Dicktation - The House of Judgement 2019-11-07

0:00:02
Unknown_15: Where is my drink?

Unknown_15: Not yet. Not yet. All right. Can anybody hear? Can anybody hear Ralph's show?

Unknown_21: DLive.TV slash the Ralph Retort.

Unknown_21: I don't think so. I think it's working.

Unknown_15: Canceled. Oh, serious.

Unknown_21: Hit the button.

Unknown_21: And we can see maybe.

Unknown_06: You know what? I can hear it from here, right?

Unknown_21: Yeah, should be able to. Let's see.

Unknown_37: Yeah, they shouldn't. I mean, they're not getting a send.

0:00:33
Unknown_37: Yeah, it's working, because I don't hear it.

Unknown_15: All right.

Unknown_15: Oh, you know what that means. That means it's time. Marmo, do you want to hit that light right behind your head that glows? Can we move this thing? Yeah, yeah.

Unknown_15: That's the one, buddy. It's very practical. It glows when it's on. So when you have the lights turned on, it glows to let you know that the lights are on.

0:01:06
Unknown_15: What a fucker. I never thought of that.

Unknown_21: That was probably... That really changed the game there.

Unknown_15: Yeah. Same guy who thought of the adapters, the three-eighths adapters to one-quarter inch that goes in to make the screw. The same guy that thought to put the threads for the screwdriver only on one side as a trick.

Unknown_15: In case you fuck it up, which I do every time. Hey, everybody!

Unknown_15: How's it going? Who do we have in chat here? Who do we have? Do we have Nick or Keita? Do we have Joshy Boy? Not yet.

0:01:41
Unknown_15: There are several people there, though. There's a lot of people here tonight. This is a big deal. It's all been counting down to this.

Unknown_21: This is actually why I flew into Los Angeles.

Unknown_15: You knew it was going to happen? Yeah. I got an advance word that it was going to happen.

Unknown_21: Oh, wow.

Unknown_15: Thank you for coming in. Okay.

Unknown_15: Sean, can you see okay?

Unknown_37: Oh, yeah. I can see. It's wonderful. I couldn't be in a better viewing position than this. All right, everybody.

0:02:16
Unknown_15: Welcome to Dictation. This is the dictation to end all dictations. This is when we watch...

Unknown_15: The famed, infamous, previously deleted from the Earth, four-part series, four-part Dr. Phil show entitled The House of Judgment that I owe everything to. I owe everything that I am today to this show. All my triumphs and trials, all the lateness and the gayness that you're telling me you guys think. Thank you, Antoids. To this show. This took place in 2007.

0:02:49
Unknown_15: And I did a little digging. Sean is with me. Hi, Sean. Hey. What's up, man? What's happening? Ethan Ralph. Hello, sir. Welcome to the show. Thanks for coming in.

Unknown_06: Thank you for having me.

Unknown_15: Got a packed house. Hee Hee Silly is here also in Wormwood. Hi, guys. Keon's going to be in in a little bit. I'm going to save all the legal stuff for when Keon gets here. We're watching the House of Judgment.

Unknown_37: Where's his 50%?

Unknown_15: This has been a long time coming. These episodes were cleansed from the earth a long, long time ago before such things as cloud storage and... USB drives, before the ubiquity of USB drives, and they were thought to be lost forever. But wouldn't you know it, some intrepid dickheads performed a raid on a maximum security Swedish media installation vault, I think. I don't know. I'm just making this up. I don't know what actually happened, but we have them now.

0:03:26
Unknown_15: We have them now, and I can't wait to watch them. with you guys. I picked them up off Mega. I don't do any kind of piracy. I was about to say, I saw Josh in the general chat, and he mentioned that he was looking for a certain link.

0:04:00
Unknown_21: Of course, we wouldn't actually send him the link because we don't support that type of thing.

Unknown_15: I don't do that kind of thing. I've downloaded them for my own enjoyment.

Unknown_21: Exactly.

Unknown_15: And I'm going to commentate on them here tonight.

Unknown_15: I am dreading these tapes. I think they're going to be highly cringeworthy.

Unknown_15: The first time I watched them, I got shit-faced every time to make it through them because, well, it's difficult to watch yourself making such a beautiful art in front of so many people. I don't know. Do we have any predictions from anybody here tonight?

0:04:36
Unknown_16: Honey, can you grab a piece of paper? I have enough in there.

Unknown_15: Somebody wrote a bunch of observations they had after they watched this series. But this all started in 2007 with one email. I found the email from the original producer who sent me, who signed me up for this program. His name was Sheldon McGregor. It was through the Men Are Better Than Women website, menarebetterthanwomen.com. He's saying simply, please give me a call to discuss being on our show. Sheldon McGregor.

0:05:06
Unknown_15: Dr. Phil Show, associate producer. And then I've got about a week or two of back and forths, including a questionnaire that I had to fill out. So you did have to do the questionnaire like you were talking about on the last episode. Yeah, like full-on essays that I've got. Skydiving, spiders. Oh, yeah. Were those your answers?

Unknown_15: I'll read it. Maybe I'll read it between the breaks or read it if something gets slow during the recording.

Unknown_37: Hang on. There's our show.

Unknown_15: Thank God that happened now.

Unknown_21: Josh is in there. There we go.

0:05:37
Unknown_15: Oh, Josh is in here? All right, let me get him in.

Unknown_21: Yeah, he was saying if he stayed up this late to be thrown in the cuck chat.

Unknown_15: Is he not in there? Why isn't he in the thing? He's going to be really salty. Josh, get in live. Or get in general. Where are you?

Unknown_37: What's your problem, Josh?

Unknown_37: Don't listen angry.

Unknown_37: Joshy. Joshy boy! Does he not have

0:06:14
Unknown_16: Waiting a moment.

Unknown_16: Waiting a moment.

Unknown_15: Oh, Nick Ricchetti's here, too. There he is. The gang's all here. There he is. Hey, Josh, can you hear me?

Unknown_37: Who just said there he is?

Unknown_15: I did. I could see him right there. I don't know. Hayes and Cruz changed some stuff around. I don't know if all the... What do you mean? I see mics going on and off. Oh, because I'm in general. Ah, all right. Everybody go to live show. That's where I fucked up. Okay. Whoops. It's definitely an evening record. Yeah, it's an evening... Sean, I think you... What? Oh, that works. I didn't do shit. Okay, there we go.

0:06:49
Unknown_15: Okay, now Nick or Katie should be on.

Unknown_15: I don't think you have them turned on going to us, Sean.

Unknown_37: What do you mean?

Unknown_15: I don't know. I can't hear them. I can't either.

Unknown_37: Discord should be going to us.

Unknown_37: Josh, say something.

Unknown_08: Say something.

Unknown_37: Let's go into our regular. Yeah, I hear it.

Unknown_16: Okay.

Unknown_16: I fucking knew it. Muted, boyo. No, you're not muted.

0:07:22
Unknown_15: You're not muted.

Unknown_37: Fucking Boomers is right. Yeah, it's going right to, uh, right to the regular channel and coming right out. Oh, no! Hazen Cruz!

Unknown_11: What is he doing?

Unknown_37: Hazen Cruz! What the fuck did you do? Does he have some kind of fuckery he can do in there?

Unknown_15: He changed it! Is he some kind of moderator? I did unmute these guys!

Unknown_15: Look, server mute. Now he's muted. I'll unmute him.

0:07:54
Unknown_15: Unmuted. There. You're not muted!

Unknown_15: Ralph, you know how this works. He's not muted, is he? No, he's not muted, but we can't hear him nonetheless.

Unknown_09: Oh, no. Wait, wait, wait.

Unknown_15: Wait, wait, there. I hear something. That was my bad.

Unknown_02: Oh, there you go.

Unknown_15: Okay. Hey, what's up, guys?

Unknown_02: Oh, my God.

Unknown_02: What's up? You're giving me a panic attack.

Unknown_15: I'm sorry. It's 4 a.m.

Unknown_26: to forget.

Unknown_15: Who's that, Daisy Cruz? No, that's Null. I take that back, Daisy Cruz. That was mean of me to besmirch you like that.

0:08:28
Unknown_02: No, it's Hazen Cruz's fault. Don't take it that way.

Unknown_15: Hazen Cruz would have gotten it right. Well, guys, are you ready for commentary history here? Thank you for joining us.

Unknown_26: Well, it's exciting. You've been waiting for a decade to be embarrassed by yourself.

Unknown_15: I know, man. I'm really dreading it. I was so excited that they were recovered. I forgot what an asshole I look like on these tapes.

Unknown_15: I'm reading through these emails that I sent to this guy. This is what I sent back to Sheldon. Sheldon, absolutely. I assume this is your upcoming show about men being chauvinists and proud, which I misspelled.

0:09:05
Unknown_37: How did you know about, did you do some research or were you just totally up on Dr. Phil? Like, oh yeah, next week I'm a closet fan.

Unknown_15: I had never seen an episode of Dr. Phil before.

Unknown_37: Yeah.

Unknown_15: Before going on the show, yeah. I just Googled it and saw it. Oh, gotcha. Or maybe I asked Jeeves did in 2007.

Unknown_37: Was that Fat Jeeves or Skinny Jeeves?

Unknown_15: That was Skinny Jeeves. Yeah, give me a call ASAP. He says, I think you would like our idea we are doing. It is more than just a show. It's a social experiment. Oh, yeah. That's how this was built.

Unknown_37: That's how they get away with walking naked people in.

Unknown_15: Yeah.

0:09:40
Unknown_15: Sweet. Well, the move-in date is next Monday. The house is here in Los Angeles, California. First, let's start with a phone interview. What time are you? Blah, blah, blah. Okay, I don't know. Should we just get to the show?

Unknown_15: I've got the questionnaire here, but I don't want to keep everybody waiting. I see Gator's in there, too. Oh, is Gator in here, too?

Unknown_37: Yeah. Let's get Gator in here. Let's take five minutes to figure his audio out.

Unknown_15: No, it's instantly. Gator, how you doing? How you doing? I'm salty today. Dick Masterson, it's me, Gator. What's up, man? Are you ready for this?

0:10:11
Unknown_15: I'm ready.

Unknown_19: More than ready.

Unknown_15: I've been excited the entire day. Okay. I got these off of Mega. Again, everybody, I assume you had your own. I don't know. Maybe you saved them on your TiVo at home. They are... Let's see here. You're allowed to record these programs for your own personal enjoyment.

Unknown_21: It's very possible they recorded them contemporaneously back in the day absolutely this is 40 minute 40 minutes 41 seconds long I'll be getting into why they're banned Nick I found the lawsuit I found Shirley's lawsuit and yeah I'm I'm shocked that she won so many times against appeals and

0:10:59
Unknown_15: Yeah. But then I started thinking about it, and we'll get to why it was wrapped up, but the more I thought about it, the more I thought that she's totally right.

Unknown_37: He just kept trying to fucking bury her, it sounds like, and her lawyers were like, oh no, we'll just do this for free because we're going to kill him.

Unknown_15: Yeah. And the more I look at what happened, I'm like, no, she is 100% in the right. Yeah. But anyway, here we go, everybody. This is Dr. Phil's House of Judgment, episode one, starting now.

Unknown_37: So are these guys going to start it on their end too?

0:11:32
Unknown_15: Yeah, I think so.

Unknown_25: There you go.

Unknown_26: Oh, God.

Unknown_16: she looks a lot like smash that chick right this is smash i would say i'm gonna turn it down a little bit oh i can do it oh thank you i don't know what level to keep it at

0:12:28
Unknown_15: I mean, I don't know if it's just me, but this is when Dr. Phil had a certain amount of credibility. Yeah, he did. Right? Yeah.

Unknown_37: Because reality TV was a lot younger, and they thought that maybe a guy on reality TV might have maybe a patient's interest at heart in any capacity, which is total bullshit.

Unknown_15: TV hadn't gone meta yet. He wasn't a walking meme like he is now. Yeah.

Unknown_21: You know what I mean? Yeah.

Unknown_15: Go ahead, Josh. It's terrible.

Unknown_26: i'll just say um i was watching through this briefly and i was just shocked by how trashy it was like this was very low low caliber and i was surprised like for some reason i think dr phil is is like a doctor yeah something yeah he was at one time

0:13:17
Unknown_15: That I think you molested one of his patients or something.

Unknown_37: Look at the size of these ladies. I know he let his license lapse years ago.

Unknown_21: Oh, yeah. Lapped.

Unknown_21: I heard Dr. Phil abuses women. That's what I heard.

Unknown_15: These people have been waiting since 4 a.m. to get into this stupid show.

Unknown_02: How thick is Dr. Phil in person? Because he looks... Pretty damn wide in this show. He's gigantic.

Unknown_15: He's like 6'3".

Unknown_15: I think he played football in high school.

0:13:50
Unknown_02: At one point he makes fun of your height.

Unknown_37: Yeah. Yeah, which is, that's how you know he's a TV guy.

Unknown_20: Because you can't tell. Like, how the fuck tall is Dr. Phil?

Unknown_24: Dick's not really short.

Unknown_37: No, Dick's not only not really short, he's way taller than the average man.

Unknown_15: Sean, this is... But that's therapy. That's why I hate therapy so much, because they just insult you right away.

Unknown_37: That ain't fucking therapy. That is what they do when they hijack tour buses from Iowa and bring them into a big room and perform for them.

0:14:23
Unknown_15: She looks like a fucking streetwalker.

Unknown_37: Yeah.

Unknown_15: Loose.

Unknown_37: What, soccer moms equal loose?

Unknown_15: No, he's demonstrating how judgmental people are by stereotypically dressing them up and then having everybody judge them.

Unknown_02: No, she looks horrible.

0:14:57
Unknown_19: Oh, that's why she looks trashy.

Unknown_15: Even more scummy than a prostitute.

Unknown_24: They're way more honest than this.

Unknown_15: Hard working.

Unknown_09: I'm a producer at a reality TV show. The customer Cyrus has to deal with.

Unknown_15: So they sat me down between two amped up black women. I don't know if you can see me in the audience, but I brought a white suit and a regular black suit. I brought a white suit, stupidly thinking that they would let me wear that on stage. Yeah, like they don't have wardrobe for you, right? Or like they would want someone looking like a Baptist preacher coming out.

0:15:29
Unknown_29: Yeah. Oh.

Unknown_06: Oh yeah, that's a biker dude.

0:16:09
Unknown_08: Cute.

Unknown_07: Stretching that is not the typical.

Unknown_21: Pass? You would pass?

Unknown_08: Yeah, that's a pass.

Unknown_08: Her nose has been too smushed up.

Unknown_08: All right, I'm going to read.

Unknown_15: These guys are boring. I'm going to read these questionnaires they sent over.

Unknown_15: Dr. Phil is assigning everyone homework that will be in the house. This includes what is called a 10-7-5 and a point of view survey.

0:16:42
Unknown_15: This is what they sent me. 10-7-5. Sounds therapeutic. Oh, yeah, it's very therapeutic. Please answer these in full.

Unknown_15: Who, what, when, where, how, and why, blah, blah, blah. Defining moments in your life.

Unknown_15: Ten defining moments in your life.

Unknown_15: Seven critical choices that you have made that were important in your life. Five pivotal people you have come across in your life. Five to ten things you dislike and hate about yourself.

Unknown_15: That one I could do. A lot of the other ones, I don't think I could come up with the requisite amount. Yeah, yeah, no kidding. 10 defining moments in your life? That's a lot of defining moments.

0:17:14
Unknown_37: Well, or you're, yeah, you're gonna have to set the bar low, probably.

Unknown_15: Oh, this is Shirley.

Unknown_37: Okay.

Unknown_09: Okay.

Unknown_02: I think with my knees.

Unknown_10: This doesn't fit her story.

0:17:48
Unknown_02: No, it does not.

Unknown_10: I was just going to say it. She was into it. Yeah, she totally was. Shirley. I'm so full of shit.

Unknown_37: There's no way you got tricked into saying all that.

Unknown_21: Look at the nasty way she's turning her mouth and stuff, too. She's completely into it.

Unknown_07: Yeah. She's performing.

Unknown_33: She's completely into it.

Unknown_28: But the third one he saved.

0:18:21
Unknown_10: She told us that they just got one sound bite out of her as she was leaving, saying, I hate men.

Unknown_09: And then she was surprised on the show. She was surprised.

Unknown_13: They brainwashed me.

Unknown_29: Shirley, Shirley, you should probably call in an answer for this.

Unknown_37: Yeah, I've

Unknown_24: The bad ones.

Unknown_09: The bad ones. So fast. It's hard. Yeah, it's hard to.

Unknown_09: It's hard to keep being an asshole when everyone's booing you. That's true. Yeah.

0:18:58
Unknown_09: We'll be showing you how it's done in a moment.

Unknown_26: She has no issues with you throughout the show, though, which is a little funny thing.

Unknown_37: We haven't gotten to the house yet.

Unknown_05: Yeah.

Unknown_37: Oh.

Unknown_37: There's the, did I say that? Yeah.

0:19:30
Unknown_37: Hmm.

Unknown_29: Huh. Oh.

Unknown_37: Your sound bites are great. I remember these. Oh, yeah. These are all Tom Classics when he rocks out. The ATM bit.

Unknown_33: Yeah.

Unknown_33: Oh, no.

0:20:08
Unknown_09: Spend men's money. I remember that one. This is all you're worth. Oh, yeah.

Unknown_09: Oh, God.

Unknown_15: We just, we drove around in their shitty car around Burbank all day shooting those stupid B-rolls.

Unknown_05: Yeah.

0:20:39
Unknown_37: God. He's such a doofus. Yeah.

Unknown_37: Well, her math is bad.

Unknown_09: She was tricked.

Unknown_09: Yeah.

Unknown_29: Yeah, that's right.

0:21:15
Unknown_11: The whole fucking week they wanted me to take those stupid sunglasses off. Every way, and they never asked one time.

Unknown_02: That's how you know he's a television guy.

Unknown_02: Yeah, they have you looking like a manlet.

Unknown_21: Yeah.

Unknown_21: Dr. Phil's like 18 feet tall.

Unknown_07: Oh, God.

0:21:49
Unknown_07: What a nightmare this person would be to live with.

Unknown_29: Oh, God.

Unknown_07: That's still true.

Unknown_37: I think I stole that from Charlie Sheen.

0:22:22
Unknown_37: Steal from the best. Oh, God.

Unknown_19: Every brick...

Unknown_09: Alloys and such. You can't blame the plant.

0:23:10
Unknown_21: Oh, not training her properly.

Unknown_02: You would like twice the B-roll of Shirley. That was great.

Unknown_15: Because I'd been on talk radio shilling the book and coming up with these lines arguing with people. We had practice going into it.

Unknown_36: Ugh.

Unknown_36: Hey, I'm still not an actor.

Unknown_33: Look at how serious you look when he says that. Eyebrow raise. I thought they were going to fuck me over there.

Unknown_09: He's not an actor. His real name is like, uh oh, here it comes. Yeah.

0:23:42
Unknown_07: Yeah, didn't you prove that at the beginning of the show, you fat asshole? I love that one.

Unknown_29: That was Jeff.

Unknown_15: Remember, I would sit around our house when we lived together and write an article every Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and whatever you guys would say men are better than women at, I would write that.

0:24:23
Unknown_09: And he said, all lesbians are fake, guys, so you got it. Jeff was like an idiot savant. Yeah.

Unknown_36: What?

Unknown_26: Talked by Obama. That was in 2008, too.

Unknown_15: Those women were real nice to me before the show, too.

Unknown_26: Was it awkward sitting down after this? Was the atmosphere different?

0:24:57
Unknown_15: Yes, very awkward, but I like that kind of awkward. Like I said, twist in your gut.

Unknown_15: I'm going to turn her down a little bit. I don't care about these hoes. I can do it. I'm going to find the answers to my survey. Maybe that'll be funny.

Unknown_15: Let's see here.

0:25:29
Unknown_15: I remember this chick was great.

Unknown_28: Love it. Being gay, read this book.

Unknown_28: Oh, yeah.

Unknown_29: Ignorant.

Unknown_26: You're ignorant. I like the flame effect.

Unknown_37: And you're going to hell. So I always think, like, she's an actor, too, is what I always assume.

0:26:02
Unknown_15: No, she's just insane. Is she? Yeah, she ranted like that the whole time. Did she?

Unknown_36: I know, and I was so glad I was wearing those glasses.

Unknown_15: I was staring at her tits the whole time.

Unknown_37: This chick's... Yeah, oh, yeah.

Unknown_15: She was hot.

Unknown_37: She's pretty cute.

Unknown_15: She's got that Brittany Venti look that drives me wild.

Unknown_15: Amazing ass, too.

Unknown_37: Well, but she's got God on her side.

Unknown_21: God made that ass, Sean.

Unknown_15: I'll tell you that.

Unknown_21: Gotta love the good Lord for making that. Radiating with the Holy Spirit.

0:26:34
Unknown_37: Right. Yeah, I'll bet.

Unknown_13: Uh oh. Yeah, uh oh.

Unknown_07: Whoops.

Unknown_07: Oh yeah. Oh no.

Unknown_02: Oh, so only anal.

Unknown_02: She said foreplay, I think is what she was saying.

0:27:27
Unknown_29: Oh, yeah, I got some scripture for them.

Unknown_16: Yeah.

Unknown_29: Hmm.

Unknown_15: sean you know the the survey five to ten things you dislike hate about yourself yeah okay these were my answers hold i'm gonna turn this down a little bit because i don't care what this bitch is saying uh things you dislike hate about yourself uh one i could exercise a bit more two i could speak french or play a violin three i don't own an island called bikini island yeah you're definitely not

0:28:16
Unknown_10: going at yourself that hard four I don't focus on these things right what do you what do you immediately think when you see this was part of my therapy that's why I'm reading this now what do you immediately think when you see one

Unknown_15: A poorly dressed, unshaven man. Rich guy, probably. That was my response. In LA? Could be. Yeah. Two. A woman getting out of an expensive car. She's owned by whoever bought that car. Depends on her age. It's either her father or her husband. That's a pretty good answer. Three. A woman with lots of children. Way over her head. Probably poor.

Unknown_15: Five. Someone smoking a cigarette. Cool.

0:29:05
Unknown_10: That's the best one. Can you believe it? This just got sent to one guy. All this comedy wasted.

Unknown_15: Someone dressed in all black. Depends what time of the year. Probably someone who wants attention or wants to look deep.

Unknown_15: A pregnant woman without a wedding band. A very clear danger to those kids. She's raising future criminals. 70% of prisoners arrested for violent crimes are raised by single mothers.

0:29:37
Unknown_15: Pretty good answer.

Unknown_15: A gay couple.

Unknown_15: Which one's this one?

Unknown_16: Oh, yeah. I'll take a little break. Oh, this guy, yeah.

Unknown_15: I found this guy on Facebook. Dickhead, Eddie. Is he for real, too?

Unknown_37: He does not look like a Satanist.

Unknown_26: He was the least interesting, so I would be surprised if he was hamming it up at all. He's definitely hamming it up. I mean, he's very outgoing, it seems like.

0:30:12
Unknown_15: But isn't he saying normal stuff? That's what I mean. I hate everybody. There's just a bunch of fake assholes with Botox and Instagram filters and friends, niceties, a bunch of cocksuckers. He's not real like the devil. Yeah.

Unknown_37: Isn't he doing the same thing with tattoos, gauged ears, and a mohawk, though?

Unknown_02: Yeah. Stop being judgmental.

Unknown_15: That's very judgmental.

Unknown_02: No.

Unknown_15: I found him on Facebook. I think he's got a wife and a kid. The kid's pretty old, too.

0:30:44
Unknown_37: Nice.

Unknown_37: Was he just dancing like a stripper?

Unknown_21: Is that what I just saw? Why was that? Hmm.

Unknown_15: I feel like all the people on the show are just stand-up comedians without good jokes. All their jokes can be polished up. Is he a Satanist?

0:31:16
Unknown_02: No, he said there is no Satan. He said he hates society.

Unknown_15: I think he just is a misanthrope.

Unknown_37: There you go. I like him now.

Unknown_15: You. You. Yeah, they're all in this crowd.

Unknown_15: Uh-oh, I see a lady there. I see her.

Unknown_29: I see a future burn victim.

Unknown_15: I felt so bad for him here.

0:31:48
Unknown_11: Like, I just wanted to stand and go like, no, come on, man. I think exactly what you're saying, but I'm doing this to fuck with these idiots. You're totally right. Fucking say it again.

Unknown_11: Because you're fucked.

Unknown_09: At all.

Unknown_09: Selling reverse mortgages, you fat prick.

Unknown_09: Why don't you leave?

0:32:27
Unknown_13: You don't like it?

Unknown_14: You can leave. Get out. You can get out. You know what?

Unknown_10: talking about america get the fuck out of here who's doing hank hill gator i think yeah what what oh they you didn't see her ass she's a teacher too she's dressed like a grandma who drives for ups the fuck is going on here

0:33:02
Unknown_15: This is your health teacher. Oh, man. My eyes would be glued to that ass if I had that as a health teacher. She just preached abstinence? She's got to throw out the curriculum, right? She can teach whatever she wants. She can throw off this curriculum.

Unknown_26: They're trying to pit her against the anti-society guy, but he's very passive and doesn't care what she thinks.

Unknown_15: Yeah, the producers spent too much time playing dress-up for this show and not actually picking good guests. Oh, yeah, he doesn't look like he should be wearing that suit at all.

Unknown_26: Just let him wear what he wants.

Unknown_21: Look how long the sleeves are. It looks like Sargon's suit. No, that's from Wardrobe. What the fuck is this? Let him wear what he wants on the set.

0:33:34
Unknown_26: Take that fucking jacket off.

Unknown_21: He had to borrow one of Dr. Phil's suits, clearly.

Unknown_19: You should be wearing a Slayer shirt, some trip pants. Exactly.

Unknown_15: Oh, man. I hate fucking Dr. Phil walking away from that, feeling like he got the best of that poor guy. It pisses me off to this day.

0:34:07
Unknown_21: Everything they got was saying was dead on, too.

Unknown_08: Yeah. I don't see what I got here.

Unknown_21: Aunt Ruckus.

Unknown_21: Wait.

Unknown_26: Could they air this today, that segment?

0:34:41
Unknown_26: If they air this today? Is this Drexel's wife? No.

Unknown_07: Yeah, that's what AI, yes. 100%. Some people.

Unknown_15: She looks so defeated.

Unknown_07: Yeah.

0:35:13
Unknown_37: More than tried.

Unknown_15: Oh, God.

Unknown_29: Sam!

0:35:48
Unknown_09: Was she being serious? Yes, she's being 100% serious.

Unknown_15: Again, she's saying, like, this is Chris Rock's routine. Just not funny.

Unknown_37: Yes.

Unknown_29: He's got that old guy dyed orange hair.

0:36:20
Unknown_10: Like some redstone walking down the phone street. Like Jackie Mason ass walking around.

Unknown_10: Oh, fuck.

Unknown_15: I swear, I think, I don't know if they put it in the show, but she was texting a producer, a fat white producer who looked exactly like that, some inappropriate shit. No shit. Yeah, after they taped that.

Unknown_21: Well, that guy didn't look like he had long left. She was probably trying to plan the next option.

Unknown_11: Oh, that's Sheldon.

Unknown_37: That's the producer that got me on the show.

Unknown_11: Sure.

0:36:56
Unknown_37: This dude. He looks like he's 13. Yeah. Oh.

Unknown_16: Oh, yeah.

Unknown_02: That was a long time to say based in Redfield. Oh, wow.

Unknown_15: She would have a lot more fans today. No shit. She'd have a lot more FBI crime statistics too. There he is, Sheldon.

0:37:29
Unknown_21: Did he smash?

Unknown_08: God damn it.

0:38:10
Unknown_16: Oh, yeah, she was next to me. X. She looks pretty classy.

Unknown_15: Yeah, she was. She was nice.

Unknown_06: pole probably i wish maddox were here to explain the broken window oh wow wow god these people can't stay in character even the ones that really believe it yeah i'll bet she even likes mayonnaise

0:38:56
Unknown_26: Well, she's getting belittled on television. She feels bad about it. I can see it. She's uncomfortable.

Unknown_37: Oh, yeah.

Unknown_15: Oh. Damn. See, Sean, this is therapy. This is what you love so much. Yes!

Unknown_37: These are exactly my experiences.

Unknown_37: I've been found out.

Unknown_02: Somebody should just clip Dr. Phil reading that list off to the black lady. I know. Who's that, Sheldon's brother?

0:39:29
Unknown_37: What's with all the do-rags?

Unknown_10: I guarantee you, Sheldon doesn't dress like that. No! He dresses like a normal guy! Yeah, of course.

Unknown_22: Looks like he's about to drop a mixtape and shit.

Unknown_09: Yeah. Dress like, wear a do-rag, oversized pants, wear some long johns under your shirt even though it's 75 degrees. He had to go buy that shit. Yeah.

Unknown_37: Or get it from wardrobe. You're the only person not dressed in formal attire in the entire audience.

0:40:03
Unknown_21: Also, everybody else bitches out when they actually get up for this segment except you. Dude, that was a big...

Unknown_15: That was a big fucking turning point just in your head going, you know what? Fuck it. I'm going in for a penny, in for a pound. I'm going to go 100%. Everybody else starts getting meek and they're like, I don't know. I just had to keep reminding myself I'm better than all of these people because I didn't come to Dr. Phil this morning.

Unknown_15: I'd be sleeping in my bed beating off right now.

0:40:41
Unknown_37: What's her deal?

Unknown_15: She hates ugly people and thinks everybody's ugly. Got some big old titties, though, Sean. That's her deal. She does, but somehow she, like, stole Fabio's nose.

Unknown_07: Yeah.

Unknown_15: Yeah.

Unknown_15: She fell asleep in an ice cube tray when she was a kid. That's so funny.

Unknown_15: Yeah, that's one of them. She's Cartman.

0:41:12
Unknown_37: That's some bad plastic surgery, man. Oh, is it?

Unknown_15: We're at 30 right now. Oh, God.

0:41:52
Unknown_37: Like her mom might have been hot, but her father was Joe Camel.

Unknown_07: She's way too big.

Unknown_02: This is also how I spend my day, unironically. I don't even know what word to use for her.

Unknown_26: She's so unpleasant. um b cluster personality disorder let's always wonder how for real these people are 100 yeah i mean what do you mean well i mean they all wrote in year like months to a year before to get on the show is that right that like shirley was saying she filled out that that form like a year ago yeah about the cop

0:42:37
Unknown_15: They wanted to be on this show so bad.

Unknown_37: Probably so. Just knowing what I know of reality shows.

Unknown_15: That's 100%. I know that's 100% of you. Tens of thousands of people filled out the contact form on Dr. Phil's website.

Unknown_37: I know for a fact that the winner of The Bachelor is chosen at the beginning.

Unknown_15: Yeah. For a fact.

Unknown_37: Sure. So it's like there's no reality in that.

Unknown_15: Would you ever go on The Bachelor? Fuck no. You should. You'd be so handsome. No way.

Unknown_15: You think you bumped off a lesser Sheldonist from the list? Yes, Josh, they did. They had a guy. Everything I'm saying, I was told by producers. They had a guy who was on there who was not funny, and he was older and hideous. They told me. Oh, wow. And then Sheldon found my site and got me on the phone, and he just wanted to know if I could keep Zane's coming all the way.

0:43:11
Unknown_37: Which you can.

Unknown_15: And they test you. They get you on the phone with a bunch of psychologists to see if you will start cracking like you see people do because they don't want anybody to crack. Of course.

Unknown_37: Puts them behind schedule.

Unknown_15: Yeah. So they start fleshing out your ideology to try to give you a cachet. If you can at least stick to it. Yeah.

0:43:53
Unknown_02: Oh, call that lady ugly.

Unknown_15: Yeah. Yeah.

Unknown_15: Well, you ugly bitch, maybe you should be blown away.

Unknown_02: Would it blow you away to say you look like a man? I know shit!

Unknown_28: That's right for me!

Unknown_28: Moi?

Unknown_28: Moi said that? No!

0:44:24
Unknown_34: Uh...

Unknown_15: I was nice to her after she gets torn apart here. I made some crack about some... Oh, it was the woman that I responded to. I made some crack about her. She was really happy about that.

Unknown_07: That sounded dark.

Unknown_07: He's going to grab their boobs.

Unknown_07: He's going to get sued by one of them. Two of them.

0:44:56
Unknown_26: Oh, two of them?

Unknown_15: Was it the bitchy lady? Yeah, the bitchy lady and the man-hater.

Unknown_15: A gay couple, they asked in the survey. Let me turn this down a little bit.

Unknown_15: A gay couple. Gay men?

Unknown_15: Good for them. Gay women? Attention whores. Lesbians are faking it.

Unknown_15: Good answer. I hate this guitar riff. A woman in a provocative outfit asking for it.

0:45:29
Unknown_37: Yeah, that's going for it.

Unknown_37: Surely. You fed us some bullshit.

Unknown_26: Yeah, you better be careful. That's going to get clipped by Maddox.

Unknown_26: Which part? More evidence for his pile.

0:46:02
Unknown_15: Oh, the asking for it part? Yes. I was hoping they would ask me these questions on the show.

Unknown_15: Oh.

Unknown_15: Now it's fresh. It's fresh content.

Unknown_15: Oh, this guy's really gay for Christ's

Unknown_02: He sent hard into the Kleenex Mm-hmm.

0:46:43
Unknown_21: He's a pastor goes

Unknown_20: Damn. She's giving him, like, the evil eye.

Unknown_26: That's some kind of glare. He wants to privately tutor her.

0:47:16
Unknown_36: Oh. Oh, here it comes? Yep.

Unknown_16: Oh.

Unknown_16: Oh, God.

Unknown_37: She looks like Chloe from 24. It's a perfect slam.

0:48:04
Unknown_37: Yeah, you didn't hear it at all.

Unknown_29: That's why her eyes darted around like a... God, I hope no one else heard that.

Unknown_26: Utterly incapable of responding to that.

Unknown_26: Outstanding.

Unknown_09: And that was the end for me. That was... Oh, okay. I get to play my own game all week.

Unknown_28: Listen, it is racist. Yeah.

0:48:40
Unknown_15: Uh-oh.

Unknown_15: That's a sound studio on Orange.

Unknown_21: It didn't look like that?

Unknown_15: No. No. It showed you an extra of another house.

Unknown_07: Hold on. I can find where. I know the address. It was Super Delicious Studios.

Unknown_07: Like the front of the house is bullshit? No.

Unknown_02: Yeah, I have no idea. I bet that house is up by the charmed house up in Echo Park behind Dodger Stadium somewhere where they all look like that.

0:49:12
Unknown_15: They look like old Victorian.

Unknown_37: Yeah, but they're all refurbed and everything for shooting.

Unknown_15: Oh yeah, that's probably B-roll from up there.

Unknown_02: This is a stupid experiment.

Unknown_06: How you doing?

0:49:46
Unknown_15: Gower in Santa Monica, that's where the house was.

Unknown_29: Oh, look, they're putting the light chick there with you.

Unknown_21: What?

Unknown_21: I did see her ass now, though.

Unknown_15: Oh, yeah, what'd you think? Oh, yeah, right. Yeah.

Unknown_02: Lisa Blacklady's happy she gets to stay with the white woman.

0:50:20
Unknown_26: Yeah, I was gonna say, they should pair her up with, like, an actual racist or something. You'll see how that goes.

Unknown_15: Yeah, so they totally cut out the part where after she was talking about her husband, Dr. Phil had a line of questioning, something about her fidelity, and they brought out a guy she had been texting with, the producer that she had been texting with after they shot it.

Unknown_21: Are you talking about the black chick in the maroon?

Unknown_15: Yeah, Uncle Ruckus. Yeah, Aunt Ruckus. Yeah, Aunt Ruckus.

0:50:58
Unknown_15: Okay. That's funny that they did that. That's really ballsy. Yeah, the audience loved it, too. It was crazy. It was funny.

Unknown_21: I wonder why they left that out.

Unknown_15: Yeah.

Unknown_37: Probably thought that might open them up for a lawsuit.

Unknown_21: Yeah, I thought that, too.

Unknown_03: Might be a problem.

Unknown_37: Little did he know. Yeah, that's a possibility.

Unknown_26: Like, the lawyer gave them, like, you have to take this bit out.

Unknown_21: They're like, you guys went a little too far. You can put that on.

0:51:31
Unknown_37: Yeah, legal and S&P are fucking, they don't fuck around, especially nowadays.

Unknown_15: All right, there we go. That's episode number one. I looked up Super Delicious, the Super Delicious Studios. Yeah. It is, it was here. I'm trying to, if you do a drive-by. There you go. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Thank you, Dr. Phil.

Unknown_15: Okay, you see me in that limo back there? Yeah.

Unknown_15: That limo, leaving the stage there.

0:52:07
Unknown_15: After an hour, we'd been up since about 5.30 in the morning. They put me up in the embassy suites about 30 minutes further away from the studio where they shot this than where I actually lived. Everybody else got to stay in the Roosevelt, nice places in Hollywood. Anyway, we got in the studio. Why the fuck did they put you there? Because they're assholes. Well, because they have to control everything. So, like, well, put him in a hotel. At least we know where he is. Like, he's not going around. We're not going to find him. Kind of need more than that. Yeah. I get in that. I get in the limo. And that's when you get assigned your producer who's got a camera. And he's the guy who's following you through the experience writing your story.

0:52:41
Unknown_15: And he shoots as well. He shoots. He asks you questions. He's clearly got a narrative that he's that he's building because everybody you see everybody behaves about the same.

Unknown_03: They all get wounded being in front of all those people and they start backtracking.

Unknown_15: So then they give them the then they start letting them backtrack on their opinions and walking them through the road to recovery. Right. So he puts he gets in the limo and he puts his camera down. Name is Dell. He's a cool guy. I went on to try to sell a reality show with him after this. It was called Dick U, Dick University. He puts his camera down. He goes, okay. I think I told the story in the show, and Shirley called in. He said, okay, Dick, we both know why you're here. And I'll tell you that the more outrageous things you say, the more airtime you're going to get. You got it. Roll it.

0:53:15
Unknown_15: So... 15 minutes later, the woman who was driving the limo screeches to a halt on Santa Monica Boulevard, crooked in front of the house, because he had her doing loops to just kill time.

0:53:55
Unknown_15: I'm giving him gold, right? Remember this interview? He's doing loops to do it. She finally had enough, pulls over, slams on the brakes, screeches to a halt, gets out, starts throwing all of my luggage into the street.

Unknown_11: I'm not getting paid enough to listen to this shit. Women whores and this and that, like all the best of the best.

Unknown_15: And I go out and think, oh, God, I've fucked up. I've gone too far. Like, this is horrible. No one wants to inflict this much trauma on someone so they behave in such a way. I'm like, my instinct is just like, oh, man, you got to comfort this woman. It's like, hey, it's just. Because you're not even on stage. No. Like, this is just a joke. Like, don't. I mean, I'm just busting. That's all. Everything I said was outlandish and retarded. What do you mean? Don't get so upset. Yeah. But then the camera guy gets out, and he comes in the back, and I'm looking at him like, oh, Adele, this is, okay, so what do we do now? And he goes, just picks up his camera, points it right at me. I said, okay, I guess that's how TV is made. So I just start berating her as she's throwing this.

0:54:27
Unknown_15: This is why you don't hire a woman to do a man's job.

0:55:00
Unknown_11: I wouldn't let a woman do it. This is the only time a woman ever drove me around and she didn't even get me all the way there, you know.

Unknown_26: I should have parked like this.

Unknown_11: Are you shitting?

Unknown_26: That sounds too good to be true.

Unknown_11: No, this is absolutely true. And I said, like, oh, you know what? I get right in the camera. You know what? The sad thing is she thinks she actually parked. Look around. We're in the middle of the street, ma'am.

Unknown_15: We're in the middle of the street, ma'am. And I'm still in my suit and my glasses.

Unknown_15: So she peels off. I pick up my shit and carry it to the curb. next to the super delicious sound lot. And I sit there and Dell come, Dell's laughing, comes over. And he's like, oh man, I was like, oh, was that good? Did you think that was funny? Cause yeah, but we can't use any of it.

0:55:31
Unknown_15: Okay.

Unknown_15: Thoughts from the panel. What do you guys think? Episode one.

Unknown_37: Good introduction.

Unknown_15: Good introduction. To these characters. I'm interested. You're interested? Yeah. You want to go straight for episode two? I wish I had seen more, but I really hope that you rock this. Oh, hey. Hey, how you doing? I've been here for a while. You slunk in.

0:56:03
Unknown_27: How you doing? Doing good. What's up? I'm glad to be here.

Unknown_15: I found the lawsuit, by the way, that Shirley did.

Unknown_27: Oh, we can talk about that in a minute. Why do you sound like you're reading? What do you mean?

Unknown_37: He just sounds like he's very measured.

Unknown_27: I just got off work. I'm not drunk. I've been talking to lawyers all day, Sean. I've been trying to be polite. Anyway.

Unknown_02: I've been talking to actors all day. Get some liquor in that man's stack.

Unknown_15: Can Keon have some liquor? Oh, you don't have any headphones?

Unknown_27: Miss 80s girl.

Unknown_15: Oh, find some. Find Apple ones that you can just plug in.

0:56:34
Unknown_15: Thank you. We love you. God bless.

Unknown_37: Yeah, please.

Unknown_15: Okay.

Unknown_15: Should I finish more of this questionnaire?

Unknown_37: Did you finish the... Did you get back to the question?

Unknown_15: Situational issues. How do you react to the following? A person who always thinks they're right. Usually a woman.

Unknown_15: And in that case, always an idiot.

Unknown_37: You added.

Unknown_15: Yeah. Men are open to reason.

0:57:08
Unknown_15: Are you repulsed by someone who commits adultery? No. That's it.

Unknown_10: What do you think of mistresses or homewreckers?

Unknown_15: All women are homewreckers. It's just that some of them got lucky in round one and don't have to claw their new man away from some other cranky lad. Okay.

Unknown_15: Let's go with episode two. Let me check the chat.

Unknown_15: The recaps are way too... The recaps are... Oh, okay. All right.

Unknown_15: Hi, everybody. Welcome to the show. We're doing episode two right now. Maybe you found it on Mega. Maybe you found it somewhere else. That's where we found it, but here we go. This is Dr. Phil, the House of Judgment.

0:57:43
Unknown_15: Episode two starting now.

Unknown_29: Hmm.

0:58:25
Unknown_15: oh god I remember this yes she did oh just a warning these get longer like each episode to refresh your memory of the other ones and it takes like 15 minutes the last one

Unknown_15: Well, when they started airing these, it was, they aired episode one and then episode two right after each other. And then it was, they stopped them. Like they aired them in, they aired them in November. Yeah. One week and then the next week they had another one. But then the third week they just, there was nothing. They never had any explanation for it. It just didn't show up until like February of the next year. I suspect it was because of the lawsuit.

0:59:16
Unknown_02: How many cameras did he put in the bathroom?

Unknown_02: I was going there too.

Unknown_21: That's saying a lot for Dr. Phil.

Unknown_27: Wow, she said all that while they were telling her, hey, just say you hate men while she left to go pick up the kids. Yeah, that's what we said.

0:59:51
Unknown_13: That's total bullshit.

Unknown_15: Shirley, Shirley, Shirley.

Unknown_15: Lied and then talked about Elvis. That's shameful. Elvis would never do that.

Unknown_15: Dick.

Unknown_16: Oh, thank you.

Unknown_16: Thank you.

Unknown_37: Oh, good one. Good one, Phil.

Unknown_26: That was a terrible edit, too. That was right out of 1952.

Unknown_37: Not wrong.

1:00:39
Unknown_15: Here's one of my answers. Someone who always is complaining about everything. A woman.

Unknown_15: When someone is always miserable. That one was set up for you, though. That's just like the bare minimum.

Unknown_28: Not from you.

1:01:14
Unknown_02: This lady isn't shocking.

Unknown_02: I've met hundreds of her. Sure. Yeah, that's fair.

Unknown_26: But were they black?

Unknown_02: I don't know any black people. Oh, well, yeah. Good point.

Unknown_21: I think the frame stopped. Uh-oh.

Unknown_15: Oh, no.

Unknown_15: Do we have to pause it? Oh, that would be terrible. We can't pause it. I know, it might fix itself. You think it would fix itself?

1:01:47
Unknown_15: God damn it.

Unknown_32: I've got a 50% chance of being right, so yes. Oh, no.

Unknown_15: Let's see. Maybe I can open up another thing.

Unknown_15: Oh, shit.

Unknown_15: Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Unknown_36: No!

Unknown_15: Okay, hold on. I don't know why I did that. I'm sorry, everybody. You're going to have to pick it up from a specific... Yeah, we're going to have to pick it up. We're going to have to do a pickup.

1:02:20
Unknown_27: Hey, Sean, do we have any adapter jacks for that tiny little one? There should be.

Unknown_16: There should be in the tray behind you guys.

Unknown_19: Sorry, everybody.

Unknown_15: The thing froze, and it's not unfreezing. Um...

Unknown_00: No.

Unknown_00: Let me look for it.

Unknown_16: Oh, gosh.

Unknown_16: Let's try Windows Media Player. Maybe that'll do it.

1:02:55
Unknown_21: Oh, rocking it old school.

Unknown_16: Yeah, I don't know how to do the... Windows Media Player. No.

Unknown_16: I don't know how to do the...

Unknown_02: I'm using the Movies and TV app on Windows 10.

Unknown_15: I don't know how to do the audio if I do it that way. Fuck, my whole thing's fucked. Damn. Hello? Oh, Jesus Christ. What's up, Tommy Bezos?

Unknown_27: Here's the actual devil.

Unknown_15: Oh, what an honor.

Unknown_27: I've been wanting to meet you for so long, Tommy Bezos.

1:03:28
Unknown_15: Oh, my God. You've never been on?

Unknown_27: No, I've never been on at the same time as you.

Unknown_15: Oh, wow. Do you know who else is here, Sean? I don't. Let me see if I can get her on. Chris the Kiwi? No, it's somebody who's never called in before. I'm going to try to add her.

Unknown_15: Tommy Pesos, how are you?

Unknown_21: Hello.

Unknown_15: Hello. Hi. Can you hear me? How are you?

Unknown_15: What do you think so far?

Unknown_29: Is this a sound?

1:04:06
Unknown_26: Wait, it's Gator using a soundboard.

Unknown_15: It's Gator using a soundboard. God damn it. Replacing Gator with myself.

Unknown_15: Is he actually here?

Unknown_19: My hell, the turntables.

Unknown_15: No, no, he's not here.

Unknown_26: There's no diamond to be found.

Unknown_15: No, he's involved in a civil war right now. You've harmed me, sir. Okay, did you find an adapter? Keon just met Chuck Norris and found out it was someone else.

Unknown_02: Yeah, I just met Chuck Norris and found out it was Bruce Lee. I am disappointed.

1:04:38
Unknown_37: Dom is down blowing up a subway.

Unknown_15: All right, all right, here we go. For four cents.

Unknown_37: What's the time stamp?

Unknown_37: Settle down.

Unknown_15: It's coming now.

Unknown_26: Is that 320, I think?

Unknown_15: It's not opening at all. What a fucking mess.

Unknown_08: Try deleting system 32.

Unknown_02: This is why they have all these producers.

1:05:10
Unknown_08: Alright, wait, I'm going to mute.

Unknown_15: Alright, alright, alright.

Unknown_15: Oh, this is the worst thing that's ever happened to anyone.

Unknown_36: For sure.

Unknown_15: There we go.

Unknown_15: Okay, let's try it again. What were we at? What do you think? 320. 320? All right. Okay. All right, we're going to start at three.

1:05:46
Unknown_15: Three even? Yeah, three even. Let me line it up.

Unknown_15: And I don't know how you do this so fast, Ralph.

Unknown_21: Just start at 302. All right, we're going to start at 302.

Unknown_15: Okay, 301.

Unknown_15: All right, ready? And 301. Ready and go.

Unknown_02: What a mess.

1:06:24
Unknown_02: Call of Duty, shout out.

Unknown_15: Nick, how many people do you know like this?

Unknown_02: Unironically, at least 10. At least 10?

Unknown_15: Yeah.

Unknown_15: I love it, actually, all that you're going to hell shit. It's fun. Yeah.

1:06:58
Unknown_15: Everybody's so timid. I would play along. Yes. I'd be like, oh, my God. Oh, my God, really? I had no idea. What's that going to be?

Unknown_27: Tell me what I can do to avoid this horrible fate. Do Jesus love my brother?

Unknown_15: What's hell all about? What do you mean, hell? Tell me.

Unknown_37: I love the stories.

Unknown_15: Do I not want to go there? Is that... Fire and brimstone. Where did hell come from? Sounds kind of nice.

1:07:31
Unknown_26: Jesus is my neighbor. He mows my lawn.

Unknown_29: Gas queen!

Unknown_15: You think they're still together?

Unknown_37: I think he's dead.

Unknown_26: She looks like she's mentally handicapped and it makes me feel bad laughing at her. She's the only one being serious on the show. Wait, this one looks retarded.

1:08:04
Unknown_02: She has like a stupid looking face.

Unknown_26: I don't know how to describe it. It's those teeth.

Unknown_02: I just wondered who has fantasies about being railed by black men. This one?

Unknown_27: I don't think this one has fantasies.

Unknown_15: These recaps are a little excessive.

Unknown_26: Yeah. They increasingly stack upon each other.

Unknown_15: They had a whole week of footage and they need five minutes of recap footage?

1:08:40
Unknown_26: Well, they assume that the audience, like the person watching it, needs a recap.

Unknown_02: I never thought to ask for a better looking waiter. That's brilliant.

Unknown_15: Oh, I found the fears question. You remember how I said they sent us a questionnaire about fears?

Unknown_37: Skydiving, spiders, et cetera.

Unknown_15: Hey, Sheldon. Hey, Dick. Hope all is well. You are awesome on tape. Can you answer the following five fears phobias? I said my fears are a woman president, woman drivers.

1:09:22
Unknown_28: In any particular order?

Unknown_15: I think most afraid to the least. Yeah.

Unknown_15: Pregnancy, heights, spiders.

Unknown_02: Okay.

Unknown_15: Yeah.

Unknown_02: Not a woman doctor, though. I'm surprised.

Unknown_15: Not a woman. You know what? I was slacking here. I'd answered so many things already. I should have just put a woman blank and everything.

Unknown_15: I sound exactly the same. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's weird.

1:09:55
Unknown_21: Now, did you guys actually sleep there in the house and stuff?

Unknown_15: Yeah, oh, yeah. Really? They took all of our shit right when we got there. Like, right when we walked in the front door of this stupid soundstage, your guy would come up and take your phone and your laptop away from you.

Unknown_26: Really?

Unknown_15: How the fuck did you fall asleep with sunglasses on?

1:10:25
Unknown_15: I would wait until the lights were off and then take them off. Because I knew... There's cameras in the bedrooms and stuff? Everywhere. Everywhere except the bathroom. So I could go in there. I would go in there and... Jerk off? Yeah. Actually, I don't think I jerked off in that whole house.

Unknown_37: Keep your bile inside. Your vitriol. Thank you.

Unknown_15: They told me to say that.

Unknown_29: Yeah, yeah.

Unknown_15: Yeah, I would go into the bathroom because the lenses on those glasses would start fucking with my eyes. Even though they're non-prescription, they're still kind of curved. So if you wear them for five days, they'll start fucking with your vision. I would go in there and just sit for like 20 minutes with them off just to see normally.

1:11:00
Unknown_15: Wait, they gave you lines? Sometimes, yeah.

Unknown_26: My perceptions of television are melting before my eyes.

Unknown_15: They would ask you the same question three or four times, and then they would either give you a better version of what you said, or ask you to say something.

1:11:36
Unknown_37: She's got like a fucking bulimia problem.

Unknown_02: Don't kink shame, Sean. Come on.

Unknown_16: Oh.

Unknown_37: Well, you sound judgmental there, Philly.

Unknown_37: That's, yeah. Oh.

1:12:28
Unknown_29: oh no oh boy I wonder where that house is it's gotta be around here somewhere yeah they would do this they would really play on that TV what an asshole

Unknown_37: He's on some terrible green screen. Yeah.

Unknown_20: Yeah.

Unknown_20: How much did they pay you? Or did they pay you?

Unknown_15: Nothing. Nothing? Nothing. Wow. Nobody gets paid on these stupid things.

Unknown_15: Oh, man. Because they got 10,000 people who want to get on TV.

Unknown_14: At least on the judge shows, they get some money on those.

Unknown_10: Shirley got paid. Yeah. God damn it.

Unknown_15: Nick, did you hear about that?

Unknown_16: Oh, he's gone. He is?

1:13:19
Unknown_02: I don't know. That he got paid from the lawsuit?

Unknown_15: Yeah, Shirley and Miss Piggy got a big fat payout from their lawsuit, as well as removing these episodes from Earth.

Unknown_02: They didn't join you guys as parties? What assholes.

Unknown_15: No, she didn't even ask me if I wanted to sue.

Unknown_15: She hates men. That's why.

Unknown_02: And black ladies, apparently.

Unknown_26: Oh.

1:14:23
Unknown_07: Oh, God.

Unknown_37: You just want to corrupt the one who's leaning that way.

1:15:00
Unknown_02: The FBI. The FBI!

Unknown_15: The Federal Bureau of Inconvenient Statistics.

Unknown_09: All you have to do is say that line over and over and it will never fail to get a response.

Unknown_15: Yeah, she didn't watch this episode.

Unknown_07: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, that part's true. She had to go to Pilates.

1:15:31
Unknown_15: Thank you.

Unknown_27: Yeah. Wait, he's the naked guy?

Unknown_15: No, no. He hates everybody, Keon.

1:16:04
Unknown_27: All right.

Unknown_27: Well, that's a side. He was going to make that guy's too strong hair gel for a stupid haircut.

1:16:37
Unknown_37: She's all over the road.

Unknown_26: I don't understand what people's problem is with that guy. Yeah, me either.

Unknown_02: White guys.

Unknown_15: Maybe that's why she was blown away by him. He had a serial killer memorabilia shop.

Unknown_02: Does it say no on there? Never mind.

Unknown_27: It did. It did. Several times.

Unknown_02: That's not good. Not okay.

Unknown_15: What did it say?

Unknown_15: Oh. I got it. What does the Bible say about smoking? 14 minutes right there.

1:17:13
Unknown_19: I'm pretty sure the Bible says the burning bush is okay.

Unknown_19: Because you'll be smoking in hell.

Unknown_25: Outstanding.

Unknown_29: obey yep is this news to them yeah

1:18:04
Unknown_15: So you do these interviews, that curtain behind you, there's no wall behind it, and everybody in the house can hear. So they ask you to say shitty things about the other people, and people don't want to trash them, so they soften their opinion. So every time I went in for an interview, I would just cut loose and say all the worst possible things, call her a pig, this and that, and I would get out and go out, and they'd all be standing there going like, jaws dropped, like, what the fuck?

Unknown_15: What's that? I'd be like, well, what?

Unknown_36: You're up. You couldn't see who said it.

Unknown_07: It's not a confessional. Yeah, we had to do those, too.

1:18:42
Unknown_28: Oh, no.

Unknown_37: God.

Unknown_37: Poor Sheldon.

1:19:23
Unknown_27: I think the police are going to show up and raid the studio right now.

Unknown_28: oh god two child oh you have no idea how fun it is to just sit on the set and always hit the same joke over and over and over because you need to be taken care of am i right everybody

1:20:16
Unknown_15: Not banned from a whole continent, though.

Unknown_16: Oh my god.

Unknown_16: Taking her rings off.

Unknown_29: Wait, why are you reporting to violence, weirdo? What?

Unknown_02: What?

Unknown_02: That's a seven. What the hell?

1:20:48
Unknown_08: They're hoping for that shit.

Unknown_08: Drinking.

Unknown_26: Oh boy!

Unknown_02: That's funny. Statistical joke about aborting it instead. Aww, rackets!

1:21:21
Unknown_25: You got geared, Nick.

Unknown_25: Some lady.

Unknown_02: This lady from Wisconsin.

Unknown_15: She's a lesbian, right? She's talking out the side of her mouth. Big time.

Unknown_27: That's Peach's law.

Unknown_37: Yeah. It's like her Botox has paralyzed that side of her mouth.

1:21:55
Unknown_15: She only had half. Only had enough for half.

Unknown_37: Put a little extra in that side.

Unknown_15: Maybe she got into a fight and paralyzed her face in the process.

Unknown_15: Are you supposed to dye your eyebrows when they're that dark? And you have that blonde hair? I don't know. I don't know.

Unknown_27: Not if you're going for the trashy aesthetic. She's clearly going for the pre-Jersey Shore, Jersey Shore aesthetic.

Unknown_27: Nice.

Unknown_27: I like this lady.

1:22:36
Unknown_02: Have you found any of her modeling shoots, Dick?

Unknown_15: No, I should.

Unknown_37: Maybe Nick can clarify this, but I think the Bible says drunkenness is a sin, not drinking alcohol.

Unknown_27: No, that's the Quran. Yeah, it's like being associated with drunkenness, like what I am.

Unknown_15: Pretty much.

1:23:19
Unknown_08: Sound like Richard Hatch.

Unknown_15: So I would sit there.

Unknown_37: Oh, she's trying to get your glasses.

Unknown_15: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Unknown_37: Dick's first sexual assault right there. Yeah!

1:24:14
Unknown_26: She wants to mother you so bad. Oh, yeah, I know.

Unknown_02: Yeah, but she wants to be that Pornhub mother. Yes, that's right. You can tell by the way she's wrapped herself up in the blanket. Yes, yeah, totally.

Unknown_27: She wants you to go over there and hold her.

Unknown_08: She's 58.

Unknown_27: Now I'm 39. Now I can fuck her.

Unknown_37: She sees your half Mexican heritage and wrapped herself up like a burrito.

Unknown_15: You know what, Sean?

Unknown_15: I look like Elvis. I looked like Elvis big time at this age. I probably look even more fatter like Elvis now. There's no way she didn't pick up on that. I've been called... You're right. Yeah, oh yeah.

1:24:46
Unknown_15: That's an Oscar Wilde ripoff.

Unknown_15: She's chosen to call her mistakes experience.

Unknown_27: I mean, he's immensely quotable.

Unknown_02: I know one.

Unknown_07: Who?

Unknown_02: A parent who would let their kid touch fire.

1:25:19
Unknown_07: Maddox?

Unknown_02: I was a foster parent for a while. No, no. It was a true story. It's terrible.

Unknown_16: Oh, wow.

Unknown_27: TV used to be cool as shit.

1:25:54
Unknown_10: This is awesome.

Unknown_26: They could never air this today.

Unknown_10: God did it. Who am I to argue with God? Showed his ass. I'm just celebrating God's creation of life as his plan that he's fucking doing to everybody all day.

Unknown_09: Praise be to him, Phil. That would have been better. Better response than, oh, man, they would lock this place down like Fortnite.

Unknown_15: It would be like an active shooter drill when Phil was showing up.

1:26:27
Unknown_15: They'd make us go outside, go inside, go outside, go inside. And they've got a piece of plywood on his chair so it doesn't sag at all under the cushion. Gotcha. And everybody else is sagged down. Well, he needs to be taller and commanding. Yeah.

Unknown_37: Like a late show host. Yeah.

Unknown_21: She got way hotter.

1:27:17
Unknown_29: Yeah. Yeah.

Unknown_02: Oh yeah! Look at those tits!

1:27:53
Unknown_37: Retarded baby.

Unknown_29: Damn.

Unknown_13: Oh, mentally challenged.

Unknown_27: Isn't this bitch saying she's the most judgmental person in the world? Yeah. Didn't she ask for a more attractive waiter? Yeah.

1:28:27
Unknown_37: Well, you are. What?

1:29:03
Unknown_37: Yeah, well, same guy, though.

Unknown_29: I fucked them all.

Unknown_21: Wig tower in the gauntlet.

Unknown_21: Dabler.

Unknown_26: Dr. Phil, you picking up?

Unknown_10: He's like, opportunity. Oh, Paul!

Unknown_07: Wow. Dr. Phil. Threatened. So threatened.

1:29:39
Unknown_10: It doesn't make it all right to accuse me of that.

Unknown_09: No.

Unknown_37: Is he going to explain?

Unknown_26: No, he doesn't explain that.

Unknown_37: No, he doesn't.

Unknown_07: No.

Unknown_26: No attempt whatsoever to justify that. Was.

1:30:25
Unknown_15: Those compliments. So Dr. Phil goes and just insults everybody except for the weirdo?

Unknown_27: Wait, what was that, Kian? So Dr. Phil goes and insults everyone and calls everyone out on the road? Except that fucking guy?

Unknown_15: Yeah, because he's really good at manipulating people. He compliments the smart guy who feels like an outcast because that's what you do to manipulate people. He immediately talks to the man-hater about how to pick a man because all she wants to talk about is who she fucks. But they cut, they completely cut out every dealing he had with me. What did he say to you?

1:30:59
Unknown_21: Absolute unit.

Unknown_21: She's going to cry.

Unknown_10: There's the boob touch. There it is. There it is.

Unknown_27: She got a Mercedes for that?

Unknown_11: Yeah. That was the fucking boob shot she was talking about when she called in. That'd take a hell of a lot more than that for a Mercedes.

Unknown_27: That's the fakest. I can't believe that convinced a jury. Oh, my God.

1:31:35
Unknown_10: Like four appeals worth. Yeah. It wasn't just that. Can you believe that? That's definitely the boob touch she was talking about.

Unknown_11: It's got to be.

Unknown_15: Very inappropriate though, right? Keon, you can't do that at work. I can't touch someone's chest like that.

Unknown_27: Yeah. Yeah. Technically you're right, but you knew what he was doing.

Unknown_15: You knew what he was doing.

Unknown_15: Nick, what do you think?

Unknown_02: Oh, yeah, sue him. Sue him into the ground. You got it on video.

Unknown_27: Nick, you are a justification for tort reform right there. Title VII is the dick.

1:32:11
Unknown_22: No wonder they were so quick to bury these tapes.

Unknown_21: What's that? What's that, Rob? No wonder they were so quick to bury these tapes.

Unknown_07: Yeah. It was like a lawyer joke.

Unknown_21: Excuse me, a lawyer joke.

Unknown_07: Flagrant sexual assault. Oh, statute? I thought you said statute. Wait a minute, wait. Dr. Feelup. Dr. Fillup.

Unknown_21: Nice.

Unknown_15: So bad. I felt so bad for these people. Getting their hilarious... But once you give away the other chick's retarded child, that's what I want to know.

1:32:43
Unknown_27: Hmm. Well, that depends on if it had nappy hair or not.

Unknown_15: Man, she looks like shit when she does not have her own bathroom.

Unknown_27: That guy talks like a 22-year-old girl from Silver Lake.

Unknown_30: Oh.

1:33:28
Unknown_37: Sure.

Unknown_29: We'll miss you if you do.

Unknown_27: There's a lot of money to be made.

Unknown_37: Get to it. Fighting time's a-wasting.

Unknown_27: Also, he said you were gay.

Unknown_21: So how was the sleeping arranged? Did you really sleep in the same room as, what's her name?

Unknown_15: No, she bailed. She slept on the couch. She didn't want to sleep with me. She thought that would be inappropriate.

Unknown_21: It is a little inappropriate.

1:34:13
Unknown_09: When do we go sailing? Oh, you guys go sailing? Yeah.

Unknown_37: Oh, that's got to be.

Unknown_15: And I had already been sailing, so I already knew how to do it. It was a team building exercise. Oh, God. Like where you had to cooperate, but I already knew how to sail. So I just did everything.

Unknown_15: Where did he find the time to learn this shit? He knows so much.

Unknown_15: We walked by here with Veronica on Halloween. Uh-oh.

1:34:59
Unknown_15: This is my biggest regret, is not instantly getting up and going to get her number.

Unknown_27: Also, that woman walked like a fucking linebacker.

Unknown_15: Yeah, just for the comedy part. I should have just jumped right up and said, hey, how you doing? She would have done it because she had cameras on her. I know. I've regretted that my whole life.

Unknown_27: You know, she's not actually wrong. My old boss used to say that if your lawyer has bad shoes and a flip-flon, you're going to jail. So she might be on to something. So wise.

1:35:38
Unknown_15: So we had an argument.

1:36:22
Unknown_15: We had an argument there about how old Shirley was. Yeah. We were sitting at the table, and she goes, well, guess how old I am. I said, no, you'll bullshit me. I'm going to write it down.

Unknown_33: Yeah.

Unknown_15: And then you tell me. So she finally said, oh, 57. I had written down 58. She flipped down. She ripped it off.

Unknown_16: What? Wow.

Unknown_16: Duh.

Unknown_15: Oh, your body is a temple. Oh, my God.

1:36:57
Unknown_27: She is surprisingly well built.

Unknown_28: Yeah.

Unknown_27: Your tattoo is dumb. You're an idiot. God says he hates you.

Unknown_27: That guy hates society. Why does he care?

Unknown_26: Because we live in a society.

1:37:38
Unknown_35: Joke.

Unknown_34: Music, what the hell?

Unknown_19: It's awesome.

Unknown_19: You know, it's the Church of Dracula. Yeah. The Phantom of the Opera, Blake.

Unknown_22: What kind of music is that?

Unknown_37: Well, she's gonna get pissed at how he teaches, probably.

Unknown_03: Oh, yeah.

Unknown_37: Oh, dude.

1:38:09
Unknown_15: What the hell does that mean? It means he's a woman.

Unknown_28: Yeah, it means he's a woman. I think people say that.

Unknown_15: It means that he's superstitious.

Unknown_24: I knew you were about to say that. I was like, damn, that fucking Jesus looks like me. What the fuck?

Unknown_24: I almost said it myself.

Unknown_19: Must have been the church of failure.

Unknown_27: No, Presbyterians are the same thing.

1:38:41
Unknown_32: Did you recognize that church?

Unknown_26: They take her to a black church at some point, and it's pretty funny.

Unknown_27: I hope you're telling the truth.

Unknown_26: think I am oh I remember that that was hilarious yeah yeah because they told us that we could talk to everybody in our personal life and like where I asked if I could work if I brought my laptop and they said yeah we want you to live like you live at home so I was like okay um because I just I pretty much just left work and said yeah I'll be in touch like I'll be on the phone but then I they didn't hear from me for a week um

1:39:22
Unknown_15: They misrepresent everything. They don't outright lie, but it's clear they... They don't want you to be prepared going into it. No. Because you're standing next to a hot chick, she feels naked?

Unknown_15: And my second biggest regret from this show is this producer, Ashley, hit me up a year later or two years later saying she was in town for some show. Do you want to get together? And I was like, oh, I can. I got a meeting. She's like, oh, you idiot.

Unknown_14: All right.

Unknown_15: My disappointment. I know.

1:39:55
Unknown_27: We've all made that mistake. Hell, I made it last week. It's okay. What the hell is wrong with her nose?

Unknown_02: She has Fabio's nose. I told her.

Unknown_27: Her nose is the least of the problems, Rack. It's...

Unknown_02: No, but she's got the nose of that newscaster or whatever. See, this is more therapy, Sean. They're fixing her body dysmorphia disorder by making her walk around with no makeup with a hot chick. That's how you do it.

Unknown_09: That's therapy. While her abusive boyfriend is on the phone yelling at her. Yeah, while her abusive boyfriend is on the phone screaming at her.

1:40:30
Unknown_09: This is therapy. This is your God, Sean.

Unknown_10: This is what you love so much.

Unknown_10: And then they gave us all drugs. Oh, God.

Unknown_15: Oh.

Unknown_15: Yeah, because she's an idiot.

Unknown_02: Please say he must be black. Please say he must be black.

Unknown_27: Oh, rackets, I can't wait till you come to LA. Hang on, put the Christian on.

1:41:01
Unknown_02: This is about my therapy.

Unknown_24: Click, God. Whoa. Yeah, nice.

Unknown_37: Thank you, thank you.

Unknown_15: Good looking out, Ralph.

Unknown_37: I'll bet in person she's even better. Yes.

Unknown_15: Because TV does add weight. Oh, man, that ass.

Unknown_37: Yeah, oh yeah. She wants her to be as miserable as her. Yeah, yeah.

1:41:38
Unknown_15: So these two later sued this show, right?

Unknown_37: Riveting.

Unknown_27: I gotta be honest, I love the Norwegian subtitles. The subtitles, yeah. Is that where it's from, Norway? Sweden. No, that's not Swedish. That's the most fucked up Swedish I've ever seen.

Unknown_02: Tack for IDag, man.

Unknown_02: Oh, God, that episode went way faster than the first one.

Unknown_27: Did it?

1:42:11
Unknown_02: Yeah, I think so, too. Well, probably because of the 25 minutes of intro.

Unknown_27: Wait, hold on. Was that half an hour or a full hour? 40 minutes. 40 minutes. Same. They do a full 20 minutes of commercials? Jesus Christ. No wonder fucking daytime TV is so profitable.

Unknown_27: You know, with the permission of everyone in studio, I'm going to get drunk. Go for it.

Unknown_29: Cool.

Unknown_27: Dear sweet 80s girl, God bless you. I love you so much.

1:42:43
Unknown_15: Yes, please. Thank you. You really want to get drunk? No! Yes! I've had it! Him! God damn it! If I could tell you about the goddamn day!

Unknown_02: You can tell me, Keon.

Unknown_27: You already know, Rackets. Lawyer to lawyer.

Unknown_02: I do.

Unknown_27: I'll DM you. Or I'll DM your law clerk. He'll tell you.

Unknown_02: Sounds good. Or she. I don't know. I hope she has big tits. How dare you, bigot?

Unknown_27: I mean, speaking of bigot, when is Vito coming in? I got to be bigoted towards him. Oh, why?

1:43:14
Unknown_07: What did he do?

Unknown_27: He officially got a sex change with the state of California.

Unknown_15: Oh, yeah, that's right. That's right. That's right. I've got it, Sean. I've got a very special guest I want to bring on while everybody's dicking around. British girl. Are you there?

Unknown_37: Oh, no way.

Unknown_15: Yeah.

Unknown_37: Wait, can you hear me?

Unknown_15: Yes, I can hear you. Oh, hey. Hi. Hello, what do you think so far of the Dr. Phil tapes and the viewing experience? Oh, I'm absolutely horrified. Horrified, yeah, me too.

Unknown_37: I think Dick came off great.

Unknown_15: Yeah.

Unknown_09: I mean, he killed it. Yeah, my stupid mom should have watched the show. I'm funny. I'm saying really smart things. Well, because... We know what you're doing. Like you were perfect.

1:43:47
Unknown_15: Under pressure, you were perfect. Perfect. And the crazy part is the amount of footage that got cut of more perfection because they hammer you. They do this stupid shit. I sit on the couch. I sat on the couch the entire time just trying to pick people apart to fucking manipulate them. Right. Like trying to learn more about their life, what their fears are, what their hopes are and shit about that. So they would feel like the dentist system. That's what I was doing the whole time. The what? The dentist system. The Always Sunny dentist system. Oh. Just, you know, being their friend, right? Whatever you want to call. And then they would bring you into a room, interview you, try to make you fuck up, and then right back out to this house, this sound studio, with no walls, no television, and only a...

1:44:19
Unknown_15: The only thing to read in the entire house is a weight loss book by Dr. Phil.

Unknown_14: The fattest man in a five block radius. That's it.

1:44:54
Unknown_10: I read that fucking weight loss book cover to cover five times.

Unknown_11: It's the only thing to read. Like, you do not understand what... No music. No TV. No art on the wall.

Unknown_10: Nothing to read but a weight loss book by a fat fuck. Man, I would have been reading shampoo bottles and shit. There are none! There are no shampoo, but there's one bathroom. You can read Dial on a bar of soap over and over and over like you're from Transcendental Meditation. Dial, Dial, Dial, Dial. Go ahead. Reading Who Made the Clocks.

1:45:24
Unknown_15: Yeah, so British Girls, what are your thoughts so far?

Unknown_23: Okay, so it's been how many years now?

Unknown_15: Oh, wait, wait, sorry. No, you broke up. You broke up. 12 years, I think. We were dating, by the way, her and I were dating when I went on this fiasco.

Unknown_23: So I still can't believe you did this.

Unknown_15: Yeah.

Unknown_23: Because at the time, I remember thinking, this is a really bad idea. These people are not looking out for your best interests. I mean, who would be for a guy who wrote that book?

1:45:58
Unknown_15: Right, well, you know.

Unknown_23: I just remember thinking, this is... Even less people are looking out for my best interests now.

Unknown_15: Yeah.

Unknown_23: Well, right. Okay. But I think Sean can attest to this, that when you came out, you were not in your right mind.

Unknown_37: No. Really? I remember him. I remember being at his place and him wearing a bathrobe and laying on the ground and drinking out of a Wild Turkey 101 bottle. Oh! I remember that.

Unknown_15: That was right after I got out of the house and you- Sean, do you remember?

1:46:32
Unknown_23: He passed out and then a Dr. Phil commercial came on television and he woke up. That's right.

Unknown_27: PTSD snap too. He heard the voice. Yeah.

Unknown_27: it was like hearing an air raid siren he was passed out on the floor and then he suddenly just came up like he was reanimated it was terrifying right back into character screaming yeah yeah um i remember that i remember getting out i remember getting out of the house and coming back to my apartment where you and sean were and it was supposed to be like a party

1:47:11
Unknown_15: kind of thing like hey what a stupid what a stupid thing like let's and i said i need to go to the store i need to get liquor right really drunk i need to go right now and i remember walking through the store grabbing everything like the feeling of being able to just grab anything was so weird and it was such a relief to me that I couldn't stop doing it like a super I filled up an entire shopping cart and then dumped seven whiskey bot like I remember taking every and that Ralph's on uh that Ralph's on Magnolia in North Hollywood and you got cheese as well a bunch of weird cheeses cheese every cheese i could want sausages crackers i i just i remember sitting on it like this this must be what people feel like when they get out of prison when you can just buy whatever you want well what you're talking about reminds me of i can't remember what the name of the movie is but it's an early robin williams movie and he plays a russian immigrant like you know in the under ussr aladdin no and he basically jinxed

1:48:16
Unknown_37: He's in like, you know, poor ass Soviet Russia.

Unknown_22: And he goes in and the first time he goes in an American grocery store, he looks in the aisles and there's like 12 different brands of pickles.

Unknown_15: And he just passes out right in the aisle. Yeah.

Unknown_37: You're like, I can do this.

Unknown_15: Go ahead. No.

Unknown_26: So, uh, your first instinct after a week of constant superva- supervalence in the Dr. Phil house is to go out and buy a bunch of whiskey and cheese? Well, I- He was living on a soundstage.

Unknown_09: Yeah, cause I couldn't get- I couldn't get out of control drunk the entire time because I would get fucked with it.

1:48:54
Unknown_15: Did you drink at all?

Unknown_15: Uh, I had one- I had one or two drinks, and the only time I did, I fucked up and took my glasses off when I was outside, and that's what they used at the end of the show.

Unknown_37: Oh, they got that.

Unknown_15: Uh, so I hadn't been drunk in, I hadn't been properly drunk in about a week. Right. Which is, I mean, no, that's not human.

Unknown_23: No, Dick, it was, it was longer. Was it? Oh yeah. Cause they made you stay in the hotel.

Unknown_15: Oh, that's right. It was like a week and a couple of days. Um, we can have, that's what we say. Yeah. Like let's say a week and a half. All right. Anyway. Um, what else? You got any other, uh, you got any other thoughts on this one? British girl.

1:49:25
Unknown_37: Yeah. This takes me back. Keep going.

Unknown_15: Okay, keep going. We'll wait for Ralph. Well, we'll wait for the drinks to come back.

Unknown_37: Yeah, I got to.

Unknown_15: You got to go to the bathroom. How's everybody doing? Anybody got something? I'm going to mute you there.

Unknown_15: Good talking to you. Good talking to you.

Unknown_15: All right, go ahead. Take your drink. It's back.

Unknown_37: This is more fun than I thought it would be, to be honest.

1:49:57
Unknown_15: You thought this wouldn't be fun? No, no, no, no. How dare you?

Unknown_29: I'm more awake.

Unknown_15: I'm going to call my fucking mom and see if she wants to weigh in on this.

Unknown_15: Oh, thank you, baby. Well, they were all very concerned about your mom. They kept saying how his mother must be so disappointed. Dude, they just tried to get me to say shit about my mom the whole time. Like, oh, well, what would your mom think? Well, do you think this is about your mom? Do you think this is about your mom? Do you think this is about your mom? And I remember very specifically Del finally hammering me on that. And I said, look, man, I'm just not going to say something shitty about my mom on TV. And he goes, okay. You had a much better mom than I did.

1:50:30
Unknown_27: I respect that.

Unknown_15: Let me text her. See if she wants to call in.

Unknown_37: Dick has a great mom.

Unknown_15: I know. She's a lovely lady. Go to the bathroom.

Unknown_15: Mom, we're watching Dr. Phil. We're watching my Dr. Phil episodes on the internet.

Unknown_15: Do you want to call in?

1:51:02
Unknown_15: in and give your opinions?

Unknown_15: Question mark. All right. Nick, what do you think?

Unknown_02: About this show?

Unknown_15: Yeah. What's your roundup so far? What's your take?

Unknown_02: Well, I hate the thought that this would be a good experiment.

Unknown_02: Well, the pretend, right? Because Dr. Phil, if he has any sort of education about this, would know that this is obviously stupid.

Unknown_02: You're taking six people who you admit are the most judgmental and most broken people that you've ever met, and you're putting them in a house to teach them what it's like to live with each other, but they don't ever have to live with each other. They live with... the 99.999 percent of society who aren't them yeah so what a stupid premise to well i'm gonna show them yeah show them what uh show them what life will never be like good job show them how good i am at touching boob i can't believe we saw that boob touch that was 100 of a boob touch he he would you be offended if dr phil pulled that shit on you

1:51:46
Unknown_15: Oh, yeah. Fuck yeah. I would start running immediately and run to the studio and clothesline his ass. I would be coming while I was running, spraying like a fucking rainbird as I'm running around along the way. Noel, what do you think? What are your thoughts on the program so far?

1:52:16
Unknown_15: I'm gonna sound like an idiot, but I'm shocked at how fake it is.

Unknown_26: I didn't realize I knew that I really with this kind of stuff I always figured like they stacked the deck, you know to get Predictable results, but I never I never thought that they would feed people wines because you would you would think that people would talk about it and it would be you know people like you would people would just know if that was the case, but I guess I guess not I guess nobody cares and

1:52:54
Unknown_15: Well, an example I'll say is like, so everything you just said, if this was on the show, I would say, well, no. So would you say that you're shocked? Would you say that you stupidly thought reality TV was real?

Unknown_26: I always thought that it was more like they could predict what would happen.

Unknown_26: They were clever with the editing, that they could make anything out of what they already had. They wouldn't need to seed lines or ideas or just tell people what to say and have that level of honesty with the people on the show. I always thought it was a magic of editing. that produced the final output as opposed to literally just saying, okay, we need you to talk about this now. Can you talk about this? Can you say this line? This line would sound, would play better. You know what I mean?

1:53:32
Unknown_15: Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's the latter.

Unknown_26: Oh, now I can never look at Dr. Phil.

Unknown_15: Dr. Phil, man. I can't believe that titty grab. And his wife.

Unknown_24: Oh, they're already making it.

Unknown_15: Oh, there it is.

Unknown_24: Oh, no. Dr. Phil. God bless him. I don't want to take my credit on that. This show really does have the best fan base.

1:54:09
Unknown_07: What's your thoughts so far?

Unknown_15: I'm ready to see the second half of this masterpiece. The second half is when it really gets goofy. I was sitting here trying to think, wouldn't it really just take everything for granted on TV as a complete fraud?

Unknown_21: I'm not sure what year that exactly was, but

Unknown_27: I was shocked to find out that cartoons aren't done in real time, and I'm not even joking. I was like eight years old. What do you mean? What do you mean? There's no such thing as a live cartoon.

Unknown_37: Oh, oh, oh, gotcha.

Unknown_27: A live broadcasting of a cartoon. Yeah. Yeah.

1:54:42
Unknown_37: Well, I mean, that's something that a kid might think.

Unknown_27: Right, because kids are retarded, but I learned it by The Simpsons making that joke. Oh.

Unknown_21: Now, what about that Jenny Jones trial? That was when I was a kid where that guy came there and they ambushed him with the gay crush and he ended up killing the gay crush. Oh, yeah.

Unknown_24: Oh, shit.

Unknown_22: No, what are you talking about? Was that Springer? A January Figer of high-profile trial attorney.

Unknown_07: He killed him on air?

Unknown_09: No, no, no. Nothing that good.

1:55:14
Unknown_10: He choked him with his cock. That's what I thought. He was on Jerry Springer. They were like, hey, here's your gay boyfriend, and he murdered the guy on stage.

Unknown_27: That would have been a show.

Unknown_15: Here's from my questionnaire. Ten types of people you would not like to have dinner with.

Unknown_09: I think this applies to the next episode we're watching.

Unknown_15: Rude people. Ugly women.

Unknown_15: I can already see a pattern. Bossy women.

Unknown_09: Loud women. What? I'm just being honest.

1:55:45
Unknown_09: Liberals. Oh, really? Even back then?

Unknown_28: That's funny.

Unknown_15: Single women over a certain age.

Unknown_15: Did you parentheses? No, no, I didn't. No, Sean, you got to keep them guessing. And then they all think it's them. Even a 19 year old thing like, oh, fuck, is that me? Yeah. Female journalists. Wow.

Unknown_15: Women who have, quote, worked hard to get where they are. Somehow it's always your fault.

1:56:18
Unknown_15: Okay, here we go with episode three of the Dr. Phil House of Judgment. If you found this episode on Mega, I don't know where you found it. That's where I found it or somebody sent it to you. I don't know. That's none of my business. I just downloaded them for my personal enjoyment. I make up 80% of them, so I figure I'm all right.

Unknown_15: We're going to begin. It is 40 minutes, 47 seconds long. We're here with Sean, Ethan, Ralph, Keon, the Hero, HeHe, Wormwood, Nick Riccata, Null from Kiwi Farms, and Gator. Null, by the way, I got some interesting stuff to talk to you about payment processing.

1:56:57
Unknown_15: Oh, I've heard the good news. I'm excited. Very interesting. Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah. Since the last show we did. Yep. I've been on the... Ask Ralph. He's been on the attack all week. Oh, yeah. It is so exciting.

Unknown_10: It really has been.

Unknown_24: I'm thinking about writing a chronicle of this after just to watch the master at work all week just clawing and scratching.

Unknown_24: fighting the man ralph you make a very good point seeing this is how one gets a picture of how dick is fucking king midas everything he touches turns to gold be and and one wonders how until you see this until this happens i mean i joke but like actually yeah he's been putting in work on this yeah a week long and

1:57:41
Unknown_15: We go out to have dinner and I'm threatening executives at Chase. We have lunch. We go to a sandwich shop to have lunch with all these hipster fucks. He's on speakerphone threatening to sue them.

Unknown_22: Not explicitly threatening to sue, just mentioning, you know.

Unknown_27: Dick, you've browbeaten the executives at Chase so good that they don't even fucking, like, I haven't even heard from them because you're doing such a good job at fucking browbeating them.

Unknown_15: No, they haven't stopped processing my accounts yet either. It's amazing. Okay, let's do episode three.

Unknown_15: Beginning in one, two, three, a go.

Unknown_21: Uh-oh.

1:58:16
Unknown_15: Oh, wow. Intense hour. Intense hour. Intense hour.

Unknown_26: It's raw and real, Dick.

Unknown_25: He wouldn't lie to me.

Unknown_27: So I've been wondering for the past 20 years how shows like Dr. Phil stay on the air, and if they're all this good, yeah, I get it now.

Unknown_16: Oh, yeah.

1:58:49
Unknown_37: The conviction with which she said that.

Unknown_15: Oh yes, one of them was afraid of water. Shut up and get on the boat?

Unknown_27: Oh, you actually got on a boat. Got it. Yes, we went sailing. I thought that was a Liberia joke.

Unknown_28: Oh jeez.

Unknown_27: Oh no.

Unknown_26: Can't say things like that.

Unknown_27: Take that, Rackets. I win this one.

Unknown_27: Oh.

Unknown_15: What have you won? I don't even notice the subtitles.

1:59:21
Unknown_21: Yeah, I really haven't been paying attention to them. Because I can't read them anyway, so it's just like, whatever.

Unknown_24: Uh-oh. Oh.

Unknown_24: Big Phil's gonna move in with you guys?

Unknown_09: Oh, shit. No, he doesn't. No, of course not. He doesn't want to be around you people. You think you'd actually live there?

Unknown_24: Fuck, no.

1:59:59
Unknown_15: Demsom Idioter.

Unknown_15: I look so young.

Unknown_21: Is she a gamer? I heard the Call of Duty reference there. That could explain a lot. Rising up? Yes, rising up.

Unknown_37: Was that out in 2007? This is the gamer right here.

Unknown_06: Yeah.

2:00:41
Unknown_21: Rexel's right again.

Unknown_08: This is a big recap.

Unknown_05: Fuck, man.

Unknown_08: It goes on and on.

Unknown_15: This is the episode where they do a lot more of that woman's husband just harassing her while they're recording.

2:01:16
Unknown_37: So do they stretch this into four or five episodes?

Unknown_15: Four. Four. Okay.

Unknown_15: I bet they would have had five. So here's my theory. They did the two, then Shirley hit them with the lawsuit, so they stopped showing, so they didn't show the other three episodes. So they could cut her out, right? Well, I think they figured out what they were supposed to do legally.

Unknown_15: And then they cobbled together, after they determined that, oh yeah, she's going to fuck us, they cobbled together this shit to placate her. But she sued anyway.

2:01:50
Unknown_27: So, Rackus, how bad must Dr. Phil's legal, like, trial counsel be? Just... I... I... Ugh. Fuck it. Well, like, he lost four appeals. Which is nuts!

Unknown_02: He must have done some shady fucking shit. He should have settled a long time ago. After the first one.

Unknown_15: Yeah.

Unknown_02: You saw him touch her boob!

Unknown_15: That's assault, brother.

Unknown_20: But it's clear they were doing some kind of shady shit, though.

Unknown_21: You know what I mean?

Unknown_20: Oh, yeah. There's a fat dude who sells me ice cream across my office.

2:02:22
Unknown_27: I've touched his boobs more than that.

Unknown_27: He has not sued me.

Unknown_15: That dude's boob is not worth as much. Well, that's a good point. He's not a pretty white lady. Not on film, either. What are you doing touching the ice cream, man?

Unknown_27: I mean, he's very friendly.

Unknown_02: And the boobs are very soft. I mean, they are.

Unknown_27: There's no boob so soft as one that does not have memory glands behind it.

Unknown_21: Were you actually upset when she reached to grab your shirt?

2:02:56
Unknown_15: Oh, yeah. Because once the glasses come off, I'm fucked. Then it's a joke. Then I'm the joke. If the glasses stay on, everybody's a joke. But as soon as they come off... People go crazy when you can't see their eyes.

Unknown_15: They don't know where to look. They don't want to look at themselves.

Unknown_24: They don't know where you're looking either. Yeah.

Unknown_15: And I'm looking at that chick's ass the entire time.

2:03:38
Unknown_21: I think Phil was trying to smash. Yeah. Yeah. I got a little bit of.

Unknown_27: Well.

Unknown_15: It was weird to say the same thing over and over too. Sure.

Unknown_15: Exhausting.

Unknown_15: Even no matter how much you hate women, still.

Unknown_21: There's Ralph Jesus again.

2:04:11
Unknown_37: Carb loading Christ up there, man. What the fuck is that?

Unknown_21: Hey, Jesus loved bagels. We all know this.

Unknown_21: Big Jesus. Wait.

Unknown_27: Hold on. The asshole clearly has a point. Oh, that's right.

Unknown_15: They had a phone you could make calls on, but it was only a speakerphone. Yeah, sure. So if you wanted to call anybody in your life, you had to use that speakerphone. It was like, oh, I'm definitely not calling anyone I know. Mm-hmm.

2:04:45
Unknown_15: Oh, my mom said no thank you, but thank you for asking. That sounds right. That's what my mom says every time I say, hey, mom, you should listen to this show.

Unknown_37: Please. Getting your hair wet? You're on a boat. You're doing it wrong if you're getting your hair wet.

Unknown_26: You're very right. Your boat has capsized.

2:05:24
Unknown_15: Dick, are you a morning person? Just out of curiosity. No, I fucking hate the morning. What were you drinking right there? Diet Coke.

Unknown_37: Yeah.

Unknown_15: And cyanide.

Unknown_27: No shit, you could watch this and become fluent in whatever language this is. This is... Like, I understand why Europeans are so good at speaking English now, other than the French.

2:06:09
Unknown_15: Yeah, I thought this might be Marina Del Rey, right?

Unknown_15: Yeah. Yeah. I don't know where else you'd go out of. No, I think we got we had to get up really early. Everybody had to get ready using one bathroom. Yeah, that's right. Six people, four chicks had to get ready at like 430. I'm sure that went smoothly. Oh, yeah.

Unknown_27: I definitely recognize that. I think that's Ventura, dude. I think that's Oxnard. Wait, wait.

Unknown_37: Really? Yeah.

Unknown_27: Yeah, I don't remember. Well, how far was the ride?

Unknown_15: I don't remember. I mean, Marina Del Rey and Oxnard are equidistant from Hollywood at fucking 5.30 in the morning.

2:06:51
Unknown_37: No, 5.30 in the morning, you get to Marina Del Rey way faster.

Unknown_15: I think it was Marina Del Rey. Yeah.

Unknown_37: Possible.

Unknown_27: Possible.

Unknown_15: And those two chicks spazzed out about going sailing, period.

Unknown_08: Yeah, she can't swim, so she's freaking out.

Unknown_27: Thank you, Noel. Bone density is great.

Unknown_15: Oh, no, she said that. She said she can't swim. Yeah.

Unknown_15: No, literally, yes.

Unknown_26: She can't swim.

Unknown_27: Then I'm the asshole. Sorry, no.

Unknown_26: I'm paying attention to my Dr. Phil tapes, okay?

Unknown_27: Get more drunk, asshole. I know it's like 4 o'clock, whatever time it is.

2:07:24
Unknown_15: Oh, man, those pink tops just drive me nuts. Look at that. Form-fitting.

Unknown_15: I just keep telling myself that she's 30-something now.

Unknown_27: Wait. She's 30-something at this point or today?

Unknown_15: Today. Black don't crack, though.

Unknown_27: Good heavens.

Unknown_15: Oh, shit. Why'd you have to say that, Ralph? I didn't account for the black knot cracking.

Unknown_15: She could look like anything. She could look like Vivica Fox.

2:07:58
Unknown_21: I mean, look at Hallie. Come on.

Unknown_15: Hallie seems like she'd act like she was too into it. You're fucking her. You're like, oh yeah, fuck me with that huge cock. Like, okay, it's not huge. I mean, keep it under control. Is she gonna just sit in the van?

Unknown_37: Is that what she wants to do?

Unknown_15: I think she gets out eventually.

Unknown_15: They put a... Sounds like she's jealous of her issues.

2:08:31
Unknown_02: Ugh.

Unknown_26: Morning, Skip.

Unknown_27: I know I've seen that guy.

Unknown_15: Yeah.

Unknown_27: In real life.

Unknown_15: They fucked him over, too. I forget why, but after this, he was all pissed off about something they did to his boat. I watched the producers just lie to him about what they were going to cover.

Unknown_15: They owed him a bunch of money. Something happened to him that he didn't get compensated for.

2:09:05
Unknown_37: Like his boat was damaged?

Unknown_15: No, it was who was filmed.

Unknown_15: And he had a problem with him being filmed or something like that. He said this wasn't part of the deal and he was all pissed off. I watched the producers lie to him like they lied to all of us. Which, you know.

Unknown_15: Sounds like a nightmare. That's what they do and dare you to sue them. Yeah, man, it really is.

Unknown_27: We should have sued them.

Unknown_15: We should sue them for not keeping these tapes off the internet like they said they were going to do. This is bullshit.

2:09:39
Unknown_09: They probably leaked these to strike back against the people who sued them and won.

Unknown_13: This was a vindictive act.

Unknown_10: Tell Shirley to call me. I don't think you have standing. They probably did this on purpose. I bet they did.

Unknown_27: Fucking that Swede or Norwegian Dr. Phil.

Unknown_27: Do you remember if the white trash girl thought of this as like actual therapy?

2:10:20
Unknown_15: They all were Beatles-level obsessed with Dr. Phil. Like, they just wanted to touch him, to feel his energy in the house. They wanted him to listen to them. Like, they wanted to chop off their hair and put it in his mouth.

Unknown_27: Is that why he does everything on tape?

Unknown_15: What's that?

Unknown_27: Is that why he does everything on video? Yeah.

Unknown_15: Yeah.

Unknown_15: For Dr. Phil, yes.

Unknown_29: He did, like you just said.

Unknown_05: For Dr. Phil.

Unknown_15: Yeah, yeah. Oh, wow. So, if you'll notice...

Unknown_15: We were only allowed to have seven people on the boat. We're only allowed to have six, but they let us have seven. They wouldn't allow eight. That means they wouldn't allow a cameraman on the boat.

2:10:56
Unknown_15: So Del gave me his camera, and he goes, look, just shoot whatever you can, and we'll figure it out, because we can't get in. I was like, you got it, man.

Unknown_07: Here. So if you'll see some of these shots, I have a camera in some of them.

Unknown_26: There's a shot of you holding a camera. I've seen the screenshot of it. Yeah.

2:11:33
Unknown_27: I don't think that's physically accurate.

Unknown_26: God, it sucks when you're dealing with someone who has an irrational fear, and everyone's trying to be positive, and they just won't go with it.

Unknown_15: Like a fainting goat.

2:12:07
Unknown_15: There it is.

Unknown_15: I gave it to Crystal. So then I got tired of doing it, so I would give it to the other people in the...

Unknown_20: She's just a racist now, not a racist hand of failure.

Unknown_22: Wasn't that the one trying to cheat on her husband there? It's the healing hand of Dr. Phil touching all these people. 50% of our problems are gone.

Unknown_09: That makes me want to kill myself. Seeing someone proud of that. Of being on a boat. Oh, she's eating mayonnaise.

2:12:40
Unknown_36: Oh my god, I was right. She's putting mayo on the sandwich? Yeah.

Unknown_15: No, I sailed the boat. There it is.

Unknown_26: Looks so nonchalant with it.

2:13:27
Unknown_27: He's racist. That's not the one up on the cross. It's the other one.

Unknown_15: It was weird to see him repeat the Dr. Phil lines like that. Yeah. Either open up or go home. Like, Jason, man, you don't, I mean.

Unknown_20: Hold up. That's not something you say day to day.

Unknown_15: Yeah, you don't care about this, right? This is stupid.

Unknown_20: He hates all of society, but he cares about that? Yeah. What?

2:14:19
Unknown_15: Oh, look at those sandwiches, man.

Unknown_15: I remember those sandwiches. They fed you good? No. They didn't? Barely at all.

Unknown_15: But when they did. Angry and drunk. Irritated. Tons of liquor. They kept you drunk. No food.

Unknown_21: Of course. Well, they gave you access to.

Unknown_15: Yeah, they gave us access.

2:15:11
Unknown_15: That's God's fault.

Unknown_15: He did it. Oh, here it is.

Unknown_37: When we finally let her call through, or his call through.

Unknown_08: Yeah, exactly.

Unknown_27: What? How old is her son?

Unknown_15: Oh, I think he just said that to get through to her. Because they wouldn't let you talk to anybody.

2:15:44
Unknown_08: Oh, that was nice.

Unknown_05: Yeah.

Unknown_35: Good guy.

Unknown_35: No.

Unknown_29: Yeah.

2:16:30
Unknown_15: Or maybe it was to get her to come home. I forget which one it was. One of the two. Yeah, knowing what I know now, the story is a lot different.

Unknown_26: Because now I know she's not being paid to be there, and they probably won't let him talk to her unless he says something like that.

Unknown_15: It makes everything look a lot different.

Unknown_15: Well, it's also some of the women who had psychiatrists in the house begged them not to go on the show. Ha!

Unknown_15: Because they knew Dr. Phil could fix them and they didn't want to lose their cash cap.

2:17:04
Unknown_37: Well done. Well done. Thank you.

Unknown_28: Very well done. Take a bow.

Unknown_09: Oh, Hazen Cruz is there.

Unknown_09: Hazen Cruz, get in there.

Unknown_27: My best Twitter friend.

Unknown_27: Everyone needs to follow Hazen Cruz on Twitter, by the way.

2:17:35
Unknown_27: I love that voice.

Unknown_15: We suck each other's cocks. Hey, Hazen Cruz, get in there. Get in here.

Unknown_27: Hazen Cruz!

Unknown_17: Hey, I'm here.

Unknown_15: Hey, what's up, man? What's up, bud? What's going on?

Unknown_17: Sorry about fucking up the Discord.

Unknown_15: No, I did it. You did it. You did it. But it was my fault. Boy.

Unknown_17: This music always gets me on these daytime shows.

2:18:10
Unknown_37: It's funny how you were just gagged and bound and dragged away from your own home so you couldn't write.

Unknown_15: I brought those martini glasses in myself.

Unknown_17: I thought so.

Unknown_05: Are they let you bring shit like that?

Unknown_26: See, this guy's always talking about his kids and stuff. He always seems way more normal than the show wants him to be. Yeah.

2:18:47
Unknown_26: I think he went on there to promote his business, but he kind of chickened out.

Unknown_15: No, he had a murder memorabilia shop in Utah. Oh, sure.

Unknown_15: Utah.

Unknown_08: Shopping up cheese. That's what she wants to do.

2:19:33
Unknown_37: Sincere to anti-sincere in three, two, one.

Unknown_27: I love that, that fucking Jason is sitting there like, oh, well, you know, what's important is that you take care of yourself. You know, you got to work on your personal reflection.

Unknown_15: And you're like, yeah, how about this?

2:20:17
Unknown_37: For half a sentence.

Unknown_27: That's slander or libel. I forget.

Unknown_13: Okay, Mohammed. Step straight into the fucking Quran. Don't tell me you're not a Muslim.

Unknown_28: Yeah.

2:20:54
Unknown_15: Oh, fuck. I'm drunk. Oh, yeah.

Unknown_27: You should upgrade to a bigger glass here, buddy.

Unknown_08: No, it's safe.

Unknown_25: Oh.

2:21:26
Unknown_15: This part's weird.

Unknown_15: Oh, yeah, this was another house.

Unknown_29: Oh.

Unknown_15: This is just like elder abuse, right? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Like you get old people on and kick the shit out of them, whatever, make them look stupid. That's a great quote.

2:22:00
Unknown_15: No, that's a woman who is in the last house. That they fixed all their racism.

Unknown_37: I was never that bad.

Unknown_26: They're calling her back in to help out with this case. She's the ringer.

Unknown_37: Fixed in four days. Because that happens.

Unknown_15: I pissed in that corner. Right over there. Because Dr. Phil was in there arguing with all the chicks while me and Jason were out there. I was like, I'm going to go piss in this corner.

2:22:37
Unknown_17: This is like pop-up video.

Unknown_21: Pop-up video was awesome, by the way. Uh-oh.

Unknown_27: That is a white woman with red hair. I don't know what she's talking about.

2:23:09
Unknown_27: She pronounced four words wrong in a five-word sentence.

Unknown_09: What?

Unknown_29: What?

Unknown_09: What?

Unknown_09: That's... Oh.

Unknown_27: Fuck Oprah.

Unknown_07: Well, she never led us into a bullshit 20-year war in the Middle East.

Unknown_21: Well, Oprah did give us Dr. Phil, so... Is that what happened?

Unknown_15: Yeah. Oh, yeah. Dr. Phil was like a bit on the Oprah show. He would come in and piss on audience members. Dr. Phil and The Simpsons both made it out of it.

Unknown_21: I remember when he would come on Oprah.

Unknown_15: Yeah.

2:23:47
Unknown_21: Before his show.

Unknown_15: Oh, yeah.

Unknown_00: Why would she take a hug from a black person?

Unknown_02: Because I said that's a white woman with red hair.

Unknown_27: Look at her. That's a ginger. That's a salt.

Unknown_17: It's so weird to me. This is all it took to shake her.

Unknown_26: Have you considered not being racist?

Unknown_02: Well, she's just setting her up so she can accuse her of stealing her wallet in a minute. At this point, we've had about 12 hours of sleep over six days.

2:24:20
Unknown_15: And only people berating you all day. No, you're fragile. You're ready to believe anything. What do you want, man?

Unknown_15: How many people were killed in the Holocaust? You got it.

Unknown_15: I either disavow or super avowed.

Unknown_10: I didn't say which way that joke went. I didn't say.

Unknown_27: I didn't say.

Unknown_10: That totally alters what I got to say for my.

Unknown_37: They take her to Roscoe's?

2:24:56
Unknown_10: Oh, yeah. Yeah. If she asks for mayonnaise, I'm going to shit myself.

Unknown_11: See, no, and everybody got to be fixed, and they got a nice treat, except for fucking me.

Unknown_10: I didn't get anything nice. I didn't get any kind of treat. No Mercedes. I had an hour and a half debate with Dr. Phil. You didn't even get felt up. I didn't get my tits grabbed, nothing. I didn't get anything. I didn't get a new Mercedes like Shirley. Psychological trauma.

Unknown_37: I just got trauma and nothing.

2:25:29
Unknown_27: I doubt they're going to show this on air. So like a white person goes to Roscoe's and gets a waffle and a chicken breast and some sweet potatoes.

Unknown_05: Okay. I hope they make her have gizzards and liver and like collard greens.

Unknown_15: Yeah.

Unknown_27: Which is actually really good at Roscoe's. Everyone should have that. Gizzard. Yeah. Yeah. Collar greens are great. You ever go to Ribs USA?

Unknown_37: You only get a prize if Dr. Phil fixes you.

Unknown_27: Yeah, exactly.

Unknown_37: Collar greens are killer. Exactly.

2:26:03
Unknown_21: You think you were punished because you didn't follow Dr. Phil's lead?

Unknown_15: I was punished.

Unknown_17: She's like a TV judge. Because I didn't kiss the ring.

Unknown_15: Kiss the ring, yeah, exactly. Kiss Dr. Phil's ass ring and renounce my ways.

Unknown_02: Why'd she axe her?

Unknown_29: Rude.

2:26:46
Unknown_37: No shit? Wow.

Unknown_15: Is that true? Yeah.

Unknown_02: I mean, to be fair, white people voted on it.

Unknown_02: I don't want to be politically incorrect way to answer that question. I'm sure there's places in Somalia I can't go.

Unknown_26: Yeah, if she had said it, that would have been hysterical. That would have been comedy gold.

Unknown_27: If you just accept Muhammad as the only prophet of Allah.

2:27:17
Unknown_26: She's too tired. She looks like she's about to pass out.

Unknown_15: Oh, yeah, man.

Unknown_37: Everybody's looking worked over.

Unknown_15: If I didn't have a lifetime of alcoholism to prep me for having no sleep or no reservoir and start whittling away at that glow stick that is your soul. We were drinking a lot around that time. I see. Everyone's tired of making mistakes. I got this. Don't worry about this. I'm just coming into my own. I got a lot of algorithms in the bag that are going to keep me going through this.

Unknown_37: I could be an asshole on no sleep.

2:27:50
Unknown_09: You guys are not going to believe it. Doc Holliday, not me.

Unknown_37: I'm in my prime.

Unknown_15: I got two zings, one for each of you.

Unknown_33: You'll get dead, baby.

Unknown_07: What are you saying, Wormwood?

Unknown_06: Wormwood is saying they all got that good hair.

Unknown_06: I was saying it's ironic that they got the whitest black people to tell her not to be racist. They got Bill Cosby's replacement wife. No, no, no.

2:28:23
Unknown_10: Fresh Prince.

Unknown_15: The new Vivian Banks and the Fresh Prince. Not the old one.

Unknown_22: that was really dark yeah replaced her with light skin yeah they replaced her with Rashida Jones oh wow wow big if true that husband though what they cut was he said and that's why we get along so well oh jeez

2:29:20
Unknown_29: I turned my head all the way over.

Unknown_09: Are you biting the pillow to stifle a laugh?

Unknown_37: It looks like... What the fuck is wrong with you?

Unknown_09: Fucking shit me with this.

Unknown_21: Chauvinist.

Unknown_17: So stupid.

2:29:59
Unknown_17: Why do they keep zooming in on you?

Unknown_27: Ask that again. Look at him and ask again why they focus on his face.

Unknown_10: Because I look like a cartoon character.

Unknown_27: Fucking snively whiplash over here.

Unknown_10: Oh, this asshole.

Unknown_17: He just has like that.

Unknown_10: Look at those arms. Oh, fuck, man. Did you see that?

2:30:31
Unknown_17: Yoked up. Oh, shit.

Unknown_30: Dick. Dick.

Unknown_37: God, she wants to fix you so bad.

Unknown_27: Yeah. You mispronounced that. The word is fuck.

Unknown_37: Well, yeah. Interchangeable.

Unknown_37: It's the Seinfeld. No crying, no learning.

2:31:02
Unknown_34: Dick's mantra.

Unknown_37: No crying, no learning.

Unknown_02: Where's her neck?

Unknown_37: You don't say. This is such a weird experience.

Unknown_27: You're right. She does look like fucking Barney Rubble.

Unknown_17: Does she look like that standing right in front of you, too?

Unknown_15: Oh, yeah. Wow.

Unknown_15: Look, I look like a twink. I'm so tiny. Looks like or is. Hmm.

2:31:50
Unknown_37: Oh, wait. What?

Unknown_08: jesus christ your move phil oh god

2:32:28
Unknown_37: Oh, no.

Unknown_37: Ugliest couple in the world.

Unknown_29: Oh, no. That dude looks like he's like 30 years or senior.

Unknown_37: Yeah. Well, he's got the dyed hair that is supposed to be brown, but it turns orange on old men. Is that a thing? Yeah, because I think they don't do it right. It's supposed to be brown, but it always ends up kind of orange with gray hair.

Unknown_29: It's like the color of Garfield's coat. Yeah.

Unknown_16: Uh-oh.

2:32:59
Unknown_16: Yeah.

Unknown_16: Oh, no.

Unknown_30: I had it.

Unknown_13: What the fuck is this guy's deal?

Unknown_37: Oh, well, she's way bigger than him, huh? Yeah.

Unknown_09: What is this? He looks like a pinhead. You know those old guys in the Wild West?

2:33:33
Unknown_29: You're not supposed to admit that about your wife.

Unknown_21: Wow.

Unknown_16: Damn.

Unknown_21: Unbelievable. Get rekt. Puppity, oh my goodness. Puppity. Oh.

2:34:19
Unknown_17: He looks like Henry Winkler fucking Ben Stein. Those are her kids? Holy shit.

Unknown_29: Damn.

Unknown_27: Why is he talking so quiet?

Unknown_27: Because he's afraid the cameras will pick it up.

Unknown_09: She went to find a cashier that was white? That's pretty racist.

Unknown_37: But she moved past all the black cashiers.

Unknown_08: Damn.

Unknown_37: I mean, that's how many years that is.

2:34:51
Unknown_09: That's the that's the most racist anyone could ever be, Sean.

Unknown_27: I mean, how many black cashiers have you seen downtown L.A.?

Unknown_27: Four.

Unknown_27: In a town of 20 million.

Unknown_15: Home Depot has a cell phone self-checkout. Yeah. Only one of them is white. That's the only one I use.

Unknown_02: Well, the machine.

Unknown_27: That's OK, because you're Mexican.

Unknown_02: Is this a movie plot? Wise black woman fixes all problems in one conversation? Yeah, they called it Bagger Vance.

2:35:25
Unknown_26: From what I saw, her kids are all black. Like, fully black. So he's like a stepfather to three black kids and she hates him.

Unknown_24: Is that true? Or is it like a comedy? I mean, that makes sense.

Unknown_17: There's a lot to unpack here.

Unknown_26: Her life is weird. That's fucking weird.

Unknown_15: Dr. Phil is in his sexy, I'm fixing problems tank top and matching, like, I'm a magician. Tank top?

Unknown_15: Turtleneck and black pants.

2:36:08
Unknown_37: Yeah, get to know him, then hate him.

Unknown_16: Yeah.

Unknown_37: Oh...

Unknown_16: Unexpected house guests!

Unknown_29: It's going to be a note from me, Chief.

Unknown_02: His mohawk is getting more and more depressed.

Unknown_25: He's depleted all his sculpting gel.

2:36:42
Unknown_02: There you go.

Unknown_02: Wait, did the men seriously grill all the meat?

Unknown_15: Yeah. That's brilliant.

Unknown_02: That is straight caveman DNA. What are the women cooking?

Unknown_27: Baked potatoes and mashed... They're not doing it very well.

Unknown_02: Yeah, that is the worst corn I've seen in my life. I've noticed women always cut vegetables with a fucking paring knife.

Unknown_17: Oh my god, kill me.

Unknown_27: No, they... Wait, was that Gator or Null who said that about the paring knife?

2:37:16
Unknown_17: That was Hazen Cruz.

Unknown_27: Oh, sorry, Cruz. Yeah, that's because women don't know there are different kinds of knives. They don't know what paring means.

Unknown_15: They hate the big ones. They're afraid of them.

Unknown_17: No, I've shown my wife, like, hey, this is a chef's knife. Use this for this. You're married. Always a paring knife.

Unknown_17: Who is it?

Unknown_19: I'm on the edge of my seat. That's it, isn't it? Oh, man. Yeah.

Unknown_27: been reading this so that was the end of the yeah thanks cruz i cruz we're gonna be fluent in fucking norwegian that was the end of the show with the dinner guests norway i don't think they speak it a lot there um yeah i remember the fourth episode yeah there is she wears shoulder pads yes because she got her fucking thing in the early 90s

2:38:14
Unknown_21: You look like you sell drugs on the after school special. The guy who goes, no one says no to drugs.

Unknown_15: Who else do I got in here? All right, Hazen Cruz, I'm going to bump you for a minute. I got to get Cantillions in here.

Unknown_37: Don't fuck up Discord while you're gone.

Unknown_37: Hey, Cantillions, how you doing?

Unknown_04: Hey, what's up, Dick? How you doing, buddy? What do you think so far?

Unknown_15: What do you think of this so far?

Unknown_04: It's amazing for the 30 seconds that I saw so far.

Unknown_15: Oh. 30 seconds that you've seen so far? All right, get out of here.

2:38:50
Unknown_04: I haven't been watching you. Get out of here now.

Unknown_15: You fucked up. Okay, who's got something to say? What do you guys think? What do we think? Opinions around the horn.

Unknown_02: I'm looking forward to Kimberly's shorts.

Unknown_02: Yes! Yes! God, they were amazing.

Unknown_15: Sean, what do you think?

Unknown_37: I love it. I can't wait to see how it turns out.

Unknown_15: You didn't watch the last episode? I know you said you were going to leave at 10, but you had something important to do or something like that. Well, I'll just be a little more tired tomorrow. Oh, okay.

Unknown_37: Did you tell everybody that we were going to?

Unknown_15: Yeah. Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. No, no, no, no, no. This is a repeat. It's repeating. Oh. Ralph, what do you think so far?

2:39:21
Unknown_21: I mean.

Unknown_15: Who do you think the dinner guest is going to be? That's what I'm on the edge of my seat trying to just, my brain, I'm just racking it trying to figure out who this guest might be. Keon, what do you think so far?

Unknown_27: Who is the dinner guest going to be?

Unknown_15: No. Oh, this is the most fun I've had in like three weeks.

Unknown_27: This is legitimately super fun.

Unknown_15: It's Epstein. It was Epstein. It's definitely Jeffrey Epstein. Nick or Katie, what do you think so far?

2:39:52
Unknown_24: Oh, it's great.

Unknown_02: I love how the stereotypes play out. I love the factioning between the men and the women. It's great, right?

Unknown_02: I love that the woman hater is a Bible thumper. That makes me so happy. Yeah. Not the woman hater, the man hater.

2:40:24
Unknown_15: And she got her lawyers from church.

Unknown_02: Oh, did she?

Unknown_15: Yeah, yeah, yeah. She called in this week. I'm trying to find her lawsuit. It was really funny.

Unknown_15: Um... Well, she sued for, okay, so she sued the show for a huge list of reasons, but the one that stuck out, like besides just lying to everybody, misrepresenting what the show was about and demeaning you and calling you an asshole, racist, whatever, the guest who's about to show up is a nudist. As you saw on the tape, or according to her, a cameraman who just was naked. Which I think is true. Probably true, right? Think he's on the staff? Yeah.

2:40:58
Unknown_15: So, they're all screaming like assholes. I go open the door, and there's a big fat guy with his dick. There's just a big fat naked guy with a cake and a bunch of balloons. I think they even put it on the TV screen inside the house.

Unknown_02: With his dick just hanging out.

Unknown_15: Yeah, with his dick just hanging out. I was like, oh, all right.

Unknown_02: So that was, of course, that was our big... What plan is this? What's the point of the fat naked guy?

2:41:36
Unknown_15: Well, to make them uncomfortable.

Unknown_19: You just look at Shirley and you say, hey, look, I found you a husband right here. Yeah. Take it from me, Nick. It's therapy.

Unknown_37: Therapy.

Unknown_20: This is some shady shit, though. This is not a shock that they just settled some lawsuit. What the fuck? They're sending naked people up to the house and all kinds of weird fucking shit.

Unknown_15: Well, that's what I thought. You can't walk into work and just go like, what's up? Here's my dick. Yeah. What do you mean? We can't leave. California too?

Unknown_27: What? I mean, it depends on your job, really.

2:42:08
Unknown_15: While she won the lawsuit, aside from the boob grabbing, that voracious boob hunter, Dr. Phil, violently grabbing Shirley's tits on TV. That's what we saw.

Unknown_15: I have Shirley's lawsuit here.

Unknown_15: It's preposterous.

Unknown_15: I don't think there's a false imprisonment she sued for. Practicing without a license and violation of the business and professional codes.

2:42:40
Unknown_02: Oh, damn. Indecent exposure. You're free to go whenever you want. False imprisonment.

Unknown_15: Well, but they do impede you. They impede you at every step of trying to leave. They're like, well, hold on. We're going to call. Phil's coming.

Unknown_07: Yeah, Phil's coming.

Unknown_15: We'll get it. We don't know how this door works. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Do they say that? Yeah. Big security gate around the property. Really? That's nuts. They say anything to keep you there. And obviously, you're dealing with people who are well below normal intelligence and attractiveness. Yeah. So they don't know what's going on. Intentional infliction of emotional distress.

2:43:16
Unknown_15: Preventing a witness from reporting a crime. I don't know anything about brainwashing. Is that a crime? Maybe in California. I can believe that.

Unknown_15: Illegal touching.

Unknown_18: There's Kool-Aid.

Unknown_15: illegal touching assault and battery fraud I don't know so that's go ahead preventing a witness thing is that sounds amazing

2:43:49
Unknown_15: That's what happened. That's who it is. It was a nudist. He showed up, and it started a six-hour meltdown with Shirley and Miss Piggy, where the one wanting to go home to see her kids because her boyfriend would not stop calling because he obviously is dealing with a mother of his children who is a fucking lunatic and decided to go on Dr. Phil's show for a week for a massive attention whore. Right.

Unknown_26: For not even, like, getting money. Like, I thought that they were compensated. So it's like, just, you know, cool it. Hire a babysitter if you need help, and I'll come back with Dr. Phil money. The fact she didn't get paid does make her look reckless.

2:44:21
Unknown_15: Nothing. No money. No money whatsoever. You know who that chick with the nose looks like?

Unknown_21: Have you ever seen that Twilight Zone where all the people have? I look like fucking pigs.

Unknown_15: The pig man. That's awful.

Unknown_16: Yeah, they do.

Unknown_15: One of the classic television episodes. She does look like that. Yeah. The mask. Yeah. He's right. She's beautiful. And they're like, oh, God, you're hideous. Yeah. The nudist showed up, and it started a six-hour meltdown of we're leaving. No, we're not. We're leaving. We're freaking out. No, we're not. We're leaving. Yeah.

2:44:56
Unknown_15: yeah there it is oh wow and it ended in I think she just left I think Shirley ended up just leaving because she realized that Dr. Phil was not coming out for any reason she's been down that road before just going out for some milk honey 15 years ago alright so this is the last episode I don't know did I forget to cover anything

2:45:33
Unknown_15: Oh, no, we're going to do this again.

Unknown_37: I'd say you've done enough.

Unknown_15: Yeah, I've done enough. Gator, what do you think so far?

Unknown_19: This is all absolutely fantastic. And I love how the subplot of this entire thing is just, yeah, actually, yeah, Dick's right. They had you both out there grilling all of the fucking meat. They had you guys being the only ones that had properly cut potatoes. It was amazing.

Unknown_15: Yeah. No, I don't think I asked you. What's your thoughts so far before we do the last episode?

2:46:06
Unknown_26: They should have had two fewer people. Cause I think, I think that there's enough going on that they could have, they could have made four episodes with like two fewer people. The woman with the kids. I don't, I don't know. Her husband calling her is pretty hysterical. Yeah.

Unknown_26: It just feels like there's too much going on for them really to, to focus on one storyline. Cause like you hanging out with the Shirley chick talking about women and stuff is really funny.

Unknown_15: It was funny, and I think they cut most of our exchanges. They would sit us down. They would sit Shirley and I down on opposing chairs like Nixon Frost and just have us talk, and there was a giant mirror. There was a giant two-way mirror on the other side of the room where just a bunch of psychiatrists, that asshole who came in, would come in and watch, and then later you'd have to answer for shit you said. All right. Here we go, episode four. Mm-hmm.

2:46:39
Unknown_15: 41-23. Dr. Phil, the House of Judgment starting right now.

Unknown_15: Now.

Unknown_02: Uh-oh.

Unknown_26: Oh, no.

2:47:18
Unknown_02: It's not raw or real.

Unknown_26: Every time he says it's real, my heart breaks again. Graphic. I know it's a lie. But it's definitely raw.

Unknown_18: Oh.

Unknown_15: So this is when Dr. Phil finally came in to talk to all of us one-on-one. Oh, he did?

Unknown_37: Okay.

Unknown_15: It was prepped. I think it was a Friday. And you knew what was happening that day. Yeah.

Unknown_15: And he would come in one by one. He came in one by one and had somebody in your life to surprise you with, to knock you off balance. Oh. And they did me last, so the whole time I was thinking, fuck, would my mom have fucked me by coming on? Oh, no. No, she would never, never, never do that.

2:47:54
Unknown_15: Who could it possibly be for me that can't possibly? But on an outside chance, you're just like, no. Oh, man. But then I was also thinking, that would be funny.

Unknown_10: If my mom thought that would be doubly funny, she's capable of that level of shit. Like, just coming in, what's up? I bet you thought you were doing a real fucking funny thing.

Unknown_11: Well, guess what? I'm doing a fucking funny thing now. This is my funny thing. I'd be like, shit.

2:48:25
Unknown_14: Shit. That's funny. Shit.

Unknown_15: I hope she had something better to do. Yeah, absolutely. You absolutely do.

Unknown_15: Oh, God, no. I should have talked this entire time. Okay, we're just doing a recap.

Unknown_15: Yeah, I thought she might. She doesn't want to even call into that.

Unknown_02: You don't have to say it on air, Dick, but do you know Kimberly's name?

2:49:00
Unknown_02: It's Kimberly. I mean, but do you have a name? A last name?

Unknown_15: No, I don't have a last name, no.

Unknown_02: It hurts the research.

Unknown_02: She's never looked better than right here. She said she was a model for alcohol. Yeah, I don't know how to search for... Searching for alcohol model Kimberly doesn't help.

Unknown_02: Who learned you how to search?

Unknown_15: I'll email Sheldon.

Unknown_15: I went out for drinks with him. So after I was on the show, I sent flowers to all the girls in the Dr. Phil office. I sent a shitload of flowers in just to big league Dr. Phil.

2:49:33
Unknown_15: I had drinks with him afterwards. He's a cool guy.

Unknown_15: With Dr. Phil? No, with Sheldon.

Unknown_15: Oh.

Unknown_21: Dr. Phil does coke, not drink.

Unknown_15: Dr. Phil only does blow.

Unknown_15: Are the flowers how you got the number of that one girl, the producer?

Unknown_15: No, she hit me up out of nowhere.

Unknown_15: Oh. Mm-hmm.

Unknown_15: It left an impression, I guess. I guess so. I don't know why that might have been.

2:50:08
Unknown_29: That's what the numbers show, Ron.

Unknown_21: Numbers don't lie.

Unknown_14: And they spell disaster for you.

Unknown_21: Unless they were added by black people, according to this woman then. In that case, they probably did law.

2:50:45
Unknown_16: Oh wow, that's a lot of comments.

Unknown_16: I can't really handle that.

Unknown_15: so in this episode I think it's cut from the show but Dr. Phil and I had after everybody got there come to Jesus talk and got somebody somebody would come in from their past and hug them and say you know everything's gonna be alright and they would leave that was it they were gone forever Dr. Phil came in to do mine and it was just me and him and they cleared out the whole they cleared out the whole house

2:51:29
Unknown_15: And the walls came down, the secret panels in the walls fell away, and the cameras came out. It was just me and him. And he had a little earpiece, and he would say devastating questions, like, well, if you think this, then this. And then he would immediately just turn his head to the side and listen to his earpiece, and all the cameras would be on me.

Unknown_08: Let's see how you fuck this up, because we're going to edit the shit out of it.

Unknown_15: And no matter what I say, he would go, bam, come back up with something totally unrelated.

Unknown_09: Oh, well, if you say this, then you say this.

Unknown_15: I talked to a guy, a producer, Skip, who was in the back room at the time, because they fucking hate Phil, obviously. He's a boss, and he runs it like he's running a CIA experiment. He runs it like the Zamundo prison experiments. Zamunda. Is that his name, Zamunda? What is his name? Zambora?

2:52:05
Unknown_27: Zamunda was from Coming to America. What are you talking about?

Unknown_15: Zamuda. I'm talking about the Stanford Prison Experiments. What was that guy's name?

Unknown_27: No, I don't fucking know.

Unknown_15: Zamboro? I don't know what his name was. Some fucking bullshit. He runs his entire business like that, so they hate him as much as we hated him. But he said everybody was in the back watching the interview like it was a football game.

Unknown_37: Yeah, and they're like, fuck Phil!

2:52:42
Unknown_11: Yeah! That was a great one! Oh! Fuckin' nailed you on that one, man! Because nobody was back there for the first time ever.

Unknown_15: It was just me and him. I was on a slumped couch that had all the springs removed, so I look like I'm five years old. And Dr. Phil was sitting on his, um... God throne. God throne. Like Xerxes. And I think I made him bleed, but all that footage is gone.

Unknown_21: Uh-oh.

2:53:13
Unknown_15: And this is clearly cobbled together from the last couple days because Shirley left.

Unknown_37: Yeah, yeah.

Unknown_15: I mean, there should be a naked man dinner. The naked man came over. It should be here. So it's not in this episode? It's gone. It's gone because she was there. It's gone because she threatened it. So they tried to placate her by removing that shit. Yeah. And then she sued anyway.

Unknown_29: Mm-hmm.

Unknown_15: Is she already gone at this point? Yep.

Unknown_15: Oh, no, not yet, because I'm still wearing that orange shirt.

Unknown_27: Dick, you mentioned that you found the appellate case. I would love to read that to see specifically what the actions were.

2:53:56
Unknown_15: Oh, dude. Yeah, here. Here.

Unknown_27: All right, right now.

Unknown_15: I have it right here. Here's the appeal. I have the first lawsuit on the other tab, but that's the appeal from Shirley. You just found this?

Unknown_27: This is amazing.

Unknown_15: It's not even on Westlaw or anything?

Unknown_27: Oh, it says low battery.

Unknown_08: Ah, that's a trick. Oh, no.

2:54:29
Unknown_21: That's cool.

Unknown_16: That's alpha. I don't give a fuck who can hear me, what I'm saying.

2:55:03
Unknown_26: Because they literally won't let me talk to you unless I do lie. Yeah, because you're insane.

Unknown_37: Jesus Christ.

Unknown_15: Sean, you know how much of America lives like that? Some woman screeching at them. I'm talking about the help part by going on a national television show.

Unknown_27: Who was it that said most men lead lives of quiet desperation?

Unknown_15: Quiet desperation.

Unknown_15: Not quiet, though. That's the problem.

2:55:37
Unknown_09: Men would wish for a life of quiet desperation. No, they themselves are quiet.

Unknown_15: I'll take it. You got quiet desperation? Sign me up, man. I got screeching desperation over here.

Unknown_37: I bet she got laid for real and she's cool as shit now.

Unknown_27: Oh, yeah. So this is specifically to Rackets. I'm reading this appellate case, Rackets, and this improper is surprisingly well written or the court is being extremely generous. What do you mean? Oh. The court is not calling her a retard within the first two sentences, which I have literally seen.

2:56:17
Unknown_15: Dude, you can't just put a naked penis in your face, right? That's illegal.

Unknown_02: Actually, ask Kavanaugh. Yes, you can, baby.

Unknown_27: Hey, fuck you, rackets. Kavanaugh likes beer. I love that guy.

Unknown_27: Me too. Love your SCOTUS, douchebag. Go be more Muslim, whatever the Somalian word for Nick is.

Unknown_02: Listen, twirling penis in the face Kavanaugh is my hero. Lemon party Kavanaugh. Oh, God.

2:56:50
Unknown_19: I still like beer.

Unknown_37: Yeah. It's all right. You're not going to hell.

Unknown_37: I mean, I don't know.

Unknown_27: Not for beer. Let's just my great grandfather. What do you think?

Unknown_06: Wait a minute. What's going on?

Unknown_06: She's leaving, or she's threatening to leave right now.

Unknown_15: But it's not matching Dr. Phil's voice.

2:57:23
Unknown_15: Something's going on. Yeah. All right. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. We got to stop. We got to stop. Something's fucked up.

Unknown_15: Right? Yeah.

Unknown_06: Yeah.

Unknown_15: Something's fucked up. Something's fucked up. Ah, shit. Okay. Everybody stop. Everybody stop. Sorry.

Unknown_15: Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.

Unknown_26: We got to start.

Unknown_15: We're sorry.

Unknown_26: My copy's fine. Did you guys download bad copies? I can get you. Oh, God. Uh-oh.

Unknown_16: Oh, God.

2:57:55
Unknown_16: limited amount of time left to make this happen let's see here i think it's just my computer man yeah the playback priority can get fucked up where the yeah where the audio drifts yeah it wasn't matching their uh no i know their voices at all and it's still fucked up god damn it there may or may not be a meta stream going on what oh they could be joined oh yeah

Unknown_37: Can either confirm nor deny. I can't confirm or deny if it's in the Discord. Oh, I see.

Unknown_16: Okay.

Unknown_37: Graphic language.

Unknown_16: Yeah, it looks like my fourth one was fucked up. Let's see here.

Unknown_16: Where? Somebody help me out. Could one of the PAs get me a ho-ho?

Unknown_37: Maybe a chocodile?

Unknown_08: I'm partial to the ding-dongs.

2:58:58
Unknown_15: I think this will fuck up my audio, though. Probably.

Unknown_37: Wait, if you take it out of Discord? Yeah.

Unknown_37: Then it's going to be broadcast.

Unknown_16: I can't have that.

Unknown_27: All right, while we're in between shows, lawyer talk, rackets. I'm reading this fucking procedural and factual background. Can we download it? It's all bullshit. Yeah, let's try it. These appeals should all have not gone in her favor.

2:59:34
Unknown_03: Really?

Unknown_27: Oh, absolutely. I mean, even the court talks about the facts. I don't see any cause of action written in the facts based on... I need the fourth episode, if anybody's got it. And she won four appeals in a row. She won four appeals in a fucking row, which are all... The factual background as listed in this case is totally disputed by the fucking video. That's great.

Unknown_27: Yeah. So the judges didn't watch the video.

3:00:05
Unknown_37: Well, what, the edited video?

Unknown_27: Yeah, that would be the first time. Whatever we're watching right now contradicts this shit. Yeah, but this is highly edited. I don't give a fuck. That's fucking Dr. Phil's lawyers must be the worst lawyers of all time because I know for a fact the plaintiff's lawyer didn't have access to the unedited 700 hours of video. They couldn't subpoena something like that?

Unknown_37: They might have been able to.

Unknown_27: I don't know. I wasn't there, Sean. I'm just sitting here drunk. What do you want? Why am I out lawyering Keon?

Unknown_27: Because you're sober, dipshit.

3:00:37
Unknown_27: That's why they don't allow us to get drunk in court anymore, which we were allowed to do until 1987. Is that right? In California. That's how Affleet Bailey lasted all those years.

Unknown_27: Dude, there's a bar downtown called the Redwood, which is like a block away from the downtown courthouse. It's like the lawyer's bar.

Unknown_37: There's a mob bar. There's a lawyer bar.

Unknown_27: It was no shit, the lawyer's bar, until 1987. Now it's a pirate bar.

Unknown_27: But if you go there- Wait, wait, wait.

Unknown_15: The Redwood. The Redwood? The Redwood. I have been kicked out of that bar. I, Jesus Christ, I've been shit-faced at that bar and not been kicked out of the bar. I need to hear that story later.

3:01:12
Unknown_27: They still have plaques on the bar saying this is where whatever the fuck this guy's name is came and sat every day for 30 years

Unknown_27: and you hear stories of real old-time judges talking about, oh, yeah, that guy, I remember him. He would show up at the Redwood when it would open up at 6 a.m., drink until 8.30, go to court, go back to the Redwood at 5.30, drink until 9, then drive home. Those were different fucking times.

Unknown_18: No shit.

Unknown_16: All right, I'm converting it. Is this going well? Yeah, thank you, Ralph.

3:01:46
Unknown_15: I never had a tech problem in your life. Have you done? Am I dropping Marty? Come on, come on. 8% go 10, 20, 22, 30.

Unknown_15: Can we do a shout out for anybody who's in the chat? Thank you for uploading that video.

3:02:19
Unknown_21: Why didn't you just play it off of the... Because I can't control the audio.

Unknown_15: I have to go through the one audio device. Because we don't want to broadcast anything.

Unknown_37: Download it.

Unknown_05: Oh, God. No, no, no, no!

Unknown_09: No! No! Save the QR code? What the fu- Oh, look at this bitch.

3:02:51
Unknown_15: Whoa. All right. Let's just watch this video.

Unknown_15: Okay, that didn't work. God damn it.

Unknown_05: Oh, come on.

Unknown_05: Someone help me.

Unknown_26: I sent you a link. I have an archive on the Kiwi Farms that I can get with.

Unknown_08: Okay. Where did you send it to?

Unknown_26: It's in the general chat. Okay.

Unknown_16: There we go.

Unknown_16: Oh, thank you. Thank you. No.

3:03:22
Unknown_16: Just a couple seconds left.

Unknown_26: This is the copy that I was watching, and it didn't mess up for me. Okay.

Unknown_16: Failed network error.

Unknown_08: What?

Unknown_16: Well, let me give that another shot.

Unknown_16: Zoom. That. Yeah. Okay.

Unknown_08: Oh.

Unknown_16: No big deal. I also have a mega link.

Unknown_26: I have many. I can keep them coming. I got a magnet, too.

3:03:55
Unknown_15: Six seconds left. Ah, six seconds left. It's failed network error. Two seconds left. Zero seconds. We did it. We did it. We did it. It gets DDoSed a lot. Nothing's sucking each other's dicks quite yet, gentlemen. Possibly go wrong. It's clearly worked. It's clearly worked. Where do we leave off?

Unknown_15: uh i don't i think 10 20 10 20 god damn god fucking nulls nulls on it it's got everything got the answers for everything time you have wmvs of this yeah i don't know that's just how i got them classy okay let's go to uh let's go to 10 uh we're as close as dick can get yeah 1002 1002 there we go okay ready all right we're starting over at 1002 i'm sorry everyone

3:04:53
Unknown_15: Ready?

Unknown_15: One.

Unknown_16: Don't fuck around.

Unknown_28: Three, two, one.

Unknown_07: Go. Asshole.

Unknown_08: Oh, God, I'm so glad.

Unknown_27: Trying to sound like Tyler Durden there.

Unknown_09: Yeah.

Unknown_27: This dude wants to be your friend so bad. I wonder where he is today.

3:05:24
Unknown_26: He's in Utah still.

Unknown_27: Okay.

Unknown_26: Oh, do you think he knows Maddox? Think he went to school with Maddox? I don't know. I messaged him, but he didn't respond.

Unknown_18: Bitch.

Unknown_25: Do you recognize this bedroom? Yeah.

Unknown_02: Well, the one chick's not racist anymore.

Unknown_29: Yeah.

3:05:56
Unknown_15: That's the most dangerous thing in the world, a racist black woman.

Unknown_15: Dr. Phil stopped it.

Unknown_26: That guy's no hawk. He really is. It's getting like Bill Murray's hair at the Kingpin.

Unknown_37: The Big Earn.

Unknown_31: The Big Earn hawk.

Unknown_37: It's just getting crazier and crazier.

3:06:42
Unknown_15: Can you imagine just talking only in, like, colloquialisms? Idioms and stuff, yeah. Yeah, and idioms, colloquial metaphors. Actions speak louder than words. Plattitudes. She's the big kid. Who the big kid?

Unknown_15: Go big or go home. It never rains, but it pours.

Unknown_15: That's all you have to do to be a preacher, right? I think so. Spill the same blood in the same mud.

Unknown_11: shit in the same pit i don't shit where i eat i could do a whole if you have an hour of that at that time the devil was shaking like a dog shitting peach seeds nine nine nine never mind the devil uh

3:07:41
Unknown_09: Uh, that dog will hunt.

Unknown_09: What else?

Unknown_15: You got any more?

Unknown_09: Uh... Fucked up.

Unknown_06: Yeah, I'm drunk there.

Unknown_07: Oh, man.

Unknown_06: You can see the finish line. Yeah.

Unknown_15: Here he is, Jason. Don't read his name. Uh...

3:08:13
Unknown_15: Yeah, he's totally brainwashed here, right?

Unknown_27: Yes.

Unknown_26: Yeah. And it sounds like in that conversation, he's trying to relate to you about the defectiveness of the Dr. Bill program. Yeah. And you're just like, whatever, dude.

Unknown_15: Yeah. He looks great.

Unknown_16: Look at him.

Unknown_21: Does he still wear the mohawk?

Unknown_15: No, dude. He's a beanie now. Yeah. He looks like Moby. He looks like a more masculine Moby. Jason does.

3:08:52
Unknown_31: Make sure we had enough information for a fourth episode.

Unknown_15: We're going through Jason's Facebook right now. Got married in 2016. Wow. Wow.

Unknown_15: He had a kid in this episode, though.

Unknown_08: He did, and he still got one according to his Facebook. Huh.

Unknown_15: Uh-oh.

Unknown_15: Uh-oh. What happened? Oh, my goodness. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Unknown_18: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Did you hear her?

Unknown_15: That was consent. I'm at 1420.

3:09:29
Unknown_15: I don't know why that happened.

Unknown_15: You didn't stop it, did you? No. It just.

Unknown_26: All right.

Unknown_37: Are those brownies?

3:10:01
Unknown_26: Did they tell you to say nice things about Dr. Phil's experiment?

Unknown_15: Kind of. We're at 15 minutes and 8, 9, 10. Yeah, they ask you leading questions.

Unknown_15: And they ask you them over and over until you don't say something shitty.

3:10:39
Unknown_15: What a ho-top.

Unknown_08: Look at that thing. Bare shoulders. Jesus.

Unknown_27: Oh, bismillah. You had all mass. So haram. Oh, Kim, you need to be more wrong.

Unknown_15: She's hot, dude. I know.

Unknown_15: She's gotten hotter every episode. I know. Sean, you're not even drunk. You're not drinking. How do you defend that?

Unknown_27: How do I defend that? Yeah, she gets hotter every episode because I get drunk every episode. But you are so bare. She's a teacher. I'm getting tired of her every episode.

3:11:11
Unknown_37: Some kind of a hoe teacher.

Unknown_27: Hoe teacher.

Unknown_19: I like how the camera starts to zoom into her ass and they just fade it out immediately.

Unknown_37: Very funny, Del.

Unknown_26: What the fuck is with this black George Carlin shirt he's got on right now And his makeup and his like two pounds of And he's like wearing all black like he's going to Well, you wanted to be slimmer

3:11:56
Unknown_37: All right, I'm bringing Cantillians in here.

Unknown_15: He's trying to push his weight loss book. Hey, Cantillians, how you doing?

Unknown_04: Hey, what's up, buddy? Hey, what's up?

Unknown_37: God.

Unknown_37: It's like Schwarzenegger and DeVito. Yeah.

Unknown_28: The dumpy end of the sheets. That was a great movie.

3:12:37
Unknown_27: Sean, you know what's fucked up? You're right, but it's also very subtle.

Unknown_27: Yeah. It's very subtle, but you were correct.

Unknown_37: What's subtle?

Unknown_27: That she is Schwarzenegger and her sister is DeVito.

Unknown_37: Oh, you're definitely drunk because it ain't subtle. No, it's not subtle at all, buddy.

Unknown_29: Hey, fuck you too, Sean.

Unknown_27: You're just racist.

Unknown_27: You too, rackets.

3:13:14
Unknown_02: supply to attractive people.

Unknown_15: Yeah, Phil, you wouldn't know anything about that.

Unknown_15: What a great job. She's living her truth. She's beating up on the mentally infirmed. It's just dick. It's just like making fun of her.

Unknown_27: That's your job.

Unknown_15: My job. Get Chris the Kiwi in here. That's exactly what I was thinking. That is precisely what I was thinking.

3:13:48
Unknown_27: Let's make your own Dr. Phil house here. Wait, yeah, can we pretend like you're not here? Also, hey, buddy, what's up?

Unknown_04: Absolutely, please. Hey, what's up, buddy?

Unknown_34: Oh, fuck, he just texted me!

Unknown_18: He texted me! Speak of the goddamn devil. The big, the great magnet. You said that you would chop off this young lady's tits.

Unknown_27: Oh, God.

Unknown_18: You see how self-defeating that is? I gotta find it.

Unknown_15: I hope he's not scared.

Unknown_27: Hey, can we get his address and just send him, like, a whole bunch of ladies' fingers from the local bakery? Oh, God. Keon, no.

3:14:22
Unknown_02: No, ladies' fingers is a fucking cookie. I know. You assholes. Yes, I know.

Unknown_27: Okay.

Unknown_02: Sure it is, Keon.

Unknown_27: Yeah, thanks, Rackets. I'm the pervert.

Unknown_27: I just think that Dr. Phil and the other chick should also be required to wear the same shirt that Kimberly's wearing.

Unknown_02: I don't want to see Dr. Phil's shoulders, you homo.

Unknown_27: That's terrible.

Unknown_02: I want to see the hair poking out.

Unknown_06: Okay, whatever.

3:14:55
Unknown_19: I saw that. I saw that, Dr. Phil. I saw those eyes.

Unknown_27: Face on God.

Unknown_15: Oh, my God. Look at those little arms, too.

Unknown_15: You could defile that.

Unknown_08: You could fucking commit all kinds of blasphemy on that bitch.

Unknown_15: That was the hardest part of this, is not hitting on her.

Unknown_15: And kiss.

3:15:27
Unknown_28: Kiss.

Unknown_15: They had to retake that. He did say that the first time.

Unknown_37: Let me show you.

Unknown_15: I thought it was real nice you were getting Dr. Phil to help you. Let me show you where your heart is.

Unknown_37: I'm a doctor.

Unknown_09: He's grabbing boobs left and right, man.

Unknown_02: But she's talking about her like she isn't there. That's brutal.

3:15:58
Unknown_27: Wait, did she say Carice? Is her sister's name Carice?

Unknown_02: I think so, yeah.

Unknown_27: I'm going to talk about all you people in the third person from now on.

Unknown_02: That's not how I would spell Carice, but that was good.

Unknown_04: so wait do they really honestly think they're getting help in this house yes yes it's baffling right they're fucking stupid everybody who watches this show and wants to be on this show is a fucking idiot yes yeah you can tell Kimberly's waking up to it though cause she's like you just dragged me onto this so you can make fun of me yeah

3:16:41
Unknown_15: She gets it. Still the victim. Oh, look at those tits. I got to go beat off. I can't possibly do this show any longer. Looking at this little hoe.

Unknown_05: She's a fucking teacher.

Unknown_15: She dresses like this. What a fucking hoe, Sean. Jesus Christ. I thought she was a liquor model.

Unknown_21: Shirt, 18 sizes too small.

Unknown_15: Yeah. Oh. Liquor model, teacher, same difference.

Unknown_15: Liquor model, don't mind if I do. She's a health teacher.

Unknown_29: She's a health teacher. There's a class I intentionally fail over and over again.

3:17:13
Unknown_37: Over and over.

Unknown_15: All night.

Unknown_37: A little after school detention.

Unknown_15: detention yeah ball detention you obviously didn't learn anything on dr phil oh come on chris the kiwi wake up oh

3:17:56
Unknown_04: I just want to spend quality time with Chris Takiwi watching Dr. Phil. Come on, it's wholesome.

Unknown_15: I see you talking, HeHeZilly.

Unknown_26: Why is he holding his coat like that? Because he's Bob Dole.

3:18:30
Unknown_26: Yeah, he's paralyzed.

Unknown_04: Makes you look slimmer.

Unknown_04: Dick, what's the biggest lesson you learned from the Dr. Phil house?

Unknown_15: Just, like, always believe that you're better than everybody else.

Unknown_05: And if they start trying to cap on you, if they start trying to cap on you, don't give it to them.

Unknown_15: Double down. Double down every time.

Unknown_02: Oh, I thought I thought they fixed this chick's racism.

3:19:02
Unknown_14: Oh, my God. Look at that.

Unknown_19: Every time they show her, she's wearing less and less.

Unknown_15: I still have that. I still have my my apron from this.

3:19:33
Unknown_02: Oh, so it's about you. It's perfect.

Unknown_25: Why?

Unknown_19: That man should be hosting the Dr. Phil show. How did this go, Dick?

Unknown_15: So they put me on the onion. Yeah.

Unknown_15: They put me in onions specifically so I would cry. Yeah, so they could cut it together. But because I had glasses, I had those glasses, the whatever, that acid wasn't getting in my eyes, so I wasn't crying.

3:20:06
Unknown_37: Yeah, you make onions cry.

Unknown_15: Yeah.

Unknown_37: Oh, that's nice.

Unknown_26: Look at what you did to that man.

Unknown_26: Only a few conversations.

Unknown_37: Don't get mad with me, it's God!

Unknown_07: I fucking radicalized his ass to the alt-right.

Unknown_27: Before the alt-right was a term.

Unknown_04: The funny thing is, you guys were cooking for the homeless. Did you actually ever talk to any homeless people? Yes, I did!

Unknown_15: Jason and I went out and talked with a bunch of them. At this kitchen, it's all illegal immigrants. It's men who are there eating before they go to Home Depot to play...

3:20:40
Unknown_20: So you're telling me none of the women went out and greeted the homeless?

Unknown_15: No, they wouldn't even make their food.

Unknown_20: Only the men.

Unknown_27: As a Mexican myself, why do we allow this to happen to our country?

Unknown_02: You know, Noel, I'm pissed off that you said this show would be better with two less people and then we got rid of two people.

Unknown_26: Oh, it's my fault. Retroactively.

Unknown_27: Wait, who did we get rid of?

3:21:17
Unknown_26: Uh, Shirley and Miss Piggy. Oh, I thought you were talking about, like, Gator and someone else.

Unknown_19: Oh, no, they're here.

Unknown_25: Hmm.

Unknown_37: wow that was the whitest thing i've ever heard i love how he's playing into her doing this completely for herself and looking down on people yeah hey man that's a school of philosophy there's no such thing as an unselfish act all right yeah yep you get something out of it

3:22:11
Unknown_26: She's just doing the least amount of work possible.

Unknown_04: There's no interaction. There's no actually learning about where they came from or who they were. She's not even picking them up off the table.

Unknown_26: She's just rotating 90 degrees like some kind of robot.

Unknown_37: How did Jesus make it through the loaves and the fishes? It took a lot of work.

Unknown_04: I speak Spanish. That's not what he said. He said, Hey, I got some cock in the back of my fee.

3:22:49
Unknown_15: So I'll, I'll fill in that gap between your teeth.

Unknown_15: You got a minute.

Unknown_26: The Christian girl's playing games at this point. I'm trying to decide with you on that.

Unknown_02: He only hugs the hot one. Hmm.

Unknown_26: That's true. No, she wanted to hug him because he was a godly man. Man of God.

Unknown_37: She still judged the fuck out of him.

Unknown_29: Wow.

3:23:25
Unknown_28: Wrong.

Unknown_09: Yeah, I haven't even got started saying things I regret, Phil. Oh, shit.

Unknown_37: I got lost time to make up for.

Unknown_16: That was a bad cut right there.

Unknown_37: Yeah.

Unknown_37: You hear the jump.

Unknown_07: Oh, God. Look at this. I am a generous God. Oh, it's so accurate.

3:23:58
Unknown_09: Quick. These guys are quick.

Unknown_15: Is that Johnson Brown? Yeah. Yep.

Unknown_04: Hey, Tick, what were your goals back then? And how do they compare to your goals now?

3:24:30
Unknown_27: Sell a shitload of books, I bet. But...

Unknown_08: yeah i suspect false it's not the vulgarity it's the vulgarity

3:25:30
Unknown_27: That's exactly what he said.

Unknown_10: Trump, 2020! That's what he's saying, Trump! Oh my God.

Unknown_27: Dick, if you had said that back in 2007... 13 years now, Donald Trump, leader of the apprentice.

Unknown_27: He said that on the Dave Chappelle show. Who did? Dr. Phil.

Unknown_16: Oh.

3:26:10
Unknown_27: The most reasonable dick has ever been. No, no, no. But see, he drops those in throughout if you'll watch.

Unknown_37: That is why he's so hard to write off. Because he will say outlandish things and make totally reasonable observations at the same time. And you go, God, he's not an idiot.

Unknown_09: He's not a troll. I'll bring in hats about single moms that you can only defend by being a racist.

Unknown_27: So he's like Bronze Age pervert 15 years earlier.

3:26:53
Unknown_08: Ah, Jason. Oh, no.

Unknown_26: Is it dick? Is he calling you a murderer?

Unknown_27: Yeah, no.

Unknown_26: There's only one person on the show who is capable of being a killer, and it is not anyone on screen right now.

Unknown_27: I don't know.

Unknown_26: I think Dr. Phil could kill someone.

Unknown_27: No. Probably has. No, I think psychologically he could kill someone.

Unknown_26: I do not believe physically he could kill anyone.

Unknown_27: That's the thing. He could kill someone. Dr. Kill.

3:27:25
Unknown_27: I'll say this right now. Dr. Phil could have a fucking gun and 20 paces. He could not kill me. What?

Unknown_10: You see how easy it is to brainwash people? You see how fucking weak the mind is?

3:27:58
Unknown_14: That it just fucking erodes and gains? Well, when Dr. Phil was saying, like, he has never said anything impactful or pointed at his entire fucking life, you fraud!

Unknown_11: Goddamn!

Unknown_11: Well, when Dr. Phil was saying, no, it wasn't, man! He was talking to me about school shootings!

Unknown_10: He goes home! Oh, you fucking, you weak, weak, weak man!

3:28:34
Unknown_26: They want their life to have like a movie moment. Yes. Where the breakthrough happens.

Unknown_37: Well said. And that isn't how it works. People watch too many movies. It doesn't work at all. That sudden, that thing where all of a sudden he meets the right woman and he's a changed thing is fake. That doesn't happen.

Unknown_27: You know, Sean. Stop watching movies. I wish you told me that when I was 16.

Unknown_37: That's what people think. Yeah.

Unknown_37: As good as it gets, never has happened, never will happen. Helen Hunt will not turn Jack Nicholson into a human being.

3:29:09
Unknown_27: Was that from as good as it gets? I was just about old people fucking. Look at those arms. Jesus Christ.

Unknown_15: Your arms now are bigger than that. I know, but I got Stallone arms now. I mean, I look like a mutant. I look like Clayface. This is a young man. Look at that.

Unknown_10: Those arms on a 27-year-old man? Jesus. Oh, shit. You don't realize how impressive your arms are until you see someone with no fucking arms.

Unknown_27: I saw someone in the gym yesterday whose forearms were bigger than his fucking biceps.

Unknown_10: And it was offensive. I feel like Miss Piggy now.

3:29:44
Unknown_15: Tell me more!

Unknown_15: Yeah, Kimberly changed the leaves. I changed a lot.

Unknown_02: Kimberly changed clothes.

Unknown_02: All pink.

Unknown_15: Goddamn, Sean. Goddamn.

Unknown_14: Goddamn.

Unknown_14: Goddamn.

Unknown_15: How heavy do you think she is right now?

Unknown_37: She's probably in fucking rocking shape.

Unknown_15: She gained 40 pounds. I don't know.

Unknown_37: I wonder.

Unknown_15: Nah. 40 pounds in the tits.

3:30:18
Unknown_37: She's naturally small. You can tell by the arms and stuff.

Unknown_15: Which means four donuts a month. You can tell by the arms.

Unknown_27: That's why she took her makeup off.

Unknown_02: The white park or the black park?

Unknown_02: Rick, this isn't Minnesota.

Unknown_27: Do you think Kimberly goes to one of those dancing churches?

Unknown_26: Yeah.

Unknown_27: Well, those are the white churches, yeah.

3:30:55
Unknown_29: She changed for me.

Unknown_02: She did my change. It's cool.

Unknown_02: Dick, check the Discord. We got the Dr. Phil I-beams on the ass. Look at this Dr. Phil I-beam on the ass. Very nice. Oh, man, I remember that ass 12 years later.

Unknown_15: Damn, girl, you got a lot of junk in that trunk.

Unknown_37: A hip tank kill.

Unknown_37: You want to go in the room and get jiggy with it?

Unknown_37: You wanna go in the room and- Look at those pecs!

3:31:26
Unknown_14: Look at those fuckin' abs! Jesus! I didn't have to work at all for that!

Unknown_11: I gotta work three days a week in Pilates sweating my fuckin' ass off, hating myself, feeling like a homosexual!

Unknown_02: That was 15,000 gallons of whiskey ago, Dick.

Unknown_27: That's true. I think you're only off by one order of magnitude, but yeah, that's still a shitload of whiskey.

Unknown_15: Oh, don't tell me- Sorry, 150,000.

Unknown_02: Well...

3:32:00
Unknown_37: What?

Unknown_24: That ass? He bought an arsenal and started parking outside schools.

Unknown_37: Oh, he grew hair. Yeah.

Unknown_37: He probably felt better because he wasn't the most fucked up person there.

Unknown_27: How dare you?

Unknown_15: They really do worship him.

3:32:32
Unknown_15: Everybody gets broken eventually. I think they come into this broken. No, no, no. With one exception. He didn't think he'd get broke by this. He doesn't believe any of the shit he's saying right now. This is brainwashing shit. This is coming out of his mouth like a fucking virus planted in there using him like a puppet.

Unknown_21: Sure.

Unknown_21: Dr. Phil's still getting away with it even to this day.

Unknown_15: Even to this day. I'm going to have to put a stop to that. What?

3:33:06
Unknown_21: Why would you close that cool ass door?

Unknown_02: Damn it.

Unknown_02: Fuck you, Dr. Phil. Piece of shit. Ruining everything.

Unknown_21: Trying to hide these episodes. Unless you grab some titty.

Unknown_02: You could have taught him about murder. What the fuck?

Unknown_04: Not the Boys and Girls Club?

3:33:41
Unknown_02: Dr. Phil turned him from a capitalist into a cuck. God damn it. This guy's devoting all his free time to fucking helping orphans.

Unknown_27: Meanwhile, everyone else is still exactly who they were.

Unknown_27: This is the most broken guy of you all.

Unknown_15: Oh, dude, yeah. Because I came, I mean, we told the story earlier. When I came out, I was fucking demented. Desirous of cheese and alcohol, which makes sense. I have one God. It's cheese and alcohol and sausage, and I do never deviate from that. Yeah, the Holy Trinity.

3:34:15
Unknown_27: Yeah.

Unknown_27: Are you sure you're Mexican and not German?

Unknown_15: My mom's German.

Unknown_27: I thought she was Swedish.

Unknown_15: No, she's German-Russian.

Unknown_27: God bless her. She is really the Ubermensch.

3:34:45
Unknown_27: Other people talking about you. Yeah. All right.

Unknown_27: Okay.

Unknown_35: There it is. No!

Unknown_14: No, no! No! Liquor! Liquor, you did this to me! Fucking liquor did it to me, you bitch! You fucking liquor, you did this to me again! Why did I do that? Why did I do that? God damn it! God damn it!

Unknown_10: The ball knocked loose at the two-inch mark. No!

3:35:19
Unknown_29: No, no, no!

Unknown_37: Oh, it doesn't matter now.

Unknown_21: FUCK BELIEFS! FUCK- OH GOD DAMN IT!

Unknown_37: GOD DAMN IT!

Unknown_14: FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK SOCIETY! FUCK BLOOD PEOPLE! FUCK BLACK PEOPLE! FUCK THE HOMELESS! FUCK UGLY PEOPLE! FUCK MEN!

Unknown_27: I can't wait- FUCK HOT-ASS TEACHERS! What hard-win marking- FUCK DR. PHIL!

3:35:51
Unknown_14: Oh boy.

Unknown_13: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! No!

Unknown_37: He's peeking at the right time. No!

Unknown_04: Oh, that's fucking bullshit! That's fucking bullshit! How did your persona ever survive this show, Dick? That's fucking bullshit!

3:36:26
Unknown_15: I'm gonna call my mom.

Unknown_29: Oh, boy. Put her on speakerphone.

Unknown_15: Yeah, hold on. I'm calling her right now.

Unknown_15: Is this legal? No. To record someone without their consent? Not in California.

Unknown_27: Not audio.

Unknown_15: Her house might be burning down.

Unknown_16: Don't call your mom, Mr. Kill-Everything-Sense. Well, I think they're all wrong.

3:36:59
Unknown_37: Yeah, they do.

Unknown_16: Oh, she's not picking up.

Unknown_37: Yeah, she knows better.

Unknown_15: She actually probably will not. She will specifically not pick up. She checked the clock. She knows what time it is. She's looking at the phone.

Unknown_15: God damn it, Mom! Mom, I fell down the stairs. Hang up, hang up, hang up. Mom, I fell down the stairs. Don't record her name.

Unknown_15: Thank you, Keon.

Unknown_15: As your lawyer, I advise you to take three of these.

Unknown_15: Oh, man! That last bit. What did you think, Sean? Loved it. That was great. This dictation was fantastic. What did you think, Ethan Ralph? I think it was amazing. What was your favorite part?

3:37:30
Unknown_21: I think the ending was probably my favorite part. Oh no! No!

Unknown_21: Oh no.

Unknown_37: You take the glasses off. You could really see the change that he had taken to heart. No!

Unknown_14: I didn't change at all! Fuck women! I hate women! I hate them! I hate them all!

3:38:03
Unknown_14: Oh, that's funny. They're devils.

Unknown_15: They're she-devils. Oh, man. Oh, God damn it. That's the worst mistake. That's my biggest regret of my life is taking those fucking glasses off.

Unknown_37: You haven't regretted anything you've said. You regretted what you did.

Unknown_27: What I did.

Unknown_37: He was close. He just missed it a little.

Unknown_27: I thought he read what he didn't do. Spaghetti Week.

Unknown_15: Josh, what did you think? No, what did you think? What's your take on it? What was your favorite part? It lives up to the hype.

Unknown_26: Is this what got you to meet Maddox this episode after filming? He saw this and was like, we got to put something together with this guy.

3:38:37
Unknown_37: It was the book, right?

Unknown_15: Yeah, we had the same editor.

Unknown_37: And Larry, right?

Unknown_15: No, not Larry. Well, yeah, he edited Larry's book, too. But he introduced us. Wait, Larry has a book? Yeah, he has a book. Larry has two books. Larry has a bunch of books. I didn't realize Larry was a book editor. Yeah, Maddox was a big Dr. Phil fan, and he saw it, and he goes, I really need to talk to this guy. When I saw him take off his glasses, I knew all the things he said. If you're serious, I can't tell.

Unknown_27: That might be true.

3:39:11
Unknown_15: What was your favorite moment? Don't say that glasses taking off part. That was horrible. Who are you asking? I don't know.

Unknown_26: I want to say the part where the guy was literally calling that chick up on the phone to yell at her. Bitch, I'm going to yell at you on national fucking TV because your kids are lonely without you.

Unknown_15: That was a pretty cool part.

Unknown_15: Kian, what'd you think? I thought it was great. I am sorry that I missed the first three quarters of the first episode. Oh, yeah, you missed a lot.

3:39:42
Unknown_27: I am proper drunk with a full drink in front of me and having a great time. Well, that's not about the episode.

Unknown_15: That's just about you. No, that's definitely about the episode. 100% that's about the episode. This was probably the most fun I ever had.

Unknown_27: I wish we'd heard more from Auntie Ruckus, but this was good.

Unknown_15: I would love to find all of them. I hope they write back to me. Shirley was great! Shirley was great, right? She was.

Unknown_37: She's got some things to answer for, though.

Unknown_15: Clearly she was just lying.

3:40:17
Unknown_27: I misremembered. No, yeah. Shirley's entire presence on the last episode was a total lie. I don't know about a total lie, but there was some definite... Well, yeah, she may have had a daughter, but the rest was bullshit.

Unknown_27: All her Elvis stuff checks out, though.

Unknown_37: She had the names like that.

Unknown_27: Also, here's something that I really like that I don't think anyone else noticed. She said that she dated guys from one end of the gauntlet to the other. Tall guys, short guys.

3:40:49
Unknown_27: Educated guys. Kids who stand on rocks. Guys who have chicken pox. In boxes.

Unknown_37: Wearing socks. In planes and trains.

Unknown_27: And she says she did it, guys.

Unknown_07: Guys, fuck Shirley. Lebanese guys and white guys. Did she say Lebanese guys and white guys?

Unknown_27: Yeah, she said Lebanese guys and white guys. And if you meet anyone from anywhere near Lebanon, they'll be like, no, yeah, Lebanese are white. They've been white since fucking before the Roman Empire.

3:41:20
Unknown_27: And if you're especially on Lebanese Twitter, oh, they're funny as shit. They insist they're white. What were you going to say?

Unknown_15: No.

Unknown_26: My favorite part about that was she said she dated tall guys and short guys, guys from like 6'5 to 5'6. I'm like, um, that's very restrictive. You wouldn't be dating any bagel bosses with that kind of requirement.

Unknown_15: What are you pointing at? The glasses off?

Unknown_29: Yeah, the picture.

Unknown_15: Why are you pointing at that shit? And the Discord. I was just, I didn't know if you saw it. Yeah, I saw it. It's a horrible memory that I don't... And this is like me getting raped, except I'm doing it myself.

3:41:58
Unknown_19: In that picture, you can see the regret in his face. He knows what he's done.

Unknown_15: Because I thought the show, I stupidly thought that because the nudist came in and these girls were leaving, that the show was over. And I thought, oh, well, this is never going to be aired. He's like, this is a complete clusterfuck. Yeah, this is a complete clusterfuck. All right, I'm going to drink. Give me both of my martini glasses that I brought in.

Unknown_15: I hope Kimberly doesn't leave. Don't look at her ass one more time. Maybe I'll hit on her this time. The hardest part was not hitting on her because it would show weakness. Nick, Nikita, what did you think about?

3:42:33
Unknown_02: Well, first, when you've got that screen grab of you taking the glasses off, you look 50 years old. It's great. I look like the judge from My Cousin Vinny.

Unknown_15: No, no.

Unknown_27: You look like all my most Mexican. He just looks like a Mexican. Yeah, no, he looks like my most Mexican uncle fucking complaining about how Pancho Villa didn't do enough. He looked like Cheats Man. Look right now at Dick. Dick is complaining about how my mom didn't make the tamales right on Christmas Eve. Your mother. The tamales are so tight. Ah, es que la cheese is too much.

3:43:09
Unknown_15: Es que la cheese is too much. She did not put enough of pineapple.

Unknown_27: Wait, that's Italian. Yeah, I love that.

Unknown_27: It's Italian. It's Italian. The Specs and the Italians are all the same.

Unknown_02: Nobody tell my boss I said that. I loved the end when you are explaining what happened and not Dr. Phil. You're talking about all these people and talking about their problems.

Unknown_02: And, uh... And, you know, the funniest thing is some asshole had to edit that in.

3:43:45
Unknown_02: And you know they did it because they hate Dr. Phil, which made me even happier.

Unknown_15: They all hated him. At the end, in our last interviews, like the last day, I was talking to Del, the guy who was filming me while I was berating the limo driver, throwing my garbage all over him. Who also got you to do his job for free. Yeah. Well, because I saw him looking like, oh, how are we going to nice to Del? Just...

Unknown_15: That's not funny. It's a, that is low effort from Johnson Brown.

3:44:20
Unknown_15: Who has too long of shins. Picture of me aged as a very old Mexican man. No, you look like Casper the Friendsly Ghost's Italian uncle.

Unknown_27: That is not a good picture.

Unknown_15: Del is one. We were sitting down for an interview, and I said, Del, how are you going to salvage this? Are we interviewing now? Isn't the show over? He goes, look, man, we're going to shoot because we're paid to shoot, but I do not envy the writers on this one. Yeah.

Unknown_15: Here was some Dr. Phil observations questions from a guy named Brett Rink.

3:44:57
Unknown_15: For the show, if you're willing, watching the Dr. Phil episodes for the first time ever, I had the following observations and questions. If anybody who's in the Discord chat wants to say anything, drop a note in the general and I'll unmute you and you can say whatever you want. Observations. The producers love to recap Dr. Phil calling Dick Mr. Cool. Yeah, they did. Dr. Phil never even attempted to refute the statistics of 80% of prisoners being children of single mothers. How do you think that is? That's a pretty good stat.

Unknown_37: He didn't want to marry himself to something.

Unknown_15: I guess. I guess they could have cut it.

3:45:34
Unknown_37: He didn't want to have a scientific conversation with me on that level.

Unknown_15: HeHe, what did you think? What was your favorite part? Give her the mic.

Unknown_00: The retard baby.

Unknown_15: Perfect. Yeah. Say more. The retard baby.

Unknown_16: Yeah, I thought that was really great.

Unknown_15: That one slipped under the radar. Yeah, it really was. I was shocked by the amount of stuff that they were allowed to say.

Unknown_26: It's a different time.

Unknown_37: Yeah. It was a different time. Yeah.

Unknown_15: You could have all kinds of freaks and weirdos abuse them. It was a better time. I think so. It was a better time.

3:46:11
Unknown_26: It's like Channel 3. On Channel 3, they aired a segment where a woman said that she was happy her ex-boyfriend's girlfriend had a retarded baby.

Unknown_29: Wouldn't we all be?

Unknown_26: That's pretty great.

Unknown_02: I think everybody who said that they weren't happy or that that was appalling is lying.

Unknown_37: Yeah, there's Schadenfreude in everybody.

Unknown_06: Wyrmwood, what do you think? What was your favorite part? My favorite part was Aunt Ruckus. I think they should have had her more. She should have had her own show, right?

3:46:43
Unknown_02: Oh, yeah. She would have a million followers on YouTube immediately. Yeah.

Unknown_26: I don't think she had conviction towards it, though. It was just something that she said that they got her to say on TV. If Aunt Ruckus and Jesus What's-Her-Face teamed up to talk about white Jesus, that would be excellent.

Unknown_37: At minimum, she would have her own syrup brand.

Unknown_27: You couldn't have said Minute Rice? That would have at least taken some thinking, Sean. See, we've never been on YouTube, so we don't know what it's like to be banned.

3:47:16
Unknown_15: She could write for the Daily Stormer, maybe. Yeah. All right, Yaddo, what do you got? What's your question?

Unknown_32: I have a question about when you were picking out dates for each other. How exactly did that go? Did she actually end up picking out someone for you? And what happened with the guy you picked for her?

Unknown_15: No, nothing happened. We were just sitting at a table and they were recording us and we would comment on people walking by. I don't think they had any kind of direction for it. There was no... I bet if one of us had acted on it, they would have done something because it's their job to produce whatever in their scumbags, but there was no goal. There was no goal for it. Which is why I regret even more not just jumping up and saying, hey, bitch, you got a big fat ass. Why don't you fucking moonwalk that shit back over here? That would have been legendary.

3:47:51
Unknown_15: Yeah. It would have. All right. You got anything else?

Unknown_32: Uh, no, I just love y'all. That's it.

Unknown_15: Okay. Thank you. Uh, who else? Anybody else? This is the audience members that the pastor never questioned challenge Dick's Bible quotes. That's true. We didn't the audience. What quotes did you say?

3:48:31
Unknown_15: From the Bible?

Unknown_37: Yeah.

Unknown_15: Like God. No, regarding the status of women in the Bible. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, obey. Love, honor, and obey. Right. That was one.

Unknown_15: Also, women, stop arching your back up when you're getting plowed doggy style. Do it the other way.

Unknown_37: This is a repeat point of yours.

Unknown_15: Wait, actually, yeah.

Unknown_27: I was going to talk about how he's an idiot, but no, that makes sense.

Unknown_15: Belly button to the ground. Belly button to the ground.

3:49:03
Unknown_15: Not back to the sky. Right. That's the devil's eye. Yeah, he's right. Okay.

Unknown_02: That's from 2 John. 2 John. I thought that was Timothy 213.

Unknown_15: The audience members that came to the house actually agreed with Dick's judgments of the other guests. That's because they were all sitting around me. Dick's brand of desiring large-breasted women is evident. Is that true? Was that true? What? Was I desiring large-breasted women during that? Who said that? This guy. He said these observations.

3:49:36
Unknown_37: Oh.

Unknown_15: I suspect always. Was that true? Could you tell? No, I thought he was somebody who had listened.

Unknown_02: You had a line.

Unknown_02: You had a line where the chick was picking out your type, and she said that your type was, or that the girl didn't have big enough breasts, and she said, can they be big enough? Yeah. Yeah, you're right. You're right. You're right.

Unknown_15: OK, Pre-Mint has a question.

Unknown_16: Hold on. Let me get them in here. Pre-Mint, where are you?

3:50:11
Unknown_15: P-Man, what the fuck is your name? You're not in the thing. Is he in a different room?

Unknown_15: Is it Mint Sound? No, he's right there.

Unknown_16: He's two above you. God damn it. I hate Discord.

Unknown_16: P-Man, what's going on? What's your question?

Unknown_01: Um... Okay, so I was curious, like, how much footage did they actually use versus how much they actually aired? Like... How much did they use? How long were you there? I was there from Monday to Saturday.

Unknown_37: I assume cameras rolling all the time.

3:50:43
Unknown_15: All the time. 100% all the time.

Unknown_01: And they only had about like, I'd say an hour of footage, like max without all the repeats.

Unknown_15: Yeah, and not only was there... I think almost, I would say more than 50% of the recorded footage was interesting or arable in some way. All of the arguments happening all the time.

Unknown_15: When it finally ended, the stress of being recorded...

3:51:17
Unknown_15: For six days straight, when we woke up on the last day to go home, the producers pumped in Here Comes the Sun, The Beatles, Here Comes the Sun. It was the greatest song ever. Over and over and over again. Dude, just hearing music for the first time after a week. was like made me want to cry. They didn't want to react because I knew I was being filmed. So I just laid I laid in bed with my eyes closed, put on my glasses and just like stayed in bed for after that song. And then the next one, like they actually started playing music to let you know that you were human again. Yeah. I don't know. What were you going to say, Sean?

3:51:57
Unknown_37: No, nothing.

Unknown_02: It was like Shawshank Redemption. And when I watch Shawshank Redemption Apex, when I watch it, I'm like, I totally get it, dude.

Unknown_15: Fuck the hole. I'll spend two months in the hole to hear this fucking song. Came out clean on the other side.

Unknown_05: Yeah.

Unknown_37: Did I miss the... Wasn't there a whole conversation you had with the man-hating chick?

Unknown_02: Did I just forget that that actually happened? No, that was on YouTube.

3:52:30
Unknown_16: They cut it, they put it on YouTube, and that was... Yeah, wasn't that part of the...

Unknown_01: like the Dr. Phil, like the website that they showed, like I did see some of those tapes. They were actually quite interesting. What is growling?

Unknown_15: Yeah. Oh, sorry. What were you doing? Why are you? He was going to this. What the hell was that? Too much alcohol. Yeah, here it is. Everybody can probably hear this, but that's fine. It's on the Internet. That was he not me. What was that, Nick?

Unknown_02: No, nothing. I was just curious about that segment. Because I've seen it, but I didn't see it in these things. Yeah, me either.

3:53:06
Unknown_05: Hidden figures, bitch! Hidden figures!

Unknown_27: That's the most polite way to say it. Uh-huh.

3:53:51
Unknown_08: She's more than twice my age, I think.

Unknown_29: True. True! Yeah, that's true.

Unknown_31: Here we go.

Unknown_37: Also true.

Unknown_28: Uh...

3:54:33
Unknown_29: Mmm.

3:55:09
Unknown_27: Yes. Yeah.

Unknown_27: Dick, no shit, you were the smartest 26-year-old I've ever seen in my life. Yeah, I know! Like, I was retarded at 26 and I was a lawyer.

Unknown_29: They always go to that one.

Unknown_27: Also when they know it's not true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They always go to that. It's really weird.

3:55:40
Unknown_37: It's really weird.

Unknown_37: Well, that's true, but no.

3:56:18
Unknown_29: Yeah, that was a salt, bitch.

Unknown_35: That's dad voice.

Unknown_28: Once an invitation. Oh, God.

3:56:51
Unknown_01: The chat's asking what's the time.

Unknown_09: Oh, can they not hear? They can't hear this?

Unknown_09: You guys can't hear any of this?

Unknown_14: No. Oh, fuck.

Unknown_15: I should have said something earlier.

Unknown_09: Sean, can you splice it in, please?

Unknown_15: This is what we're listening to. This is on the internet. I think so.

Unknown_37: Well, it's already out.

Unknown_15: Yeah, it's out there, right?

Unknown_15: I don't know. Yeah, this is from YouTube.

3:57:23
Unknown_19: Yeah, it's on YouTube, so it should be okay. Yeah, it's on YouTube.

Unknown_27: The title is whatever.

Unknown_15: Tapes have been found. Check description. Dick Masters. Oh, fuck. Well.

Unknown_15: That was Tapes Have Been Found. Check description. I don't know. We'll figure it out. There's no way we can re... We'll figure it out before it goes out.

Unknown_27: When we're sober.

Unknown_15: Alright. Thank you. Thank you, MidSalad.

Unknown_15: Thank you very much. Thank you for the Minecraft server.

3:57:56
Unknown_01: Oh, yeah, yeah, the Minecraft set.

Unknown_15: Okay, anybody else?

Unknown_04: Dick, I have a question, though, real quick. Do you think there's anybody out there who can actually benefit from the Dr. Phil house? And is it Chris the Kiwi?

Unknown_15: Oh yeah, I think he would do great in there.

Unknown_15: He's too macabre to be, like, a Dr. Phil person.

Unknown_26: Like, the old people watching it would be disgusted with him. Well, I just wanna, you know, like, cut a tit off and...

Unknown_02: I think Dr. Phil is being very unfair.

3:58:30
Unknown_03: Do you think Dr. Phil would even be disgusted with Chris?

Unknown_04: That's the question.

Unknown_37: Can you see how self-defeating this behavior is?

Unknown_37: Screwzo, what's up, man?

Unknown_03: This would be super grandstanding with Chris. What's up, Screwzo? You put a bounty on the tapes and you ended up getting them. You also put a bounty on Shia's He Will Not Divide Us flag. When are you going to get that? Has he had another one?

Unknown_37: Is this Shia?

Unknown_15: I don't think so. No, not Shia. I'll pay for that flag. I want that He Will Not Divide Us flag. That's memorable.

Unknown_03: Yeah, I remember you saying that.

3:59:03
Unknown_15: Yeah. Yeah, we'll see. I don't know. Is that it?

Unknown_15: That's it.

Unknown_08: All right.

Unknown_15: Thanks for the fantastic show this evening. Thank you. Thank you for watching. Thanks, man. Anybody else?

Unknown_15: Anybody else? Anybody else?

Unknown_26: Oh, I have a friend who wants me to pass along a message.

Unknown_08: She says that you, with your glasses off, look distinguished and sophisticated.

Unknown_26: Thank you. She's a big fan of you.

Unknown_26: What's her name?

Unknown_37: My God, her eyesight's going.

Unknown_26: I'm so jealous.

3:59:36
Unknown_07: She's a furry. Do you like furries? I love furries.

Unknown_07: What animal?

Unknown_26: Cougar. No, cheetah, cheetah. Oh, Cheetah. All right.

Unknown_37: That's usually what female mutants and stuff are, right?

Unknown_27: Is it Lou? It's like Cheetahs and stuff.

Unknown_26: No, it's not her.

Unknown_27: Hey, my man likes Cheetara from... Well, yeah.

Unknown_08: I'll take Cheetah. Everybody likes Cheetara. Thank you, Ragged.

Unknown_08: Let's see here.

4:00:09
Unknown_05: Well...

Unknown_15: There's a lot of... During the first sit-down group with Dr. Phil... Oh, wait, wait, wait. Tar... Tar, tar, tar, tar, tar, tar, tar. Tar Bro, what do you got, man?

Unknown_15: You there?

Unknown_15: No, clicking around.

Unknown_36: It's like a Ralph call-in.

Unknown_15: It's a Ralph call-in.

Unknown_15: Yeah. You got something, Tar?

Unknown_04: What do you got, buddy?

Unknown_15: No?

Unknown_15: Okay. Anybody else?

4:00:41
Unknown_04: I got one last question for you, Dick. What would the Dick Masterson house be like?

Unknown_15: I live in it. What do you mean, what would it be like?

Unknown_04: I got playmates here. Ralph's coming in. How would you fuck with people?

Unknown_15: How would I fuck with people? It's just like Dr. Phil fucked with you guys.

Unknown_15: Dr. Phil fucks with people in an evil and a not fun way. Dr. Phil gangs up on the mentally ill.

4:01:13
Unknown_37: Yeah, lacking.

Unknown_15: Yeah, the mentally lacking.

Unknown_26: To think that he's actually going to help them and save them and make them have an epiphany that results in a groundbreaking change in their life.

Unknown_15: Dr. Phil makes people who... Dr. Phil abuses the less fortunate so that the...

Unknown_15: The mediocre and the common and the uninspired who basically destroy our lives and society feel better about themselves until they can get their next hit. I think he's evil. I fucking hate him.

4:01:45
Unknown_37: I think anybody who goes on, who has a show on the air under the guise of helping people on a reality show has nothing wrong. Yeah, there is no good that can come from this. Yeah, that's something you should never do if you're serious about helping people.

Unknown_27: Hey, Dr. Phil, sue us. Fuck you. Um...

Unknown_27: I dare you.

Unknown_37: DickShowLawyer at gmail.com.

4:02:16
Unknown_07: I actually haven't checked that in like three weeks. I haven't checked either one of those. Oh, gosh. Tar Bro, what? What do you got?

Unknown_35: Hey, so I was just wanting to know, like, what was the public reception? Like, what did people, like, think about, like, from all the people that saw you on TV and

Unknown_35: What did they think about you? And how did this help your book sales?

Unknown_15: The day my book came out, a guy by the name of Meatspin...

4:02:51
Unknown_37: gross no way yeah meat spin took the dr phil episode and put it on youtube and it got like three million views he put it on the front page of b on 4chan and only only because of 4chan and meat spin uh my book men are better than women the day it came out was at 288 on amazon in the world which is unbelievable you know yeah

Unknown_15: For just a regular old misogynist like me, just the whole... Unbelievable. That was what I got out of it. Otherwise...

Unknown_15: Actually, the episodes themselves, when they came out, my website basically melted, but I didn't make any money off it anyway, so that didn't matter.

Unknown_15: The general response was this feeling that maybe Dr. Phil was not on the up and up.

4:03:50
Unknown_10: Thank me.

Unknown_15: And it seems stupid to say. We're laughing at it now, but at the time, it wasn't like that. Shows like this, you would think they kind of put work into it. And it was like, oh, that guy was on it? Oh, this is just wrestling for women.

Unknown_37: Actually, I have talked to a few people who said that

Unknown_37: who have known you, yeah, you were like, oh my God, like reality TV show or any of that, it's a complete sham. And it really opened up a lot, I think a lot of people's eyes. People who knew that I knew you, you know what I mean? And things like that, they're like, oh my God, but he's like, he wrote this book, right? And like, he's on Dr. Phil, like for real? Yeah, like for real, for like a week. and they're like oh my god like because they at least most of them thought that yeah it was like actually about helping people and bettering lives and all that kind of stuff and it's like and they couldn't look at him the same way again no no no no no it's just it's it's use and throw out like the trash when you're used up yeah uh they don't give a shit he doesn't even see you as fucking people

4:05:03
Unknown_15: And that happened for a lot. I got that a lot more than anything else, which was great because that was the whole fucking point.

Unknown_37: He's a bad guy. He's a fucking bad guy.

Unknown_15: Not in any kind of legal way, but morally he's a fucking bad guy.

Unknown_15: Anybody else?

Unknown_08: Thank you, Tarbro.

Unknown_15: Yeah, no problem.

Unknown_08: See you, buddy. Go play Dick's show, Minecraft, everyone.

Unknown_15: Yeah, mine.dick.show. See you, buddy.

Unknown_15: Anybody else? Xper8, you got a question? All right, here you go. What's up, Xper8, Xpertire?

4:05:36
Unknown_12: Hey, I was just wondering, did anyone ever have any suspicions about your character? I know that you said you got pruned very hard by producers, but...

Unknown_12: Anybody else kind of catch on, house guests included?

Unknown_15: No, you saw Jason say some shit like, I don't know how much he means, but one of the producers, well, so there's different levels. There's people who think I'm being totally serious, like literally, oh, he's saying this shit and I hate him for that reason. But then there's also the people who know what I'm doing and know I'm getting away with it and are even more pissed off. They're like, This motherfucker, like, he's talking down to people. He thinks everybody's stupid, and they are stupid, and he's winding up, so I'm going to expose him. There was a couple producers like that who got to tag in and do interviews, but, you know, it's hard to unmask somebody who's just there to fuck with you. Like, they didn't manage to do it, so, yeah.

4:06:46
Unknown_06: Yeah.

Unknown_15: They're fun people, though. They know what they're doing.

Unknown_37: Oh, yeah. People like that, it's not like because Phil gets a show that the entire production crew is on their first show. These people have been doing it forever.

Unknown_10: They've been on different shows.

Unknown_15: They've been on like, no, they know the game.

Unknown_37: Yeah, they're just like, oh, fuck this guy.

Unknown_15: Let me talk because you have 10 interviews a day. It's like, okay, give me this one. Del, give me this one. Okay, so you say this, this, this. I'm like, all right. One more. Saffron, what's going on? What's up?

4:07:23
Unknown_07: Hey there. Hey, what's up? What's up? Did nobody comment how your name was literally dick?

Unknown_37: People still don't get it.

Unknown_26: Sorry, this is Sean, not Dick.

Unknown_26: You do have to think about it. The name Dick Masterson sounds real. His real name sounds bigger than his fake name.

Unknown_27: I am sure. I am 100% confident. If you go back to the records of the Civil War, there are at least two Union soldiers and four Confederate soldiers named Dick Masterson. Well, dude, there was a New York Yankee second baseman in the 1950s whose given name was Johnny Dickshot. That's a real name.

4:07:58
Unknown_27: Where are his grandkids, and why are they not on the show? His nickname was Ugly Johnny Dickshot.

Unknown_37: Because he was ugly. Look him up.

Unknown_27: He doesn't have grandkids. His dick got shot.

Unknown_15: That is a terrible name. Really? Ugly Johnny Dickshot? Johnny Dickshot is the guy's real name. What a waste.

Unknown_15: Good point, though, Saffron. All right, get over here.

Unknown_15: Is that it? Oh, Wet Bandit, you have a question. 2-1 Express came up with that name.

Unknown_10: There he is!

Unknown_15: There he is! Ugly Johnny Dickshot! You're right! Hey, what's up, Wet Bandit? What's going on? Hello?

4:08:30
Unknown_00: Can you hear me? Hey, what's up?

Unknown_15: Yeah, man.

Unknown_00: I might have missed it. You said when Dr. Phil was bringing in a family member for you to hug... Did he bring anyone for you?

Unknown_15: No. No, I got nobody.

Unknown_00: I just got arguments. Right.

Unknown_15: That's defeat right there. Yeah. It's admitting defeat. Yeah. They were going to have me do... They were going to have me skydive to show me freaking out, but then they decided that I wouldn't freak out. They just... Oh, he lied on all his questions.

Unknown_37: Somebody with a light bulb went up. They're like, fuck.

4:09:01
Unknown_15: Oh, he's just... Okay. He knows what he's doing. Oh, fuck him.

Unknown_15: apex what would what would you do differently i wouldn't take my glasses off that's about it i'd super glue them to my fucking head and i would have tried to fuck him because that would have been funny all right everybody goodbye thank you thank you thanks nick thanks ralph thank you josh thank you gator later josh what is it 8 a.m for you yeah there about fuck thanks man

4:09:35
Unknown_15: Thanks, everybody, for watching. That's it. That's the end of my life. See ya. Goodbye. I got nothing more to do. Thank you, Ethan and Ralph. Thank you, Wormwood. Hee hee. Thank you, Keon.

Unknown_15: Oh, rusty cunts.

Unknown_37: Yeah. I think it was coons, but yeah.

Unknown_15: Goodbye. Goodbye, everybody. Thank you. Later, Dick. Later. To Kintillions, thank you. A's and Crews, thank you. I know, me too. I'm going to close this off.

Unknown_37: Okay, goodbye.