0:00:00 Unknown_16: I've seen the crystal raindrops fall And the beauty of it all Is when the sun comes shining through To make those rainbows in my mind When I think of you sometimes And I wanna spend some time with you Just the two of us We can make it if we try Just the two of us Just the two of us Unknown_17: Well, it wasn't that nice. Unknown_17: I didn't realize my mic was on and you could hear me fucking with it, but... Unknown_12: Uh, yeah, we're gonna be having fun today. Uh, I've already booted, booted this game up just to test that it works. It does indeed work, I don't know. Like, if the streaming quality is really, really bad, I might have to drop it. Again, I'm using a five-year-old, like, laptop. It's a pretty good laptop, but it's still fucking old. So, uh... Stream.me, for the current time, has enabled me to monetize my channel. And if you would like to donate to me shipping over my existing good computer from the fucking United States Please please feel free to subscribe for tree fitting Okay, I'm gonna I'm gonna boot the game up everybody can hear me right everything's fine, okay, let me just turn this off my background and Hopefully this is gonna work 0:01:45 Unknown_27: And I might check in on the results and stuff. Unknown_27: Somebody says my mic is really echoey. Hopefully not. Unknown_12: I don't know what else I can do about that. I can get really close. The game's turned down all the way. Unknown_12: It's just my room. My room has a 13-foot tall ceiling. It's all concrete and shit. Unknown_12: It is what it is. All right, let's boot up the game. I'm going to be checking chat on my phone. Unknown_12: If there's any issues with audio, let me know. Unknown_27: If it's stuttering and stuff, let me know. I'll be checking. 0:02:20 Unknown_27: Alright, in case you didn't get the memo, this is Life is Strange. Unknown_27: And let me say, I've only gotten to the menu so the game might fucking crash. Unknown_12: But I already hate it. Just off this fucking faggy font, just off this fucking hipster music and shit, I really fucking hate this already. Unknown_12: Oh, is the game not playing any sound? Unknown_27: Can you guys hear the fucking music? Unknown_27: All I know about this game is that they say hella a lot. Well, that's promising. 0:03:01 Unknown_27: Okay, audio seems to be working, everybody says. Unknown_12: Why does your mic sound like AIDS, nigger? Well, it should be. It should be good. Let me check to make sure I got the right mic on, because it could be my laptop mic. Does the mic actually sound worse than usual? Unknown_27: Oh, yeah, I see it. Unknown_27: My laptop's not capturing the audio. Unknown_12: I'm sorry about that. Unknown_12: Oh, there we go. Let me turn it down a little bit so you can hear me better. Perfect, perfect. A little bit more. 0:03:34 Unknown_12: All right, now we're in business. Unknown_12: Now it's too loud. Okay, let me check to make sure I got the right mic and then check. Unknown_12: Right again. Unknown_24: Uh... What the hell? Proper. 0:04:23 Unknown_27: And now I can hear myself. I think I got it! Unknown_12: I think I got it! Is everything working, everybody? Did I actually fix it? Unknown_12: I'm gonna wait for chat to react like, holy shit, you're fucking blowing my eardrums out. Perfect. Perfect. Okay. Unknown_12: I'm getting good at- I'm getting good at computers, everybody. It took me fucking half a decade, but I'm finally there. Unknown_12: Yes, but I'm still a nigger, thank you Sargon. Alright, let's get back to this shit fest. Let's start a new game. Let me see if I can put my phone somewhere where I can see chat, because I don't have a second monitor because I'm poor and living in a log cabin, but for now this will have to work. 0:05:09 Unknown_12: I do have a phone. To answer your question, Blizzard, yes, I do have a phone. Holy shit, look at this menu! Isn't it fucking quirky? I hate the- I already hate the fucking menu! Look at this shit! Why is it- why is it like- like this? Unknown_12: Oh man, this is- this is gonna suck. Unknown_12: Okay. Let's do it. Unknown_12: Life is Strange is a story-based game that features player choice. The consequences of all your in-game actions and decisions will impact the pa- the past? How do you- how do you impact the past from the present? 0:05:41 Unknown_12: Alright, so the rules are I'm gonna try to blow through this as quickly as fucking possible. I will take the most violent, bitchy approach to every- every option that I get. I have no idea what to expect. I have never seen anything from this game. I am going in completely gold. Unknown_12: And this game is really loud apparently. If you can't hear me, let me know. 0:06:18 Unknown_12: Do I have to watch this? Why is this so slow? Unknown_12: Why doesn't she know where she's at? How did I get here? Unknown_14: And where is here? Unknown_01: This was, this was a mistake. Unknown_01: This was a fucking mistake. 0:06:50 Unknown_01: You could cut out all that fucking dialogue, and it wouldn't have affected anything. Unknown_23: Like, you could just have the pan around shot, it could last three seconds. Unknown_12: You distinctively go to where the light source is, that's how games work. You put lights where you want people to go. Unknown_12: Why is there like a swirling vortex of fucking birds? Oh, jeez. Unknown_12: Can I throw myself off a cliff? Unknown_11: No. 0:07:25 Unknown_23: You didn't see that before you got there? You didn't notice you were walking towards the fucking bird tornado? Unknown_23: Oh jeez, lady! Unknown_23: You deserve to die! Holy shit! Why is she freaking out so hard? Unknown_26: She just dozed off! 0:08:00 Unknown_26: Take that lady. Is this college or high school or like kindergarten? How old are these people? Unknown_03: No girls in this game have long hair, I guess she does She's the only one though She saw humanity is torture, right? Unknown_12: Hello, and frankly, how do I look? I'm pressing the button. Keep that to yourself. Oh, I've got it crap How can I show this to? 0:08:32 Unknown_14: Mr. Jefferson? Unknown_12: I'm pressing buttons guys laughing at me now Who gives a shit? Is this the game? Are you like an insecure 12 year old tomboy? Is this the entire game? Unknown_26: Oh no, what the fuck? Wait, I'm just looking at shit? Oh jeez. Why do I care? Unknown_12: Let's read my journal, guys. Unknown_26: Who gives a fuck? 0:09:06 Unknown_12: If anybody's looking at your journal, they're probably trying to fuck you, like a creepy weirdo. Unknown_12: Oh, are these my potential mates? Can I fuck the teacher? Unknown_12: So far, Victoria, I like her stern, Slavic gaze. Unknown_12: Victoria Chase, the elite of Blackwell Academy and a total bitch. Oh my god, but she's the most... I mean, I hate saying that. I don't know why someone who's so rich and beautiful needs to be so fucking mean. Oh my gosh. 18 year olds at a prestigious academy should be evolving into artists and scholars. Unknown_12: Oh god, I can't even pretend to care. Let's look at the pencil case, that seems more interesting. Is that like a plot point? 0:09:42 Unknown_14: Can I just like get up? Take selfie. Oh my god. What the fuck am I doing? Unknown_26: I believe Max has taken what you kids call a selfie. A dumb word for a wonderful photographic tradition. And Max has a gift. Unknown_26: Of course, as you all know, the- If somebody subscribes, then why do you have a purple name? 0:10:17 Unknown_12: How do I, how do I check super chats? Unknown_26: Uh, well. I hate this guy. Unknown_26: Purplekirkle says kill yourself. Unknown_12: I wish I could. I wish I could take that pencil from the pencil case and jab it in my fucking skull. Unknown_26: Oh, you just followed? Unknown_12: That's okay. I don't hold it against you Wall Street journalists. Just please don't kill any more kids. Unknown_12: Oh, I didn't, I wasn't paying attention. I don't know. 0:10:49 Unknown_14: It happens. Jesus Christ, it's just a photography class! Unknown_12: Is that Victoria? Unknown_26: Why are you such a bitch, Victoria? Unknown_12: Oh my God! Unknown_26: Oh my god, this is rough. Unknown_12: This is a scary- you guys didn't tell me that this was a horror game. Oh, Jesus. Is this really the game? How do I stand up? Is that like tits on the- how do I zoom? 0:11:32 Unknown_26: Oh. Victoria gets raped. Well, I guess I'm glued to the fucking seat now. Victoria is still the hottest. I'm assuming all these characters are over 18, by the way. Unknown_14: Victoria doesn't waste a second kissing ass. 0:12:05 Unknown_26: I hope she doesn't. Oh jeez. Unknown_12: Why am I taking a picture of this? Is that like a gameplay element? Do you have to take pictures of all this? Wait, when is this taking place? Unknown_12: Like is... Don't you guys have like cell phones? Oh, jeez. I don't even know what that says. Amber forever. I don't know these people. Unknown_26: I'm gonna leave. Wait. Is everything like a thing you can look at? Holy shit, it would take like... What the fuck? Unknown_12: Ugh. 0:12:52 Unknown_12: They're teaching them middle school. Unknown_26: Oh no, why are there... get these unicorns off. Unknown_12: Wait, do I have to do something? Unknown_12: I guess I'll take this one. Unknown_26: Max, you're a better photographer than a liar. Now, I know it's a drag to hear some old dude lecture you, but life won't wait for you to play catch-up. You're young, the world is yours, blah, blah, blah, right? But you do have a gift. Unknown_12: Somebody said, it's Joshua Boomer who has never played a video before. I have played video games, I just... I just tend to stay away from, like, gamer culture. I have no idea what the fuck this is. This is what Desire Lines picked. 0:13:28 Unknown_12: I didn't listen to any of that. I'm really bad at these visual storytelling video games. I'm sorry. Unknown_12: Door open. Unknown_00: Oh God. It's high school. That's not the real world. High school doesn't matter. Unknown_12: Is there a school shooter in this game? That'd be awesome. 0:14:09 Unknown_14: I don't need to know that, video games! Unknown_12: If you have to go to the bathroom, why are you leaning on the fucking wall? Go take a shit! Unknown_12: Ugh, I hate this fucking game. Holy shit. Unknown_12: Get to the point! Unknown_12: Is this the point? Unknown_12: Oh, jeez. Unknown_12: Oh, God. 0:14:43 Unknown_12: There is no point. Oh, no. I don't want to know any of these people. I'm not interested. Unknown_12: Look, Dana is the thought. Dana is by far the most thoughtiest. Does she get raped? Oh, with this fucking music. Holy shit. Unknown_12: Missing person poster. That sounds interesting. Unknown_14: It looks like she's been gone for months. Unknown_12: She's probably dead then. Why is she 19 and still in high school? I can read the poster, thank you. 0:15:16 Unknown_12: Now this guy looks interesting, let's talk to him. God, Samuel is such a weirdo. Unknown_01: Why are you talking? Unknown_01: I can't talk to him. I can just make fun of him in my fucking- in my fucking head. Unknown_12: Oh, geez. Unknown_12: Join the chess team. Unknown_14: Nerd alert. Fuck you! Unknown_12: What? Am I supposed to like her? What a judgmental bitch. You can play fucking- chess isn't even like a sexist thing. Why are they making fun of chess? 0:15:48 Unknown_12: Holy fuck. Where am I going? Oh, I have to take a shit, that's right. Just a bathroom. Unknown_12: This is run by- this is walk. This is like normal pace and then if I press shift she like gets a fucking- how do I actually- argh! Unknown_12: Where's the bathroom? Unknown_12: She said she has to go to the bathroom. I'm assuming that's my objective right now. while I listen to this awful fucking music. I guess I'm not... I'm already lost. I'm already lost and they're playing fucking indie music and I hate this. 0:16:21 Unknown_12: Is that the bathroom? No. Unknown_12: These are just look buttons, I can't talk to anybody. So it's not, wait. He's getting bullied. Unknown_12: I just like how she walks up and like thinks things about people. Like awkwardly. Oh, jeez. Gun free zone. 0:17:08 Unknown_12: That's what I'm talking about. I guess there won't be a school shooting, because this is a gun-free zone. I- I- I- I- Help me, chat. I'm pulling up chat. What the fuck do I do? Unknown_12: Josh, I'm losing the Brit- Britbong. That's fine. I can lose the Britbong. I don't care. It's a good thing- Go outside. I don't want to go outside. Unknown_12: Press X. I mean, that's outside, isn't it? 0:17:45 Unknown_12: Where's the bathroom? Unknown_12: I knew it. I knew my objective was to go to the bathroom, but there is no bathroom. Unknown_12: Oh, good. The song ended. Jesus Christ. Oh, no. Unknown_12: Help. Unknown_12: Help. This is the boys bathroom. Can I go in there? This is not a progressive game. This is not a progressive game at all. It is the early 2000s. Was that really necessary as a cinematic? 0:18:30 Unknown_12: Why is Josh so shit at playing this game? I don't want to be good at this fucking game. I don't know what being good at this game means. Unknown_12: Oh, there we go. There's a sink. Unknown_12: Oh, this game was made by the French. Oh, jeez. Unknown_14: Just relax. Stop torturing yourself. Unknown_14: You have a gift. Unknown_12: How do I, yeah, somebody says let's play Sonic. How do I go fast? 0:19:03 Unknown_12: Oh no, you destroyed your picture. Unknown_14: Can't they just have her not say something? Unknown_14: Oh, it's a beautiful butterfly. Unknown_12: Well, yeah, walk right up to it so I can interact with it instead of taking the picture from the fucking distance. 0:19:38 Unknown_12: What is the butterfly? Is she gonna get raped? This is the girl's bathroom. Maybe it is progressive after all. Are you male to female? Unknown_15: You're in the girl's bathroom, you fucking creep! Unknown_12: Doesn't he need like a prep talk before he rapes her? Please do blow it up. Unknown_10: I hope you checked the perimeter, as my step-ass would say. Now, let's talk business. I got nothing for you. Wrong. You got hella cash. 0:20:09 Unknown_15: That's my family, not me. Unknown_10: Oh, boo-hoo, poor little rich kid. I know you've been pumping drugs and shit to kids around here. I bet your respectable family would help me out if I were to die. I changed my mind. I want to fuck the blue-haired dyke. Man, I can see the headlines now. She's over 18, right? Unknown_05: Get out of this bitch. I can tell everybody Nathan Prescott is a punk ass who begs like a little girl and talks to himself. You don't know who the fuck Unknown_23: Kill her! Kill her! Unknown_05: Do it! Pull the trigger! Unknown_15: Is she going to get raped? Oh my god! Oh shit! Oh my god! What the fuck? Watch out for that gun, it can misfire. Okay, good. 0:20:39 Unknown_12: Dawn of the final day. Unknown_14: Did the butterfly give you magic time warping powers? 0:21:16 Unknown_12: It's a good thing she didn't take that photo of the butterfly from a normal distance. Unknown_26: Does her picture change to the butterfly because of the time warp? Unknown_12: That'd be interesting. Unknown_12: Yes, I can see this. I have eyes. Idiot. Unknown_14: You broke your fucking butterfly time powers. Unknown_26: This is what the French actually believe. Unknown_14: Don't compare this to Majora's. Hold right mouse button to rewind. Unknown_12: Oh. 0:22:02 Unknown_12: Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Unknown_01: She's a time machine. Unknown_26: Take the selfie. Unknown_01: Take the selfie. I thought the phone established this was real. Unknown_14: I know I'm not dreaming this. It's real. He just asked her the Jewish questions. 0:22:44 Unknown_12: So I can go back in time. Unknown_12: I got it. I got it when the phone rang. You can go back in time. Can I go back in time before I decided to play this fucking game? I need to go to the bathroom quickly and check it out. Unknown_26: Since you've captured our interest and clearly want to join the conversation, can you please tell us the name of the process that gave birth to the first self portraits? Unknown_12: I have to use the bathroom. 0:23:16 Unknown_14: I'm sorry, but I really have to use the bathroom. Nice try, Max. Unknown_26: But you're not going to get away that easy. Unknown_12: You can't deny a student to go take a shit. What the fuck? Unknown_14: Shit. Jefferson wants to keep me after class. And I need time to save that girl. Unknown_12: You had plenty of time before I walked around in the hallways for fucking 30 minutes. You're OK. Unknown_14: Sad face. Unknown_12: Oh Jesus Christ! Unknown_14: This icon means that you may be able to use a hero. Unknown_12: Okay, let's do it. 0:23:58 Unknown_12: Do I have to go all the way back? Oh jeez. This takes a long time. Unknown_12: I really like reliving this fucking game three times. Unknown_12: The dialogue is so captivating. Unknown_26: Well, Max, since you've captured our interest and clearly want to join the conversation, can you please tell us the name of the process that gave birth to the first self-portraits? Unknown_12: Or does that underline mean that the space-time? Invented by a French painter named Louis Daguerre around 1830. 0:24:30 Unknown_26: Somebody has been reading as well as posing. Unknown_26: Nice work, Max. Unknown_12: I like that she has a space-time continuum Groundhog Day thing going on, but she just uses it to cheat in class. Unknown_26: Oh, jeez. Oh, man. Unknown_26: Oh yeah, she did the sad face. That was, uh... That was foreshadowing. Her saying sad face was foreshadowing her own sad face. Is this a power that all gay people have? Unknown_12: Oh jeez. 0:25:19 Unknown_26: Yes, Victoria, you still have to do your homework this week. Unknown_14: Excuse me, Mr. Jefferson, can I talk to you for a moment? Yes, excuse you. Unknown_26: No, Victoria. Unknown_12: Excuse us. Calm the fuck down. Never let one of photography's future stars avoid handing in her picture. Unknown_12: Max could stop 9-11. Yeah, I'm not sure I have one. Unknown_26: A thousand picks? Oh, geez. I'm not okay with this. Gay people have the power of AIDS? Can this lady get AIDS? Unknown_14: That'd be great. Unknown_12: Uh, press control to quickly undo? Oh, there we go. That's much faster. Oh, geez. 0:25:53 Unknown_12: You can just like have it skip. I can't believe that she has this cool power. 0:26:35 Unknown_26: And she's just using it for this shit. Unknown_12: This is what happens when you give women special powers. You gave it to that, like the guy that was Spider-Man. Spider-Man wouldn't be doing this shit. Unknown_12: Spider-Man would've saved 9-11. Unknown_14: That makes it sound like she's gonna shit herself. Unknown_01: If you shit yourself you can just go back in time and unshit your pants. 0:27:08 Unknown_14: Retrace every step. Unknown_14: I washed my face. Unknown_14: I shredded my photo. Then the butterfly flew in. Unknown_12: Sounds unpainful. Yeah, it would be unpainful to unshoot yourself. Unknown_24: She could have saved Hitler. Unknown_05: The thoughtless cunt. You don't know who the fuck I am. Unknown_12: Unshitting is your fetish? That's a pretty good fetish. Oh, I need a hammer. 0:27:40 Unknown_15: Did I really need this? What is that? Oh jeez. Oh jeez, oh no. I did it again. Unknown_01: I'm so bad at this. Oh, she keeps dying. 0:28:11 Unknown_15: I'm not even trying. Unknown_01: Oh, hammer, go. Special power. Oh, he took the gun. Oh, jeez. Unknown_14: She's hella dead. Oh my god lady, your inner dialogue is killing me. 0:28:42 Unknown_18: Hey, do you hear that fire alarm? That means you should be outside. I had to use- I was shitting myself. Unknown_01: Excuse for what? Unknown_18: For whatever you're up to. Your face is covered in guilt. The alarm tripped me out. Then trip on out of here, missy. What the fuck? Unknown_23: Is he literally only a bad guy because he's a guy? 0:29:18 Unknown_19: Why is he such a dickhead? She just had to shit! Unknown_12: Calm the fuck down! Unknown_12: We don't take kindly to women that have to shit around here. This is Watt country. Unknown_12: Hello. Unknown_19: Now this guy's a good guy. Unknown_12: You can tell because he's black. Unknown_14: Why is he being a dick? What the fuck? Why are you being so fucking... He's got a fucking gun. Unknown_19: He's killing people. Tell the truth. 0:30:06 Unknown_12: Now what? What am I supposed to do? Oh, geez. Unknown_12: What's that? Unknown_14: Warren even left me a little message with his flash drive. He's such a goofball. Unknown_12: Will I get to an FF reference before Killstream? I don't know what FF is. I don't watch Firefly, if that's what that is. That's the only thing I know that starts with FF. Unknown_12: Oh, can I play it? Unknown_12: Oh yeah, this isn't indie enough. Now we have a guitar. Now we're indie. 0:30:37 Unknown_12: This is a song I wrote while thinking about dropping a bucket of paint on Victoria. Victoria's a bitch. Unknown_12: Is it really gonna make me watch this? How long does this go on? I can't think of enough jokes to occupy this fucking thing. Oh, she has a bunch of paper machete- or paper lamps, like in Japan. That's very cool. 0:31:10 Unknown_12: David Cage knows exactly what a teenage girl's room looks like. Unknown_24: Play Freebird! Unknown_24: Freebird! Unknown_24: Is this really the- Unknown_01: This is the song I wrote while pooping and un-pooping. Unknown_01: Before that bitch with the blue hair got shot like eight times. 0:31:51 Unknown_12: Oh, jeez. Can I just skip? Oh. I thought it was gonna end! No! Okay, I thought there was a point to that. I guess it just fucking plays the guitar endlessly while you... while you think something's gonna happen. Like somebody's gonna knock at the door or something. Oh, jeez. Unknown_12: Instant film plant? Okay. Oh, I can water the plant. Unknown_14: You are thirsty. I'm the worst baby mama. Drink up. Unknown_12: In other words, baby. He didn't say hi to your mom when she said happy birthday. This action will have consequence. What the fuck? Plant will remember that. 0:32:23 Unknown_12: Oh, finally I can use a computer and post that bitch's... Fuck off! Your fucking negging is pissing me off, lady. Oh, she uses Google Chrome. Unknown_14: I am so addicted to this site. Look at these vintage- I thought it was actually like a porn site at first and then I realized- Porn makes me laugh. Unknown_12: I don't care. Unknown_14: It's nice to feel like I already made a real friend here. Unknown_12: How do I post, um, how do I post the picture of the bitch? 0:32:58 Unknown_12: Thanks for the email and copy of Jefferson class notes. That's nice. Unknown_12: I want to, um, I want to post that ladies thing. Unknown_12: Is this just like a shitty pic? Wait, hold up, hold up. I didn't mean to close out. I want to post the lady's picture. Unknown_12: Blackwell hipster alert. Oh, jeez. Unknown_12: I guess I can't post the picture of that fucking thought with the bukkake. That's disappointing. I wanted that action to have a consequence. 0:33:32 Unknown_12: Am I supposed to be doing something? Unknown_14: Stop calling me a dumb fuck, I just wanted to post the picture! Unknown_12: I can post nudes on another picture, oh jeez. Unknown_14: Oh I have to get the flash drive, thank you chat. Does it actually tell me what my goal is? Unknown_12: Where's the flash drive? I guess I have to open this. Is it in the panty drawer? Why is that in there? 0:34:04 Unknown_14: Where's the flash drive? Is that it? No. Is that it? No. Is this it? Unknown_12: No. Where is it? Unknown_12: Oh, there it is. Unknown_14: No. What the fuck? 0:34:39 Unknown_12: I borrowed your drive. Oh, wait. So I could watch some flicks while I study. Track me down in my room. Unknown_12: Who said this? Unknown_14: Dana. Okay. Unknown_00: You can't get out now, Dana. So tell me the truth or rotten there. Unknown_12: What? What the fuck? Is this like a prison? Unknown_12: Just fucking get that gun. If she had taken that- I cannot believe that this is a thing. That those bitches can block you out of the fucking room and then lock this woman in her own room. This is crazy. This is bullshit. Like if I was a student here, I would have fucking killed some people by now. 0:35:10 Unknown_12: Let me speak to her. Oh jeez, this is some good character development. 0:35:56 Unknown_12: Oh this is, I get to use my mind hacking powers to cheat. Oh yeah, time to use that intuitive gameplay. Unknown_14: Juliet Watson, you be nice. Unknown_00: I'm flattered. I didn't even think you knew my name. Of course I do. Thanks. I locked Dana in because she was sexting Zach, my boyfriend. Unbelievable. 0:36:31 Unknown_24: This is some true life hacking. Unknown_00: According to Victoria, Dana would do anything to date a quarterback. Unknown_14: According to Victoria. Unknown_12: She would do anything to date a quarterback. Unknown_00: And Zachary won't answer his phone. Once Dana admits it, she can go straight to hell. Unknown_12: Life is in PC. Yeah, this is fucking. But what did she say? Fuck, it was written chat again. What does she have to do? Do I have to do? 0:37:03 Unknown_12: Oh, I have to go to Juliet's room and steal her sexy. Unknown_12: Taylor, I saw Juliet somewhere. Unknown_12: Will bang for Jesus. Haha. And it's got a little Judy on the drawing. That's nice. That's Victoria. Where's Juliet's room? I need to go get her phone so I can look at these sex. 0:37:36 Unknown_14: I can help Dana and check out Victoria's room to find out if she is the kind of person I hope she's not. Unknown_12: Oh, I have to check out Victoria's room. Who the fuck is Victoria? Oh, that's the bitch. Unknown_12: That's the bitch who got the bukkake on her. Unknown_12: Oh, jeez. This is breaking and entering. These people are all criminals. Unknown_12: Oh, panties. Unknown_14: What excellent line delivery. 0:38:12 Unknown_14: Victoria hates Rachel Amber this much? How insecure. Unknown_12: Did she kill her? What the fuck? These people are like psychopaths. Why are you taking posters of a missing person and like drawing on them? Unknown_14: Victoria is a real Jefferson groupie. I don't even know what the fuck that means. Unknown_12: Fuck you. Unknown_12: Oh, I guess I'm just supposed to like, can I steal her jewelry? I mean, why not? Everybody else is a criminal. If I did wear expensive jewelry, I would wear this for sure. Oh, you are a conceited bitch. You're just trying to hide it because you're poor. 0:38:45 Unknown_14: That's real nice, Victoria. And who the hell thinks I'm a hipster? Unknown_12: Oh, is that why that said that on her computer? That's funny. You got cyberbullied. You should upload the picture of her in Bukkake. Unknown_14: Boom. This is the email I need to show Juliet. Now I have to print this fast and get the hell out of here. Uh, okay. Unknown_12: How do I do that? Do I have to find the printer now? Unknown_12: Where's the printer? There's the printer. Unknown_12: Usually don't download stuff from a printer though. Oh god, I'm bad at computers and a video game. Wait, where did I go? Okay. 0:39:17 Unknown_12: I didn't have to use my superpowers in this one. Unknown_12: Yeah, me breaking into her fucking room and printing this email out is gonna convince her that I'm fucking innocent. Watch, I bet something's gonna happen where, like, Victoria comes in with a gun and then I have to- Wait, no. I guess not. Unknown_14: She made, like, an angry NPC face. 0:40:03 Unknown_12: Yeah, no shit, you're fucking trapping people in your fucking room. Unknown_03: Is this... Is this really what a woman's like? Being a woman is awful. Oh, jeez. Unknown_14: Almost done. Get the flash drive and then I'll go see Warren. 0:40:36 Unknown_12: Oh God, what's going to happen when I pick this up? Something's going to happen. Can I look at her laptop? Unknown_14: Of course, a popular cheerleader. Unknown_12: You're just using your laptop in front of her. Unknown_14: So fascinating to get a peek into Dana's social media world. And yes, Max, so terribly wrong. Unknown_12: You're right in front of her. Unknown_12: Oh geez. All right, let's just take it. I wonder what's going to happen when I press this button. Unknown_22: Must protect my precious so Max never has to chase it down again. 0:41:16 Unknown_12: Can we rewind that back up so we can hear that again? No, I can't make you suffer that again. Unknown_14: I better make sure everything is still in there. Unknown_12: Oh geez. I think Warren forgot to hide the party buster folder. Unknown_14: Not that I would open it no matter how tempting. I have my self-respect. Unknown_12: Open it. Don't, don't say that there's hot goss on this fucking laptop and then, and then not open it. Unknown_12: Geez look at how she renamed everything she renamed her homework weird science greatest TV shows ever music randoms with an apostrophe at the end I Don't want to watch this one. 0:42:04 Unknown_12: I Hate this shit fuck you this game is it's cucking me. This is a cuck game Where am I going now a chat help me? I already forgot where I'm going with this with this USB poor thing oh Unknown_12: virus on the computer and then burn it down let's go to my room again I guess gosh I want to die you should die I would rather be dead than be a woman at this fucking school take it to your own computer oh I got an email from Warren 0:42:42 Unknown_12: I love this parking lot. I can count all the cars. Unknown_12: Can you imagine sending this text out to a girl? Unknown_12: Oh, he's being sarcastic. But I couldn't tell that because I have autism. Okay. Oh, I guess I'm supposed to go out to Max now. Okay, he said that he's outside counting cars. Unknown_12: Oh, geez. Unknown_12: These guys are still out here tossing the pigskin like Tommy Wiseau. Unknown_12: Oh jeez. What the fuck? I have to rewind because he threw a football? Wowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowow 0:43:13 Unknown_28: Wait, okay, I know what I'm supposed to do. 0:43:57 Unknown_12: I have to run over there before it pelts her. Unknown_26: Oh, maybe I'm supposed to just distract her. Unknown_12: Fuck, goddammit. Pranked. Unknown_00: She just got conked upside the head with this action will have consequence. Unknown_12: Oh, jeez. Unknown_14: I don't want to help her. 0:44:33 Unknown_12: I don't want her not getting hit in the head with a football to have consequences that positively impact this run. Fuck that. Take a photo? Unknown_18: You can't fool me. I know everything about this school. I cover the waterfront. Unknown_12: Nobody heard that? We already established the camera is super fucking loud. 0:45:11 Unknown_12: She looks like a Christian character from an anime. Unknown_00: Hope you enjoyed the show. Thanks for nothing, Max. Unknown_12: Why are you dressed like a fucking nun? Unknown_12: This action was- Fuck off! Don't lecture me, David Cage. Unknown_12: Says this is rapey, it must be scary in Tumblr heads. Yeah, I guess. If this is what David Cage and Tumblrites think about, like- Like people are fucking mean? They lock you in your room? 0:45:48 Unknown_12: They're conniving against you by sending fake sex messages? Unknown_12: Security guards are trying to rape you? Mean dudes are throwing footballs right at your fucking head? Oh, jeez. Unknown_14: This is a scary, scary school. Unknown_12: Fuck off! Stop lecturing me! Mission accomplished. We got the flash drive. 0:46:20 Unknown_23: Not a very good girl. He wants to fuck. Unknown_14: No worries, Warren. I took a sweet shot of Victoria, I can't- Oh, score one for Team Max. 0:46:54 Unknown_29: It would be so karmic to see her ass-clown face all over the interwebs. Unknown_14: I guess she does deserve it for all the shitty things she's done to people here. Unknown_12: So, did you get a chance to check out the movie booty on my flash drive? Unknown_14: No, I've been way too busy with class and life. Damn girl. You had it like a year or a week. I did browse through all the titles. Drama queen. Unknown_29: Ha ha. Make sure you watch cannibal Holocaust. Unknown_12: It was a lie. It didn't happen. Unknown_14: Seen it. I was more disturbed by all those emo vampire movies in there. 0:47:31 Unknown_29: Sorry, I had nothing nothing funny to say about this conversation. Unknown_29: Ouch, that sounds awful the way you say it. It says pussycat in there. Unknown_29: Oh god. Oh jeez. No, I can fast forward. I can't skip it! Unknown_12: I can't! I can't hear it. Unknown_29: I can't hear it. Unknown_12: I'm trying my best. It doesn't work. I don't want to speak about it because it takes too fucking long. Oh jeez. 0:48:16 Unknown_29: I may be a pest, but I'm a good listener. Unknown_12: This guy is such an Intel. He is between you and me. Oh, geez. Unknown_29: Don't insult me. Go on. Unknown_14: I had this incredibly bizarre. Hey, can I say titties? Unknown_12: No, you can't. Unknown_14: I mean, life changing. Unknown_14: Have you ever had a dream? So real. It was like a movie. Unknown_15: You're one of the Jefferson's photo groupies. Unknown_14: I'm one of his students. Unknown_15: What the fuck ever. I know you like to take pictures, especially when you're hiding out in the bathrooms. You best tell me what you told the principal now. 0:48:53 Unknown_15: Answer me, bitch. I told him the truth. A student had a gun. No, you told him I had a gun. That's why he dragged me into his office. And did what? Give you a stern lecture? Nobody. Nobody lectures me. Everyone tries, though. Unknown_12: Now this is the guy that shot them. Unknown_15: You should talk to somebody, Nathan. Do not analyze me. I pay people for that. Worry about yourself, Max Caulfield. 0:49:26 Unknown_15: I could call the police. Do it. The Prescott's own the pigs here. Get away from her, dude. Unknown_15: Pranked. Hey, leave him alone. Nobody tells me what to do. Not my parents, not the principal, or that whore in the bathroom. Unknown_05: Max? Chloe? Unknown_15: No way. You again? Go! Go! I got this! Unknown_12: Leave your boyfriend! Get out of there now! Don't even try to run! Nobody! 0:49:57 Unknown_24: Nobody! This guy's crazy! Unknown_24: This school is like full of psychotics. Unknown_14: Yeah, no fucking shit. They should just drive away from that psychotic fucking school and have sex. 0:50:37 Unknown_12: Yeah, they totally left her boyfriend behind to get fucking mauled by that psychotic with a gun. Unknown_12: These choices are making me uncomfortable, because I'm supposed to be the character and I'm hoping I don't get fucking raped. Unknown_10: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh 0:51:16 Unknown_14: I just want this to end. Oh geez. Now I don't want to skip this. Unknown_12: Fuck Mark. Fuck. Unknown_14: Fuck. 0:51:51 Unknown_12: Yeah. Unknown_14: I'm going to pick the good options for this check. Just drink? Okay, hold up, let me get my vodka. Unknown_10: Okay, I have my vodka. Unknown_12: Cheeky breeky. 0:52:30 Unknown_12: Is this still going? I went up to get my vodka and then I drank my vodka. And um... Unknown_14: Drink. Take a drink every time you go. Unknown_12: I don't have enough vodka for that. Unknown_14: Oh, jeez. Unknown_12: There's no way to skip this. There's no interaction. I don't get to make choices. I don't get to say, I wanna fuck you, blue-haired lady. 0:53:01 Unknown_12: Skinny Randy Lee Harper. There's no... Oh, jeez. Unknown_12: At least we're out of Rape Academy. Unknown_12: Which one's Chloe? Is Chloe the blue-haired lady? Unknown_04: Unless you- Victoria is the hottest, followed by Max, followed by Chloe. 0:53:37 Unknown_12: Except Max is not- not- like, she drops a few points because she's such a noisy fucking retard. Oh, she has titties in her fucking room. She must be a gay. Unknown_10: Oh, it's supposed to be pronounced Chloe. Unknown_12: Sorry, I pronounce every fucking word wrong. I'm sorry. It's just what it is. Unknown_10: Wait, an NPC poster? Where? Unknown_12: Look, she's got titties all over her room. She's a fucking gay. Lady, you're a gay. I think David Cage is subtly hinting that this lady's a fucking gay, and she'd totally fuck her. Fuck off my head. Oh, that's edgy. What else you got? 0:54:14 Unknown_12: Height chart? Oh, she's been here for a long time. Unknown_12: Suitcase full of alcohol. Unknown_12: I already forgot what I'm supposed to be doing. Can I just use your laptop? Unknown_23: There we go. Unknown_12: She looks super happy. Unknown_14: I don't know if I'd call that emotion happiness, but we're going to go with it. She looks super sad. 0:54:48 Unknown_14: She looks super stoned. Unknown_12: Yeah, no shit. Jesus. My commentary is better than your fucking commentary, bitch. Unknown_12: Search. I'm just pulling apart. I think this junk swallowed her discs. Unknown_12: Like, we've not spoken, I'm just digging around in her fucking room. Unknown_12: Box. Unknown_14: Church. 0:55:21 Unknown_12: Oh, I thought that meant daddy in a different sense. Unknown_12: This was before Tumblr. She had her hair still. Oh, how sad. Unknown_12: Look, bitch, you've got fucking pizza on the ground. You're going to get cockroaches. Why are all these people so fucking gross? Unknown_12: Now we're talking. Unknown_12: Getting comfy up in here. I'm setting the mood with the mood lights and the stereo. Unknown_10: So tell me, what does Max Caulfield do for fun now that she's a grownup? 0:55:58 Unknown_12: Um, wow, all these options are fucking terrible. Unknown_12: Party all night. Unknown_10: Why? Oh jeez, why are you a bitch now too? Unknown_12: No, I have to use my time-shifting powers to lie about going to a birthday party. Unknown_28: I take photos of me, the world, 0:56:50 Unknown_24: The game completely forgets about this life-changing superpower until she has to bullshit her way through a conversation. I don't even know what I'm supposed to be looking for. Unknown_12: I'm not supposed to be looking for the picture box. Unknown_12: Why are there pictures of this fucking poster everywhere? I guess I'm gonna find her eventually. Unknown_14: Oh, jeez. 0:57:33 Unknown_12: Is it here? Unknown_12: Why don't you get the fuck up off your bed and help me look, you fucking cunt? Unknown_14: Hey, give me that. Sorry, I wasn't trying to be nosy. Unknown_12: No, the wanted poster lady must be that lady. Unknown_12: That they were friends. Okay, so I learned something. The game actually told me that the missing girl is her friend. 0:58:06 Unknown_14: That's Rachel Amber. Unknown_12: But now we have to go over this in dialogue for details. Fuck you, David Cage. Unknown_10: Holy shit. Unknown_10: After my dad died and you moved, I felt abandoned. I can't believe that. Unknown_12: Like, I actually was like, okay, so the game taught me something without just telling me in fucking dialogue. And now we have to have a fucking expose where they talk about it aloud for fucking 15 minutes. I'm gonna go pee. Be right back. So, Rachel took my place. Unknown_10: I'm glad she was there for you. Rachel had my back. 0:58:40 Unknown_10: We were gonna kick the world's ass. Unknown_10: You would laugh at how different we were. Unknown_10: She wanted to be a star. She looks like a model. That was her plan. Our plan. Unknown_10: Get the hell out of Bigfootville and into Los Angeles. 0:59:22 Unknown_12: All right, sorry. Unknown_12: I figured this would go on for like 10 minutes. Unknown_12: Ah, I see why. It seems like the most concise. Unknown_10: Oh, jeez. What the fuck? Where did the Nazi come from? Can I meet the Nazi? He seems like a character I would like. 1488 gang gang motherfuckers. 0:59:53 Unknown_12: I can't wait to I can't wait to not have any choice with what to do with him How do you know she disappeared maybe she wanted to start a totally new life unlike you she would have told me okay Unknown_10: Something happened to her. I believe you. Unknown_14: I'm just trying to get all done. Unknown_23: Everybody's like, everybody's like 1488 and then one guy's like Homester La Luna says a fucking Republican. Unknown_10: Like everybody in my life. It's true. My dad, you, Rachel. I want to go back to using my super power. Unknown_12: Oh jeez. Unknown_10: Can you put on some music now? Unknown_12: You know, the reviews all said they played this game for like 11 hours. If this game is 11 hours, I'm going to fucking kill myself. 1:00:40 Unknown_12: It's like I had to cut on, I had to cut on the power strip and I already did that. So now this works. I just put in the CD. Like, is this the entire game? Does it change at all? Unknown_12: Reiki is strange. Unknown_12: Oh yeah, that wacky tabacky. Unknown_12: What an artistic shot. Unknown_10: This fucking game, or this fucking chapter is like plenty, like yeah, see I missed it because I was reading chat. And now I have no idea what the fuck I'm supposed to do. 1:01:16 Unknown_12: Oh jeez, let me talk to her again. Oh. Unknown_12: Why are you gonna be a bitch? Why is everybody in this game a bitch? Unknown_12: Max, why are all your friends like psychotics? Why is this music playing? Oh, man. 1:01:50 Unknown_12: Oh, jeez, this fucking song. I don't wanna. Unknown_01: I don't wanna. Unknown_12: Oh, this is the Christian girl. This is the Christian anime girl. You could've helped me out. Sorry, Kate, I chickened out. See, I'm not gonna fucking help you not get raped. Fuck you. Cause then I might get raped. Unknown_14: I'm not gonna get raped to save your retarded Christian ass. Unknown_12: Your Iron Hymen should sort that out. Unknown_12: Oh, Jesus. What? Unknown_14: Oh, can I swing? Aw, yeah. 1:02:31 Unknown_14: Oh no, it's talking to me. Unknown_01: I just wanted to swing. I just wanted to swing on the swing. Fuck. Sparkly water, help me. Unknown_12: Dude. Unknown_10: So let me tell you what brand of water I'm drinking. Unknown_12: It's called Yes Yen Tuki and it is Russian mineral water. It's very good. I skipped this. Unknown_14: I don't want to listen to this. Oh my God. Oh, she got up. Thank you. Is this the tool shed? 1:03:06 Unknown_12: No. Unknown_12: There is no toolshed. There is no fucking toolshed out here! I don't wanna look. Everything I look at is gonna take more time. Oh, it's a stone with their names on it, though. Unknown_14: Oh, no, it's a dead cat. Unknown_12: I lied! Oh, jeez. I'm supposed to be looking for a toolshed, but there is clearly no toolshed out there. 1:03:38 Unknown_12: Oh, there's a tool shed. Why the fuck would they have that door out, though? It's blocked by a... It's blocked by a gun route. Unknown_14: Oh, fuck yeah. Unknown_12: Okay, so whoever the fu- Oh, the Nazi has a gun. Wait, this is the Nazi? The Nazi is loaded to the fucking teeth. Oh my god. Oh, this is gonna- Warning, I don't dial 911. 1:04:12 Unknown_12: Oh, this is going to get good. Unknown_02: Is that Nazi dad going to kill that kid that's waving around the gun? Unknown_12: That would be awesome. That's probably not going to happen, though, because it would make the Nazi like a superhero who actually has a superpower. Instead of winding back time every time he's upset with another girl, he just shoots people. That's a superpower as far as I'm concerned. 1:04:51 Unknown_12: David is my favorite character. I guess that's the stepdad. How do I open this? Oh wait, there we go. Oh, it's a TV. Unknown_12: This action will have consequence. I just opened a fucking cabinet! Unknown_14: Is he gonna shoot up the school? Unknown_12: Oh my god, this game has promise. This game has promise finally. Unknown_14: Chloe's stepdad actually installed cameras in the rooms? For reals? This guy has serious trust issues. Do Chloe and Joyce even know about this? 1:05:23 Unknown_12: Why does she pronounce every th sound like dis? I wanna close this, cause he'll know. He'll know I found his Nazi television stash. Unknown_12: It's in this one. Unknown_12: Okay. You fucking stupid cunt! Now they're all soaked in oil! Oh my gosh. I don't want the Nazi to shoot me. Wait, wait, wait. 1:05:58 Unknown_12: You knew that was gonna happen! Why would you- Unknown_12: Why would you not handle it differently? Fuck you. Unknown_14: Oh, he's gonna rape this bitch. I'm totally not gonna put this back up there though, cause I want... If he's gonna like fucking brutally shoot this bitch, I want that to happen. 1:06:32 Unknown_12: Yeah, no fucking shit. Unknown_12: Is there anything else? Unknown_14: Open this. I searched these. Unknown_12: Well, your fucking school is full of psychotics who lock each other into the fucking rooms and block doorways and attempt to rape each other and shoot each other. 1:07:11 Unknown_12: He's clearly in the right of mind. If the school is that fucking dangerous, you're going to need some guns and you're going to need some security cameras because you're fucking like degenerate psychotics that want to hurt each other. Unknown_12: Geez, lady. You almost got raped. Unknown_14: Oh my gosh. Let's get out of here. Well, I didn't find the tools. 1:07:43 Unknown_14: No need to go there now. Unknown_12: Okay, I guess I'm stuck here until I figure it out. Unknown_14: Nope, someone locked it from the other side. Unknown_14: Doesn't look like the Price family is rolling in dough these days. Unknown_12: This is like enough spam for a hundred years. Oh geez. Unknown_14: Now this is the Chloe I remember. Always smiling and laughing. Unknown_14: Not so much anymore. Unknown_12: Will she get raped by a Nazi? What the fuck? Unknown_12: This game 100% is going to have some rape. I can tell. David Cage would not leave this boring-ass fucking game up on the market if it did not have at least a little bit of rape. 1:08:15 Unknown_14: Oh god. He goes to Portland. She ain't coming out. What's this? Is this blood? 1:08:46 Unknown_12: Was that a target? You're not supposed to be shooting inside like this. It's dangerous. Well, now she likes guns. Unknown_12: Is this it? Unknown_13: I swear to God, I've already been here. Unknown_12: I'm very annoyed. Unknown_12: Okay. Chat, help me. What are the tools I'm looking for? Unknown_12: Look up? Unknown_12: Oh. 1:09:18 Unknown_12: Hi. Unknown_14: You shouldn't be so fucking short. Unknown_12: Oh yeah, let's knock over all this shit. Unknown_12: Hell yeah. That's what I'm talking about. Unknown_12: Just get a fucking broom or something! Do I have to unwind it back now? Ah, I hate this fucking game. Well, there's a broom. Wasn't the point? I hate this fucking- I hate these, like, monkey island puzzles. Can I just, like, get a broom or something? 1:09:48 Unknown_12: Chat, help me up. How do I get the screwdriver off the top? Unknown_12: Cardboard. No. Put the cardboard first. Unknown_12: Shoot the- Okay, fine. Let me find the cardboard. 1:10:34 Unknown_12: I'm looking for cardboard. Oh, there we go. Unknown_12: I'm sorry, I can't help it that this game is fucking bullshit. Unknown_01: Asked a janitor for help. Unknown_12: I have mad skills. Look, see, she thinks I have mad skills. I can use my time-altering powers to push cardboard under a fucking shelf. Oh god, is she like being murdered or something? 1:11:14 Unknown_12: Wait, this is the wrong room. Why did I come in here? Unknown_14: What the fuck? Yeah, no shit. Unknown_24: Why is there a dead bird? Unknown_14: Okay, we have to go back in time and save the bird, guys. Unknown_12: Oh, I hurt my brain. Unknown_12: Can I take a photo of the bird? 1:11:51 Unknown_12: Where is it? Hey there. I want to take a picture of you, little guy. Unknown_12: Well take a picture of it! Aren't you supposed to be a photographer? Unknown_12: Why can't I- I hate this fucking game. Unknown_12: I want to take a picture of the birdie. That's what she does. That's her only character- HER ONLY CHARACTER ARC THINGY. Her only trait is that she takes pictures. And you have this fuckin' Bernie Sanders little blue jay up here. And you can't take a goddamn picture. Fuck this bitch! Can I take it with my phone? 1:12:21 Unknown_12: No? Look, and there's the bird down there. In the stamps. So the bird's obviously significant to the story. But I can't take a picture. Unknown_12: Chat. Unknown_12: Chat, I hate this game. Unknown_12: Oh, the camera's broken, that's right. That's right, the camera is broken. That's true. Unknown_12: Fuck this. Fuck this. Is there like a... Fuck it, let's dig through her mom's... Yeah, we've established that, thank you. 1:12:56 Unknown_14: Alright. Fuck it. Unknown_12: Where's her room at? Must be this one, because it's got the bitchy fucking sign on it. Yeah, thanks for the help, you stupid cunt. Unknown_12: Oh. 1:13:27 Unknown_12: Can I go back to the bird after this? I want to take a picture of that bird. Unknown_12: She's got one of those shitty little Macintosh, like, eight-point star screws. Unknown_12: I don't think you can fix your fucking camera with that. Unknown_14: Yeah, that prank looked like a bukkake. 1:14:06 Unknown_12: Oh, would she comment on like every single one of your photos? Unknown_10: How did she see that butterfly? Unknown_12: Call him to the kill stream. I'm playing Life is Strange. If Ralph wants me to call on him, I'll interrupt Life is Strange to talk to him for a bit. Oh, she said hella, do I have to drink again? I'll drink. 1:14:40 Unknown_14: Oh geez, David Cage. Unknown_12: What's with you and your potty fetish, David Cage? Unknown_10: I wasn't sure. I know I look a lot different. I was scared, too. I couldn't see straight. I don't blame you, Max. Like you said, it's been that kind of day. So you must have overheard our conversation. 1:15:19 Unknown_10: I was reading chat. If you're not paying close attention to this fucking game, it goes right over your head. It's all bullshit. Unknown_12: Don't the principal Nathan Prescott had a fucking gun on you. That's the only good line in the entire fucking game that makes sense Who did you tell the principal? Unknown_10: But he didn't seem to believe me the principal Are you still 12 that drunk jackass only cares about cash for Blackwell Academy? Don't trust him. I didn't mention you at all Swear, thank God 1:15:51 Unknown_10: I'll tell you more someday. Unknown_10: And I seriously owe you, Max. Unknown_12: I don't think this game is made for 12-year-old girls, but I'm pretty sure somebody gets raped. If nobody gets raped in this game, David Cage is a fucking retard. Unknown_12: I did snitch the black guy. I, uh, know it was your birthday last month. Unknown_12: He had a fucking gun! I'm not gonna not snitch. Unknown_10: This was my real father's camera. I want you to have it. That's so cool you remembered my birthday. Oh, Jesus Christ. 1:16:26 Unknown_01: Of course you can. Unknown_10: My dad would be pissed if I never used it, and now I know it'll be used awesomely. And I'll snag this picture as a symbol of our reunion. Cool? Yes, of course it's cool. Thank you. Unknown_14: This camera is so sweet. Unknown_12: I can't wait to take a picture of that bird. Unknown_14: I feel like stage diving. Unknown_10: Let's thrash this place. You're crazy. Yep, yep, I'm fucking insane. Unknown_10: Oh jeez. Yeah, take your top off first. 1:17:03 Unknown_12: Obviously I'm gonna take a picture. How do I take a picture of her? Unknown_14: There we go. Unknown_12: Shut the fuck up and take the picture. Unknown_12: It's weird that David Cage had all this money and opportunity to make a video game. And this is what he wanted to do. Unknown_05: She dances like that Rebecca Black lady. Friday, Friday. Gotta get down on Friday. 1:17:44 Unknown_07: Well, who's it made by then, Desire Lines? Alright, is she gonna get shot by a Nazi? Unknown_12: I have to go back so I don't get murdered by that Nazi. Unknown_08: Where can I hide? Oh, I have to move this. Unknown_12: I wonder what happens. Unknown_18: Bust through that door. 1:18:17 Unknown_08: Bust through it. I live on the edge. Unknown_12: She looks unconcerned. Unknown_18: What's going on in here? Why is she here? Unknown_10: None of your business. Unknown_18: I don't like strangers here. 1:18:48 Unknown_10: Stop freaking. She's not a stranger. This is my friend. Unknown_18: Great. Another one of your friends. Unknown_12: She should just do the Hitler salute. They'd get along. Unknown_06: I didn't touch your files, David. I could care less about your files. Unknown_18: You care about starting shit, Chloe, and it's getting old. Unknown_12: Wait, so nothing happened. Unknown_18: I failed the quick time event and nothing happened. Unknown_12: Well just tell him... What?! Fuck you! Oh jeez. Oh jeez I can't take it. Unknown_10: Oh. 1:19:41 Unknown_12: Oh, fuck you. Unknown_01: Wait, no! I made a mistake! I made a mistake! I didn't want to fuck her! I need to go back in time and fuck her. Unknown_18: Ah, I get rekt. Unknown_18: I want to go back in time and say something not stupid. Unknown_12: Holy fuck. Unknown_18: Holy shit. 1:20:30 Unknown_18: You only think you're tough and clever. This too shall pass. Unknown_01: I can't rewind. That guy completely fucking demolished her. He's Louise. This is a red pill game. Unknown_10: Even my best friend, Max, don't you use your superpower to wind back and take the blame lady. I wish I hadn't even seen you as if you care. Color me out of here. Unknown_12: Color me out of here. What does that mean? Unknown_12: Use your brain powers to go backwards. 1:21:04 Unknown_12: Oh, I can't? Unknown_14: But, hold on, you go super backwards. Unknown_12: Holy shit. Unknown_12: What if I had stepped up to help? Unknown_12: Like that. Unknown_08: Chloe, I'm coming. Unknown_12: We can do it guys. Unknown_08: I'm changing. Give me a minute. Don't get smart. Unknown_18: Just let me in now. Unknown_08: My bra is stuck. Unknown_10: I'm not screwing around. Shit. Unknown_12: What's going on in here? 1:21:36 Unknown_10: Jesus. I'm just trying to see one of us here naked so bad. I mean, I don't know why I do. Unknown_12: We'll do that to you. Unknown_18: I ordered you to never go through my files. You obviously have. Unknown_06: I didn't touch your files, David. I could care less about your files. Unknown_18: You care about starting shit, Chloe, and it's getting old. Unknown_12: The fat closet. Unknown_18: One of my guns is missing. Unknown_18: Did you take it? Unknown_10: Oh God, I didn't take your stupid gun. You do not believe in gun control. 1:22:07 Unknown_18: You've been talking up again in here. Unknown_10: Oh yeah. Guns, weed. You were tripping balls. Unknown_18: I'm sick of your disrespect. Unknown_18: Whose is it? Unknown_12: I guess I should step in. It was me the whole time. Well, well, Unknown_18: I don't like strangers in my home, especially dopers. So you're bringing drugs into my home. How about if I call the police? I'm gonna fuck this blue haired lady. Unknown_18: You do seem to get around, Max. I'm sick of you losers dragging Chloe down. 1:22:39 Unknown_18: Oh, you're on a roll today. Between the fire alarm and now this. Unknown_12: Oh shit, that's the mean guy. Unknown_08: Get the hell away from her. Unknown_12: Oh, she didn't get slapped. Here it comes. Here it comes. She didn't get slapped that time. Unknown_10: Does she have a gun? Oh jeez. Is it a vibrator? Is it a toy literally? 1:23:24 Unknown_14: No! No! Unknown_12: You're not equipped to handle a firearm, you're a stupid woman. Oh, jeez. Unknown_10: What the fuck is this game? I thought the guy had stolen the gun, but no, it's this dumb bitch. Unknown_12: Oh jeez. Fuck that. 1:23:56 Unknown_14: I wanna fuck this lady. I wanna see some 3D titties. Push her down on the bed. Go in for the kiss. This is your last chance. Unknown_10: Why steal a gun from your stepdad? You know you're going to get busted. Or somebody like Nathan will bust me with a cap. Screw that. I need to cover my own back. This is true. Everybody must be armed. Your stepdad won't let you off the hook that easy. What the hell does he need another gun for? Shall not be infringed. Well done, Bigfoot cheerleaders. This is all just so obscene. We're getting political now. 1:24:28 Unknown_12: Oh gosh. Unknown_10: I know, Max. But I do feel safe. She doesn't look good? Fuck you. Unknown_12: I think she's cute. Okay. I'm just saying. Unknown_12: Can you use it? Unknown_10: Oh jeez. Get political. Oh jeez. I gotta get the fuck away from this bitch. 1:25:17 Unknown_01: Sorry crazy lady, you're fucking stupid. Unknown_12: I would finger blast you, but I gotta escape out the fucking window. Yeah, I think it is a six shooter. 1:25:54 Unknown_12: Chloe's boy pussy. Unknown_12: I like to fuck that deer. It totally reminds me of when we were kids. Unknown_12: Go Zoo Satis on that fucking deer, Chloe. Unknown_14: I haven't been here in forever. Unknown_14: So why do I feel like I was just here? Unknown_28: Whoa. Unknown_12: I don't know, maybe if you could let me play the fucking video game and stop internal monologuing, I'd figure it out. Oh look, I'm a human brain, I have a... a human brain. I'm a human being, I have eyes, I recognized the lighthouse from the start of the game and things were kind of interesting a little bit. 1:26:31 Unknown_12: What does Warren want? Unknown_12: I never got to take a picture of that bird. Unknown_12: Kek! What?! Oh my god. I'm gonna make you guys soak that one in. Kek. Wait, that's from her! Is she now a Nazi? Using 4chan memes? Cause she got exposed to that one guy. Saw him pimp slap her. And then all the time it took to get to this lighthouse, she went on pole. And is now using Kek in conversational dialogue. Unknown_14: Oh jeez. 1:27:06 Unknown_12: This is romantic. Unknown_12: Moshi moshi. Unknown_04: She's into me now. I got her. Step dork? Unknown_10: God hates dorks. Unknown_10: Has he always been this way? Ever since my desperate mom dragged his ass to our home, I never trusted David. 1:27:44 Unknown_14: I'm glad I took his photo with Kate, just in case. Unknown_10: Why was he all up in her shit? He has some kind of weird agenda. Unknown_12: He's a Nazi, but he's bullying the Christian girl. Unknown_10: He's gathering enemy intelligence. Did you take a peek? Unknown_10: Well, yeah. I couldn't help it. Never change. What did you find? Unknown_14: Creepy photos of Kate Marsh. Other Blackwall students. Unknown_10: I've noticed that nothing has happened in this game that I needed to rewind more than once. 1:28:19 Unknown_12: Like even the files, like he didn't just come up in there with a gun and kill everybody. Like nothing happened. Yes, I do think Shumi records stuff for 45 days. Unknown_14: He's hella fuckin' paranoid, oh gosh. Unknown_14: Is that more than really? Unknown_10: Less than very? Unknown_10: And he dosed me with some drug in his room. I don't know about Chloe, but Max can get this dick. Max is like the girl next door. 1:28:52 Unknown_12: Chloe's the one you want to get really high with. And have really, really gross sex with. Unknown_10: I was an idiot. I thought he was so blazed it would be an easy score. Unknown_10: You needed money that bad? Actually yes. Unknown_10: I owe big time. Unknown_10: And I thought I'd have enough for me and Rachel if she showed up. Unknown_12: Wait, does she only talk about getting raped? Unknown_14: This is what you get for defying the Lord and going to parties. 1:29:49 Unknown_12: Oh, jeez. Oh, she didn't get raped. Unknown_10: These options both mean the same thing. You can't say, like, that's really hot. Tell me more. Unknown_14: Kill him. Let's call the police. Unknown_10: She sounds so awkward saying that. Tell your stepdad that you were almost raped. He's like a fucking psychotic. He'll drive over there and beat the shit out of him. 1:30:22 Unknown_10: Like, you just tell him that story and just be like, you know, like, stepdad, you know, we haven't had the best of terms, but, you know, we can have a real bonding moment beating the shit out of this fucking preppy cunt. 1:30:57 Unknown_12: And then he'd be like, like, yeah, kill Hitler. And he'd fucking do it. I bet you he'd fucking do it. Unknown_12: Why isn't, why isn't this, where's the audio? Unknown_12: What the fuck? Is this intentional? Is this like a part of the game design? What the fuck is this? 1:31:30 Unknown_12: Is this like artistic? What the fuck am I looking at? Oh jeez. Oh there's the audio. The game is like a thousand times better now. Unknown_12: Is this like a rape allegory? Oh, there's a ghost deer. Obviously, I should follow the ghost deer. If you're ever in a spooky haunted lighthouse with a bird tornado in the background, you should go to the ghost deer. 1:32:06 Unknown_12: Ah! Oh, jeez. She's not even injured. She just got... She just... The rock barely touched her. Unknown_12: Oh, jeez. I'm gonna go this way. Unknown_12: It's Spectrum Patronus. Unknown_12: Can I, like, crawl under it? There's a big gap there. You can easily crawl back. Unknown_12: Oh. Unknown_12: Oh, I can rewind time while in a different place? That doesn't make any sense. 1:32:37 Unknown_12: It's the stag. It's Harry Potter's dad. Unknown_12: Harry Potter references are trendy. Unknown_25: Oh, jeez. Unknown_12: This is almost like a video game right now. She's using her rewind powers to do things that aren't shit-talking women. Unknown_14: You're gonna die? Unknown_12: Die. Unknown_12: Cease to exist. There we go. Oh, look, she's holding it up like Atlas. 1:33:10 Unknown_14: The game does not let her die. That's silly. Unknown_12: Imagine having immortality, but all you can do is be this chick. Unknown_12: Can I walk past it once it falls? 1:33:45 Unknown_12: Oh jeez. Oh god, I have to figure something out again. Oh no! Unknown_12: Dear! Give me your hand! Unknown_12: Why is everybody in this game useless? Unknown_12: Okay, fuck it. Let's go all the way back. Okay, I hurt my brain. Unknown_12: Oh. Run, lady, run! I did it. Unknown_12: I thought that was going to take like 20 minutes, but it did not. Unknown_12: Oh, there's a newspaper. Let's read it. 1:34:17 Unknown_12: That would be my priority. Unknown_14: You're getting premonitions of the future. Unknown_14: Does everybody die at the end? Unknown_12: That'd be awesome. Oh geez. 1:34:50 Unknown_12: Oh, the audio is back out. Unknown_12: She's like really... that was some... that weed was laced with something. Unknown_12: I realize we lost like half the viewers because we weren't able to go look at Ralph. That's okay. 1:35:22 Unknown_12: Desire, how far through this game am I? Unknown_12: Everybody's happy because they're not talking now. Unknown_12: I'm not gonna read this shit. This isn't an anime or a video game? Oh god. Unknown_12: So there's like five more chapters left? Oh jeez. 1:35:58 Unknown_12: Are they all this long? Unknown_24: She said something about climate change. Unknown_23: I can only imagine how fucking retarded this is, like... Like, if the audio was actually there. Unknown_12: Oh, jeez. 1:36:45 Unknown_12: It gets a bit crazy. Unknown_12: You have 18 hours in this game? Oh, fuck that. Unknown_12: Chat on the stream froze like 15 minutes ago. Unknown_12: Yeah, it happens. 1:37:25 Unknown_12: thejadedmieu it's rachel 1:37:58 Unknown_12: That's a gay name. Unknown_12: Who are these people? Raoul Barbet? Michael Koch? Unknown_12: That's not David Cage. Where's David Cage at? Unknown_12: Oh, these are all French people. Oh, jeez. That's even worse. Unknown_12: Script review. Oscar Giliber. Gilibear, this is all your fault. Unknown_27: Oh look, it tells me what everybody else did. Unknown_12: Only 26% of people made fun of Victoria? Victoria fucking deserved it. 1:38:31 Unknown_12: I'm the minority of people who harassed Cait. Unknown_27: You stayed hidden. Unknown_27: That's interesting, I guess. Do I have friend stats? I have no friends that have played this game. Unknown_27: No, I didn't even see any of these encounters. 1:39:02 Unknown_27: That sucks. Unknown_27: Alright, I may be done with this game. Oh look, the audio is still fucking broken. Oh jeez! I look dangerous. Unknown_27: Let me refresh the chat. Not that it matters now. Unknown_27: Alright. I think I might call it quits for today. I think that's as much brain damage as I can fucking take. 1:39:33 Unknown_12: Oh look, it's Trump again. You can listen to this again. This was great. This was better than the game. Unknown_16: It's not broken, it's artistic. 1:40:07 Unknown_12: No, it's pretty fucking broken. Like, I can't continue if all the cutscenes are muted. Unknown_17: I can't play the entire game, like, in one sitting. It's apparently like 10 hours long. Fuck that. Unknown_27: Just any other thoughts because like everybody left when they went to go watch Ralph stream, which is fine. I'm not gonna I expected that to happen, but Oh, let's look at um playing actual game now I might Here look let me pull up since I said I wasn't gonna do politics. 1:40:55 Unknown_12: Let's check the results. Oh Unknown_12: Has anything happened? Has anything transpired? Unknown_12: No, it's exactly the same. I thought the election was starting by now. Unknown_27: What time is it in the US? It's uh... Is the site broken? Unknown_27: Oh no, there it is. Unknown_27: These things should have closed by now. I figured they'd be reporting, but I guess not. 1:41:28 Unknown_27: That sucks. Unknown_27: All right, I can't think of anything else I don't want to do. Unknown_12: I can, uh... I can play Darkest Dungeon and stuff, but if I play, like, too many video games, I get really fucking bored. I get burned out quickly. Unknown_12: So I guess I might stream again later. But hopefully stream may work for everybody and everybody... Everybody could use it, because I don't want to use YouTube for too much longer, because I know YouTube's gonna be a, uh, a fleeting kind of thing. 1:42:00 Unknown_12: Let me check is this supposed to be like a thing for like super chats. Unknown_27: I don't even know if I can receive super chats Play Skyrim with rape mods Oh If the stream was dicey There's a really good chance that that was just me because my my laptop can barely handle this Yeah, you can't change the quality by the way 1:42:35 Unknown_27: I thought there was supposed to be like a super chat thing, but I didn't see it. Unknown_27: Oh god, I got sparkles and stuff. Unknown_27: Holy shit, I got like $20 from this stream. Unknown_12: That's crazy. Unknown_12: I guess everybody likes lesbians. Unknown_12: Let me find this song. I'll just play it because I can play a song in this stream. Unknown_27: Nobody can stop me. Unknown_27: Okay, I'll do a poll. Unknown_12: I can do polls in streaming. We'll do a poll for what kind of song and then I'll close it out. 1:43:11 Unknown_12: Because I do have stuff I want to do today. Unknown_27: Even though it's like 3 a.m. Unknown_27: Okay, poll. Unknown_27: What kind of song? Chinky or Cheeky Breaky. Unknown_27: All right, let's see what kind of song. Oh gosh, it's like Tide. Unknown_12: It's perfectly Tide. 1:43:43 Unknown_12: Chinky, nope, Tide again. Unknown_27: Oh no. Unknown_27: Chinky's edging it out. Oh no. Unknown_12: First to 10, I guess, is Chinky just took the lead. Yep, Chinky's taking it back. Oh god, this is so exciting. Unknown_27: This is more exciting than the game. Unknown_27: Chinky went ahead by like four votes and now it's... now the other one's catching up. 1:44:17 Unknown_27: I can't believe they're almost neck and neck again. Unknown_12: Oh jeez, they're tied. Unknown_12: Next vote decides it. It's Chinky. Okay. I guess I have to pick a Russian song. I thought Chinky was gonna win, but it did not. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm 1:45:05 Unknown_20: pop pop pop pop pop 1:45:51 Unknown_12: It doesn't even fit on the screen. 1:46:44 Unknown_20: I can do whatever I want 1:47:52 Unknown_27: Oh, it's over. That means I can say, fuck you Cosmo, I win, motherfucker!