much walk or ride bike everywhere around town or catch a ride with one of my homies.

Unknown_06: Ladies, what's up?

Unknown_06: Like I said, I walk everywhere I go. I ride bike. You know what I'm saying?

Unknown_06: You know, there's been times, YouTube.

2:11:04
Unknown_06: Okay.

Unknown_06: There's been times that my neighbors have had very loud sex.

Unknown_13: And it's like, I don't want to fucking hear that nasty shit.

Unknown_06: But did I complain to my landlord about it? No, of course not.

Unknown_06: I'll eat like one meal a day to conserve food and to help manage my weight. And on top of that, I walk and ride bike everywhere. So, you know what I'm saying?

2:11:36
Unknown_15: Rule 666 of the Sigma mindset. Ride bike.

Unknown_06: Do you ever work out your legs? Yeah, I ride bike or I walk.

Unknown_06: Damn.

Unknown_09: That sounds nice. Hold on a second. Yeah.

2:12:10
Unknown_19: Yeah.

Unknown_19: That sounds nice.

Unknown_15: So someone mentioned in chat that he's literally live right now. 250 people watching right now. And he's eating Burger King.

Unknown_15: I guess he ride bike to the Burger King. And now he's returning with the Burger King. And he's just relaxing. He's in the Sigma grind set as we speak. He's in his place. He's comfortable, cool, relaxed.

2:12:42
Unknown_15: Evan just rode bike.

Unknown_15: Oh, DoorDash. Someone else rode bike, though. That counts.

Unknown_15: So I told him yesterday, I sent him a text message, and I said, I run the Kiwi Farms. I would like to talk to you live on the stream. And he said, yeah, sure, get back to me on that tomorrow. I'm like, okay. So we're going to watch a completely random King Cobra cooking video. And after that, I'm going to try to call him. And then if...

2:13:14
Unknown_15: if everything is is is permitting uh we will we will have a conversation for a first time since jonathan yanov i will talk to someone live on one of these streams and we'll close it off with that uh let's get that playlist going pick one that i've not seen before okay um

Unknown_14: Another Burger, Greasy Breakfast, Creeping Reaper, Chimichanga Bacon Cheeseburger, Spaghetti and Meatballs.

2:13:51
Unknown_15: I'm tempted to go with Spaghetti and Meatballs. That sounds like it would be the biggest catastrophe ever. I know the avocados are... Those are probably...

Unknown_15: The candy calzone.

Unknown_15: Okay, I'll do a poll. I'll do a poll. I can't choose. I'm too indecisive. I'm too indecisive. Which video? Avocados, candy calzone, or spaghetti and ball?

Unknown_15: You tell me, Chad. Personally, I'm going to stack the debt here. I'm leaning towards the spaghetti and meatballs.

2:14:24
Unknown_15: But we'll see. We'll see. I'll go with the audience here.

Unknown_15: As soon as the results come in, we'll take a yander.

Unknown_15: Candy Calzone is winning. It's just blowing the others away. Is that even possible? Oh, wait. We're on update. Okay. Candy Calzone, I guess. Let's watch this.

Unknown_06: fellow youtubers it's your sexy goth bad boy coming back at you with another cooking video so i want to show you cool cobras how to make a candy calzone hopefully it plays out if i play my cards just dry i think it will do just fine candy for halloween you want to make the perfect pizza you got to get the oven on the preheat to 420.

2:15:24
Unknown_06: A candy calzone. This definitely sounds interesting, doesn't it? Just the title alone is like instant clickbait.

Unknown_06: Also, I bought a bag of Flamin' Hot Nacho Doritos, their new flavor. I'll be doing a review on those soon enough. Let's get to cooking that bacon for our recipe.

Unknown_06: Casper variant COVID.

Unknown_15: Okay. Did he add oil before he put the bacon in?

Unknown_06: Oh, my God. Those... Wait. Okay.

2:16:13
Unknown_15: What the fu- Those dead-ass fucking bananas, bro. Those are bad. You gotta- You gotta throw those out. Two meat lingering in the background, uh, menacingly looking at you. We got the oven preheated.

Unknown_06: Some of you may think, oh, that looks nasty.

Unknown_15: Goff bananas. Yeah, exactly. Some of you may think, you know what, I'll give it a try.

Unknown_06: Really, it depends on your personal opinion. Oh, look at that bacon cook. Isn't that sexy?

Unknown_06: I might have drinking just a little bit of vodka and Monster before making this cooking video, but that's all right, I'm 27. Okay, now that we got our delicious bacon, now it's time to assemble this here calzone. We've got our Pillsbury thin crust for our calzone. Let me give it a good whack on the camera.

2:16:51
Unknown_15: Pillsbury thin crust?

Unknown_15: Oh, it's going to pop.

Unknown_06: Ah!

Unknown_06: To start this delicious calzone. Okay, we've got the Jif peanut butter. I'm gonna put this in the middle as our sauce.

Unknown_15: He loves fucking peanut butter, man. He's like a dog. He'd lick that shit off anything.

2:17:37
Unknown_06: Pay attention, you two, because it's gonna get good. Pay attention, you fuckers. That's the oven letting us know that the preheat is done. Thank you, oven. This fork is covered in peanut butter. I want to lick it clean because I can. Mmm.

Unknown_06: Hold on a second. Watch out. And this is what our crust looks like. Oh, my God. To becoming a calzone. Now, the next step we're going to do is we're going to add some brown sugar to that.

2:18:12
Unknown_15: You know, it's really not that hard to make your own, like, pizza dough, bro. You can do it in, like, a couple hours, and most of that's just waiting. You don't have to, like, pop out the Pillsbury Double A for that. A handful here and there.

Unknown_06: The top of our peanut butter because why the fuck not?

Unknown_15: What did he add? Brown sugar? Oh, God.

Unknown_15: That's also a weird affinity. Why does he like brown sugar so much? No. No. No. Get those fucking bananas away from me.

2:18:56
Unknown_12: It's rotten. You can see the rot on it, bro. Get that shit away. You can't eat that.

Unknown_06: That would be pretty swinging, but that would take a little extra time. So if you've gotten to this point.

Unknown_15: No, bro. Not those bananas from that fridge, bro. Come on. To make it more sort of a candy calzone.

Unknown_06: Yeah. We got a nice big fat bag of mozzarella cheese.

Unknown_15: That's vile.

Unknown_06: Why can't I put cheese on mine?

Unknown_15: Bro...

2:19:39
Unknown_06: yeah buddy it's like half a bag of cheese too and we're gonna that's fully cooked and we're gonna break it up on top of the melted cheese some of you may think what in the actual flying is wrong with this autistic why would you put these things into a calzone you self-aware right bastard what the hell

Unknown_06: Some of you may think, you know what? That looks interesting, I'd try it. No, not that many, bro. More ingredients for this to work. Some pepperonis, some chocolate, and some more cheese. Wait, what? Did he say he was putting chocolate in this? No, no, no. This, uh-uh. You're thinking to yourself, no, there's no way.

Unknown_00: I'm not making this shit, fuck you.

Unknown_06: We are fucking doing this. This sick bastard, what the hell is he doing?

2:20:33
Unknown_06: Crazy ass pizza puck. It's something to keep you watching. Like, what's he going to do? That's going to be so gross. There's so much filling. Well, I got you, YouTube. Trust and believe I got you.

Unknown_06: We're going to need some of these, of course.

Unknown_15: I'd say he's wasting food, but he's going to eat it all. And then he's going to go ride bike.

Unknown_06: Squish this down a little bit. Kind of flatten it so that we can make room for... You know, there's... This would be a good time to mention that

Unknown_15: Apparently, he actually stays thin because he's bulimic. That's the rumor. I don't know if that's true. I don't think he has, like, the... There's certain things you can look for to see if someone's bulimic. He said he was bulimic when he was in school. I legit have no fucking idea how he eats like this and stays thin. A little bit of peanut butter on the side of my hand from doing that, but... Ew.

2:21:05
Unknown_06: Mm.

Unknown_06: That's all right.

Unknown_06: Mm. Mm.

Unknown_06: Yeah, his teeth would be fucked up.

Unknown_15: He would have puffy cheeks and stuff. I don't know. I don't see it. But that's what some people think.

2:21:36
Unknown_06: Are those Cadbury eggs?

Unknown_15: Are you fucking joking?

Unknown_06: Oh no, those are those cherries he likes.

Unknown_15: This is vile. This is pretty fucking horrific.

Unknown_06: Is this a trick or a treat?

Unknown_15: I can't tell. It's both. You know, you can also check for scars and markings on their knuckles.

Unknown_06: And there's one video...

2:22:09
Unknown_15: Where he had a bloody knuckle. I don't know, maybe he just cut it coincidentally. But I remember one video, he was just sitting in one of his chilling videos, and he had a fucked up, like, active bleeding wound on his knuckles.

Unknown_06: Just like that. Oh, that's beautiful. Can I squish this down just a little bit? There we go. Just a small handful of brown sugar will do for the top of this cheesy... He punches shit. Okay. That makes sense, too. He hits the walls. Okay, there's the center for our calzone. Let's see if we can't fold it.

2:22:42
Unknown_15: Do you know how much...

Unknown_15: How much modern miracles have to go into making this? Like, the amount of petrol it takes to, like, grow in the water that has to be piped to, like, grow that wheat, to make that dough, so that it can be canned and then transported to a Walmart to be put in the fridge, which is ran by electricity, by a freezer, so that it can stay good... so that he can buy it and put it in here, and then you have the pepperoni, which is from living animals that have been turned into sausage and sliced by machinery, and then you have mozzarella, which is from cheese, and that contains rennet, which is from calf stomachs, and that's turned into mozzarella, and then that's also shipped and refrigerated, and then you have those Cadbury eggs, which are chocolate that contain cocoa from all over the world, and All this shit. All this international geographical transportation to make these commodities readily available so that this motherfucker can make this and eat it. I might need to use both hands for this. The dough looks like it's cooked properly, though. To his credit.

2:23:39
Unknown_06: Now, I've gotten this calzone cut into four serving slices. I'm going to put some on a plate and we'll give this... Four servings. Get this crazy calzone a try. I'm going to go ahead and pick this up. Oh, no. Oh, Jesus. Fuck. Oh, the way it seeps is awful.

2:24:11
Unknown_06: Now comes the moment of truth, which is, of course, trying the disaster that we've just made.

Unknown_06: Letting it cool off a bit. I'm going to open it up as a slice, just like that. Go ahead and give it a bite. No, bro.

Unknown_16: No, bro. Ugh.

Unknown_16: Ah!

Unknown_06: Holy fucking shit, that's good.

2:24:43
Unknown_06: That is just phenomenal. Here's a cross-section of that inside of the calzone.

Unknown_06: Here's a cross-section of that candy calzone. Oh, YouTube.

Unknown_06: Oh, that is just flavor town and a half.

Unknown_15: I believe he's a Satanist. He proves the existence of Satan.

Unknown_15: Nobody should be allowed, should be permitted to eat this shit.

Unknown_12: Ew, he's eating for, going for seconds, bro. I'm like covering my eyes.

2:25:15
Unknown_06: Flipping God, that is good.

Unknown_06: This calzone is swinging. Super sweet, super delicious, super packed with flavor.

Unknown_15: This is fucked up.

Unknown_06: This is definitely a heart attack waiting to happen.

Unknown_06: Look at his fingers. His fingers are covered in grease, man. A little bit of cheese pull.

Unknown_16: He used to be an animal, man.

Unknown_06: Anyways, thanks for watching. I'll catch you cool cobras on the flip side.

Unknown_15: Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

2:25:57
Unknown_06: Let's try this again.

Unknown_15: Okay.

Unknown_15: This is him right now, I think.

Unknown_15: That's like a triple triple, man.

Unknown_03: Yeah, no regrets on this sandwich. I'm going to be eating the rest of this later. We're going to get a couple of big ass bites for YouTube. It's like a chicken sandwich with two beef patties.

Unknown_15: That's like two pounds of food.

Unknown_03: The heat. The spicy chicken sandwich. They get a little bit of heat from those ghost pepper chicken nuggets.

2:26:30
Unknown_03: That cheese, that bacon, that chicken.

Unknown_15: Hi, Penguin Man. How you doing, bro? This is how you do a food hack, YouTube.

Unknown_03: You take two different sandwiches and make it your own. That is a fickalicious motherfucker, YouTube. Oh, look at that.

Unknown_03: YouTube, stop it.

Unknown_03: Stop it.

Unknown_15: I want him to finish. I don't want to interrupt his meal with my phone call. He's like, he's seriously enjoying this. This is a man.

2:27:08
Unknown_03: You too.

Unknown_15: This is a man who's enjoying his meal.

Unknown_15: Should we watch another? Should we watch another and then go back and call him? Oh, he's putting it away.

Unknown_06: Our call. Send him a text. He's a moderate.

Unknown_15: He knows. Oh, that's a good sandwich.

2:27:44
Unknown_03: Oh my god, it's good. Spicy, flavorful, packed. Dude, Burger King food hacks. Yes.

Unknown_15: I sent him a text message. So let's see. We're going to shoot our shot here, Chad. And if not, we'll watch another cooking video.

Unknown_06: I'll do the heat from that spicy chicken plus the ghost pepper nuggets.

Unknown_15: Spicy chicken would have been twice as epic with the jalapeno poppers, but the location I ordered from my guest was out And you know what it is what it is because Burger King I Ain't complaining.

2:28:26
Unknown_15: I sent him a text yesterday Get the king cobra seal of approval I

Unknown_15: He's going for that Burger King.

Unknown_03: It's getting colder outside, man. You want to warm up your feet, warm up your toes, warm up your stomach?

Unknown_15: Ah, fuck you.

Unknown_03: Oh, dude.

Unknown_03: My sinuses are cleared out.

Unknown_15: Let me try and...

Unknown_15: Check your phone. Yeah, he's on, um, he's on airplane mode. I remember someone told me that he's on airplane mode when, uh, he streams now.

Unknown_03: Ultimate spicy chicken sandwich. That's what I want to call that sandwich food hack. Ultimate spicy chicken sandwich.

2:29:05
Unknown_03: That's a 10 out of 10, dude. The layers of meat and heat.

Unknown_03: One delicious spicy treat for my stomach.

Unknown_03: And I was going to put the sauce on it. I sent a message. I popped a message for later. I was going to put Buffalo and Ranch on it, too. I totally forgot. I was so hungry and just caught up in the moment of the YouTube video. And I'm just like.

Unknown_15: Of course, he's on slow mode. He just ate like a pound of chicken and beef.

Unknown_06: But I'll save that for later. Put these in the fridge with my sandwich and dispose of our empty bag. One second.

2:29:39
Unknown_15: This is my chance, guys. This is perfect timing. Come on now. Come on. Come on.

Unknown_15: Now you come on.

Unknown_15: I love this shot in the background.

Unknown_15: Do it now. He puts his phone on airplane mode. I don't think I'll be able to get through to him while he's live.

Unknown_06: Someone tell him now. Check your text. Check your text, bro. Bacon, cheese, and nuggets. Halloween food hack!

2:30:13
Unknown_15: is to thank them for coming out in the confidence that has helped them navigate their own life josh wants one so people like this get messages from people all over the world who are recently out of the closet or struggling with their identities thanking them for their video saying that okay here's what i'll do coming out or Here's what I'll do. We're going to watch one more of his cooking videos.

2:30:54
Unknown_15: I will have my thing open, right? I will have my phone thing, my phone app, whatever, on.

Unknown_15: And if he replies by text, we will talk to him. And we'll make this happen. But if not, we'll just watch another one. And I think we should...

2:31:26
Unknown_15: Which one we watch that the curly fried cheeseburger might be horrific the dank mac and cheese Oh, I gotta see the fucking spaghetti meatballs This is in mono I'm gonna I'm gonna save you guys and I'm gonna put this into a single track so that you do not have to hear this in mono I

Unknown_14: Cobra Segment, I'm your host, King Cobra JFS.

Unknown_06: We're gonna make some spaghetti and meatballs. Before I make the noodles and the pastas, I'm gonna make meatballs. We got some low-moisture mozzarella, and I cut them into smaller chunks.

Unknown_21: I want to fill the bowl up with them. I don't know how many times I'll say balls in this video.

2:32:25
Unknown_06: Shut up, people.

Unknown_17: Fuck you, you butthead.

Unknown_17: Look at that.

Unknown_17: Yeah, buddy.

Unknown_15: Oh, God. Oh, no, the tube. The tube. I have to crack a couple eggs.

Unknown_17: Now we got five eggs in our bowl.

Unknown_06: Time to whisk it.

Unknown_06: Let's add a couple drops of the olive oil. You fucking piece of shit, man.

2:32:58
Unknown_06: We got some black label thick cut bacon from Hormel. And we need that stripped per meatball. Oh yeah, we got our meatball station set up. So we're gonna grab a chunk of beef. We're gonna grab a chunk of cheese.

Unknown_06: And we got our meatball. And then we're gonna wrap it.

Unknown_06: There we go, yeah buddy.

Unknown_06: So I'm pretty sure... Okay, like, I'm a retard when it comes to cooking, but I'm pretty sure... That... Um... Beef... Minced beef... And bacon... Cook differently.

2:33:41
Unknown_15: You cannot just... I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure you just can't wrap them and then have them cook properly together.

Unknown_15: Cobus puts Cade to shame.

Unknown_06: Rolling the meatballs.

Unknown_06: An egg.

Unknown_06: Yeah, buddy.

Unknown_06: Sweet Lucifer, yes.

Unknown_06: Sweet Lucifer, yes.

Unknown_13: I'm going to sprinkle some garlic powder, roast Payne County meat seasoning on it.

2:34:21
Unknown_06: Oh, fuck me.

Unknown_06: I put too much on there. Goddamn, I opened up the wrong side. Fucking shit-wanking fucking bollocks.

Unknown_15: It's perfectly seasoned, bro.

Unknown_15: Why is he suddenly adopting this modesty? Why can't he just dump an entire shaker of spices on it?

Unknown_06: That shit got caked. Let's slam it in the oven.

2:34:56
Unknown_06: Oh my god.

Unknown_15: That's like a whole stick of butter.

Unknown_06: Some of these are ready for the skitty. Some of these aren't.

Unknown_06: Those noodles are ready to go.

Unknown_17: Nice. Chewy.

Unknown_15: Ew. It's like skitty from...

Unknown_15: Uh, what's her face?

Unknown_17: Mama June. Is that wine?

2:35:32
Unknown_15: Did he put wine in his spaghetti noodles?

Unknown_15: Ew!

Unknown_06: Ew!

Unknown_15: Into the pot with all the water? Bro, come on.

Unknown_17: Look at this shit. Holy shit.

Unknown_15: So just so you know, um, he, like, he, like, properly jumpscared the audience. Look at this shit. Like, the camera just pans over to these meatballs. Um, wow. The tray is covered in, like, grease. The bacon is undercooked. The meatballs are perfectly gray, as they should be.

2:36:11
Unknown_06: Bacon-wrapped meatballs.

Unknown_06: Oh, flip yes. Ridiculous, YouTube.

Unknown_06: There's your spaghetti. You fucking piece of shit.

Unknown_06: Fucking... It's alright.

2:36:45
Unknown_15: It's cooked. Oh, he poured the egg on top of the meatballs so the egg burned as opposed to being mixed in with the meat. I don't even know what the fuck those crumbs were.

Unknown_17: Let's try it again.

Unknown_15: Ew. Ew! It's like he's literally eating out of a dumpster.

Unknown_15: Don't let him eat that. This man put Doritos into spaghetti.

Unknown_17: This is making me hungry.

2:37:23
Unknown_15: I want Doritos now.

Unknown_06: Ew! Bro!

Unknown_16: Bro! Bro! No, bro! Don't do it! Oh, no!

Unknown_12: Oh, shit.

Unknown_06: Ow! Spaghetti you ever did see. Now, I'm gonna put this in the fridge for later. Thanks for watching.

Unknown_14: Ah!

2:37:55
Unknown_15: I think our crusade to get King Cobra to talk to us has failed completely.

Unknown_04: He's like debunking trannies right now.

Unknown_06: What?

Unknown_06: So that's like saying, oh, yeah. He's too busy debunking.

Unknown_15: Apparently his phone was at 1% and he said he was going to plug it in after the stream. So it's just dead now. I don't know.

Unknown_15: After this stream, I might go get something to snack on because it is Halloween.

Unknown_15: But if he calls, I'll boot up the stream again after the fact. But he probably won't. From what I understand, based on...

2:38:36
Unknown_15: The people in his chat, they said that he doesn't really do interviews or whatever.

Unknown_15: His message to me was, I said, hey, I'm Josh. I run the Kiwi Farms. Do you mind talking to me tomorrow? I'd like to livestream a conversation probably around 1 p.m. Mountain Time. And he says, yeah, get back to me in that. So I take that as a yes. It could be King Cobra for no-go-fuck-yourself troll blocked. Like, I don't know. I'm not in his world, so I can't particularly say.

2:39:07
Unknown_15: But I think I've covered everything that I can.

Unknown_15: I don't know if I can stomach the avocado video. I heard it's bad. Fuck it. You know what? I'll do it. I've let you guys down with the avocado. If I start to gag to the point, I might have to back out or look away or something. No promises I can make it through the avocado video. But for completion's sake, I will.

Unknown_15: Okay, so we're already staring at a pot. What is up, YouTube? He has a bandana on for some reason. That's new.

2:39:40
Unknown_06: I've been drinking all day thinking to myself, what can I do for a video? All the stuff with my alcohol is a tiny bit. I put them in schnapps, but everything else has been good and drinking up. Nom, nom, nom, nom. So I take these avocado slices and I want to make these sons of bitches into french fries.

Unknown_15: He's gonna make avocado into french fries? That's not gonna work. Ew!

Unknown_06: Ew! Ew! Ew! Are you fu- Bro! Bro!

2:40:29
Unknown_06: Wait, are you?

Unknown_16: Does he have an entire video?

Unknown_06: How does he fuck up a can like that, bro? If you can make french fries with potatoes, can you make? I didn't cut them real small

Unknown_15: He's boiling avocados. Are you fucking kidding me? These are looking pretty damn good. Sorry, I skipped. I can't look at him with that boogie. Wait, is he frying avocado? Are you shitting me?

2:41:00
Unknown_15: This is a nightmare.

Unknown_08: Alright, these are looking pretty good.

Unknown_06: Dip it in sauce. Dip it in sauce. A little bit of salt, a little bit of paprika, a whole lot of ranch, deep fried avocado slices. Yeah. Let's get a little bit. Stir that around.

Unknown_15: Is that just ranch and paprika?

2:41:37
Unknown_06: This right here. This right here is some good eating.

Unknown_15: See, the skin is on. He fried the skin. No. No.

Unknown_15: No.

Unknown_16: Come on.

Unknown_06: Pour some of this sauce into the cup. Just like that.

Unknown_16: Yeah. Bro. Bro. He's slurping the ranch.

Unknown_06: Nobody told me that deep frying an avocado was delicious. Yeah.

2:42:09
Unknown_06: Look at that, YouTube. Does that make me a ranch hand?

Unknown_13: Ow!

Unknown_06: Yeah.

Unknown_06: One of my buddies was kinda showing me how to make this, and I'm like, you know, I gotta try this when I get home.

Unknown_15: one of his buddies this was a meeting of the minds someone else came up with this and told him and he was like yeah man I'll do that I'll make those when I get home and he fucking did Casper Wyoming is like the Silicon Valley of really fucked up food apparently I mean you could stuff these avocados with anything once you deep fry them you could stuff them with cheese and a little bit of sour cream

2:43:00
Unknown_06: I get to smoke my pop tobacco, but y'all have a good night, and I thank y'all for watching.

Unknown_15: Okay, one more. One more, and then I have to give up. This is the cheesy pasta, which I had made a note to watch. We're making some pasta. This is 10 minutes long, so he has plenty of time to charge his phone if he wants to.

Unknown_06: And then I got this brand right here. Both boxes of pasta are emptying into the pot. Here's our seasoning mixes. I got the water turned up to, well, the heat, I should say, turned up to seven. And I'm going to get these noodles cooked up real good.

Unknown_15: So when I first, I did see this one. When I first saw this, I thought, what the fuck is that? And the answer is, I think coming up.

2:43:37
Unknown_06: the pan's a little dirty because i boiled eggs out of it he boiled eggs and then didn't clean it so that froth is like egg remnants stuck to the pan that are now floating up these noodles real quick we're not going to uh drain all the water but we're going to let these noodles cook for a bit and uh

Unknown_06: Yeah.

Unknown_15: It's kind of hard to fuck cheese pasta.

Unknown_06: ...for these pasta noodles to cook up. Once the water gets to a certain level, that's when I'll add a little bit of mustard, a little bit of ranch, and a little bit of mayo, just to give it some consistency and stir it up real good. And then when it's nice and creamy with the sauce, then I'm going to mix in the...

2:44:10
Unknown_06: Did they teach people how to cook in the U.S.?

Unknown_15: No, they do not. Home Ec is like an optional class some people take.

Unknown_06: Cheese.

2:44:52
Unknown_06: I know y'all like my cooking videos, so why not, right?

Unknown_08: Well, that's boiling.

Unknown_06: Let's move over to my YouTube here. I'm going to upload another video. Ew, his pores.

Unknown_06: I'll skip past this. Add your sauces before you add the powder. The sauce, when it mixes with the water, will liquefy, but then as the water boils down, it'll congeal. Yeah. I mean, if you like mustard, then fuck it, right?

Unknown_15: okay ingredient number one imagine this like a like a proper cooking show first boil your pasta noodles from cold water uh at a high temperature once at a boil begin to add the remnants of your mustard container oh shit i'll get it later make sure your entire mustard packet is empty

2:45:54
Unknown_15: If your container begins to overflow, do not remove it from the heat. Instead, reduce the heat and wait for it to reduce.

Unknown_06: Okay, that's the rest of my mustard right there. And take all that mustard that I just poured in there. Stir it around. And there isn't a whole lot of mustard in there. It's probably just going to be enough for a little bit of flavor.

Unknown_15: Stir the mustard until the water is a bright green. Okay, this is true. Okay, wait. We have to ignore the... Let's go back a second before the ranch happened. There is a word in Polish, which I'm going to teach you guys now.

2:46:33
Unknown_15: We're going to learn some Polish.

Unknown_15: I don't have it on the top of my head. It's notorious for English people not to be able to pronounce.

Unknown_15: It's this word.

Unknown_15: It means yellow. It's also a colloquial word for vomit. A Polish person told me this once. And when I see that fucking pot in that yellow color, I think of this.

Unknown_15: And I think of a Polish person throwing up, because that is a truly horrific color for food to be.

2:47:05
Unknown_06: Now let's add some ranch to it.

Unknown_15: No, he's adding Secret Valley or Hidden Valley Ranch to his boiling pot of noodles. It's a little funky when you're mixing it up and what have you.

Unknown_06: It looks a little bit funky, but it's okay. It tastes good.

Unknown_06: Yes, it will. Yes, it will.

Unknown_06: It's already starting to get pretty thick. Yeah, buddy. And now we're going to throw in some of that mayo. Looking good on that. All right. So now I want to... If you don't know, ranch is pure mayonnaise.

2:47:38
Unknown_15: That's why it makes vegetables taste better. It's fucking mayo. So he's added mayo to his boiling pot and he's going to add more mayo to it.

Unknown_06: Actually, you know what? Nah, that's enough ranch. I think you grab some of this Kraft mayo.

Unknown_06: Getting stuff all over the stove, aren't I?

Unknown_15: The ASMR sounds of the fucking mayo scooping is bad. How much? Dude, that's like two cups of mayo.

2:48:13
Unknown_06: And that mayo is going to give this a really nice creamy. It's going to give my noodles a nice creamy texture. Ew!

Unknown_06: He just ate pure mayo off a fork. Bro. Stir that shit up in here.

Unknown_06: We're gonna incorporate all of that in here. Trying to stir it without making a mess.

Unknown_06: After adding the ranch and the mayo, you know what I'm saying? It's giving you a really nice, thick consistency. You can see the noodles are starting to cook in those condiments. Yeah, don't be afraid to use condiments for your pasta game, YouTube.

2:48:47
Unknown_06: You got a favorite condiment you like to use on your burgers or your hot dogs?

Unknown_15: Ew. I guess you got to clean up mid-prep, right? There's a little bit of grease on the stove. See, I lost his mind.

Unknown_06: But that's all right. Stoves are meant to get messy, I suppose. They clean up after all.

Unknown_21: So we're going to let that cook for a bit longer before we add the powder mixes to it.

2:49:30
Unknown_06: Man, that sink is fucked. Look at that, YouTube. Look at that. You see it starting to congeal. Oh, how does this smell?

Unknown_06: Oh, YouTube. This smells really good. I need a little bit of seasoning.

Unknown_15: This video is called Cheesy Pasta, by the way. I need a little bit of salt and sugar. Salt and sugar. A whole lot of that shit because we didn't want to make our pasta too cholesterol-y, but a little bit of seasoning.

Unknown_06: We've got to be a little bit healthy.

Unknown_15: We've got to add a little bit of sugar to this.

Unknown_06: That's what I used to season my beef. Seasoning your frozen patties with a little bit of salt and sugar is pretty much it. The best part of this video is coming up.

2:50:03
Unknown_15: This is truly magical, what he's about to do.

Unknown_06: That's enough salt and pepper. I mean, did I say salt and pepper? Blah. Salt and sugar. There we go. That's enough salt and sugar. You see, now giving it a minute to cook like this, you can see the ranch, the mustard, and the mayo have congealed quite nicely.

Unknown_15: Congealed. He used the right word.

Unknown_06: And then we're going to add our seasoning packets. He's going to add the seasoning packets.

2:50:40
Unknown_15: So...

Unknown_06: And this is going to be what looks like a beef-flavored sauce. So we got a cheesy beef-flavored sauce combination going here.

Unknown_15: So, okay, number one, I want to point out that there's like a massive zit on the back of his neck, and that collar looks like it's about to fall apart.

Unknown_15: When you make pasta, right, you want to add in some seasoning. It's a good idea to add the seasoning when the water is cold because it will dissolve. It'll dissolve as a solution easier. When it's boiling, it doesn't do that as well.

2:51:14
Unknown_15: So he's going to add the boiling, the seasoning to this boiling pot of fat. Basically, it's pure mayo at this point. And we're going to see something happening.

Unknown_19: Toil in trouble.

Unknown_19: Like a cauldron of bubbles.

Unknown_06: I love Halloween. Yes.

Unknown_06: Yes. Periodically stir it up real good here. It's starting to congeal together a little bit. That's pretty good. Okay, you see how it's starting to bubble really good? And the noodles are starting to surface. Okay. Now would be an excellent time to add the powders.

2:51:49
Unknown_15: Adds it in. What's gonna happen with all this shit he's adding?

Unknown_06: Now what we're going to do is take those pasta powders and really stir them up in here.

Unknown_15: It's not... Stir up the pasta in a circle.

2:52:19
Unknown_06: Stir to the left. It's not working.

Unknown_15: There's like little specks of brown and orange because it's not dissolving. It can't dissolve into the mayo.

Unknown_06: Cheesy chunks.

Unknown_15: It looks legit like vomit right now. It's like bits of shit all over the place.

Unknown_06: Do what you can to, like, break those up. I mean, I'm not a five-star chef, but I can cook. I can throw something together and make something out of it, you know? And nine times out of ten, nine times out of ten, you know, I'll make something that's pretty good. I've only had, like, one or two meals that I made myself where I'm like, ugh, you know? Well, it looks like I might need a bowl. Or a plate or some shit. Hold on a second, YouTube. I gotta wash the bowl out real quick. Okay, we got a clean bowl here. That's a nice bowl.

2:52:54
Unknown_05: Ew, ew, ew, ew. Come on, bro.

Unknown_15: No.

Unknown_15: He's gonna eat it. I almost dropped it.

Unknown_06: I almost dropped it. That would've sucked. This right here.

2:53:30
Unknown_06: Oh yeah, this right here is delicious. Oh, I gotta have one more bite. One more bite for the camera.

Unknown_16: Oh, bro.

Unknown_06: Ew! Well, I think I did pretty good with this random ass dish that I made here. Well, that's it for my cooking video. Y'all saw how I made that deliciousness right there. This is KingCobraJFS with another cooking video. Thank y'all for watching.

Unknown_15: All right. Well, that's it. I'm sorry to disappoint and trip my best chat. I even told him ahead of time and he seemed to agree with it. But that sums it up. Watch some good stuff. Watch some yuck bangs. Watch them play guitar. Watch them sing. Watch them pitch themselves to all the enterprising young goth girls out there.

2:54:05
Unknown_15: He's live right now. If you want to go hop over to his stream after this and check him out and join the large community of friends that he's built up over the years, it's open to you. Just please don't fuck with him. Clearly, he's just some guy. He's just some guy from Wyoming. and he doesn't he doesn't need you don't need to send like then i don't think they even have an fbi office in wyoming they have to send those fuckers in from like utah or some shit where they actually have people living there so it's not fair it's not fair to anyone stop fucking with my boy uh no i'm not watching i'm not watching anymore cooking i'm done i'll save that for another stream i can't watch anymore right now i legit feel nauseous like i'm about to faint all right

2:55:01
Unknown_15: think that's it i hope you guys have enjoyed uh have a have a happy halloween of course and um here's the link scumroad.com is our patreon if you want to donate to that you don't have to though uh i'll see you guys on friday bye-bye where's my song at there's my song bye-bye Thank you.