Hanukkah Stream 8 - Midnight Mad 2018-12-09

0:00:00
Unknown_30: Uh-oh. Uh-oh.

Unknown_30: The time is running out.

Unknown_09: There we go.

Unknown_30: You guys just don't understand, like, how often people fuck with me.

Unknown_19: It's not like when I end this stream, people stop fucking with me.

Unknown_19: The money's slowly seeping out of it and all I get is grief. Big up Liquid Richard. Big up Liquid Richard. My name is Richard. I hate streaming. The fact is, I'm not a good streamer. I do this to try to melt the last little bit of my viewership. I just can't fuckers do it.

0:00:33
Unknown_22: I just can't fuckers do it. I'm getting lonely. I'm getting lonely. I just can't fuckers do it.

Unknown_22: I'm getting lonely. I'm getting lonely. Either subscribe, donate, or get the fuck out. I love what we do.

Unknown_24: I love what we do. Just fucking stream and have a good time. Have a good game.

Unknown_07: I love what we do.

Unknown_24: I love what we do. Just fucking stream and have a good time. Have a good game. Have a good time. Have a good game.

0:01:07
Unknown_24: How is that even fucking fair?

Unknown_24: Fuck hair, listen. Fuck hair, listen.

Unknown_22: How is that even fucking fair?

Unknown_22: I just can't do it I just can't do it I just can't do it

0:01:48
Unknown_22: Hello, hello, and welcome to the eighth and the final day of Hanukkah.

Unknown_09: And technically it ends midday tomorrow, but I'm not going to be streaming.

Unknown_09: I'm going to have to take a break to catch up on some stuff.

Unknown_06: Ugh.

Unknown_09: Speaking of subscribe, donate, or get the fuck out, thank you very much for 20 pounds, I think that is. I think that's pounds. Not euros. Yeah, it's not euros. Thank you, David, for that. Even though you didn't have a message, I can't read it.

Unknown_09: um okay somebody asked me before the stream says josh joshua why do you not why do you not ever do the black locales there are no black locales um black people do not have computers and they cannot be locales because they do not go only online technically

0:02:46
Unknown_09: really honestly like there's there's some cringy shit that black people do but like it's all on world star hip-hop and shit and not many white people go to world star and record that and it's not too different from like normal behavior you know what i mean but uh this is this is something which which does count where is it is this it i hope this is it yo look at this website look at this website some

Unknown_01: You know that Kiwi Fine Line? You know that website, Kiwi Fine Line? Look at this site. Look at this site, man.

Unknown_01: Kiwi, what is this? That ain't no fruit. That's a peewee barns or whatever is this called. This website is a troll. White supremacist cracker ass cracker. What's up with this site? Watch out for this site. Don't go to this site. They're going to disrespect you. Okay? This website is bad.

0:03:45
Unknown_09: That's a guy called Rainbow Man. I love Rainbow Man. That video made me fucking shit myself laughing.

Unknown_09: Turn my mic up. Not this shit again. Not this shit again. It always happens.

Unknown_09: My mic is appropriately loud, I think. I just have to get really close to it. There. I'll get close to it.

Unknown_09: I'll get close and speak. Maybe I can turn the gain up just a little bit. Just a little bit. A little bit more. I don't think I can.

0:04:17
Unknown_30: Yes. There. That should be loud.

Unknown_09: My mic is fine. Okay. We're good. ASMRs. I don't think that's happening.

Unknown_09: Okay. If it's too loud now because I've turned the gain kind of up, let me know.

Unknown_09: Was the guy doing a bit or is how, if that's how he normally is, that is how he normally is. That's not, it seems like a parody. It seems like a racist thing, but it's not. That's just, that's just Ramo, man. I'm trying to remember if he's the same guy or a different guy that, uh, that wants white guys to fart in his face. The other black locale that I know of is this guy called white guys fart in my face. And he's very interested in white men farting in his face. Oh, I know why my mic is quiet.

0:04:49
Unknown_09: For some reason, for some reason, Windows likes to set my mic down to fucking, down to 40%. I don't want it at 40%. I want it at 90. So thank you, Windows, for fucking up again. White guy's fart in my face was actually a, was a, he was on Tosh.0.

0:05:33
Unknown_30: And, yeah, he,

Unknown_30: Windows is shutting his mic down. Am I muted? You guys are fucking lying to me. I'm not muted.

Unknown_30: Am I actually muted? Okay.

Unknown_30: Too loud and muted? I'm getting contradicting information from everybody.

0:06:07
Unknown_09: You guys are just fucking liars. You just fucking lie to me all the goddamn time. Look at this. Look at these lies just pouring into my fucking screen. No, I can see it. I can see in my audio mixer that I am not, in fact, muted.

Unknown_30: Too loud?

Unknown_30: Turn it down. I just can't make anybody happy these days, can I?

Unknown_09: Tests okay, I'm good now if you if you're not happy with how it is now. I'm sorry. You're just fucked. You're completely fucked Because it's in the it's in the green zone.

0:06:42
Unknown_30: It's where I'm happy with Okay

Unknown_09: Fuck you guys. Here. I don't need to talk. Just look at this. Look at this picture. That's all you need to do. You don't need to listen to me anymore. Just look at this picture.

Unknown_09: This is our man. This is our main man. Ahuvia, right?

Unknown_09: And as you can see, he's wearing a love t-shirt. The love is a desert eagle, a grenade, two knives, and an AK-47.

0:07:23
Unknown_09: and uh...

Unknown_09: He's wearing a fishnet arm sleeve as opposed to a neck sleeve. It goes on his arm.

Unknown_09: He is very, very indistinct looking. And there's a Palestine flag in the background.

Unknown_09: I feel the Donald days coming back to me. I just want to be like, this is what we're up against, folks. But nowadays, if you wanted to spell folks, you'd have to spell it with an X, like full X.

0:07:54
Unknown_09: Or fatinks.

Unknown_09: He gets fisted.

Unknown_09: Josh, since you lived in Pensacola, how many Samoan chicks do you bang? I don't think there are any fucking Samoan chicks.

Unknown_09: In Pensacola. I met some Russian women there, and I met a Belarusian man who got very pissed off when I kept making vodka jokes about him.

Unknown_09: Keep everything how it is moving, my dude. Oh, okay. We're good. So, buy DogCoin. DogCoin is only good for trading between exchanges because it has low exchange rates, transfer rates.

0:08:26
Unknown_09: Streaming that news still has China as the topic. Whatever.

Unknown_09: Whatever. China is the topic. This is China stream B2. I noticed a lot of people had some negative feedback for the China stream. I guess... Like, I can't tell if people just thought that it was boring because it was about real world shit, or if it was because the guy didn't just say, like, China is the shittiest place on Earth and never go there, which I think a lot of people want to...

Unknown_09: Let's play another Wings video. Was Ling. I fell asleep.

0:09:03
Unknown_09: I usually put people to sleep. That's what I'm told. People use this as a way to go to bed. Have a nice night.

Unknown_09: Let's play the Wings of Redemption video. I like this video a lot.

Unknown_19: Joke's on them. If they join one more time, I'm going back online and I'm stacking a team up.

Unknown_09: This is my first Wings video. I don't follow Wings as closely as DSP, but this video is hysteric. This is fucking amazing.

0:09:37
Unknown_24: Come the fuck on, man!

Unknown_09: Look here, listen.

Unknown_06: Yeah, this is a look-listen video. This is a good video.

Unknown_19: Fucking A, dude. They keep going back to my fucking spot. They're just sitting on my spot.

0:10:09
Unknown_09: On his spot? Maybe that's why they know why you're there. There's like three of them.

Unknown_19: You got three dudes on your team right there in a clan. Quit sniping, get some skill.

Unknown_19: Quit sniping, get some skill.

Unknown_19: Come the fuck on, man! Real talk.

Unknown_09: It wasn't taking cover. The thing is, like, I can't see a difference between this and a normal, like, Call of Duty stream. Dude, shut the fuck up, dude.

Unknown_08: You're a little kid. Besides, little people start yelling at him.

Unknown_09: Am I aware of the infighting between wings as trolls? I would strongly suggest doxing all of them in Minecraft.

0:10:41
Unknown_19: Damn it, dude.

Unknown_09: Like, uh, with the DSP trolls? Like, when they started, they started, like, uh, FredFucks and shit, when he got doxxed as, like, a weirdo schizophrenic who wanted absolute control over, uh, DSP trolling and shit.

Unknown_09: That shit was funny.

0:11:42
Unknown_19: He got killed by that guy.

Unknown_09: Where'd he fucking leave, dude?

Unknown_09: He had a meat shield in front of him and he still got fucking wrecked. I like this part where he just starts crushing his controller with, like, retard strength.

Unknown_09: God damn it, controller. You've wronged me for the last time.

Unknown_19: Alright guys, if they join session again, I'm just gonna have to fucking stop playing.

0:12:13
Unknown_19: Until they leave. Like, all they're doing is hurting my livelihood.

Unknown_19: If somebody could please, like, get me their information. There's literally nothing wrong with getting their information. But...

Unknown_19: Like if somebody could give me like their information, like their name, their address, the number, how I can get in contact with these guys, I would really like to know because like I'm seriously considering suing them.

0:12:46
Unknown_19: Because at this point they're going to follow me around when I stream and they're affecting my business at this point.

Unknown_19: Honestly, they're affecting my ability to make money. Appear offline doesn't work. I'm fucking offline. No, they're joining the recent players. It's coming.

Unknown_19: Look here. Look, listen.

Unknown_19: Appearing offline does not fucking stop it. So stop giving fucking advice you know nothing about.

Unknown_19: I'm banning anybody trying to give me advice. My mod should be doing this. I gotta play. I don't give a fuck about this one, honestly. I don't care. I hate everything to do with life.

0:13:24
Unknown_19: He's following me right now, shooting at me.

Unknown_07: Get pranked.

Unknown_09: You didn't put a single shot on that guy.

Unknown_19: Why is he mad? I just wanted to have a good fucking stream, dude. That's all I wanted to do.

0:13:57
Unknown_09: Man, it's been so long since I played a Call of Duty game.

Unknown_09: Well, you can stream anything that you suck at, as long as you're having fun.

Unknown_19: Can you please stop, dude? Honestly, can you stop, Kudzo?

0:14:28
Unknown_19: Kudzo has no mercy.

Unknown_09: Kudzo has no mercy. Why are you doing this to me?

Unknown_19: Real talk, why? Damn, dude.

Unknown_20: Calm the fuck down.

Unknown_09: I like this part.

Unknown_09: Where he just stands up against the wall like he's the fucking Blair Witch.

Unknown_09: Cudzo puts you in the corner after he kills you.

0:15:02
Unknown_09: Makes you go in the corner.

Unknown_06: He's a big guy for Cudzo.

Unknown_09: No, there is audio. He's just not saying anything because he's standing in the fucking corner.

0:15:59
Unknown_09: I like how people are donating to him.

Unknown_19: I don't know when I'll stream again.

Unknown_19: I really need to make this fucking money.

Unknown_09: I really wanted to get this fucking surgery, man.

Unknown_19: I wanted it so fucking bad.

Unknown_09: Sounds like a fucking dog. I just can't do it.

Unknown_24: I can't take this shit no more, man.

Unknown_24: All I wanted to do was, like, I was fucking lonely. I wanted to fucking stream and have a good time. Maybe have a good game. I hate my life.

0:16:50
Unknown_22: Sorry. I'm so sorry.

Unknown_09: My thing is with that, the way I describe it is when somebody is so pathetic, like your sympathy winds right around and becomes like contempt. You see something so fucking pathetic, you just start to hate them. Like how do you have the fucking absolute gal to be something so pathetic and expect me to care?

0:17:22
Unknown_09: Josh stream sniped DSP. Is he streaming?

Unknown_09: Is stream sniping against YouTube's terms of service? I imagine it's not.

Unknown_09: Let's see what he's up to. Is he talking? Is he doing his thing where he talks?

Unknown_09: I'm not going to watch DSP play games.

Unknown_09: I like how when you type in DarkSidePhil, the first result is DarkSidePhil Twitch Social Blade. It's just people trying to see how many subscribers and shit he's losing.

0:18:03
Unknown_09: Oh, his pre-stream thing is just the worst sound. Like, his community contributed audio and shit, like OC, is just the worst shit.

Unknown_09: I'm good, thanks. I'm actually about to eat a muffin, banana walnut. Okay, we'll go back to DSP when he actually starts streaming.

Unknown_09: I have another video we can watch in the meantime.

Unknown_09: Let me pull it up actually in Firefox.

0:18:36
Unknown_09: It's a thing for my favorite person in the entire world. You know who it is.

Unknown_09: You know who the fuck it is.

Unknown_09: She's made an announcement recently.

Unknown_09: Kenny, okay, let me just say, you're on fucking stream chat again. You're here for attention again. Let me say this, because you want attention.

Unknown_09: You are not welcome in my Discord. You are not welcome in, uh...

Unknown_09: In my streams, I'm never going to give you a platform again because you are a stalker. I think you are actively dangerous. And if Margaret ever did anything to try and get legal action against you, I would help her because I think you belong in a fucking cage because you're a dangerous animal.

0:19:17
Unknown_30: And that's all I got to say about that.

Unknown_12: me to take myself off the internet. So Virga Rouge is going down. Virgarouge.com is going to be off the internet in a few days.

0:19:50
Unknown_12: These are the only comments that this disturbed world can write on my music. That's all. There is no support. It's just Jeannie Flowers, Rachel Flowers' mother, telling me that I have no talent because she's jealous that I have real talent in writing and singing. and um you know what and also kiwi farms and that i've done something wrong because i have talent and you don't you're just jealous i have an education and you don't i mean i have a real serious education and i mean 14 years and i went to a world-renowned she's giving up but not she's a fisher for 14 years why you stalk virgo rouge i'm jealous of her musical talent going to numbers of music schools this is going to be archived but i this is not my i can't even get on here to uh talk to you they blocked they actually locked me out of my own website just to clarify she's lost uh access to her other accounts where she puts her music so she blends it on youtube like deliberately fucking with her other channel and it's just going to be archived and that's it but i'm not on the internet anymore

0:20:32
Unknown_12: I'm not on the internet because of constant harassment, okay?

Unknown_12: Somebody wrote something nice, but literally, I can't be here to talk to you anymore.

Unknown_09: Sorry, maybe people don't find this as funny as I do, but it warms my cold, dead heart to see her just so upset. We were absolutely nothing. She'll be back tomorrow, probably.

0:21:30
Unknown_12: Not giving platform scenes very progressive, Josh. Get the fuck out of here.

Unknown_09: Don't cry.

Unknown_12: These are losers. And I can't even have, you know, it's like I have my things online without being able to talk to anybody or even connect with anybody.

Unknown_09: Kenny Jones, the first person I've decided to mute on my channel. So, I mean, YouTube is down.

Unknown_12: This is BS, okay?

0:22:02
Unknown_09: Can't deal with him. Bull...

Unknown_09: he comes in and he asks for attention like every day anytime I'm streaming anytime he's in the fucking discord channel he's gotta make it about Margaret and it's become a facet of his stalking where he tries to get other people to focus on him so he can talk about Margaret more I mean YouTube is totally and completely sick okay you can listen to my music and you're rounding and raving about how it's total garbage and I can't respond and don't care Somebody shared a clip of him talking in private about how he was going to intentionally make himself a locale so that when people would make fun of him and stalk him, he would get to talk about Margaret more. That's his entire gambit, is just to make as big a fool out of himself so that when shit gets thrown back at him, he can fling some of it back at Margaret. His entire life is just sad and pathetic.

0:22:35
Unknown_12: There's no website anymore. In a few days, Virgo Rouge is being taken down. You are people who are so jealous, hiding behind the internet, with your genetic problems,

Unknown_09: Oh, she's saying her website, VirgoRouge.com or .net, is going to expire, and she's not renewing it. So if anybody wants to buy VirgoRouge.com and put up whatever they want, she's just advertising that it's going to be available in a few days.

0:23:22
Unknown_12: Underweight, some of you are overweight. You don't take care of yourselves. You're also working at gas stations and you're very undereducated. Hey, look, be undereducated, but don't be nasty to people and be jealous of people because you're jealous of someone's education that you don't have.

Unknown_09: Oh, I removed... Somebody's mentioning that I did a thing in one of my streams where I talked about Linux.org being hacked and having the docs and butthole of the tranny that ruined the Linux community.

0:24:02
Unknown_09: I couldn't find a way to edit out just the social security number, so I just removed that part because I didn't want to take the video down. You can't do complex edit in the YouTube studio for some reason.

Unknown_12: United States.

Unknown_09: I work at a gas station called YouTube. Working at a gas station would probably be more fulfilling than having the fucking sense of yourself to get on this platform.

Unknown_12: It doesn't have to do with the school. It has to do with me. There's a lot of people with PhDs.

Unknown_09: Oh no, I don't have a heart. I would have left the social security number up if it wasn't against YouTube rules.

0:24:41
Unknown_09: I don't give a fuck about that training. I have my favorites.

Unknown_12: Not all of this is, is really, and, and some of the studio work is whatever, but literally, um, YouTube sucks. And I, you know, just people, if you want to talk about me, you can, but there's no real, there's nothing here anymore. Don't I'm not even gonna have a website so YouTube stinks and so I'm not gonna post internet just to allow somebody DSP streaming it Their own channel be locked out of their own freaking channel. I'm gonna have to work on this to get back How do people watch him unironically people have stolen my music

0:25:14
Unknown_09: This crazy lady rambling to herself is more entertaining.

Unknown_12: Oh, she's talking about filling out forms.

Unknown_09: It's because she's talking about how whenever she has to take down some of these videos, she has to fill out DMCA shit and cyberbullying shit. And she's been doing that for so long, she's just giving up.

Unknown_09: She can't be asked to do any more fucking forms.

Unknown_09: Wouldn't I get banned? There is no law in the United States about posting somebody's social security number.

Unknown_09: It's not illegal. The only time leaking SSN information is illegal. Even posting credit card numbers is not illegal. It's only illegal if you're a financial institution. And I don't even know if it's criminal. It's a civil issue if you're being reckless with people's FIN. uh but yeah it's it's a freedom of speech thing you can go online like you can go online and find a website that has every single permutation of a social security number uh possible you know it's only um one two three six ten numbers like it's very easy to print a complete list of all possible social security numbers and there's some identifying information regarding state you were born in so you know you can you can infer some stuff even regarding that

0:26:40
Unknown_09: It's just, yeah, you can't make it illegal. It's not possible.

Unknown_12: You don't have any respect for me and you've been bullying me left and right. You're probably going to copy all my things again and I'm not going to basically, I'm not looking at any of this. I'm not, I didn't look at it. I'm not looking at any of your things anymore.

Unknown_12: I don't look at any of your videos. I don't look at Kiwi Farms. I don't care.

Unknown_12: And all of this is going to be continuing and I don't care because I'm not on the internet anymore.

Unknown_12: and they're going to continue and I'm not on the internet. My husband told me not to have a website. I want to get off the internet. My husband said, you are not to have a website and you are to get off the internet.

0:27:13
Unknown_09: I'm actually curious. You guys think she actually has a husband or do you think that this is just like her cop out, like leaving the internet? So she's going to cop out and say that she has a husband that's telling her to not be online anymore. So I, I, I'm almost tempted to believe that she has a husband at this point. Cause like she wouldn't make this decision herself.

Unknown_12: She said she's left the internet quite a few times.

Unknown_09: Tommy Tudor is her husband.

0:28:02
Unknown_09: I get the feeling that this is prompted specifically by Tommy Tudor, like, calling her a thot.

Unknown_09: Have the Australian chink own again? I need to ask him about counterfeit eggs? What the fuck is a counterfeit egg? How do you counterfeit an egg?

Unknown_12: People who work in a gas station, Kiwi Farms, you're harassing me on a 24-hour-a-day basis. You've stolen all my music, you're copying all my music, and I'm not filling out papers anymore. I'm not looking to do this. Go take it. Go take it.

Unknown_09: This is a time and a half. That's why he's so fast.

Unknown_12: My husband said I need to get off. Bye. Never coming back online. I might try to remove that channel and most likely they're going to come on and impersonate me and have an impersonation show. It doesn't matter because I'm not on the internet. My husband said he will not allow me to use the computer anymore. due to being bullied and abused and having all my music abused by people and having people that are bothering me 24 hours a day on a computer. You're writing me messages to a website that's not going to exist in a few days. That domain is almost over and I'm not having any domain name. I'm not having a website because my husband has told me I'm not allowed to be on the internet. And even though I love my husband, he's telling me this because he loves me.

0:28:41
Unknown_12: And I can't be on the internet anymore looking at any of this stuff. Take over my music. Take over my identity. Do whatever you want. Make believe you're me. I don't care. Bye-bye. Take my music. Make believe you're me. Make believe you're talking to other people with my name. I don't care. I will never be online again. My husband said I'm not allowed to use a computer anymore.

0:29:12
Unknown_12: He even threatened to throw it out, but we need it for other work.

Unknown_09: I like the idea of that mental picture of her husband just physically removing the device, just throwing it outside in a fit of rage over the Kiwi Farms.

Unknown_12: She will be back in a month, probably.

0:29:49
Unknown_09: Women and their hysterics. Daddy said so? That's actually a good answer. Daddy said so. Because she does have contact with her father. Josh will now assume Virgo's identity to keep content for the forum.

Unknown_12: I don't know.

Unknown_09: I can't produce high art at her level. She studied at Juilliard College for 12 years, don't you know?

Unknown_30: I guess that's it. Rest in peace.

Unknown_09: What are you up to now, Phil?

0:30:24
Unknown_09: Why are his pre-streams so long?

Unknown_09: That's a free loot.

Unknown_09: Get a free channel subscription and more each month. Last chance to get a legendary skin charge.

Unknown_09: That's gay.

Unknown_09: Oh, also, I mentioned this two days ago when I was going over Bex's response to the Bex stream on Wednesday.

Unknown_09: She posted some mad rant on Twitter. I don't know if she's posted anything else. I'll look it up. Remembrance. I don't remember her. Remembrance and X.

0:30:57
Unknown_09: But she kept saying that the reason why I made that stream on her, because I was a League of Legends fan that was mad at her.

Unknown_09: Or something.

Unknown_09: And...

Unknown_09: I assure you that's not the answer. Though if you're wondering, when I play League of Legends, I tend to play Tahm Kench because I'm into Vore and feeding. And I'm actually a really fucking good Tahm Kench. Just so you know. I am a pro as fuck. Mastery level 8 Tahm Kench. Which he's been talking about the last day.

0:31:30
Unknown_09: Girl, what you been talking about?

Unknown_09: Just found out I can't amend my marriage certificate in Florida. So for all intents and purposes, I have no proof of my marriage anymore. If I change my name on my Florida birth certificate, then that no longer matches my marriage certificate. So I either keep my dead name on my birth certificate or I change it and no longer have matching proof of marriage. You know, you can't just show certificate of name change that works just fine.

0:32:04
Unknown_30: Uh,

Unknown_09: Gamers should be illegal. Why is this tweet unavailable? Did the Daily Dot delete something? Is there something so stupid that the Daily Dot felt the need to delete it in shame?

Unknown_30: That's impressive.

Unknown_09: I'm getting real tired of apologies from former friends who supported my abuser. Y'all are trash. There's nothing I'll forgive. Just jump into the sun and fuck off.

0:32:38
Unknown_09: this is why you don't talk to crazy by the way like some old guy fuck this chick and like as part of her polyamorous relationship and now he's she's just calling him a race or rapist and uh i don't even know like a rapist but like a mental abuser like you date you date a fucking danger hair you get got you i don't know if there's a burn the coal pay the toll equivalent for danger hairs but that's what happens

0:33:11
Unknown_09: I don't want excuses or apologies. I don't want to resume these friendships. I just want you all to go the fuck away. That's nice. What a pleasant person.

Unknown_30: Board game night.

Unknown_30: Oh, here's her tweeting a, hey, us Jews.

Unknown_09: Hey, us Jews are like 2% of the population here, and we're still getting murdered every day. We appreciate it if people stop blaming capitalism on global elites, because unlike most Americans, we actually do remember the Holocaust. Okay, thanks.

Unknown_09: That is a very fucking entitled little tweet. I approve, though. I do remember the Holocaust.

0:33:45
Unknown_30: Uh, okay. DSP, when does he start actually streaming?

Unknown_30: Why did the page reload? DSP, do something. I want to stream snipe you.

Unknown_30: Does he actually stream or does he just play this shit?

0:34:19
Unknown_09: Holy fuck, these bumpers are just insufferable. Just the worst thing.

Unknown_09: Just the worst like offensive to my fucking palate bad Danger here gamers rise up Josu ha Connor moon How do you know when the hole is a crazy hole and avoid it blue hair is a very good indicator.

0:34:53
Unknown_30: I

Unknown_30: Uh... God damn it.

Unknown_09: Let's see, what the... Why the fuck... I'm so bad at computers, fucking Microsoft Edge is like popping up, desperate to get on. Like it wants some fucking attention.

0:35:29
Unknown_09: Okay, what else can I look at? I can go through my archive. I was hoping to stream Snipe Phil, but now it threw my fucking Mojo off.

Unknown_09: Nightmare Fuel, press X to skip.

Unknown_09: DSP's art is shockingly bad. Yes, it is. It's some of the worst I've ever seen. I can't look at Allison Rapp's directory. There are some titties in there.

Unknown_30: Bob McKim.

0:36:01
Unknown_30: You can listen to Bob McKim for a bit. Bob McKim's funny.

Unknown_30: He still makes videos. I just haven't been archiving them.

Unknown_04: Hello. This is Evangelist Dr. Robert L. McKim Sr. from Carrollton, Ohio.

Unknown_04: Again, as always, you...

Unknown_04: I have a few choice words to call you, but I'm not calling you these words because, well, why should I? I love his facial expressions. He looks so befuddled with everything he says.

0:36:44
Unknown_04: He just like completely lost his thought.

Unknown_05: His brain is sizzling.

Unknown_04: Of course, you know, he did this one short video of just posting the fake Twitter, the fake tweet.

0:37:18
Unknown_04: There's been several fake tweets here lately.

Unknown_04: And I caught them basically

Unknown_04: Really, I caught them here just recently. Knowing that these are fake tweets because of the fact... It's not a tweet, it's a video, Bob. There was no way, shape or form, I could tweet those tweets.

Unknown_04: And I have proof of it. I'm just in disbelief at how vacuous he is when he's trying to talk. Now here's something that he did as well.

0:37:57
Unknown_04: I am going to be performing Jay Waitings for $100. And he just repeats this video over and over and over for the next three minutes and 42 seconds.

Unknown_04: He took my video that I made

Unknown_09: It just reminds me, you know, like when, um, an old computer with like a regular, uh, spinning disk drive is trying to pull up a large document and it makes that click, click, click, click, click, whirring noise. Cause it's, you know, it's an old piece of shit.

0:38:45
Unknown_09: It's just like this. I can hear, I can hear his brains like spinning to load that, that one megabyte picture of Pokemon Hentai you downloaded. And I've been keeping for a special occasion.

Unknown_04: Saying that Jesus was mocked and I am also being mocked. And yeah, I'm not saying I am Jesus. I'm saying, what did Jesus say in Matthew 24? You will be hated. You will be hated for my name's sake.

0:39:17
Unknown_04: In the last days, Jesus says right here,

Unknown_04: Matthew 24. Bob, are you okay? Why are you looking at Microsoft Word for? As you can see here, Matthew 24. Oh, it's the Bible.

0:39:55
Unknown_04: To tribulation and kill you. And you...

Unknown_04: As it says in... I don't hear you read the Bible, Bob. First... There's a funny one that I showed on my first stream where... Where is it?

Unknown_30: Where is it?

Unknown_30: Preaching on John.

Unknown_30: Showing accidents and the Austin bomber is dead? What the fuck?

0:40:27
Unknown_30: Oh, there's no sound to this.

Unknown_09: Is the original video still up?

Unknown_30: I didn't download this one correctly.

Unknown_30: It is up. Fantastic.

Unknown_04: Hello, this is Evangelist Dr. Robert L. McKim Sr. from Carrollton, Ohio.

Unknown_09: Hi, Bob.

Unknown_04: And if you listen to me, you're also listening to my police scanner. There's a lot of accidents happening right now because the snow in our area here of Ohio that's moving into Pennsylvania and going to become another northeaster.

0:41:03
Unknown_04: for the uh... states on the east coast of the united states as you can see outside right now here at my home it is still snowing but also i wanted to mention real quick too here is that the uh...

Unknown_04: Austin package bombing suspect is dead.

0:41:49
Unknown_09: This is that time and a half and it's still like, it's still just like grinding along. Phil, are you fucking pre-streaming yet? I don't understand.

Unknown_05: Why does he, why does he just do, what is the actual fucking point of pre-streaming for over an hour?

Unknown_09: Why does this free loot thing keep popping up? I keep swatting it away like a fucking mosquito. And it keeps coming back. You know what? Fuck it. Fuck it. I know what we're gonna do. Bob, you're killing me. I want the video where he's crying about, uh... Oh, somebody sent me an email.

0:42:29
Unknown_30: What do you have? That's very good.

Unknown_30: I was just gonna play more of, uh, that music.

Unknown_30: DSP experiences bugged spoon mechanics?

Unknown_23: It's time for another good idea, bad idea.

Unknown_09: For the record, this good idea, bad idea shit, I love it. That's my favorite anti-DSP format. It has to be timely, though. This is 37 seconds. I see so many where it's like 20 minutes long, and it completely defeats the purpose of it.

0:43:05
Unknown_23: Good idea.

Unknown_23: bad idea all right well maybe the proof is in the noodles let's give the noodles a taste let's see what those taste like and try to get a spoon oh wow it's even hard to get a spoon of noodle look it's incredibly difficult to get a spoon of noodle out of it because they all pull away from you I might need a fork

0:43:43
Unknown_15: Does he... Let's give the noodles a taste and let's see what those taste like.

Unknown_05: Does he really use... Why does he use a spoon?

Unknown_15: It's even hard to get a spoon of noodle up. It's incredibly difficult to get a spoon of noodle out of it because they all pull away from you. I might need a fork. I might need a fork. Why does he use a spoon for rotten noodles?

Unknown_05: Is he intellectually disabled?

Unknown_05: What the fu- That's funny.

0:44:27
Unknown_07: That's really funny.

Unknown_07: I mean, okay, let me show you this.

Unknown_30: This one is loud. If it's too loud, let me know.

Unknown_09: I'm gonna have to put it on time and a half though. Remember, this is not a joke. This is not like a joke intro.

Unknown_09: This video is a part of the Machinima Networks. Keep that in mind.

0:45:04
Unknown_15: Okay, what is up, everybody? DarkSidePhil here, and welcome to Release Day Unboxing for Tuesday, February 11th, 2014. And before everyone says, what on earth is going on, you probably hear an incredibly annoying, high-pitched droning sound going on. That is the fire alarm in my condo facility. And the problem is, the fire alarm in this condo facility has a nasty habit of, during the middle of the winter, especially when it's very cold, of going off as a malfunction. Now, this is actually a common problem with older fire detection systems. And of course, this building is old, and they don't feel like ever replacing it or upgrading it, because the condo association is a bunch of cheapskate motherfuckers. So this alarm has gone off no less than three times already today. It actually went off once when I was out picking up Final Fantasy XIII Lightning Returns. Yeah, I know, because as I was driving back from the game store, there were three fire trucks outside, which means that they went off. The fire department was required to come here and check and turn it off. As I was unpacking, I put in some DLC codes, which we're going to talk about in this video, and I was entering those into Xbox Live and talking to my girlfriend on the phone. It went off again. Now, it took them about another 15 minutes. I just want to draw your attention to something real quick.

0:46:13
Unknown_09: Release day unboxing, Final Fantasy Returns 13.

Unknown_15: That was about, I'd say, a half an hour ago, and then all of a sudden, it went on again. At this point, it's absolutely ridiculous, because what this means is the fire alarm is broken, but the problem is that my condo association has no on-site superintendent. I don't even know how that's legal, but they have no on-site superintendent to come here and check out any problems or fix anything. So, this alarm could literally be going off for the rest of the day. I should do not. And I have no right, or I have no power to do anything about it, so I just called the condo association and complained. So... I said, I've been waiting over half an hour now for the fire alarm to go off. It has not, probably because, let's be honest, the fire department has better things to do than come back here every ten minutes because the fire alarm's a piece of shit. So, I said, I'm just going to go ahead and film my unboxing video. I apologize, guys. Obviously, it's annoying to you. Imagine living here and having to hear this the entire time today. Alright? Really hoping that something happens, that maybe the fire department says, fuck this, and turns off the fire alarm or something. I don't know what they could possibly do, but obviously there's a problem. Alright? So... Let's go through the unboxing. Hell, there may be a chance that the fire alarm gets turned off during the unboxing. Who knows? And then we'll talk about how we're going to handle today.

0:46:52
Unknown_09: We're getting to the unboxing now. We're getting to the unboxing now. Alright, so.

Unknown_15: Lightning Returns Final Fantasy XIII. You might be saying, what the fuck? Really? A lot of people are saying that right now. They're like, really? This game exists? You're telling me that this game is a third installment in the Final Fantasy XIII series. That's right. And, uh, you know, it's funny because Final Fantasy XIII, I'd say, oh how the mighty have fallen, was the definitive number one role-playing game in the world. now has kind of fallen by the wayside because of a lot of the decisions of management of Square Enix, let's face it. The fact that they keep coming out with these MMOs, right, that are steering the series in a weird direction that really have nothing to do with the mainstream series. The fact that with Final Fantasy XIII, they took such a departure from the traditional Final Fantasy model that a lot of people got turned off, right? Now I played the original Final Fantasy XIII, how long ago at this point? You know what I mean? It was like 2009 I believe. And I personally eventually liked the combat system. I thought the combat system was quite interesting and fun once you figured it out. But I thought that the game was far too linear at the beginning. Took way too long to get to an open world.

0:47:59
Unknown_09: Oh wait, is he streaming now? Okay, I'm gonna... I'm gonna spoil it real quick. Let's skip ahead 10 full minutes.

Unknown_15: It is a 15 minute unboxing video in which he does not unbox the video game.

Unknown_09: He does not open it. It's already unboxed when he gets it. When the stream starts and when the stream ends, he doesn't touch the disc. There is not one second in this thing. Actually, there is.

0:48:33
Unknown_09: I briefly saw a hand. I was going to say, there's not a second where he physically interacts with this disc. He touches it. He touches it for a second.

Unknown_15: Just beautiful. It's like pottery. It rhymes.

Unknown_15: I won't like so much and maybe I'll play something that I do like a lot and depending on what I find out today That'll determine who I play with tonight.

Unknown_09: I'm sorry. That's as loud as it goes. I'd have to boost it for it to be louder 637 p.m.

0:49:09
Unknown_15: I'll be starting up my nighttime multiplayer stream of around two to three hours of multiplayer and that'll be a Full day of smash ultimate now tomorrow. I'm off from streaming. Okay, so tomorrow no new streaming and

Unknown_15: Okay, but as you know, I've done so much new content this last week. I'm sure many of you will be able to catch up on DSP Gaming on YouTube. That's where I archive all my content. So I hope you guys will check that out.

Unknown_15: You know, when you get a chance. Okay, tomorrow, when I'm not here. Then I'll be back on Tuesday. And yes, I will be continuing on with Smash on Tuesday, but for variety's sake, what I'm going to do is play Smash on the first stream and then different stuff on the late night streams, okay? So what can you expect? This Tuesday, it'll be more Smash Adventure mode on the main stream.

0:49:52
Unknown_09: It's going to be fun watching him rage quit the fucking online on Smash. Because he... He does not handle losing well. He's not a good loser.

Unknown_15: apparently you need to hit level 50 um so what i probably will do in those two hours is finish up the story see how what level i've gotten and then maybe see if i can find a way to level up more and see if i can at least see what medusa is i doubt i'm going to beat her but at least to see what the boss is because apparently when you kill medusa that's the true ending of the game but you need to grind a lot in order to be able to do it which is kind of annoying um so we'll see we'll see how that goes but that's going to be at least the story-based conclusion of the game tuesday night all right

0:50:44
Unknown_15: Okay, we got our snort count ready. He blames online lag. That's his thing.

Unknown_09: He also blames the controls. Okay, and so that will be a major multiplayer stream of Smash on Tuesday.

Unknown_15: um Wednesday or excuse me Tuesday Wednesday night because Wednesday is going to be the multiplayer stream Wednesday night I'm debating I could do one or the other so listen up to the options I can either bring back um

0:51:21
Unknown_15: Black Ops 4 Blackout, which is the Battle Royale, you know, which I've been doing.

Unknown_09: Oh, God. What a fucking mess. We really need another Battle Royale game.

Unknown_15: Or I could do Minecraft. I could do a nighttime chill stream of Minecraft, which I promised you guys I would do during the marathon.

Unknown_09: I've been fucking late for Minecraft, Phil. And I definitely want to do.

Unknown_15: So maybe Wednesday night will be Minecraft. We'll see. Then on Thursday...

Unknown_15: It may be more Smash on the mainstream. It may not be. What I want to see is, has all the hype for Smash finally worn out after a week? Will people finally kind of die down and not really care about Smash anymore?

0:51:55
Unknown_09: You can already tell he's not excited to play that fucking game.

Unknown_15: We'll determine what Thursday's mainstream is. It may be more Smash. It may not.

Unknown_09: Can you imagine playing games for a living and hating video games?

Unknown_15: Maybe do some Black Ops 4 multiplayer, or I can start up my playthrough of Final Fantasy 4, which I am going to begin shortly.

Unknown_15: Oh, we got a winner.

Unknown_09: That was a wet one, too. That was fucking nasty.

Unknown_15: So that could be as early as Thursday. Then what I'm thinking is Thursday night, do whatever I didn't do on Wednesday. So if I played Minecraft on Wednesday, then it's blackout or vice versa.

0:52:30
Unknown_15: Then on Friday, again, we could play it by ear.

Unknown_09: wings also hates game yeah wings is very similar to dsp but he's even more pathetic same thing friday night you know again playing it by ear um do i want to do blackout do i want to do minecraft do i want to do something else right maybe i want to do smash multiplayer we'll see and then on saturday guys this is a big announcement next saturday so this will be saturday the uh man the 15th yes He's going to talk 20 more minutes before gameplay? I'm not going to watch him play games. I am going to be doing my first cooperative stream of Red Dead Redemption 2 Online.

0:53:06
Unknown_15: Oh, God.

Unknown_09: I'm going to team up with at least three other people.

Unknown_15: I think the posse is four people. We're going to be riding out and doing the cooperative story-based missions for a while, okay, to see what those are. And I'm going to be trying Suicide Kings. Now, I know...

Unknown_15: It's been a while. I don't know if people have been playing Red Dead Redemption 2 online enough to find out a lot of stuff or places where we can do Suicide Kings. But if you are interested, please, you know, let me know. Already I've got a bunch of people who said they're interested, but already someone said they can't do it because of the date that I'm looking to do it.

0:53:43
Unknown_15: So that's going to be at the 15th, December 15th.

Unknown_15: We ride again through the Old West. We're going to see how this goes. I'm giving priority to moderators first. I know I have one or two of my moderators that are interested. Of course he's going to.

Unknown_09: He's not going to let random people play with him. And then after that, people will get priority after that.

Unknown_15: Some people have already messaged me, so they're going to get priority. I'll let you guys know how it goes. And by the way, if this is successful. If this is a fun cooperative stream where we do a bunch of fun stories to co-op and then we write out and do some Suicide Kings and it's really fun, I'm willing to do this as an ongoing thing with various people, but only if it works. Like, if I do this stream and it's boring and everyone complains it sucks... Yeah, I've never stream sniped him before.

0:54:16
Unknown_09: If he complains about me, that'd be funny. I don't think he will, though.

Unknown_15: Why do we watch this?

Unknown_09: I like listening to him complain. I have no idea what else I can do for today.

Unknown_15: This is a comfy stream where DSP's upset.

Unknown_09: I missed a laugh. Oh, jeez. There was a snort there, too, while I was talking.

Unknown_15: More Red Dead. And then, depending on how all that stuff goes, okay, we'll see what else we want to do before Christmas comes. Because I have three Christmas events coming up. I believe it's going to be three days in a row. Maybe not. But I'm thinking it may be Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Or Saturday, Sunday, Monday. Depending. But those three days before Christmas. One day is going to be my Wrestling Fantasy Sims Marathon. One is going to be my Holiday Gaming Marathon. And one is going to be my Christmas Eve Podcast. So three special Christmas events coming up for all of you.

0:54:54
Unknown_09: He sounds more relaxed than I imagined. It's going to be a great month, guys. Usually he's, like, super stressed out. He's always talking about money. Something must have happened where he got more money.

0:55:25
Unknown_15: But this month, because of the release of Smash, also because of all the other stuff that I have to balance stuff out, it looks like this month may be quite entertaining and pretty good. So I'm excited. I hope you guys are excited, too, for what's coming up. Okay?

Unknown_15: Fair enough? All right, there you go. That's what you can expect, guys.

Unknown_15: Outside of all that, I'm trying to think if I have anything else major to really talk about today, and nothing's really coming to mind.

Unknown_15: You know, great stuff the past few days. I hope you guys have enjoyed the Smash coverage. Listen, I openly admit I'm not good at the game. I never played it competitively. I barely ever played it at all. You know, the last Smash I played only a few times. I didn't really like it. The Smash before that, Brawl, I actually did enjoy. And that was before I was ever a YouTuber. You know, I played it kind of offline for a while. But...

0:55:58
Unknown_15: This is the first time that I'm really focusing in on the game and giving it a shot, trying to learn it.

Unknown_09: You can tell he's just fucking dreading his schedule. He's talking about it like, yeah, I got to fucking clean the fryer on Friday. All right, so...

0:56:39
Unknown_15: yeah that's it guys so i guess what we'll do let's do some quick plugs all right and actually i still i feel like there was something i wanted to address where's cat cat's at work dude cat's like at work actually doing a job to support him fudge i hate when that happens when i had something like i knew there was something i wanted to talk about quickly it wasn't by the way it was nothing negative at all i think it was something positive um

Unknown_15: And now for the life of me, I can't remember what the hell it is.

Unknown_15: I hate when that happens. You get a brain fart or you get so into so much other stuff that you forget this thing you wanted to talk about.

Unknown_15: Oh, well, I guess that's the way the cookie crumbles. My brain is a shambles.

Unknown_09: He's like Bob McKim with his brain just frying in a frying pan.

Unknown_15: I think we shall.

Unknown_09: You got a new vessel? Yeah, you've not heard of Cap?

Unknown_15: Shout outs.

Unknown_09: Oh, did I miss a laugh again?

Unknown_15: And then we're going to get started. Sound good?

0:57:36
Unknown_09: For some reason, his laugh just glossed over my fucking head.

Unknown_15: As a content creator that's been doing this for over a decade, I very much appreciate all of your support over the last 10 plus years.

Unknown_15: Especially this holiday season, those of you who come by to hang out with me. A lot of people I've seen coming by recently saying, wow, I haven't seen you, you know, in a long time. And it's cool to come by and hang out with you now. You know, that's awesome. Thanks for that. A lot of people getting a nostalgic feeling as I'm playing Smash Ultimate because I'm enjoying the game a lot. Even though I am raging at some of the unfair stages in the online world. It's like old school Phil again covering a game in depth when a game comes out, right?

0:58:13
Unknown_09: He is enjoying Smash, even though the stages are bullshit and the online play sucks. That is so obnoxious.

Unknown_15: Anyway, to get back to the point, if you would like to support my ongoing efforts to keep putting out such awesome daily content, all these daily live streams, the daily videos on YouTube which have increased in length recently and people have been amazingly positive about that change, Everything you guys love, alright? There are many ways you can support it. Number one, you can check out my Patreon at patreon.com forward slash darksidephil where you're... Is he already done?

Unknown_09: That's crazy.

0:58:47
Unknown_07: He usually does this shit for like 20 minutes.

Unknown_15: Alright, your support is so appreciated that I go out of my way to do some cool perks for you. You can get things such as text or verbal thank yous in my videos and streams.

Unknown_15: You can get your questions answered on my bi-monthly Q&A show, Ask the King, which is happening next month in January. You can get a private Q&A video made where I just answer your questions for 20 plus minutes for yourself. Or if you do the $5 pledge level, $5 or more, all right, to my Patreon a month. You can nominate things that will be featured in ongoing events. So, for example, this month, if you pledge $5 or more, you'll be nominating your favorite moments from my last 10 years of content creation for me to consider for next month's special retrospective event that we will do if we hit the sub goal this month, which we are by the way.

0:59:21
Unknown_09: I have some choice moments in DSP history that I'm a fan of. Yeah, special retrospective event where basically I look back and react and do behind-the-scenes style commentary. Then again, he's so desperate for money, he might actually play troll shit. I did a stream like this in September.

Unknown_15: People told me it was one of the best things I did all year, and they wanted to see another one. Does he even play games?

Unknown_09: Not really. Pledge five bucks from one of my Patreons, you'll be a part of that event, okay?

Unknown_15: So thanks, everyone, for your support. All right, I do appreciate any of your support in any way, but Patreon in particular is a cool thing to do this month if you want to be a part of that event next month, all right? Alright, moving on. I have a Teespring store where I sell merchandise, t-shirts, pictures, sneakers, mugs, all kinds of fun stuff. Great quality stuff, I can attest. I've owned some of it for over a year and a half now and nothing's ever worn out. If you buy anything from the store, it helps me out.

1:00:14
Unknown_09: But just a forewarning to all of you, You need to order right away. Don't show them the Patreon. We've got to get the t-shirts out now. We've got to move that merch. We're only about two weeks away from Christmas at this point.

Unknown_15: By the way, Twitch just told me, not Twitch, excuse me, Teespring just told me they are now offering expedited shipping. So not only can you pay a little bit extra to get your order processed quickly, but also they'll ship it more quickly as well. Of course, all this costs more. So just a forewarning, it's going to be pretty pricey, but you can still pay a ton if you want to get it quickly for Christmas. All right. Give it a look. Teespring.com forward slash stores forward slash DSP Gaming. Thanks to anyone who buys anything from there. Much appreciated. But, of course, if you guys are here live on the stream, the bottom line is you're here to have fun, to chill with me, to enjoy Smash, right? And if that is the case, I thank you wholeheartedly for being here.

1:00:49
Unknown_09: Yeah, I got to pay an extra $20 to get my fucking King of Hate t-shirt in the mail. Here in fucking Siberia immediately.

1:01:22
Unknown_15: Or tip me during today's stream. You will get a verbal shout-out.

Unknown_09: A streamer jerked off on stream last night with DSP. I ain't fucking showing that.

Unknown_15: Also, we keep the stream a chill vibe. Number one, no insults. Number two, no referencing. Negative detractor me.

Unknown_15: to this stream, to me or others, I don't care about that stuff. This stream is about having fun with games. We don't need drama. We don't want little schoolyard crap here, you know, dragging us down. Also, we don't particularly allow divisive topics such as politics or religion only because, sadly, people don't really get along when they talk about those topics. You know what I mean? They tend to get angry at each other. And I don't want that to happen on the stream either. In general, if we just are civil to each other, we have a chill vibe. The bottom line is the reason you're here is to escape from reality. You're not here.

1:02:05
Unknown_15: You're seriously not here to be bombarded with stuff from reality. You're here to escape reality and have fun with me. See my honest reactions to a stream or a game, excuse me. And just hang out and have chill fun. You know what I mean? We don't want to be bombarded by drama, by negativity, by nonsense, by all that crap. So as long as you abide by the basic rules, everything's going to be alright. Everything's going to be cool, okay? I didn't say much during that because I just...

1:02:36
Unknown_09: That's just crazy. Like, don't. Just don't make fun of me. You're not allowed to. Detractor counter? Every time he says detractor? We're not going to watch him play games unless something's happening.

1:03:07
Unknown_15: Hold on. Sorry I got distracted by the stream chat. Now we're good. All righty. Continuing on.

Unknown_15: If you would like to see a fun thank you animation played during today's stream, okay? Fun thank you animation. You can if you either cheer 100 bits or more in a single cheer, if you get $5 or more in a single chant, or if you subscribe to the channel, wait a few minutes, and then click on the share button that appears.

Unknown_15: It never ends!

1:03:55
Unknown_09: Now, Patreon, subscribe, bits, tips.

Unknown_15: As you can see, we're only 19 subs away from hitting this monthly goal.

Unknown_09: Oh my God. He's on the subscribers now.

Unknown_15: I certainly hope we hit it. We're very close. And now would be a great time today to subscribe because keep in mind tomorrow I'm off. And undoubtedly when I take a day off, the subs drop. So now would be a great day to subscribe and try to get in and hit that goal. All right. When you subscribe, you get many benefits, including access to all of my fun emotes, not having to watch advertisements when i take ad breaks and of course getting a cool chat crown loyalty badge right all that fun stuff it just doesn't stop it's all good stuff right all right um let's see let's see um i'm trying to think if there's anything else no i guess what i would say is if you want to get up there on the leaderboard if you want to if you are current if you want you will make it up there

1:05:28
Unknown_09: not my fault I didn't do nothing I am a good boy I don't know why this happens to me okay I'm just sitting here minding my own business making fun of DSP and my fucking internet just disconnect this is what I get why is it so loud you're just used to my soft voice that's what that's the issue where was I I was making fun of DSP that's where I was at

Unknown_30: I'm going to go right back to that.

Unknown_15: He's still talking. We know how long Phoenix Wright games are. They're insanely long.

Unknown_09: I can't believe that.

Unknown_15: That being said, that's another super long playthrough that has to happen. Basically, Danganronpa 3 is not on my radar right now. Do I want to eventually play it? Sure.

Unknown_15: But it's just not on my radar, and it's going to be a long, drawn-out playthrough, and right now I'm not interested in it. Hardy Buck cheered. He says, can we please have a nice, relaxed, chill day with no mention of taxes throughout the day? You just did.

1:06:27
Unknown_15: I didn't mention them. You did. I'm going to move forward just playing games and having fun. Okay? Young Guap Fresh has resubbed for the seventh month in a row. Thank you, Young Guap Fresh. Then Hardy Buck cheered again.

Unknown_15: He said, we're going to see a DSP tries it on the Christmas dinner with you sampling the turkey. And have you seen Captain Marvel and Avengers four trailers? Oh, I'm not having turkey at Christmas. I think turkey at Christmas is kind of overrated because everyone has turkey for Thanksgiving now. So why do you want turkey Thanksgiving? And then again, turkey at Christmas, that's too much in my opinion. So more than likely, I'm going to have maybe a ham of some sort. I don't know. We haven't even figured it out yet. You know, I always had turkey on Christmas. And the last thing we're thinking of is Christmas dinner at this point. But, uh, No No DSP Tries It Christmas Dinner, but there will be a special holiday-themed edition of DSP Tries It that will premiere during my Holiday Gaming Marathon.

1:07:02
Unknown_15: Okay, also, have I seen the Captain Marvel?

Unknown_09: Oh, yeah. Speaking of Holiday Gaming Marathon, I'm going to be playing Life is Strange 2 or Before the Storm on Christmas Day because I've lost control of my life. Thank you very much to GSP.

1:07:38
Unknown_15: That is the top tip of the day. Let's go ahead and get GSP up on the leaderboard.

Unknown_15: Much appreciated. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Okay. Um... By the way, I forgot to update top tip. Or top cheer, excuse me. Hold on a second. So, so far... You're going to dip?

Unknown_09: What's that mean?

Unknown_15: I guess gow... Gowta?

Unknown_15: Gouta? I don't know how the fuck you say that name. More than likely, it's probably a detractor trying to say gout.

1:08:12
Unknown_09: You know what I mean?

Unknown_15: It's probably a detractor trying to say gout. I wouldn't be surprised if it were. What a miserable person.

Unknown_09: They were the top cheerer, but now it looks like High Tech Specs is going to be the top cheerer. 100 Bits, and it says, I've been a long time since I've been able to watch a stream.

Unknown_15: Glad to hear you're enjoying Smash. I am too. Are High Tech Specs number one? Yes, I am enjoying Smash quite a lot.

Unknown_15: What I like about it is much like Brawl, which was the one on Wii. This game has a ton of fun offline content. The adventure mode, even though it's frustrating, don't get me wrong, I am enjoying the adventure mode a ton.

1:08:45
Unknown_09: Do you guys think he's going to shill his Patreon before... Yeah, he's still not playing games.

Unknown_15: Do you think he's going to shill his Patreon before he starts playing?

Unknown_15: a single-player style mode for this game, and I really like it to the point where, you know, I'm playing it every day, right? Plus, you know, Smash has a ton of characters, online play and everything. It's like the best of all worlds when you look for a Smash game. They really did the right thing with this one, in my opinion, okay?

Unknown_15: Alright, so moving on. EternalNapalm also did a 100-bit cheer. Do you think he's going to show his teespring before he goes back to playing? I heard about it. I saw pictures of it. I didn't see anything of it. But I understand it's coming out, and we all like Obsidian. Obsidian, as we've said, made...

1:09:22
Unknown_09: No, he already showed it. I'm asking, do you think he's going to show it again?

Unknown_15: So, as long as they are in the same vein of making great games, and by the way, Obsidian is now owned by Microsoft, if you guys don't already realize that, it should be good. You know, I hope it turns out well. I'm looking forward to it next year, okay? If it does come out next year, I hope it comes out next year. I guess we're not guaranteed that, right?

1:09:59
Unknown_15: Okay, so shout out to Virgoda69. Oh, boy. Here we go again. Tipped me $5. Phil, can't tip much. Hope it helps. Virguita might tip later as well. All right. Well, thank you very much for the tips so far. Appreciate that. Sean also tipped me $5. He said, Phil, I love your content, man. It's my first time actually catching a live stream of yours. I'm stressing out with finals at my university right now, but your vids keep me motivated, so thanks a lot. In fact, Sean, first of all, thank you for the contribution.

Unknown_15: You are not... Snort cutter.

Unknown_09: Oh, yeah, that's right. I got those up, so...

1:10:31
Unknown_15: He probably snorted off.

Unknown_09: He DDoSed me so he could snort without adding to my calendar. That's what happened.

Unknown_15: you know, the final winter exams that, you know, you have to finish up before winter break. And a lot of people apparently are really, really frustrated at this because they're saying that the winter exams are destroying them right now. In fact, some of my moderators are in that same boat, okay? So I wish all of you, any of you who are studying, whether it's high school, you know, university, whatever it may be, I wish you luck. I used to be in the same boat as you. I know what it's like, that crunch, that grind. uh hopefully you all do well so that you know what i mean you come back and have a nice break from school and actually relax and you know i'll be here streaming having fun if you guys want to come hang out with me during that time that's cool too all right he's trying to convince kids coming home from from school to give him like his parents all right lav just did a 500 bit cheer that's gonna put lav into the top cheering spot for the day so i'm gonna get him up there and he has a big message that apparently may help me and all of you if you are playing smash on the switch hold on a second here

1:11:42
Unknown_15: So he says apparently there's a tip to make the performance better. The online gameplay performance.

Unknown_15: Let's see here. He says you can improve your internet connection in the system settings. There's a bunch of technical stuff here about the settings.

Unknown_09: Riveting. Riveting, Phil. I'm going to do what he recommends here.

Unknown_15: I don't necessarily want to read this out because I don't want people to do it and then it fucks everything up. You know what I mean? Let's see here.

1:12:24
Unknown_09: I want to see Narcissa and DSP play against each other. Who do you think would win?

Unknown_09: Talk about the online tactics. This isn't working for me.

Unknown_09: Is Smash only on the Wii? Do you have to add... Do you have to play the game on the Wii?

Unknown_09: Oh, it's not called the Wii. It's called the Switch now. I call Cosmo Narcissa because both names are equally retarded. And I have...

1:13:02
Unknown_09: Like, stop chipping out at me. Like, the name Cosmo, I could easily imagine a fucking tranny, male to female, calling themselves Cosmo. As much as I could imagine a female to male tranny calling themselves Narcissa. Like, both are equally retarded fucking names. And I'll call them what I... I didn't know about Cosmo until after the transition. So the only name I've known them by is Narcissa. It's not like I've followed them.

Unknown_09: It's on the Switch. I don't play these fucking things. The last thing I want to do is tell hundreds of people on my stream, oh, yeah, do this, and everyone does it, and then it fucks everything up. Cosmo is their birth name. It's what they put on the fucking birth certificate, but it's a stupid fucking faggot name is what I'm saying.

1:13:33
Unknown_15: Higgini just cheered. Is there any way you could plead to the authorities? No. Higgini, I'm not going to talk about this. I'm not going to talk about it. We already said we're not talking about this on the stream, so thanks for the cheer, but we're not going to derail the stream with that crap, all right? Mm-hmm.

Unknown_15: Well, Hawaiian Punch is back and saying he was unfairly banned in the stream chat. But he loves the stream and he took the day off to chill and watch my stream and play Smash and order some pizza. I have no idea who you are or why you were banned.

1:14:08
Unknown_15: Um... But, you know... You have to pay for Switch Online and the games are peer-to-peer?

Unknown_09: That is so fucking... That's the dumbest shit I've ever heard of.

Unknown_15: It's hard for me to say either way what's going on. Okay? Okay. Okay.

Unknown_09: I just wanted to see the pre-stream before the game started, but he's still talking. Let's take a look at... Sub count.

Unknown_15: He's checking his sub count again. We have gone down.

Unknown_15: We have gone down, okay? Um...

1:14:47
Unknown_15: To 529. That sucks. Like I said, guys, today would be the day if we're going to make a big push to hit the sub goal. Today is the day. The reason being, I'm off tomorrow. And by the time I come back on Tuesday, chances are we will have lost a lot more subs. That's what happens when I don't stream. So if we're going to hit the subs goal, I ask today, guys, if you want to subscribe, today would be the day to do it. Only 21 more people needed to hit the sub goal for the month and ensure that we do that retrospective event in January. Okay? So, special shout-out to Lav with the top cheer and also to GSP with that very generous tip of $20. The last thing I want to do, okay, is... Oh, hold on.

1:15:25
Unknown_15: Well, Alberg just did a 510-bit cheer, said, tipping on behalf of Vergrida69. Well, that is a cheer, not a tip, but I do appreciate it regardless. Let's get you up. You're the top cheerer. There you go.

Unknown_15: Thank you very much.

Unknown_09: How much is 110 bits?

Unknown_15: Okay. What I want to do now is just read out the top 10.

Unknown_09: Or 510. I guess that's $5. This is basically the last opportunity.

Unknown_15: The last opportunity.

1:16:04
Unknown_15: For you to, hold on a second.

Unknown_01: This is your last chance to give him money before he starts playing.

Unknown_09: It's not going to fucking happen.

Unknown_15: So in 10th place this week, we've got TheLegendDSP in 9th place.

Unknown_05: He still isn't doing anything. I don't understand. In 7th place, StraightCashHomie.

Unknown_15: 6th place, FreddyBallzy. 5th place, RFC5.

Unknown_05: Why do people watch this unironically? In 4th place, Infinite55.

Unknown_15: In 3rd place, GoldenColts. In second place, Geek Room. And in first place, Grazy Dream. Thanks, all of you, for your very supportive support. Your very supportive support. There's nothing I hate worse than non-supportive support, let me tell you guys. It's always the supportive support that I appreciate.

1:16:40
Unknown_08: It's gone down because... Okay.

Unknown_15: And it looks like Lav did another 100-bit cheer to explain about the...

Unknown_09: This is the worst. This is the worst fucking thing. Why do people... I don't understand. Why do people watch this?

Unknown_09: I've never actually sat down and watched one of his pre-streams live before. Is this what he does every day?

Unknown_15: Okay, it's time to end the pre-stream, guys. And then we're going to begin, like I said, with Adventure Mode.

1:17:12
Unknown_09: It took literally like three minutes of this shit. Yes, right from the get-go.

Unknown_15: I'm going to pick a new character who I unlocked yesterday to play with today.

Unknown_09: Okay, I'm curious if he shills Patreon. And continue on.

Unknown_15: Keep adventuring and unlocking and getting new stuff and continuing on. Sound good?

Unknown_15: All right, guys. Thank you very much. And let's begin.

Unknown_09: Oh my god, he didn't show the Patreon. Alright guys, so I ended pre-stream.

Unknown_15: If you give me two minutes, I'm just gonna use the restroom. Before we start. Don't have to stop right in the middle. Take an early break or anything. Give me like two minutes to use the bathroom. I'll be right back and then we'll begin. I'm not gonna even run an ad or nothing. I'll just be right back. Okay.

1:17:45
Unknown_31: What the fuck?

Unknown_05: Well, I was going to cut away when he started playing the game, but now he's going to go take a shit or something.

1:18:24
Unknown_09: I'm curious if he comes back and he starts talking about Patreon again.

Unknown_30: Oh, jeez. Okay, let me fill in the dead air with some music.

Unknown_09: As we wait for Philip to make his triumphant return and show us all that we're wrong.

1:19:01
Unknown_09: He's going to come back and he's going to cut right to the gameplay.

Unknown_09: He's going to cut right to the gameplay. He's not going to do any more pre-pre-stream. He's not going to advertise his Patreon. He's not going to advertise his Teespring. He's just going to get right to it.

Unknown_09: This is Kevin MacLeod wallpaper. Do you think Hampshire will ever come back? It might.

Unknown_09: It'll come back when we need it the most.

Unknown_09: Did this just start? No. I was streaming for about an hour and then my internet died. My internet dies again. I'm just going to call it quits.

1:19:37
Unknown_09: I just... I just went and filled it to conclude his pre-stream.

Unknown_09: I'm afraid to play any other videos. They don't know if... If it's...

Unknown_09: If it's going to start playing the games. Or if he's going to do even more talk about Patreon and Teespring.

1:20:41
Unknown_06: Oh, he's back.

Unknown_15: Ouch. I'm back. Let's begin. You guys ready? I'm ready.

Unknown_09: Are you ready? Is he actually going to play a game? I got my headphones on here.

Unknown_09: Are you going to play a game, Phil? All righty.

Unknown_09: I just get 476 viewers. OK.

Unknown_15: Let us begin. Super Smash Ultimate.

1:21:12
Unknown_09: Oh my god. I have no idea what you guys are talking about.

Unknown_15: Oh, let's go on chat.

Unknown_09: Let's go on chat.

Unknown_15: You're like, so much drama. There's no drama at all.

Unknown_09: Jesus, there's so much drama today in chat, Bobby, please. I'm just too busy finding places. I literally just use the bathroom.

Unknown_15: I come back, I boot the game. Look at all the drama. What the hell are you talking about? Relax.

Unknown_09: What did Kaz do this time? He got banned and unbanned constantly, but I never saw the stuff he did to get banned.

Unknown_15: We stopped getting all excited, okay? Kaz is gone.

1:21:47
Unknown_09: They're talking about this guy called Kaz who has to be unbanned or something.

Unknown_10: All right.

Unknown_09: Is he actually...

Unknown_10: It's time for more adventure.

Unknown_09: Oh, he's not going to play online. He's just doing the single player. What a faggot.

Unknown_10: Unbelievable. Get out of here.

Unknown_09: Okay.

Unknown_09: Wait, I think this is my own stream.

Unknown_07: Yes, it is.

Unknown_09: I was hoping for... Oh, my hamsters are still going. Get out of here, hamsters.

Unknown_30: Where's that stream I was going to play?

1:22:24
Unknown_30: Where the fuck is it?

Unknown_30: I think somebody linked it to me.

Unknown_09: It was... You know what, I'll just search it. I will just search it.

Unknown_09: It is DSP Shower.

Unknown_09: Is this still on his channel? I can't believe. I can't believe that.

Unknown_09: At least this one isn't sponsored by...

Unknown_15: Oh, that's right, the time has come. And you may be wondering what product will I be trying out? Ladies and gentlemen, years in the making, years of references, it's finally come to fruition.

1:22:57
Unknown_15: That's right in fact look a New version of cells and blue that just released in stores full and they supposed to make your hair look fuller and thicker Even though my hair is full and thick Supposedly this version has he's such a is he like the male version of a thought I just get the I just get the feeling that he's like a thought like how the fuck do you even notice shit like this I

1:23:34
Unknown_15: caffeine infused in it. I don't know how it's going to turn out into hair washing. I guess we're gonna find out. Selsun Blue, ladies and gentlemen. Finally, a real promotion for Selsun Blue right here on DSP Tries It.

Unknown_23: Oh, God.

Unknown_14: Oh, yeah. Yeah, baby.

1:24:11
Unknown_00: There's some masterful fucking empathy.

Unknown_09: Yeah, I gotta get deep down in there.

Unknown_24: No!

Unknown_20: Oh, yeah.

Unknown_24: Ooh, got a big chunk. Yeah. Shake that off. Oh, big chunk. There we go. That was time to clean my ass.

Unknown_22: Oh, oh, oh.

Unknown_22: Alright, this is what you've been waiting for.

1:24:50
Unknown_24: Here we go. You can do it, Phil.

Unknown_07: That's a lot of shampoo for short hair.

Unknown_10: Oh, yes.

Unknown_24: Oh, oh, oh.

Unknown_24: Oh, thick. It's thick and full.

Unknown_24: It feels so thick and full. You could make a porno out of these clips. This shower video brought to you by the amazing Clinton Powers.

1:25:22
Unknown_09: Does he always do the retarded seal routine in the shower? I can only imagine. Ah.

Unknown_24: All right.

Unknown_10: I think it's time to rinse.

Unknown_20: Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Unknown_09: You know what I just realized? He looks like Michael from GTA 5.

Unknown_10: Well, was it as good for you as it was for me? Let me tell you. Selsun Blue, new full and thick, leaves my hair feeling full and thick, baby.

1:25:54
Unknown_15: Five stars for Selsun Blue.

Unknown_09: Well, ladies and gentlemen, don't think it's over because I'm going in for seconds.

Unknown_15: What? I don't know about you, I got an appointment with an old friend. Thanks for watching.

Unknown_08: Is he going to shove that up his ass?

Unknown_15: I'll see you next time.

Unknown_10: Oh yeah, second time. Well, that's repulsive.

Unknown_09: Are there comments?

1:26:36
Unknown_30: Trolls don't even have to edit this.

Unknown_09: I needed proof that God is, in fact, dead. Not my proudest flag for pornographic content. The next review, the flashlight.

Unknown_09: Let's see. There's another DSP video that's really funny. I really like... My favorite DSP video is...

Unknown_30: is uh this is this this is excellent wow what a great opponent i have for my final match of the night wonder waffle 407 i'm sure he's been looking forward to this with his wonder waffles almost 12 000 point bison see how he does He's horrible. He is terrible. Absolutely awful. I love it.

1:27:36
Unknown_16: online flip okay so keep in mind that this guy that he's matched up with you know i think a lot of people have seen this but you know it's in fighting games you have uh best two out of three so whoever wins two of the three matches uh is the winner of the game in this uh phil just completely kills this fucking guy puts up very little of a fight now let's see what happens okay only the shitty may apply

1:28:22
Unknown_09: Keep in mind that shit talk. I want to hear that shit talk again.

Unknown_16: He is terrible.

Unknown_16: Absolutely awful. I love it.

Unknown_16: Online play.

Unknown_18: Only the shitty may apply.

Unknown_16: Can't do anything. I love how the tone changes.

Unknown_16: I was actually trying to throw, so I didn't get a tech, and I didn't get a fucking throw. I got nothing. The entire round was because I couldn't fucking do any moves online.

1:28:54
Unknown_09: Just completely fucking destroyed. My favorite bit of that is this right here. You see, as far as I know with the fighting games, you have to predict your opponent really well, right?

Unknown_09: There's a part where he jumps up, right? And you see that green part of the bar? He does some kind of counter move where he successfully predicted what DSP was going to do to the point where his counter move just immediately takes off health for predicting it well. So he gets fucked up.

1:29:29
Unknown_16: The entire round was because I couldn't fucking do any moves online. Wow, dude. He can get one legitimate hit.

Unknown_09: Now one legitimate hit.

Unknown_16: Can't block. Tried to block and jump back. Look at this. I can't do anything.

Unknown_16: I'm not doing anything. I'm just getting hit.

Unknown_16: I'm blocking. Oh my god.

Unknown_00: I did absolutely nothing half that time and still got hit.

1:30:01
Unknown_16: I was holding back to block. He's jumping. I try to fucking do nothing. He does stuff. Unbelievable. Double perfect.

Unknown_09: double perfect means he did not get touched for two rounds both rounds that were the winning rounds he did not get hit at all and he blames it listen listen to what he blames it on as it ends online play this is what you want to see

Unknown_16: This is amazing, the level of quality of this online play. Now, it's funny how the first round I beat his ass, and all of a sudden the second and third rounds, none of my moves happen or work.

Unknown_15: No blocking, no special attacks. Notice that, right, how that's funny? That's called cheating, and that's what everyone does online, which is why you shouldn't fucking play online. Yet you keep asking for me to do it, so I gotta do what my fans want. So, hope you enjoyed this real shit-fest session I had tonight.

1:30:34
Unknown_09: that's the best part when he blames his fans for telling him i can only like he's learned not to do that kind of shit now but um like i i would love to see like he's playing single player and smash for a reason because he doesn't want to get online because he's going to get fucking destroyed sorry destroyed uh there's another one this one is fucking funny as well

1:31:16
Unknown_09: Keep in mind, this guy's the one recording it, and he's kind of being an asshole, so it might annoy you a little bit, his commentary.

Unknown_15: That was fucking terrible.

Unknown_09: That's the funny part about this is that in the background you can hear DSP screaming and that's him watching his stream and in the background you can hear DSP Complaining about his his last match already. It's almost like a movie the comedic timing of DSP whining in the background Couldn't block it what couldn't he block he was pressing buttons Wow that was terrible

1:31:58
Unknown_14: That was god, that is the worst thing I've seen in this game. Oh shit, I fucked it up.

Unknown_21: I fucked it up, didn't I?

Unknown_14: It was at the top, wasn't it? Oh my god. Wow.

Unknown_20: Ugh.

Unknown_09: And this is him just trying to get matched with DSP.

Unknown_09: He got it, he got it.

Unknown_21: Yes, yes, yes, yes. Oh my god. Yes, yes. Alright, who do I use, guys? Who do I use? Hold on, I'm going to plug my mic in.

Unknown_20: Oh man, I can already tell this is gonna be laggy.

1:32:35
Unknown_20: I can already tell.

Unknown_16: Because I'm gonna be pressing buttons.

Unknown_20: This is just gonna be laggy.

Unknown_16: Oh, who should I use? Oh my god, Ryu.

Unknown_31: Spamming fireballs.

Unknown_20: Come on.

Unknown_20: All this Ryu does is spam fireballs.

Unknown_09: If you watch this from DSP's side, by the way, when the guy starts trolling him on the mic, he starts talking nonstop to drown him out to his audience.

1:33:12
Unknown_09: I mean, seriously.

Unknown_20: I can already tell. I'm already blocking.

Unknown_20: I was blocking that. Come on.

Unknown_20: Oh yeah, DP.

Unknown_20: Oh what, you can't even block that. How do you, what is this guy doing?

Unknown_20: Oh, what is this guy doing? This is so cheap. This is so cheap. What is this guy doing? I can't, no, this is just the laggiest game, honestly. I mean, learn how to play. Seriously, just learn how to play.

1:33:45
Unknown_20: It's so laggy.

Unknown_20: And honestly, he's only using online tactics. Online dragon punch.

Unknown_20: Online combo only.

Unknown_20: Online sweep.

Unknown_20: Online grabs. Nice DP.

Unknown_20: Nice sweep. Online fireball.

1:34:20
Unknown_20: Online dragon punch. I'm pressing buttons. I'm pressing buttons.

Unknown_20: Online only.

Unknown_20: Online sweep.

Unknown_20: These butt slams would never work if it was offline, guys. I'm a true tournament player. I really know a lot about Street Fighter. And these butt slams would just never... I was blocking that! I was blocking that!

Unknown_21: You fucking suck. You're an embarrassment to the FGC, kid. You're horrible. DarkSidePhil, kill yourself. Nobody likes you. Nobody cares about you. You're the worst.

1:34:52
Unknown_31: Yo, I'm so happy, you guys.

Unknown_21: I'm so happy. I'm so happy.

Unknown_09: Cerulean 86. That is a good one. I remember that one.

Unknown_09: Cerulean 86. I remember. This is like an Injustice or something, isn't it? Yeah.

1:35:24
Unknown_09: Here we go. This is five minutes.

Unknown_15: Quan Chi. Tournament Quan Chi. Now Quan Chi got nerfed. I wonder if this guy knows that Quan Chi got nerfed with this patch. His summoner mode has been nerfed.

Unknown_15: I guess there was some issues with Quan Chi.

Unknown_15: Oh my god.

Unknown_09: I love that. That is the best intro ever. I want to hear it again.

Unknown_15: I guess there was some issues with Quan Chi. Oh my god.

1:35:56
Unknown_14: He knows when he hears that shit, he's fucked up. Alright, let's play. Hopefully this guy... Oh my god, we already have an idiot. I'm gonna play him though. It's okay, I'm gonna play this guy. Why'd you do that? Why'd you do that?

Unknown_14: Alright, let's play this guy.

Unknown_15: And then I'll mute the mic. Why'd you mute that guy? Why'd you plug your mic in?

Unknown_15: First match is gonna be a train wreck. I can already tell.

Unknown_15: Some idiot.

1:36:39
Unknown_14: Oh my god, this outfit is disgustingly ugly! Dude, look at how ugly this shit is! Are you kidding me?

Unknown_14: What a hideous outfit. I can't even get over how ugly the outfit is.

Unknown_09: I think so far Cerulean has not been hit once.

1:37:14
Unknown_14: I was holding block, but okay. Well, he got me with a combo.

Unknown_20: Wow!

Unknown_14: Wow!

Unknown_20: Listen to this idiot!

Unknown_09: I like how, uh, when this starts, um, DSP does not realize that the guy, Cerulean, is making fun of his voice, and he starts to try to drown him out with his own bullshit.

Unknown_20: Why can't I block it? Oh my god.

Unknown_20: I can't even do a move, I can't teleport, I can't do anything.

1:37:49
Unknown_22: That was a callback, did you catch the reference? Oh yeah!

Unknown_14: I think Cerulean lets him win this match, this round, so he can play him a third time.

1:38:32
Unknown_14: Oh my god, what a fucking idiot.

Unknown_24: You know he's just smashing buttons and he's getting combos because I can't do anything.

Unknown_25: What a fucking idiot. What will I do? Oh my god. Look at this guy. Now he's going to insult my girlfriend but he says I am.

Unknown_26: What a fucking loser.

Unknown_14: What a fucking loser.

1:39:12
Unknown_25: Now look at my skeletons, bitch!

Unknown_14: Now look at my skeletons, bitch! I have to upload this video to show the level of intelligence of the comment person playing this fucking game. What a fucking idiot.

Unknown_14: What a complete fucking idiot.

Unknown_14: Seriously. What a complete idiot.

Unknown_15: And this is why you need to disable your mics online. He's a complete terrible player. No, the netcode, by the way, was not any better. It was delayed. This is why he was getting hits on me. He was just mashing out his bullshit and I wasn't able to block or move out of it. He's a fucking idiot. A stupid little kid. A stupid little child. I mean, like, if I didn't upload this match, it would be a disservice to everyone who actually has intelligence. This is the common person who plays these fucking games. Oh my god. Like, you know, what the fuck?

1:39:50
Unknown_15: So, let's just, no, I actually have to recap. What did he say? Let's see. He insults about muting people when I play online. He insults my girlfriend. He insults the shitty netcode of the game, which is garbage. He didn't even do one impressive combo. The guy is obviously a fucking mentally ill idiot. I mean, what the fuck? Everyone in the stream chat is agreeing with me. They're saying that guy needs fucking mental help.

1:40:22
Unknown_14: Like, what the hell?

Unknown_09: Oh, this is a stream chat. What you say, DSP fans, in case he really is a fan. LOL, LOL, LOL, wow, oh lord, oh meow, la-mow, wow, dude, field, field getting owned, lols, wow, wow, Jesus, that's hilarious, what did I do, lol, lol, lol.

1:40:55
Unknown_09: This is amazing. This dude is hilarious. This is probably typical of the people who don't like me.

Unknown_14: There you go. The typical insane idiot. Complete morons. Unbelievable.

Unknown_14: So, obviously, I'm going to mute my microphone so we can actually have a serious set of gameplay here because that was such a fucking waste of time.

Unknown_15: It wasn't even... Yeah, I couldn't even play. It was delayed. I'm trying to learn stuff with the character and he's just mashing buttons and wins because of fucking garbage. Screaming like a fucking child. What an intelligent person.

1:41:26
Unknown_09: I don't know low-tier guys. By the way, he's played over 700 matches online, so... I know he has a third on the forum.

Unknown_15: What a fucking idiot.

Unknown_09: Um, oh, there's more. There's bonus content.

Unknown_15: What's this? Waste of a human life. It's too bad. There's too many people on the planet, I guess. And you get people like that.

Unknown_15: That's what happens. When there's too many people on the planet, it's overpopulated and people just have no actual, you know, reason to exist. You get people like that. And that's where you go.

1:41:57
Unknown_09: I was just ranting. I want to see... There better be look at my skeletons, bitch. Where is the look at my skeletons, bitch?

Unknown_09: Oh, it's in the comment.

Unknown_09: Phil says to the guy mimicking him.

Unknown_09: Look at my skeletons, bitch is the best fucking comment of that entire clip.

Unknown_09: There's also this. We're doing a DSP kick today. At the...

1:42:29
Unknown_30: Where is it?

Unknown_30: Oh, you know what? This is it.

Unknown_30: DSP, stop reporting.

Unknown_26: No one gets shit. Play. You can't hold up a tournament.

Unknown_24: Where am I playing? You still haven't told me.

1:43:02
Unknown_24: Jesus Christ, man. You treat me like your own... Want me to ride the fucking trailer for you? Oh, shit.

Unknown_09: The best part of that is when he yells at the fucking guy and says, do you want me to do your tournament for you? Like... And he says, you're disqualified. And he's like, where am I playing? You still haven't told me. Like, nigga, you ain't playing nowhere now. You're fucking out.

1:43:36
Unknown_09: You're gone gonzo, motherfucker.

Unknown_09: Has he ever actually won a tournament? Yes.

Unknown_09: Okay, this requires some backstory. And again, I'm not a video game guy. I'm especially not a Street Fighter guy. There was a video game early in his streaming career that was a... I believe it was a console port... of a arcade game or some other strange version of this game and it was ported to console And people believe, many of the top tournament players believe that it was a very poor, a very poor, poor job, that the frames or whatever, the actual combat was bad.

1:44:11
Unknown_09: And it was just shitty. And many of the top players for Street Fighter refused to attend because of various reasons. They just didn't want to participate because they thought the game was bad. Well, DSP did show up and DSP got fourth place behind three foreign players. I think they were all from Japan. And to this day, he says that he is the best American player of that particular blend of Street Fighter.

1:44:57
Unknown_09: A Street Fighter Turbo for the SNES or something. So, yeah, he will still put that in signatures. And I think, I don't know, let me check.

Unknown_09: If we go to twitch.tv.

Unknown_09: Is it DarkSidePhil or TheyCallMeDSP?

Unknown_30: Might be TheyCallMeDSP.

Unknown_30: No, that's it.

Unknown_30: We go here, and usually, like, he puts it in his descriptions.

Unknown_09: I don't know if he does it here.

1:45:33
Unknown_09: No, he does not.

Unknown_09: But it was on, he advertised that, like, he was the top Street Fighter Turbo player in North America. Like, that was his claim to fame initially. And it was a serious embarrassment because it was such a shitty hack job.

Unknown_09: Okay. Let's see. Any other DSP moments? I've gone over the good stuff that I think is funny to anybody. It's a broken version of the game. Yeah, that's why people didn't attend, basically.

1:46:04
Unknown_09: He's going to cling to that title forever? Yeah.

Unknown_09: DSP tells his neighbor to shut up. That sounds promising.

Unknown_07: DSP tells neighbors...

Unknown_31: I can't die like this.

Unknown_06: What fucking game is this?

1:46:40
Unknown_10: I can't die like this. I always picture myself dying having a threesome with Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton.

Unknown_06: You gotta make it happen, Spider-Man.

Unknown_10: Shut the fuck up!

Unknown_06: I hope this isn't edited by a weirdo.

Unknown_06: It is edited by a weirdo. Whatever. We'll just go for it.

Unknown_10: Another fight, huh? The more the merrier.

Unknown_10: See, everyone wanted me to play Mafia 2. This is the same shit, right? Oh god... And some for you!

1:47:14
Unknown_10: Oh yeah, and some for you! And for you too! How about for you?

Unknown_16: I don't want to grab him, I never tried to grab him, what the fuck?

Unknown_10: Whirlwind Punch! Whirlwind Punch! Whirly Wind! Spinning Wind Attack of the Wind Fist Wind!

Unknown_10: I can't stop fucking attacking, look!

Unknown_15: I'm just gonna keep walking forward, see? And swinging my fists around, see? And if you get in the way, it's your own fault, see?

1:47:58
Unknown_15: Why you guys gotta pick on me? Don't you have some prohibition gig to run?

Unknown_09: Oh, God. Oh, boy.

Unknown_10: Where does it get funny?

Unknown_09: I'm dying listening to him fucking play video games.

Unknown_09: Is he gonna replay it?

Unknown_30: When was this?

1:48:34
Unknown_30: It just goes to show, I guess his real life confrontation was him cowering and staying quiet.

Unknown_09: Even in real life, there's nothing you can do but standing your ground mechanics.

Unknown_09: I wonder, is he like in the apartment?

Unknown_10: Oh boy.

Unknown_10: Say uncle.

Unknown_09: as clear as fucking day.

Unknown_24: Oh, this is the Connecticut kind of.

1:49:11
Unknown_09: That's why he moved.

Unknown_08: He moved all the way across the country because this guy yelled at him once.

Unknown_09: Ha ha ha!

Unknown_09: With his windows open, that sounds likely.

Unknown_09: He's like dead silent now.

1:49:44
Unknown_09: Why isn't he actually trying to fight the guy? He just throws every fucking crate in the game at him.

Unknown_31: Okay, I want to see this.

Unknown_09: Oh, God. Oh, couch jump, not crouch jump.

Unknown_09: Okay. I don't know if we can watch all of this, but... So, just in case you're a total fucking normie...

Unknown_09: Who is just the most normie person in the entire world, right? This is a game, it's a video game, and it's called Half-Life.

1:50:20
Unknown_09: This one's actually Half-Life 2, right? I think. And there's this thing where you're supposed to jump, but at the same time...

Unknown_09: You're also supposed to crouch. Like, you bring your knees up to you as you jump so that you can vault things or get on top of things that are, like, chest level, like those barrels. You can't just jump on them. You gotta crouch jump, right? So, all you have to do is press crouch and jump at the same time. That is all you have to do. I guess that means I'll be jumping down.

1:50:52
Unknown_15: Well, here goes.

Unknown_15: Geronimo!

Unknown_20: How do you function? It says it's loading.

Unknown_15: Nope, that's not what I was supposed to do, I guess, because I'm dead.

Unknown_09: Jumping to his death was not the appropriate answer. First try.

Unknown_15: What am I supposed to do then?

1:51:32
Unknown_15: No, not supposed to do that, huh?

Unknown_15: Yeah, it reloads over here.

Unknown_09: All he has to do is crouch jump onto the pipes. Ah, probably platform on the pipes.

Unknown_15: I see.

1:52:07
Unknown_09: Crouching.

Unknown_09: Jumping.

Unknown_15: Come on, let me jump on this fucking barrel, man.

Unknown_15: There we go.

Unknown_15: Come on, I can't even make it up here. Are you serious? See, I take a barrel with him everywhere he goes.

1:52:40
Unknown_09: so because the barrel is barely under the jump limit he has to he's only managed to jump on top of that to get onto a higher place so he believes he has to bring the barrel with him the entire game in order to maneuver these platforms and look the barrels the barrel just fell off the fucking cliff so it's gone basic jumps

Unknown_15: I'm going to cut it up a bit.

Unknown_09: This is the worst video in all of YouTube.

Unknown_15: Actually, no, let me make it... Nah, I want to be able to hear it.

Unknown_15: A super jump. His barrel fell off the cliff. He's gonna acquiesce to another barrel. He's figuring this out. He's gonna lose the barrel. The barrel is just gonna roll off. Push it this way.

1:54:06
Unknown_09: You have to jump on the round then This one's very uh

Unknown_09: You would think after... You would think after enough tries, he's gonna lose the barrel again. After enough tries, he would realize to try different button combinations.

Unknown_09: Okay, got the barrel up here.

1:54:47
Unknown_16: Why can't I jump up here? It's obviously what I'm supposed to do. Why can't I do it?

Unknown_16: Jump. No. We're not even halfway done. Even at time and a half.

1:55:23
Unknown_09: You make money doing this. You make money by pointing a camcorder at your PC monitor and not knowing how to play games.

Unknown_09: I want to see if he can get up on this third pipe through this retard mechanic he's invented.

1:55:55
Unknown_09: the greatest video game what many people claim to be the greatest video game of all time involved lugging around a fucking barrel from the first chapter yes this is the very first level where you have to learn how to crouch jump

Unknown_09: Oh, he was still supported by Machinima at this point. This is fucking weird.

Unknown_15: I don't understand.

Unknown_15: What are they expecting of me here?

Unknown_15: How on earth am I going to get across all these pipes when I can't even do a basic jump over one? It doesn't work. You can't double jump. You can't super jump. You can do a crouch jump, but it's low, and it doesn't really work.

Unknown_31: See?

Unknown_16: I don't even let me pick up the barrel right now.

1:56:54
Unknown_07: He's gonna lose it. He's gonna lose it.

Unknown_15: I don't know. This is fucking weird. Well, I'm pretty stumped. I actually went online to see. I thought I was doing something wrong. I was like, what am I missing here? Other people online seem to be able to jump on stuff, and I'm not.

Unknown_07: Oh, Jesus.

Unknown_15: I like to say, is my game bugged? Because how is everyone else able to jump up here? It's the game bug. There are people doing walkers in this game, and they just easily jump up here.

Unknown_16: And I can't do it at all. Look, I can't fucking jump up here. Well, I don't get it. How are they?

Unknown_23: You will endure this loss and learn from it.

1:57:27
Unknown_09: That's the wrong one. I meant to play this one.

Unknown_23: You cannot learn a thing you think you know. How are people able to jump up here?

Unknown_15: Look, I can't jump up here.

Unknown_15: It doesn't make sense.

Unknown_15: I don't get it.

Unknown_15: It's not like any other game I've ever played. Like, what are they expecting me to do here?

Unknown_16: I'm completely lost.

Unknown_16: I can't jump up here. I can't fucking jump up here. He's losing his patience.

1:57:59
Unknown_09: I will use Darkest Dungeon Moons whenever the fuck I want. It's shit. It's one of the only games I've enjoyed in recent history. I don't know what to fucking do here.

Unknown_16: I can't jump up here.

Unknown_15: I don't know what to do.

Unknown_09: When does he learn? Like, we're 10 minutes in.

Unknown_15: Look at your fucking chat. Is he, wait, is he on a computer?

Unknown_09: I thought he was using a controller.

1:58:34
Unknown_08: That's unbelievable. I thought, I thought he was using a controller and that's why, that's why he was having issues.

Unknown_16: I forgot about iJustine. There was no chat back then? Oh that's right, he had IRC or something.

1:59:21
Unknown_09: I don't like any of the, uh, the dark, the darkest, not darkest dungeon, um, the, the, the, the Hello Soft, whatever, Happy Soft games. Wait, he made it up there. He actually did it. He made it to the third pipe. He didn't bring the...

Unknown_09: Oh, jeez.

Unknown_09: Josh, oh, the casual games. The Souls games, that's it. I don't like them. They're just boring.

2:00:08
Unknown_09: When does he figure it out?

Unknown_09: Yes, this is Darkside Phil. This is from a while ago. We're looking at some of his greatest hits.

Unknown_16: I'm not gonna apologize for not liking games you like. I'm sorry. Well, I mean, I'm sorry for not apologizing. I'm not sorry for not liking them.

2:00:48
Unknown_11: No, you're not going to fucking fall.

Unknown_15: Stop that bullshit.

Unknown_15: I can't jump with the barrel anyway, so let's quicksave. Son of a bitch.

Unknown_09: He lost the barrel. The barrel is down. Now I'm going to make this one and not fucking fall in this hole.

Unknown_15: Well, that didn't work.

Unknown_16: Let's quicksave here so I don't have to keep doing that.

Unknown_16: Jump. I don't get it. Why can't he make it?

Unknown_09: We have to be close. We have to be close. I think he makes it on accident here. He walked off it.

2:01:20
Unknown_15: You can't walk on those? Why not? Oh my god. This is nearly impossible.

Unknown_31: I'm getting like... I'm getting like Stockholm Syndrome watching this shit. What am I supposed to do?

2:01:55
Unknown_16: You tell me what I'm doing wrong, because I'd love to fucking know what I'm doing wrong with this game. Like, 20 minutes to do a simple piece of platforming?

Unknown_31: What on earth? Look at this.

2:02:28
Unknown_16: Fuck this. Well, you're not going to believe it. I figured it out. Thank you to my Twitter followers. This game has a bug, the jumping mechanic.

Unknown_15: And if you crouch while you're jumping, you can actually do jumps. See? I just did it. I jumped and crouched mid-jump, and it worked.

Unknown_09: It's bugged. It's bugged.

Unknown_15: That's his conclusion. The crouch jump in Source games are bugged. There you go, guys.

2:03:16
Unknown_30: Yes, it is literally explained in the tutorial.

Unknown_30: Oh, the king cooks? Okay. I remember these being good.

Unknown_09: Does he still host these on his own channel? No.

Unknown_15: What's up, everyone? It's DSP, and this is an unprecedented moment. I'm actually doing something that some people have asked for, probably just joking around, but... I find myself doing it. It is the morning of the release of the Mass Effect 2 DLC, The Shadow Broker, as well as the new game Spider-Man Shattered Dimensions.

2:03:50
Unknown_09: Why are people asking me not to do this? I am in turbo mode because if you can see over there on my TV, the DLC for Mass Effect 2 is downloading.

Unknown_15: It just became available at 7 a.m.

Unknown_15: On the east coast of the United States. I'm downloading it and I am fucking starving. I was up all night playing a couple other games.

Unknown_15: And I am starving. So I got everything going here.

Unknown_09: He's going to try cooking, guys.

Unknown_15: This is going to end bad.

Unknown_09: You're getting a bad feeling.

Unknown_15: Have you seen the video of DSP Reviews and the Axe Buddy Scrubber in the shower?

2:04:24
Unknown_09: Yeah, we watched that.

Unknown_15: Two frying pans. I have them both on the stove right now at just above medium strength temperature.

Unknown_15: Obviously you must put on your fan on top of your stove whenever you're frying anything. Don't turn that off because I learned the hard way as soon as I moved in here. All the alarms went off. All the fire alarms and it wasn't too pretty.

2:04:56
Unknown_15: So what am I going to do? We're talking one jumbo egg, a couple slices of bacon per sandwich, obviously two pieces of bread, duh, and, you know, American cheese, which I've also prepared. First thing you want to do, either butter your pans or spray them down. I don't have time to melt fucking butter. I'm in a hurry. I'm a gamer. So I spray my pans with this. Pam, I use the natural shit, the organic canola oil. You can use the other stuff.

Unknown_05: It doesn't really matter. Wait, is he greasing his pan for bacon?

Unknown_09: You don't grease your pan for bacon. It's that fat.

2:05:28
Unknown_15: You don't need to grease it.

Unknown_09: When you're multitasking, as your pans are heating up... Alright, cool.

Unknown_15: The toaster's plugged in. Let's get these bread toasting.

Unknown_15: Blau blau. Let's get that to toast.

Unknown_05: Did he seriously grease a pan for bacon? Alright, um...

Unknown_15: You don't want to throw stuff on a cold pan. You want to wait for it to be at least warm, lukewarm. I'm warming it up right now. This is starting to feel pretty good, but honestly the other day I fried some bacon. I threw it on there too early and it took a long ass time to cook. Oh yeah, when you're frying bacon, the key, put it on a plate, double coat it with paper towels. As soon as you slam the bacon down on there, it's done. It's going to have a shitload of grease on it. You want it to absorb the grease. You don't want that grease to be all over the place. You grease the pan!

2:06:00
Unknown_15: You need these guys, tongs, to be flipping your bacon. You need to grab it from the end and flip it over when it's ready. Obviously, you need a spatula to be able to flip your eggs. Duh. Don't be an asshole. Don't try to flip your eggs with a spatula like a spoon. I've seen people try it with a fork. It doesn't work. You look stupid.

2:06:38
Unknown_15: All right.

Unknown_15: So it's starting to warm up now. I think we're going to put the bacon down.

Unknown_15: Obviously, depending on what kind of bacon you have, Different cooking times apply. This looks like a particularly fatty batch of bacon, which I'm... Oh, my God, you don't grease your hand for fatty bacon.

Unknown_08: Oh, my God, bacon's not even coming apart.

Unknown_15: Ugh.

Unknown_15: Ugh. That is really fatty bacon. Holy shit.

Unknown_15: Not too happy about that. Actually, because I just had a batch of center cut bacon. Center cut, almost has no fat on it whatsoever. And this is the complete opposite. This is super fatty bacon right now.

2:07:09
Unknown_15: I'm making three sandwiches, which means I probably want two to three pieces of bacon per sandwich. Being that this bacon is gigantic, I'll probably only try to do two pieces of bacon per sandwich, so six. That's the biggest pan I have, which is why I'm putting the bacon in it.

Unknown_15: This is long bacon. I'm gonna need the maximum cooking space. Now I'm really pissed because two pieces of bacon just stuck together and that's like the death wish.

2:07:46
Unknown_15: You can never get two pieces of bacon to separate with one fucking hand.

Unknown_17: Come on, you son of a bitch.

Unknown_08: I thought he said it was only... Oh, what?

Unknown_05: Put the fucking camera down. Come on. Put the fucking... It's like his... Put the camera down. Come on.

Unknown_15: So it's going to be cooked bacon. It's just not going to be pretty bacon because of what's going on. The bacon is sticking together. There's one here. I thought he said he was only putting in two.

Unknown_05: You put it into position in the pan so that obviously the bacon just barely touches on the edges.

2:08:23
Unknown_15: Let me move this one a little bit with the tongs so I don't burn my fucking hands off.

Unknown_15: I have room now for one more piece.

Unknown_09: He said he was only putting two and now he's upgraded to three. He's changed his mind.

Unknown_09: That's like, that's like a quarter pound of bacon.

Unknown_15: Bacon is sizzling, which is good. So our raw bacon will get the fuck out of the way.

Unknown_15: How do you store raw bacon? You put it in a freezer bag and you put it back in your goddamn freezer. Don't try to refrigerate it because it will go bad unless you're going to cook it the next day. First batch of bread is good.

2:08:59
Unknown_15: Pop in the next batch, toast it.

Unknown_15: Now the toughest part is cracking the egg. Baking doesn't look bad. I'm going to put the camera down for a second and throw the eggs into the frying pan here because I'm going to make a fucking huge mess.

Unknown_09: Oh, so he's not having two sandwiches. He's having three sandwiches. Either that or he's putting three slices of bacon on two sandwiches. By now this pan is scorching hot.

Unknown_09: Oh, it's popping.

2:09:32
Unknown_15: Two eggs to the pan.

Unknown_15: Third egg is going now.

Unknown_15: How do you crack an egg?

Unknown_09: It's like a fucking war zone in this house.

Unknown_15: You slam it once against something.

Unknown_15: I slam it once against my stove.

Unknown_15: And it works. It's very effective. You slam it once, you slam it.

Unknown_15: Wow. You do it gently, but you give it enough force that you know it's going to fucking crack.

Unknown_15: Here are my eggs, three eggs in the pan.

2:10:05
Unknown_09: So it is three sandwiches. I love runny eggs.

Unknown_15: I do. I love runny eggs. So when I cook eggs, I usually cook them and move them out of the way of each other. First of all, I don't want them amalgamating into one big egg.

Unknown_15: There we go. Oh, my toast just popped, which is fine. I'm going to let this fry. This egg got out of hand.

Unknown_15: There we go. You want to put them about roughly the same size.

2:10:36
Unknown_15: All right, my toast popped. Get that toast out of there.

Unknown_09: The toast is like the worst fucking toast I've ever seen. It's not browned at all. I have a really shitty toaster, by the way.

Unknown_15: If your toaster actually works, you probably won't have any problems.

Unknown_07: Cook it in the fucking pan, then.

Unknown_15: My fucking toaster just does not want to work.

Unknown_15: Jesus Christ. My third fucking sandwich. Oh, there we go. I finally got to stay down. Holy shit. All right, so our bacon is looking horrible.

2:11:09
Unknown_09: Wait, was that a George Orwell cooking thing? I realized because I had to pull it with one fucking hand. Or Mike Tyson cooking thing? Why did I say George Orwell? That's different. That's a different person. What are you going to do?

Unknown_15: It is what it is. It's frying. It's cooking.

Unknown_15: It looks disgusting.

Unknown_09: Yeah, you have to crouch tap.

Unknown_15: This bacon's almost ready to flip, but we'll leave it sit there for a second.

Unknown_15: These eggs, we are going to flip soon. They're almost ready to flip. See, they're solid now. See, this is how you know when to flip your eggs. When they're solid, the yolk is still bright yellow, but they look like there's no more liquid on the top. That's when you flip them. So I'm going to flip these now. Shut up.

2:11:41
Unknown_09: Maybe it's the toaster that spies on you, motherfucker. Shut up. You don't know me. You don't know the things I've seen.

Unknown_15: That was a massive failure.

Unknown_15: Problem is I'm trying to do it with one fucking hand.

Unknown_15: There we go. That was a clean flip. That's how you do it. And you immediately, if you're going to put cheese on your eggs, you've got to put it on right away. As soon as you flip an egg, put the cheese on. So I'm getting the cheese ready here. It's stuck to my fucking hand, so that doesn't help.

2:12:17
Unknown_15: Throw that fucking cheese right on top. Sorry about the lens cap. Who cares?

Unknown_15: Ah, shit. Cheese is stuck. There's the cheese right there.

Unknown_10: Why is he putting cheese on eggs?

Unknown_15: Put the cheese on the sandwich and then put the bacon on top of it so the fucking scorching hot grease melts it.

2:12:53
Unknown_09: What the fuck are you doing? Why are you doing this in the worst way possible?

Unknown_15: All with the cheese, bacon cooking. Bacon actually needs to be flipped right the fuck down. This one is all fucked up right now because I didn't flip it. That's going to be burnt.

Unknown_15: Well, this is one-handed gamer cooking. This is what happens. Oh, that bacon is fucking destroyed.

Unknown_08: It's not. It's just a little bit extra crispy, bro. You can't ruin bacon unless you black it.

Unknown_05: It's a sea of fucking fat, which is disgusting. You sprayed your fucking pan. If you didn't spray your fucking pan, it wouldn't have so much fat.

2:13:28
Unknown_15: Oh, my God. So what we're going to do, we're going to get our toast ready over here.

Unknown_15: We're going to have to start migrating the...

Unknown_15: start migrating the eggs over to the plate, which obviously is not big enough to hold three sandwiches, so I should have put two fucking plates down, but I'm not that smart.

2:14:00
Unknown_15: Alright. He's dripping cheese all over the floor.

Unknown_27: Bam. Take number two.

Unknown_31: Just finished the Mass Effect DLC. Bam. Bam.

Unknown_15: Hopefully those are still runny. Egg number three, they're probably not, which is gonna piss me off. Eggs are on the sandwiches that quickly. We're gonna get the bacon the fuck out of the way. Look at this burnt ass fucking bacon. Before you ever take bacon off the plate, you have to shake it. You have to get the excess grease off of it. You slap it down on the plate, you slam it around a little bit. You flip it, you do the same thing on the paper towel, you slam it around a little bit. Bam.

2:14:35
Unknown_15: Well, I sound like fucking Emeril. I'm an asshole.

Unknown_15: That's right. You talk with an accent and you say sound effects. And that's how you sell fucking cooking equipment. Alright. This piece barely cooked because it must have been on the edge of the pan. So that's going to go right there in the middle. You can center the pan right there.

2:15:09
Unknown_05: I'm going to migrate these over here.

Unknown_15: So all those finish up.

Unknown_15: Do not leave a pan on if there's nothing cooking. I'm turning that off right now. I turned it off.

Unknown_07: It's still hot.

Unknown_15: You can leave that pan on the stove, but don't leave fucking pans on cooking. Trust me. I've walked up two hours later to see, oh shit, my stove is still on. I'm an asshole. I could have burnt the fucking place down.

Unknown_09: His brain's got gout. He still hasn't put the bacon on the sandwich. So the sandwiches are going to be... You're not melting the cheese. There's the hot bacon.

2:15:41
Unknown_15: That's why you don't spray down a pan with bacon. It'll do.

Unknown_10: Alright, so we're going to take this guy out. He's done.

Unknown_09: Yeah, he toasted his bread so we can let it get fucking cold sitting by the sink. A little bit more soft than the other one.

2:16:17
Unknown_15: Keep in mind, if you weren't cooking with one hand, this bacon would look beautiful. It would be nice thin strips. I separated it with one hand and it gave me problems, so it looks horrible.

Unknown_15: Alright.

Unknown_15: Now.

Unknown_15: Here's the thing, your food's done, your food's cooked, right? These are the tips no one's gonna tell you.

Unknown_15: Your food's cooked, you turn everything off.

Unknown_15: Baking grease. What the fuck do you do with it? Well, there's several options.

Unknown_09: You put it in a mayo jar. You can add baking grease to everything. You can put it in a jar.

2:16:51
Unknown_15: Yeah. You can put it into another container. Whatever you do, if you're going to put it in a jar, it has to be put into a glass jar.

Unknown_09: Yeah.

Unknown_15: Do not put it into plastic or styrofoam. I've seen idiots put this into plastic and styrofoam and it fucking melts.

Unknown_08: Put it in a glass jar and add baking grease to veggies and stuff.

Unknown_09: Put it in a glass jar. That's what everybody does. Literally everyone.

Unknown_15: And use it for other things.

Unknown_09: Literally everyone does that. It's great with green beans.

Unknown_15: I'm going to be honest with you. They either pour it down their kitchen sink.

Unknown_08: No.

2:17:22
Unknown_15: Which is a bad move because the kitchen sink clogs all the time.

Unknown_08: Yes. You don't put grease in the pipes. Or the other thing that I see people do, which I'm going to do because unfortunately there's nothing else I could do with this.

Unknown_15: This is going to go down the pooper.

Unknown_15: So, yeah.

Unknown_09: No. No.

Unknown_15: This is going to go right down the shitter, which is going to be disgusting, but what can you do? As long as you know that you're not doing this, you know, ten times a day, it's not going to cause a fight.

Unknown_09: No, this is a joke, right?

Unknown_15: Safest thing to do is bacon grease. Oh, yeah.

2:17:58
Unknown_15: Hot fucking potatoes.

Unknown_15: Oh, yeah, look at that shit in my trash. Oh, that looks delightful, doesn't it?

Unknown_05: Are you kidding me?

Unknown_15: Now, the other thing. A lot of people say, oh, I don't like frying.

Unknown_05: It cools down and coats the pipes, bro. Oh, I can't clean the pan.

Unknown_15: Well, that's because you're an idiot.

Unknown_15: Whenever you're done with grease like this, you immediately, immediately put something in the pan to separate the grease from the pan. So...

2:18:32
Unknown_15: Immediately get that pan cooled down. I say cooled down, but I'm putting hot water in it, by the way. Do not ever put super ice cold water in a really super hot pan. Where I live, the climate is temperate, but if you live in a cold or hot area, you might break the fucking pan. But anyway, fill the pan with water, get the soap in there right away.

Unknown_15: It separates the grease from the pan so later on when you go to clean the pan it's a lot easier. I have a dishwasher and unfortunately it does not clean these pans very well. From experience I can tell you that. Now, the biggest problem with my eggs I can tell you right now is because I was cooking with one hand I wasn't able to multitask and the cheese has burned on the edges. Now it's not the eggs, the cheese burned on the edges. The eggs look actually fine.

2:19:05
Unknown_15: So to finish the plate, obviously, this is a hot pan as well. Later on you can wash this normally.

Unknown_09: There's no grease in the egg pan usually. I can't believe you did that.

Unknown_15: Especially if you put something down on it. The bacon, as soon as I'm done making the sandwiches, I'm going to put that in this freezer bag and I'm going to get it into the freezer immediately.

2:19:40
Unknown_15: But to finish the sandwiches just for, you know, cook's sake, we're going to put two pieces of bacon on each sandwich.

Unknown_05: Only, what?

Unknown_15: Bacon is nice and crispy.

Unknown_05: You said it was burned before, motherfucker. Some people like crispy bacon, some people like rubbery bacon.

Unknown_15: I guess these days I do prefer crispy bacon. When I was a kid, I liked rubbery bacon, but what I find... A little piece fell off.

Unknown_15: Mmm. What I find is the older I got...

Unknown_05: My fucking ear! Jesus. So fucking gross.

Unknown_15: Depending on what it is, sometimes it's tastier. The villain's genuinely fucking disgusting.

2:20:20
Unknown_05: Like, he's a gross motherfucker.

Unknown_15: I can't... I can't... Oh, fuck this.

Unknown_15: It does not taste that good. It depends on what kind of bacon you're eating.

Unknown_09: He's still fucking doing... It's so fucking gross.

Unknown_15: It's actually pretty tasty. Damn, just that one...

Unknown_15: And that's pretty much it. Um... And that's like... That's like giant cut Texas toast.

Unknown_09: That's not even like fucking actual bread you want to put on something. That's like... That's like... You want to put more bacon and eggs on that shit because you got so much carbs. You just want... Whatever. Whatever.

2:20:56
Unknown_09: Most of the mess.

Unknown_15: The only other thing, obviously, this is disgusting. You're gonna have excess grease and whatever on that plate. Your stove's gonna be a mess.

Unknown_15: But what can you do? I'm gonna throw that in the fridge right now.

Unknown_09: You can bake it. And then I'm pretty much set.

Unknown_15: I'm gonna devour these sandwiches and jump right into the Mass Effect 2 DLC. So, that was DSP's one-handed cooking...

Unknown_15: Gamer food. This is going to fuel me through the Mass Effect 2 DLC and until I go pick up Spider-Man and start playing it, probably through that. So, you know, this is one of the one and a half meals I'll actually eat today, which is why it's five billion calories. I'm sure everyone's going to say, oh, my God.

2:21:38
Unknown_09: You can cut it down. You can put extra shit on the bread.

Unknown_15: Well, you don't want to go out to eat and you don't have time to cook yourself ten meals a day. This is what you deal with.

Unknown_15: All right.

Unknown_15: This is it. Bacon, egg, and cheese. Super simple. Usually I do a little bit more than this, by the way.

Unknown_15: But I have two hands to work with this, and I'm not worrying about the camera. I do put salt and pepper. Usually I don't use bread. Usually I put it on bagels and stuff like that. There's different things you can do, but I haven't had time to do that. Obviously I'm turboing through this. All right. So my first video of this style.

2:22:16
Unknown_15: And send me your negative comments.

Unknown_30: Thanks.

Unknown_30: Yeah, that's fucking unbelievable.

Unknown_09: This fucking guy keeps sending me emails begging for shit.

Unknown_09: Like, I don't know. This better be fucking funny or I'm not playing any of the other shit he sent me.

2:22:48
Unknown_09: It's four minutes. You can only fuck up so bad.

Unknown_09: All right, everyone, so this is it, the big day.

Unknown_15: Today I'm going to attempt to make a pot of my famous family recipe. handed down through the generations, Italian homemade sauce.

Unknown_15: Yes, and stuff out here along out here.

Unknown_15: Trying to clean up the countertops a little bit.

Unknown_15: So I have as much room as possible. I'm surrounded by ingredients, I really am. I'm surrounded by different things that we're gonna be using to make the sauce, including a giant pot, various herbs and spices.

2:23:19
Unknown_15: different spoons and such.

Unknown_15: And of course over here, all kinds of ingredients that we're gonna use to whip up not only sauce, but some homemade meatballs as well.

Unknown_15: So, what I'm gonna do is I'm going to basically prepare some of the ingredients that you need to get and toss into this file.

2:23:58
Unknown_09: In order to get a base.

Unknown_15: which basically, the goal is going to be to coat the bottom of the pot with certain ingredients. Before you start actually adding the vegetable components that are going to be the meat of your sauce, so to speak. So I actually have right here, this is a notebook that is over a decade old. It's a notebook that, back when I was moving out of my parents' house, for the very first time, I believe it was like 2004,

2:24:32
Unknown_15: that I wrote down the actual recipe on how to make the homemade Italian sauce. Now obviously I'm not gonna show you the whole recipe,

Unknown_15: And the goal of this video, or these videos, because there is definitely going to be several videos, is not to show you step-by-step how to make it, because let's face it, cooking is not exactly an exact science. Even though there may be a recipe, everyone's going to turn a recipe into their own creation, depending on their own personal tastes and how things turn out.

Unknown_15: In this particular case, I am going to add a couple elements to the sauce that is not in this recipe. And in fact, I remember the last time that I made the recipe, there were one or two things that I didn't like about it that I'm going to try to adjust on the fly today as I make the sauce. You know what? So the way that it works is that you basically prep everything.

2:25:14
Unknown_09: Hold up. I want to see if I have this.

Unknown_09: Oh, I don't fucking have it.

Unknown_09: I was going to say, we need to hook Pandalee up with Bebe from Senegal.

2:25:53
Unknown_15: We set the meatballs aside, and then we're actually going to... Let's write, ladies and gentlemen, hand-grate tomatoes. That's how you really make sauce. You don't buy the shit from the store, right? Most people say, oh, I'm going to make sauce, and then they make some tomato paste or whatever.

Unknown_15: This is the longest introduction to a pasta sauce video possible.

Unknown_09: You need to hand-grate the tomatoes in order for it to be real and genuine.

Unknown_15: Just fucking get to it. So that's what I'm going to be doing today. And then, of course, adding all that to the pot.

Unknown_15: And then, basically, once you have your sauce together and you've added the meat to the sauce in the pot, the pot needs to simmer all day long. It is a four to four and a half hour long process.

2:26:35
Unknown_11: I'm so seasick from how he rocks the camera back and forth.

Unknown_15: You know, a lot of people don't have the patience for it. Four to four and a half hours of, you know, cooking versus going out and buying it in a can or whatever, making a cheaper alternative.

Unknown_09: Wait, wait, wait. What the fuck? I just realized this is like an introductory video. He has a playlist, and you can't see it. Let me move my fucking Firefox over to the left so you can see this.

2:27:11
Unknown_30: He has a nine video playlist on his channel for this. Fuck you.

Unknown_07: You guys are such cunts. Fuck it. Let's just get to the fucking cooking.

Unknown_30: Motherfuckers.

Unknown_03: No Italian music, I can't really do the stereo.

Unknown_09: Oh look, now that Panda Lee has the fucking camera, it's not rocking back and forth like a ship about to fucking sink.

2:27:52
Unknown_03: Not further along the process of making the sauce, my sweetie has chopped all the garlic and started with the onion. And we have put some yummy, delicious salt pork in this pot. Once it starts coating it, then we add the garlic and all the goodness.

Unknown_03: It's very, very eye-watering in here.

Unknown_17: It's about to be, because now I'm cutting the onion. She has such a shrill voice. Trust me.

Unknown_17: I used to be bad. When I used to work in the food services industry, all through high school and even into college, and I used to do all this stuff with food, onions always got me no matter what. And my boss used to come to the back and he used to say, Phil, it's okay. You don't have to cry. Tell me about what's going on. I'd be like, you dick, I'm cutting onions.

2:28:33
Unknown_11: What do you think's going on? I'd say, Phil. He's not using a chef's knife for this, by the way. He's using a steak knife. You'd be a real dick about it.

Unknown_15: He was joking.

Unknown_09: He would have a much easier time cutting this fucking onion if he was using an actual chef's knife instead of a steak knife. That's funny.

Unknown_17: Crying like a bitch. We are preparing many ingredients right now.

Unknown_03: Oh, God, it's hitting me.

Unknown_17: Then the ingredients for the sauce. Actually, this onion, I believe, is actually for the meatballs.

2:29:09
Unknown_03: Ooh! Meatballs.

Unknown_09: She's had, like, Amberlynn when she says that.

Unknown_03: I've never had a handmade meatball before.

Unknown_09: Really?

Unknown_03: Mm-mm. I'm not Italian, remember? We don't do meatballs. We do potatoes. Why is he cutting an onion? Handmade potatoes? In the worst way possible. Yes, handmade potatoes. And more potatoes. Here we go.

Unknown_17: So there's our minced...

Unknown_03: Got that garlic.

Unknown_05: Onion. He minced the fucking onion more finely than he did the garlic.

Unknown_11: Let's see how our salt fork is doing.

2:29:46
Unknown_11: Why?

Unknown_17: It's just starting to warm up so it hasn't done anything yet.

Unknown_11: I'm actually going to turn up the heat a little more just to get it initially warm.

Unknown_13: We need that salt fork to coat the bottom of the pot.

Unknown_08: Dice, not mince. You're right.

Unknown_13: Then we can start adding other ingredients to start our base.

Unknown_09: Yeah, the garlic should be fucking very finely minced. It should be crushed. Preferably crushed with something. So that the flavors are produced.

Unknown_09: Instead, he cut the garlic more thicker than the... More thickly. Thicker?

2:30:22
Unknown_26: Thickly? Whatever.

Unknown_09: Than the onion.

Unknown_09: I'm just scared. I don't know how bad this can get. It's just pasta sauce. How bad can you make pasta sauce?

Unknown_13: No, I'm not going to make my own sauce. That's ridiculous.

Unknown_03: Can you get an authentic Italian experience? Thick.

Unknown_03: In our own home.

Unknown_09: He's definitely done with the garlic.

Unknown_03: He's not going to mince that or crush it or anything. There's no way to easily get them open, at least from my experience.

2:30:56
Unknown_09: Scissors, maybe? I don't know. Why would you buy pork in that? Or meat in that? Just get fucking ground beef at Walmart. They sell... They sell proper containers of it at Walmart. To sterilize the scissors afterwards.

Unknown_17: Yep.

Unknown_03: Mmm. Tube meat.

Unknown_03: They really got to come up with more appealing packaging.

Unknown_17: They do! Normally I would get the one that's in the styrofoam with the plastic, but they didn't have it.

2:31:28
Unknown_03: Yeah, we were limited. We were limited in our selections of the proper ratio of meat to fat.

Unknown_13: When you're actually making handmade meatballs, you actually need fat meat. It's just ground beef, but it's in like a pud soup from Walmart.

Unknown_09: Because you get one that's lean, you may think, oh, it's healthy.

Unknown_13: Yeah, but guess what? Your meatballs are going to turn rock hard.

Unknown_31: Mm-hmm.

Unknown_13: And that's not what you want. You want soft, tender meatballs, not rock-hard meat.

Unknown_03: My grandmother tried making meatballs once. It was the worst thing I had ever tasted in my life. So how much meat does the recipe call for?

2:32:02
Unknown_15: Turn the page. 1.5 ounces. I'm sorry, 1.5 pounds, and this is... Hold on. 16, so I'm only going to use half of this.

Unknown_17: Mm-hmm. Okay.

Unknown_17: Hold on, let me rinse off my hand. Where...

Unknown_03: Oh, my sweetie was all upset that he was worried he couldn't get his sento tomatoes.

Unknown_03: We had to go. We usually go to Fred Meyer for our groceries and we got most of the stuff except for the salt pork and I think one or two other things. But then we went to Safeway and they had everything we needed, including my sweetie's sento tomatoes.

2:32:38
Unknown_18: You need Italian tomatoes. Take a listen, honey.

Unknown_13: We got it finally. It's hitting the right temperature.

Unknown_03: You know what it kind of looks like? It kind of looks like little ham cubes.

Unknown_09: Thank you for that commentary, Pamela.

Unknown_03: So what we're going to want to do, as you can see, look at the fat coming off of it.

Unknown_09: See that? It's starting to coat the pot.

Unknown_03: Are you like a fucking retard?

Unknown_13: So the bottom is completely coated. It's not yet. As you can see, probably another minute or two, and enough of that fat will start to reduce in there and start coating.

2:33:12
Unknown_03: So not yet. Close, but not yet. All right, so there's another half thing of meat I've got to take out here.

Unknown_17: It's too tight that side. This side, I guess.

Unknown_09: Can you imagine how stupid their kids would be? Can you imagine their kids trying to play Half-Life?

Unknown_17: Alright, so half would be about there, right?

Unknown_03: Mm-hmm. About, give or take. Eww.

2:33:45
Unknown_09: And I'll give you a pro tip. You do not have to use canned tomatoes for sauce. If you just get a slow cooker and take whole tomatoes and pluck the greens, you can just render whole tomatoes in the slow cooker for, you know, for 8 hours, 12 hours, however long you want to cook it. Like, it's real fucking simple.

Unknown_17: All right, so we're mixing up our meatball concoction here.

2:34:22
Unknown_17: Looks like, unfortunately, we may have put a little bit too much of something.

Unknown_11: Because it looks a little dry.

Unknown_09: I think maybe the recipe thought that the eggs would be a little bit bigger. So I may have to add an additional egg here.

Unknown_17: Because they are looking a little dry.

Unknown_15: Well, this is onion.

Unknown_15: The ground beef.

Unknown_15: Italian breadcrumbs, Parmesan and grated Romano cheese.

Unknown_11: We're still going. We've got like seven more videos left. Eggs, maybe one or two other things. I'm just having a nice relaxing stream watching Phil.

2:34:57
Unknown_08: You know how I am for feeder videos. I just can't help it.

Unknown_09: I'm decadent.

Unknown_00: This is not torture. This is just like tarred.

Unknown_09: Just relax. Just relax.

Unknown_03: Now let's check back on that salt pork. Mmm. Smells really good. Mm-hmm.

2:35:39
Unknown_13: Mm-hmm.

Unknown_03: Yes, I have never made homemade meatballs before. Is that sarcasm?

2:36:11
Unknown_03: Yeah, my grandmother did not know how to make meatballs. She tried one time. That was like the worst experience of my life. I will never forget how horrible it was.

Unknown_08: Josh, why am I watching this?

Unknown_03: I don't think anyone in my family even had the gall to take a second bite. It was horrible.

Unknown_17: How do you fuck up meatballs?

Unknown_03: You just take the meat, you put them in a ball, and you put them in the marinara sauce. You can literally...

2:36:45
Unknown_09: You just take the fucking tomatoes and put them in the slow cooker and then take balls of meat and drop them in the fucking slow cooker and it- it makes meatballs. How are you- how do you fuck this up? You roll the balls and your hand size is completely up to you.

Unknown_15: Okay.

Unknown_03: Do you like them super big, small, medium? I wanna get some latex meatballs. I don't like huge meatballs. Me neither. I think if you make huge ones...

Unknown_11: You cut them up. They don't cook through as well. Make it a little bit more of a raw center.

Unknown_05: I'm not a mukbang enthusiast. I am a bad video enthusiast.

Unknown_17: The subs, the Italian sandwiches that we're going to make later today, we want them to be small enough so that they fit on the bread.

2:37:33
Unknown_17: So maybe even a little smaller than that.

Unknown_03: That's a good size, though.

Unknown_09: Mm-hmm.

Unknown_03: Yeah, I don't like giant meatballs. I've been to a few places where they make them huge and it's... She likes them tiny.

Unknown_09: That's why she's... Don't like them that size.

Unknown_03: Then again, I'm not much of a meatball person myself.

Unknown_03: But that's blasphemy to you.

Unknown_17: Well, here we go. This is working out well.

Unknown_03: Let's check back on that salt pork.

2:38:05
Unknown_09: Her voice is so bad.

Unknown_03: And that's coming from me.

Unknown_09: Rizzo, let's cook with Kiwi Farm Streams maybe one day.

Unknown_09: You actually just throw raw balls of meat in the slow cooker? Yeah.

Unknown_09: You can cook meat, and if you put it on high, and you cook it for like 12 hours, yeah, absolutely, they are thoroughly fucking done. In fact, if you leave them in for too long, this is gonna be pretty boring, just making the meatballs.

Unknown_11: They get dried out, even if they're marinating. The next step is actually cooking the meatballs, which will be a little bit more interesting.

2:38:38
Unknown_03: Mm-hmm, and we'll be back to that one.

Unknown_13: So now we're adding our meatballs to the pot, because the pot has been prepped properly.

Unknown_03: Mm-hmm, with the salt, pork, and garlic base.

Unknown_17: Correct.

Unknown_07: She talks like a staff person.

Unknown_03: Nice.

Unknown_08: Oh, yeah, you put shit in them.

Unknown_08: Like when you roll them up, you put stuff in. So what you do, you toss them in.

Unknown_00: We already increased the heat because we want them to cook through.

Unknown_13: And what we're going to do is for about 20 to 25 minutes, so if you could set that timer to 20 minutes, honey.

2:39:19
Unknown_09: I like my balls. I like moisture, too. Okay.

Unknown_09: The pot is too big. Yeah, the pots are like cooking for a fucking orphanage or something with a pot that big.

Unknown_13: You've got to let these cook in here.

Unknown_09: Why are you frying them?

Unknown_13: And what you do, now I'm actually done. I don't need this stuff anymore.

Unknown_09: The vegetables take longer to cook than the meat.

Unknown_13: Here's my hands.

Unknown_13: is we are going to rotate the meatballs with tongs. Okay.

2:39:52
Unknown_09: I feel like I'm watching MDE or something.

Unknown_13: As they cook, make sure that they're golden brown. When these are done, you don't want them to look pink at all. You want them to look golden brown.

Unknown_03: Because if they're pink, they're raw.

Unknown_13: That's right. You also don't want them to look dark brown.

Unknown_15: That means you overcooked them.

Unknown_03: I think that's what happened with my grandmother because they were...

Unknown_15: So what we're going to do here is you just literally cook these for, like I said, the 20 minutes to 25, depending, you know, all depends on your heat and whatever.

Unknown_13: This is a medium high. So it looks like it's cooking quickly. Once they're done,

2:40:26
Unknown_13: Then you're going to make your sauce. So we actually have 20 minutes of cook time here before we can actually make the sauce.

Unknown_06: No, I don't cook. The sauce is actually made in the pot. I just go out and I get food. You don't make it outside and toss it in the cooker.

Unknown_15: No, it's all made fresh in the pot right over the stove.

Unknown_03: So you take the meatballs out and you put the sauce stuff in.

Unknown_15: Yes.

Unknown_03: So it's basically like a mostly one pot thing.

Unknown_03: Okay.

Unknown_03: What we need to do is figure out what can we put the meatballs in when they're done. You can put them in a bowl or on a plate.

2:41:03
Unknown_18: Oh, we have the other big bowl we bought, right? Mm-hmm.

Unknown_03: Plate. I don't think we have plates that are big enough. The large plate might be. You might have to stack like two or three of them, but...

Unknown_09: They're just, I just don't understand. Are they gonna like take the meatballs out after the fact and set them aside? Yep, line the plate so it can catch any grease and fat.

Unknown_03: Have I tired of borscht yet?

Unknown_09: No, I still eat it at least once a week.

2:41:42
Unknown_13: See that? They're cooking.

Unknown_03: Yes they are.

Unknown_13: They are cooking.

Unknown_13: Of course, you gotta be incredibly careful because you do not want to destroy the shape of your meatball when you're doing it.

Unknown_03: Yeah, because if you go too much forth, you squish it.

Unknown_03: It's still in Play-Doh state.

Unknown_13: Right, it's not hard yet. It takes a while to solidify.

Unknown_03: Well, it's solid now, but it's in a pliable state. Okay.

2:42:13
Unknown_13: the technique i'm using very gently lift and then release it'll naturally roll into a new position that one did not do it there we go i told you he's like he's like cooking for an orphanage or something every meatball i cannot wait to try these meatballs and the sauce because i have never had either of them for me before

Unknown_03: I had to wait. My sweetie had to make sure that I was gonna stick around long enough and that I would not just take his recipe and run off.

Unknown_11: So as they cook, they will solidify more and that's what you want.

Unknown_03: They'll get that outer crust that's needed to hold them together.

Unknown_03: Some of the onions came out, but that's okay. That's all right.

2:43:09
Unknown_15: The thing is, it's fine as long as it's in the pot because all that flavor from the onions will go right into the meatball.

Unknown_03: It'll still add its delicious flavor.

Unknown_03: So we got another, what, about 15 minutes? About 15 minutes, and I think it's going to be done by then.

Unknown_13: I think I made them small enough that it looks like they'll be cooked. And keep in mind, even if they're just slightly under, it doesn't matter.

Unknown_09: They're losing their coherence already. They're falling apart. Once the sauce is ready to simmer, you put the meat in so it actually cooks further and further in the sauce over hours of time. Fuck you. I'm entertaining you. I'm giving the people what they want.

2:43:42
Unknown_03: Don't blame me. Panda Lee is definitely smarter than DSP.

Unknown_03: I just think she's a lazy piece of shit. Okay, okay. Chef Boyardee.

Unknown_09: Like, the whole reason why she was with DSP is out of convenience.

Unknown_03: Back to the meatballs.

Unknown_13: Yep. So we're finishing up the meatballs. Unfortunately, a few of them burnt because I was chopping veggies and I didn't have a chance to rotate it one last time before now. They're about to be done, so they're actually going to get taken out, and then we're going to start making the sauce. Just sucks that a few of them burnt, but that's the way the... That's the way the meatball falls apart, I guess.

2:44:18
Unknown_03: All right? This one fell apart right here. He burned them.

Unknown_05: Those are burned.

Unknown_13: It's okay, sweetie. I still love you. I'm going to turn it down to low heat right now.

Unknown_09: He completely does not acknowledge the fact that she said she loved him. And all these spices are going to go into the sauce?

Unknown_03: Yep.

Unknown_03: He burned the meatballs. We got salt, we got peppers.

2:44:53
Unknown_03: Mmm, it's gonna be good.

Unknown_13: Yeah, they are definitely burnt. God damn it.

Unknown_15: Wait, he's cooking it on high? Hopefully it'll tenderize it a little bit once it's in the sauce simmering for several hours. They don't come out like rocks, but we made them big enough that I think it's gonna be good.

Unknown_09: Wait, look at these. Look at the dial. It's turned all the way up to like nine. It's as high as it'll go. DSP, come on.

Unknown_17: What are you doing? Look, it won't stop.

Unknown_03: Hit timer.

Unknown_09: He doesn't even know how to operate the fucking timer.

Unknown_09: He has the heat cranked up as high as it will fucking go. And then he's surprised that it fucking burns and falls apart and dries out really fast.

2:45:28
Unknown_09: Why is he doing it this way? He's really taking the meatballs out of the fucking heat instead of just cooking them in the marinara? That's, oh my god. A cow died for this.

Unknown_11: This is a little disgrace.

Unknown_03: You know, meatballs never do look pretty. No matter how you make them or where you get them from, they never do have a pretty appearance. Not unless they're factory made.

Unknown_13: Because I've seen factory made meatballs that look perfectly round and you're like, you know that no human touched that.

2:46:03
Unknown_03: You know that they put it like in a ball mold and squeeze it. Ugh, gross.

Unknown_17: Yeah, these are overcooked. I'm just hoping it's just the outside there that's overcooked.

Unknown_03: I think it's just the outside.

Unknown_13: It's tough because it says the recipe, like I said, it's not an exact science. It said medium-high heat.

Unknown_03: And I had it on medium-high, exactly on medium-high the whole time.

Unknown_09: How do you fuck up cooking meatballs?

Unknown_03: That's the thing.

Unknown_03: Everyone's stove works differently, too.

Unknown_15: Mm-hmm.

Unknown_15: Some of these are perfect. He uploads everything.

2:46:37
Unknown_09: It doesn't matter how embarrassing it is. He'll upload it to his channel so he can make money off of it.

Unknown_03: If that's gorgeous, I feel so confident in my looks. Apparently just shit all over him.

Unknown_09: Yeah, I don't cook usually. I can if I need to.

Unknown_15: It is cooked through, as you can see. But that's fine. We're still going to toss it in. We're not going to waste it. We're still going to toss it in. It's going to give the sauce more flavor. Alright, so this is on low.

Unknown_15: Now what we actually need to do is start making the sauce.

Unknown_03: So what we're gonna do is we're gonna take these cans of peeled tomatoes and we're gonna open them.

2:47:14
Unknown_03: Sento brand.

Unknown_13: These are Italian peeled tomatoes. If you can't get Italian,

Unknown_13: Your sauce won't taste right. And that was the problem we had at first. We could not find this Italian peeled tomatoes, and we were nervous. Well, I was nervous.

Unknown_03: Yeah, you were nervous. I had no idea. I don't know how to make course.

Unknown_11: I've never cooked it before.

Unknown_03: And it's not just a nationality pride thing. Oh, those meatballs are fucking, yeah, they're pink in the middle.

Unknown_09: Because you cooked it on maximum heat. You cooked it as high as you could. It's just like burnt on the outside.

Unknown_03: We're all in the middle. So now we're taking our food mill for a cherry tomato.

2:47:50
Unknown_15: All right?

Unknown_03: Mm-hmm.

Unknown_15: You add the food mill to the pot.

Unknown_03: There you go.

Unknown_11: It's on low now, by the way.

Unknown_09: Wait, is he... Mm-hmm. Wait, wait, wait. Is he... Tomatoes. Is he grinding the canned tomatoes?

Unknown_09: Wait, really?

Unknown_17: Carefully dump them into the food mill.

Unknown_09: It's already... It's already winter.

Unknown_05: You don't need the...

Unknown_05: You can just cook it. They will fall apart. They will literally fall apart in water, bro.

Unknown_13: See what I'm doing? Catches up. You go back a little bit. And you go forward more. Forward more. Forward more. Go back a little bit. What? That's how you hand strain tomatoes.

2:48:22
Unknown_05: You can just cook the tomatoes. They will render.

Unknown_13: This is... Push the chunks down in front of the actual... In front of the actual milling. Milling. Yeah, because you're rotating a blade in there.

Unknown_03: There you go. That's a great angle.

Unknown_31: I don't... Can you just do that until it's almost all the way through?

2:48:55
Unknown_11: Yep, you're not going to get all of it through. Some of the skins and stuff aren't going to go through.

Unknown_03: How many cans are we using for this? We're supposed to use 70 ounces.

2:49:28
Unknown_13: I have no idea what that is in the metric system.

Unknown_03: A lot of people who I know are probably interested. Yeah, over in the, over...

Unknown_17: So we only got 28 ounce cans, so we're going to do two and a half cans of this.

Unknown_03: So there you go. I'm just shocked. A can of Santo Tomatoes, two and a half.

Unknown_17: If you have the 28 ounce cans.

Unknown_09: It's so ineffective that he has to force it through the grinder with a fork because it's the completely wrong tool for what he was doing.

2:50:04
Unknown_15: Now, one thing you can do, and this is totally up to you. As you can see, we've got all these big chunks of skin and everything. If you like chunkier- I already watched the ramen video. After you're milling this, if you can't get it to mill through, you could just put it right into the sauce afterwards, and that's totally your choice.

Unknown_03: For a more rustic country taste to it. Right. If you're not looking just for liquidy, but you're looking for- Yeah, it's a preference for some people. What's your preference?

Unknown_13: I like a mix. Like, I'll probably put some of this in there, but not all of it.

Unknown_03: Yeah. Yeah, I like when it's chunkier, too. I mean, it depends on what pasta and other things I'd be having with. I think for, like, meatballs, I'd want chunkier, but sometimes I just want it smooth.

2:50:38
Unknown_17: Look, you can see it in the thing.

Unknown_09: It's not going down at all.

Unknown_03: Ooh, yes.

Unknown_17: That's the hand-ground tomato.

Unknown_03: I can't believe that.

Unknown_17: This is so retarded.

Unknown_09: This is fucking retarded.

Unknown_09: Hand-grown tomatoes.

2:51:14
Unknown_31: Okay, so now we're pretty much at the end.

Unknown_13: The more I mill, I'm not going to get that much left.

Unknown_11: No. So...

Unknown_05: Literally, all you have to do is get a line of tomatoes, throw them in the pot, and then throw some meatballs in there and cook that shit on low for like 10 hours.

Unknown_09: That's all you have to do to get marinara sauce. He's just scraping it out.

Unknown_17: He's pulling the carcasses out of the bottom.

2:51:53
Unknown_08: And just throwing it in.

Unknown_13: There's so much in there that's unused.

Unknown_17: No, he's not putting in two more cans.

Unknown_17: No, no, no.

Unknown_09: Homemade Italian sauce meatballs done grinding the... Because your mom is the Italian one.

2:52:25
Unknown_03: Italian and Polish? It was her father who was almost 100% Italian.

Unknown_07: There's no way that this goes on.

Unknown_03: But you don't know where they're from in Italy.

Unknown_15: It might be... It starts with an F.

Unknown_09: They're from fucking Idiot Province, where all the... class clowns and shit were exiled to. It literally feels like... I'm watching MDE or something.

2:53:08
Unknown_15: All right, so we strained fully, milled all of our real Italian tomatoes.

Unknown_09: He mills.

Unknown_11: And now what we're doing is we're adding three cans of tomato paste.

Unknown_09: We call that milling.

Unknown_11: He mills his tomatoes. To thicken it up. To thicken the sauce. Yes, that is correct.

Unknown_03: Because tomatoes would make it too liquidy.

Unknown_17: That's right.

Unknown_03: See, I know something about sauce.

Unknown_17: We're using Hunst & Boo because that's all they have at our local stores.

Unknown_03: But that is not the one you would normally use.

Unknown_05: excruciatingly no three cans of tomatoes not out here at all well remember west coast doesn't exactly have a high time population oh he added did he add water to it so that it's soupy as fuck and not actually tomato sauce that's great that's fantastic sounds like the oven's heating up

2:54:01
Unknown_17: So then what you're supposed to do, supposedly, I think this will be interesting to try to get this to work. You're supposed to take two of the cans.

Unknown_09: One day I'll find my Jewish heart sweet, I promise.

Unknown_21: Yeah, hot water. That's hot.

Unknown_13: You fill up one can.

Unknown_13: You're supposed to pour it between the two to try to get some of that paste that's stuck in there unstuck.

Unknown_09: What the fuck is he doing now?

Unknown_11: Is he doing alchemy?

Unknown_03: It's already starting to work.

2:54:37
Unknown_11: You're supposed to do this for all three cans.

Unknown_11: No, really.

Unknown_09: What the fuck is he doing?

Unknown_03: To get the most out of your canned tomato paste.

Unknown_09: That's so gross. It looks like baby poop.

Unknown_11: Really...

Unknown_09: Yeah, level 99 Herbalore. It looks like he's doing the animation for mixing potions in RuneScape.

Unknown_03: The onions and garlic. All kinds of stuff, you'll see. And the spices.

2:55:09
Unknown_03: Mmm, does smell good already. We haven't even added spices. But we're going to do something a little different from the traditional recipe. We're adding pepper this time. We're going to add a few things that's a little different from the traditional recipe.

Unknown_03: I don't recall if I've ever had like a, well, this isn't technically just a pasta sauce, but I don't recall having a sauce that has red pepper, but it might have just been small amounts. I'm curious to see how this will come out, because I've never had, well, at least it's been advertised, homemade sauce.

2:55:59
Unknown_03: That's a nice red color.

Unknown_09: It looks like water.

Unknown_09: He's adding... Oh my fucking god. He's adding more water.

Unknown_03: This is going to be the soupiest, nastiest fucking shit I've ever seen.

Unknown_03: Chicken parm, veal parm, parm, any kind of... He needs to add some taramin for strength.

Unknown_03: I know you love the different parms. I don't think I've had veal parm.

2:56:31
Unknown_05: It's just like a puddle. It's not actually... And he has it on high.

Unknown_02: Now we move on to the things that are going to make the sauce.

Unknown_03: The spices and veggies?

Unknown_15: Yes, but first we've got to try to dilute that because remember that paste is all stuck at the bottom right now.

Unknown_17: Stir it up with the slotted spoon. And you see already, see how it got thicker when I started doing that? Because the paste is now diluting. See the paste there? You gotta dilute it with the slotted spoon to get a nice thickness to your pasta sauce. There's some technique involved in making this right.

2:57:04
Unknown_03: Gotta have that perfect spooning.

Unknown_17: Breaking down, that's good.

Unknown_17: Notice I'm using a plastic spoon. That is so it does not destroy the edges of your pot. Almost everything you buy is non-stick. It's like a soup.

Unknown_09: He's made tomato soup.

Unknown_17: He's made hand-grown tomato soup.

Unknown_11: This is not... That's preserving the overall shelf life of your pots and pans.

Unknown_17: Look at this. We're almost done here.

Unknown_17: We're going to add all the ingredients to finish it off and start it simmering. So...

2:57:38
Unknown_31: Mmm. Mmm.

Unknown_17: All right, so the final stirring.

Unknown_17: All done, right? Look at that. See that? It's like a... That's barely even a soup.

Unknown_13: Get all kinds of pieces of the tomato and stuff in there.

Unknown_03: Mmm, I love tomatoes.

Unknown_13: And keep in mind, as this simmers, it'll actually cook all those little pieces of tomato that are in there.

Unknown_03: And it'll reduce the liquidy aspect somewhat.

Unknown_13: All right.

Unknown_17: So, now what we're going to do, we're going to add all of these seasonings.

2:58:11
Unknown_15: Starting with oregano. 25 shakes.

Unknown_15: What?

Unknown_09: Just add the whole fucking thing.

Unknown_11: Garlic salt.

Unknown_09: Why can't fat people cook? If you knew how to cook, you wouldn't be fat. Mm-hmm.

Unknown_17: I'm actually gonna do four shakes.

Unknown_17: Onion salt.

Unknown_03: Four shakes or two? One, two, three shakes. Oh, three.

Unknown_13: Red pepper, which was not an original recipe, but I wanted to have a little bit of kick, the sauce. So I'm gonna give it one, two, three, four, five shakes.

2:58:51
Unknown_03: Hmm, that seems like a good amount, not too much. Keep in mind, it's for the whole pot, and it's very big chips that probably didn't come out.

Unknown_13: The recipe calls that you can add a bay leaf if you want. I'm gonna add two bay leaves, if not three.

Unknown_03: That's what I used when I made the brine for our barbecue chicken. I used four.

Unknown_05: One.

Unknown_11: Two. Wait, what? Just add...

Unknown_11: I'm going to add four. Four bay leaves for the whole thing, the whole pot.

Unknown_11: I'm so confused. Now you can really start to smell the spices.

2:59:25
Unknown_03: Oh my god, yeah, I love oregano. Oregano and cilantro.

Unknown_09: I like how every time Panda Lee talks to him, he either doesn't acknowledge it or just talks over her. I put a cup of sugar in there, and I thought that it was too sweet.

Unknown_15: When I tasted the sauce, I was like, why does it taste so sweet? My mom's sauce doesn't taste that sweet. So I am not going to put that much.

Unknown_03: Maybe half of it or three quarters?

Unknown_11: What is that? Is that sugar? Is that sugar? What the fuck? He's putting sugar in pasta? What the fuck?

2:59:58
Unknown_13: Oh man, it smells so good.

3:00:36
Unknown_03: Oh, I love it.

Unknown_09: Start to smell it now. I changed my mind.

Unknown_03: I think Panda Lee is more retarded than DSP.

Unknown_03: You know, when I was growing up, we never had oregano in the house. Never.

Unknown_17: No oregano in the house.

Unknown_03: It's not a spice we traditionally used.

Unknown_03: Keep in mind, every European country use different spices for most of their meals. Oregano is more common in Italians than, you know, my family.

Unknown_02: Okay.

Unknown_03: We used a lot of dill. I know that.

Unknown_03: Next.

Unknown_11: Onion and garlic both chopped up.

3:01:13
Unknown_09: He murdered that fucking onion. He like shredded it. Look at that shit.

Unknown_09: But at least he fucking diced the garlic this time instead of just chopping it into fifths.

Unknown_02: And then stir it up. And then, nope, finally your meat. And then you stir it, and then you're done.

Unknown_09: Now he's adding the fried fucking meatballs back into the pasta sauce.

Unknown_03: Oh, yeah, the meat. Mm-hmm. So add the meatballs.

Unknown_11: Why would he add the onions and whatever? And guess what else we're going to add? What?

3:01:47
Unknown_17: Sausage.

Unknown_17: Italian sausage. That's going to go in here, too.

Unknown_03: I love sausage.

Unknown_17: Yeah, she do.

Unknown_03: I have had many varieties of both Italian and non-Italian.

Unknown_17: I'm pissed that these burnt. I really am.

Unknown_09: Panda Lee likes the little Vienna sausages in those. That's her favorite. With the small bite-sized meatballs.

Unknown_17: You don't know what temperature to turn it.

Unknown_03: Well, you know, now for next time.

3:02:21
Unknown_03: And it could just be the outside's not so good, the inside could still be good.

Unknown_13: Hold on, I was thinking... I think you have something.

Unknown_03: Mmm, look at that. I think we might skip the sausage, because I don't remember if you're supposed to precook it any at all. You probably are a little, but... Yeah, you know. Oh well. We can make the sausage another day and then we'll put the sauce with it. We could.

Unknown_13: We could fry the sausage off and make like sausage and peppers or something.

3:02:54
Unknown_03: Mmm. I like sausage and peppers.

Unknown_13: Alright, so now we gotta lower the heat. Now that everything's in.

Unknown_17: Okay.

Unknown_03: Lower it to about there.

Unknown_17: Just to simmer all day. Low setting.

Unknown_03: And then you come back and stir it every half hour or so.

Unknown_09: Well, I'm fat and Italian so she probably would.

Unknown_03: Mmm. Mmm.

Unknown_03: It does look a little chunky so far, but not too chunky. It's like a fucking soup, Pam.

Unknown_09: What the fuck is wrong with you? I can't cut them small.

Unknown_13: You know, I'm not a professional chef. He just shredded tomatoes into a pot.

Unknown_09: The good thing is, what you're seeing now is going to cook over the course of four and a half hours, and you will not see those chunks.

3:03:27
Unknown_13: They're all going to caramelize. They're going to be a clear kind of onion, and they're going to be reddish, and you're not going to really taste them that much.

Unknown_03: But the onion does add a bit of flavor. Oh, yeah. Or the onion salt cannot.

Unknown_03: Because onion salt is not a substitute for onion.

Unknown_17: All right.

Unknown_09: ESP has nothing to add to that.

Unknown_17: So now the lid, right?

Unknown_11: You set the timer for how long?

3:03:57
Unknown_11: How do you do this?

Unknown_03: Time up three minutes and minutes.

Unknown_11: We'll set it for 22 minutes for now. And what you do is you wait.

Unknown_23: No.

Unknown_15: Every 20 to 25 minutes, you come in here, you stir it with a wooden spoon, or you could use that slotted spoon, too, but we'll do the wooden spoon.

Unknown_11: Oh, I was like, is he just going to boil this fucking concoction for 22 minutes? So, and that's it.

Unknown_15: You just let it simmer all day. Right now, it's 1230. Well, that's actually wrong. It was 12, like, 20, 20. Yeah, that wasn't fast by, like, 10, 15 minutes.

Unknown_15: You know, it's been cooked for about four to four and a half hours. So you figure 430 or five-ish at the latest, it'll be ready to go. And at that point you can use it for anything. Like I said, pasta, meat dishes, you're going to make a, we're going to do meatball subs, but I don't know now if we're going to now because those meatballs are really overcooked. I don't know how they're going to taste. We'll have to see once it's, once it's simmered, will they juice up at all?

3:04:30
Unknown_03: Well, we got that sausage and we got that pasta just in case as a backup. We got two options.

Unknown_15: So there you have it. That is the basic premise of how to do it.

Unknown_13: And because of, you know, what I set up today to do for work, I'm going to be coming back down here, you know, every half an hour or so.

Unknown_03: And I'll be coming down too, I'm sure, to stir when you're, you know, when you're mid-fight.

Unknown_13: Whatever, you know, and really that's it.

3:05:04
Unknown_15: It's complicated. It's a lot of steps.

Unknown_03: But this is not an exact recipe. Every recipe is different. Yeah, anyone can make it.

Unknown_15: There's tons of ways to do sauce. So it's more personal preference. Traditional style of how to do it.

Unknown_02: And with a few touches, like I said, of my own, a few changes. Red pepper flakes and stuff and less sugar. Based off of the last time. The sugar was his change.

Unknown_09: Uh-huh.

Unknown_02: Overwhelmingly sweet. It's a trial and error recipe, pretty much. Right. So today we did it. We'll see how it is.

Unknown_13: If you like it. No way. Yeah. Mm-hmm. It already does smell good.

Unknown_03: Italian sauce.

Unknown_13: The Phil Burnell bloodline runs deep.

3:05:58
Unknown_15: All right, ladies and gentlemen, we finally have a result. Something that I have cooked, ladies and gentlemen, that is right. And the result of my long day laboring over a pot of sauce and meat, we have homemade meatball subs, which Leanna is about to dig into. Now, the meatballs themselves, unfortunately, got a little bit singed on the outside. But when we actually put them in here, the meat looked perfectly cooked. So here we go, ladies and gentlemen, my homemade meatball subs. What do you think?

Unknown_03: It is the most sexual meatball sub I've ever had. Oh, God. Don't talk about sex, Pendley.

Unknown_11: You've never had a meatball sub? Wow.

3:06:31
Unknown_03: Hello, not Italian.

Unknown_11: I guess that's true. You don't gotta be fucking Italian. They sell them at goddamn Subway, motherfucker.

Unknown_15: Simmering all day. You put a little bit more sauce. You sprinkle mozzarella cheese. And I actually gave it a sprinkling of Italian seasonings on top, as you can see. Two homemade meatball subs for dinner. Leanna's having one. If she's hungry enough, she'll have a second. We'll have to see. So is it good? You like it? Great. That is the fruit of four and a half hours.

Unknown_09: Stop calling me a feeder. I'm not a feeder. This is fucking defamation.

Unknown_15: All right, everyone. So what I want to show you is the final product and just how much sauce you can make with that one pot that we did today. So right here in the fridge, we've got two of these containers.

3:07:04
Unknown_09: They've not eaten it.

Unknown_15: They've not eaten it in days. Two of these containers. This is enough for one meal each, pretty much. They just locked that shit up in a fucking... They just locked it up and put it in a fucking fridge.

Unknown_09: They have more!

3:07:40
Unknown_15: So there you have it that's pretty much, you know six meals plus the two that we have That one pop Well, yeah, we didn't know we had this back drawer in the fridge, it's kind of funny that's perfect

Unknown_15: is make pasta later this week, pour the sauce, you know, nuke the sauce in the microwave, put it right on. We've got other dinners lined up. If you want to do something with Italian sausage, if you want to do chicken parm, veal parm, it doesn't even have to be parm. It could be some other meals that you get peppers and stuff, you chop them up with it. You got plenty of sauce. And that is the cool thing about making a pot of sauce. It's not just one thing. It lasts you a long time, even though it's a lot of work. As you can see, we finally cleaned up the kitchen. You get a ton of meals out of it. And so it's definitely worth it. Which is more than the meals I've been making.

3:08:21
Unknown_03: Those are one meal, unless you make a big Pandalee's not a real woman.

Unknown_09: She can't cook. Frozen gout soup? Yeah, depending. The pot defeated in the graveyard.

Unknown_09: Oh, yeah, no, his house is beautiful.

Unknown_15: This is the house that he owes tens of thousands of dollars on taxes on. Because he probably can't rest on... Like, he doesn't have good center of balance, so he, like, rocks when he stands and looks at shit.

3:08:58
Unknown_09: Somebody asked me to watch this, too.

Unknown_09: I'm not watching...

Unknown_29: But the thing is, as you will know, as most of you will know, and I don't know how you know, well, you do, you know.

Unknown_07: What the fuck is this?

Unknown_29: We have had the house rewired. This was originally a light, and for some unknown reason, it was taken out and the light was put outside. So people writing saying that my kitchen's a mess. It's not. It's just because it's that.

3:09:37
Unknown_09: The tractor's making fun of her kitchen. It was a light switch.

Unknown_29: It was a switch that switched on. It was a light switch. So it doesn't look a mess. I'm waiting for them to come and cover it up. You can see I made two meatballs.

Unknown_09: What's that?

Unknown_29: Sorry, I'm childish.

Unknown_09: Wait, wait, wait. Okay, so she's greased the pan with butter. That's obviously like colder than room temperature butter that she spread thickly on this pan. Is that orange juice? What the fuck is that? They are meatballs.

Unknown_29: They will be when they are cooked. All I'm doing is just getting some mincemeat. I don't know if you can see. We walked off and left the camera.

3:10:09
Unknown_08: All I'm doing is I'm getting some mincemeat.

Unknown_29: Rolling it. I was getting a drink. Rolling it in my hands. So what I'm doing is rolling it in my hands. I don't know if you can see me what I'm doing. And then I'm dipping it in egg. By the way, I've got some eggs and I've beaten them up. Really adequate.

Unknown_09: Look, they're falling apart.

Unknown_09: She's not actually making meatballs.

3:10:43
Unknown_29: All I'm doing is I'm just getting a load of mincemeat.

Unknown_09: These are inadequate.

Unknown_08: How are you fucking this up? What the fuck are you doing? What the fuck are you doing? You need like breadcrumbs or something to hold them together. I'm gagging.

Unknown_29: What the fuck?

Unknown_08: They're like falling apart. This is like the worst.

Unknown_29: Holy shit. I don't know if you can see, but I've also got some chips cooking.

Unknown_05: That is proper...

3:11:18
Unknown_29: Chip pan. Not like the ones that you get now with all the little handles and everything. How- Oh, God!

Unknown_09: There's like strings of beef falling back into the yolk. First of all, I'm gonna make a tray full. That's revolting. How are you so sloppy and shitty at this?

Unknown_09: She's so bad! She's so bad!

Unknown_27: What the fuck?

Unknown_27: Did you make me lose my ball?

Unknown_27: Oh my God, this is awful. You'll have to excuse me.

3:11:52
Unknown_29: Stop laughing. You're scaring me. Because it's late and we always get a bit giddy over night time and all.

Unknown_29: How is she so bad at making meatballs? Even DSP knew how to fucking roll a meatball.

Unknown_27: Oh my god, I'm gagging.

Unknown_29: This is...

Unknown_27: This is unbelievable.

Unknown_05: Before you do any of this, what I'm doing, you need to wash... No!

3:12:26
Unknown_27: There's a second one! There's another! You need to wash them in, Smead. Please! There's a paper underneath it. Please stop! As you can hear, it's squelching.

Unknown_27: Jason desist! Oh well, it don't matter. That's another meatball, and I'm gonna put one last one ball on. She's gonna put that shit back in the fucking- Oh my god! This is the worst thing I've ever seen! Yo, I'm sorry! Yes, I'm sure you were. Right, that's enough.

Unknown_05: Let me just-

3:13:09
Unknown_29: That is awful. That is awful.

Unknown_27: That is unbelievable. There's eggs and shit all over the fucking display for the fucking oven.

Unknown_29: Look, there's chunks of raw beef on the fucking stove.

Unknown_05: What is happening? Ten minutes?

Unknown_29: That's insufficient.

Unknown_08: Did she burn herself?

3:13:40
Unknown_29: I just want to tell you something. I don't know if you can hear me over the alarm. It goes off. Just to tell you, there might not be some cooking for a couple of days.

Unknown_29: Okay.

Unknown_31: The fuck is happening?

3:14:20
Unknown_27: As you can see, oh my god.

Unknown_29: So what I'm going to do is, is I'm going to drain some of this juice off. But first I'm going to turn them over. This is going to be fun, trying to turn them over. As you can see, they've not stayed in the shape I've made them. They don't really matter because at the end of the day, they're classed as meatballs. No! No, this isn't okay! No! Use utensils! Oh my god! She's pregnant!

3:15:13
Unknown_27: Right, now they're all turned over.

Unknown_29: I've decided I'm not going to take that juice out of it because it'll probably melt by the time it gets in. So now I'm going to put them in the oven for another 10 minutes. You don't have to... No!

Unknown_27: You don't have to turn them over, but I just think it gives them more chance to do it all the way through.

Unknown_29: You can see they're starting to look a bit like meatballs. Me-me-me-meatballs. Me-me-me-meatballs. Sorry, I couldn't tell. Just too busy. Now I'm going to turn them over again. As you can see, I haven't... No! I haven't took any juice out. De-de-de-deuce, deuce, deuce, deuce. Sorry. What is... Is this... Someone turn them over again. They look a little bit... They do look as though they are doing. Why are you doing this?

3:15:46
Unknown_29: So, I'm just turning them over. I've been putting them in for 10 minutes. I don't know how long they want. It's been ages since I was at school.

Unknown_29: And look at that. They're not sticking that much to the pan. That one, I think, that one's... They're just meatballs. I thought I'd gone heads upwards.

3:16:19
Unknown_29: all you had to do was for another 10 minutes no reason i did that just a few minutes ago with the meatballs is that somebody has made me a like page on facebook it wasn't me and it wasn't my son it was one of you left out there so all i want to say is thank you it's very entertaining and the things that you're putting on saying that idea i i have done i have not Leave, pack it in. I don't want to get done. So thank you for putting, you know, doing whatever you're doing. I'm enjoying watching it. Very funny.

3:16:51
Unknown_29: As you can see, they've come out and they look quite nice. No! I've got my best taste test there to try it. Could you please try this, what I have got on the fork?

Unknown_25: It's just come out.

Unknown_29: Yeah, I know. It's going to be hot, though, isn't it? Just take it bit by bit and tell me what you think, please. They've been in long enough and they should be done now. Yes? No? No, I'm joking. Well, yes, they're done.

3:17:24
Unknown_05: A Celtic reverse.

Unknown_08: They're done.

Unknown_29: Right.

Unknown_08: What are you doing, Tess?

Unknown_29: I don't always eat my own food. You know that.

Unknown_29: These chips have just been in my... These chips have been in my cup here.

Unknown_05: She microwaved potatoes?

Unknown_27: Did she just say- NO!

Unknown_27: What the fuck are you doing? The raw meat is still sitting there!

Unknown_29: Oh no! I can't believe this!

3:18:02
Unknown_29: I hope that shows you how to go on with meatballs or roughly going on or showing you how to start making them. You can make them any way you want. You don't have to have chips for them. But anyway, if you do like what you've seen, please keep viewing me. Give me a big old thumbs up. Leave me a comment if you want me to make something or whether you want me to

Unknown_09: I want you to stop.

Unknown_29: I want you to cease and desist.

Unknown_09: Stop laughing.

Unknown_29: I hate you. I hope you burn in hell. I have to watch another. That was unbelievable.

3:18:52
Unknown_09: making a bacon and okay no you know what i'm gonna trust my intuition i'm gonna go with making a bacon and egg sandwich hi people i'm back cooking again uh today i've been asked by someone to make a bacon and egg sandwich yes a bacon egg sandwich

Unknown_09: How can you possibly fuck up bacon and eggs?

Unknown_29: You can either do it by grilling it or by frying it. It doesn't really make a difference. I mean obviously I'm going to fry the eggs because I've already done some poached eggs. So these are going under the grill.

Unknown_29: You put them on, I put them on full heat and you just keep turning them over regular.

3:19:44
Unknown_29: Now you can either use bread or bread cakes.

Unknown_29: Did she say she's going to boil it? The reason I'm buttering the bread cakes is because my son has been saying it's a lot more yummier with margarine.

Unknown_05: A lot more yummier. I think it makes the slightest bit of difference.

Unknown_29: But like I said, you can use bread or bread cakes, which I've used bread cakes.

Unknown_08: What?

Unknown_29: As you can see, I'm not very good at buttering bread cakes, but... It's like a stick of butter between those four rolls.

3:20:22
Unknown_29: Now, as you can see, I'm going to be turning the bacon over. You will get loads and loads.

Unknown_27: What are you doing? What are you doing?

Unknown_29: What the fuck are you doing? You will always get fat underneath the grill while you are doing bacon.

Unknown_05: Like, you can bake bacon, but what the fuck? Is that the bottom of her oven, or does she actually have a collection pan ready?

Unknown_29: And if for some unknown reason I just start laughing, it's my son's acting daft behind the camera.

3:21:06
Unknown_08: That's the bottom of her oven? Oh my god. As you can see, I've put two eggs in the pan.

Unknown_09: This is awful.

Unknown_29: You need fat in the pan.

Unknown_09: She's greasing her oven.

Unknown_29: I'm sorry. Like I said.

Unknown_07: How to cause a grease fire with a British woman.

Unknown_29: I know I should have waited to put the eggs in. But I put them in first. Just to show you that my eggs are starting to cook. You need them on full heat.

3:21:43
Unknown_29: As you can see, I've just done the eggs. Now I'm gonna cut them up.

Unknown_09: I feel like I'm descending into madness.

Unknown_29: Put it on the bed for me.

Unknown_08: That's physically nauseating.

Unknown_29: What the... What is that?

Unknown_08: I'm gagging. What is that?

Unknown_29: What is that? I can't identify what the fuck that is. Is that egg? That can't be egg. Oh my god. I can't...

3:22:32
Unknown_27: Why is she cooking those eggs in?

Unknown_05: Is this what gutter oil is?

Unknown_09: Is this what gutter oil is? Do we actually need to nuke China? Is this? That is, oh my god.

Unknown_29: Oh my god.

Unknown_29: Throwing it over the egg yolk.

Unknown_08: This is fucking revolting.

3:23:05
Unknown_29: Trust my head not to work this time. But you keep doing that until eventually... Like I said, I can't understand why my fat looks all black because it was clean in yesterday. But as you can probably see... I am... That is unbelievable. So all you do is just keep...

Unknown_29: covering it over like that, then you know then that it's cooked properly. Or you can turn it over, whichever you prefer.

3:23:37
Unknown_29: Right, as you see I've got eggs on both of the bread cakes. The other two I'm doing are for the dog.

Unknown_29: Yes, dogs are allowed eggs, obviously not a lot.

Unknown_29: But as advised by the PDSA, they are allowed to have eggs. Obviously not every day, just occasionally. Now I'm going to check on the bacon.

Unknown_09: Oh no. Oh wait, no, there is a collection tray there. Oh, it does look nice.

Unknown_09: That looks awful.

Unknown_05: How do you cook pork that bad? That is the egg and bacon sandwich. That bacon looks raw.

3:24:14
Unknown_29: That's requested.

Unknown_29: Right, that was your bacon and egg sandwich done. I hope it shows you how to go on. If you like what you've seen, please give me a thumbs up. If you want to leave me a comment on whether you want me to cook anything or make something, please feel free. And if you would like to subscribe to me, please do, the more the merrier. Thank you, goodbye.

3:24:47
Unknown_09: She didn't even eat it. They did not fucking eat it.

Unknown_09: She literally did not take... She didn't take a single bite of her own food.

Unknown_09: Somebody... Okay, I've gotten requests to cook with hoarders and watch Mazaokies. Send that shit on Discord and I'll save it for another day. I'll watch it at some point.

Unknown_09: I want to watch Lasagna Made My Way.

3:25:22
Unknown_09: I want to see if she actually eats this one. This is the last one, by the way, then we're going to retire.

Unknown_29: As requested.

Unknown_29: Today, I'm going to have a go at a lasagna, which I've never made before. As you can see, I've got the minced meat in two separate pans because

Unknown_29: is too much to go in just one pan all i've done is add a little oil then i'm going to add some onions and then some tomato sauce now i'm adding the onion the secret of this is to cut it okay you got the ground beef so we don't make you cry

3:26:13
Unknown_09: Is she going to cut herself?

Unknown_09: If she cuts herself and bleeds into the food, I'm done. Up to now, I'm not fucking too bad.

Unknown_05: Wait, why is she cooking? Why is she putting the onions on top of the mince?

Unknown_05: You can't cook the onions. Oh my God.

Unknown_29: Right, I'm going to add this sauce to the mincemeat. What I forgot to tell you is when you're doing mincemeat and onion or just mincemeat, always put some oil in your pan. as it will probably stick and probably burn faster.

3:26:48
Unknown_05: Are you actually fucking retarded, lady?

Unknown_09: Well, okay, just to clarify, mincemeat in the United States and mince in the UK are different things. Mince is what they call ground beef.

Unknown_09: That's not just her being retarded. That's literally what they call it.

Unknown_29: Just add a bit of first and stir it in.

Unknown_29: You can hear it. I probably can't hear it. It's boiling away and it shouldn't be... It shouldn't... It's been cut the fucking... It's been boiling away and it's spitting at me.

3:27:28
Unknown_07: How do you... This is preposterous. A bit more. This is... This is unreal. I'm going to stir that in and see how things get going then.

Unknown_28: That's nearly all covered. I probably just want a bit more.

3:28:11
Unknown_29: I'm trying to shell it out equally to both so one pan will get more juice than the other

Unknown_29: Even though it's all mixed together. But one will be sloppy while the other one's a bit hard.

Unknown_29: Just going to give it a little longer for the onions to get cooked more.

3:28:50
Unknown_08: If only you had put the onions into the saucer before the fucking meat. Because the meat cooks first.

Unknown_29: Now I've put some lasagna sheets in. I'm going to put a bit of meat in.

Unknown_29: As you can see, with the heat from the oven, it's making it curl.

3:29:30
Unknown_29: That's one rare.

Unknown_09: Don't you cook it with the noodles in the oven?

Unknown_28: I'm going to put another layer in.

Unknown_09: I mean, I've never made a lasagna, but I'm pretty... Wait, are those uncooked?

3:30:02
Unknown_05: Those are completely uncooked.

Unknown_29: Some more meat in.

Unknown_29: She didn't boil the noodles.

Unknown_09: Now I haven't got a very big dish, so my lasagna is only going to be about two or three bits high.

3:30:42
Unknown_29: Not like you get in the supermarket where it's about five high or something like that.

Unknown_29: Put some more meat on that.

Unknown_29: And then some more.

Unknown_09: Oh, okay, you don't have to cook them all. Okay.

Unknown_29: Sorry, I'm having a little fight getting all the paper off between them.

Unknown_09: Yeah, there's no Parmesan cheese.

Unknown_08: Or anything.

Unknown_09: Or whatever the fuck they... Whatever that stringy cheese thing is. It's just beef and lasagna. Ricotta cheese, that's what I'm thinking of.

3:31:20
Unknown_29: You can put cheese on top of your lasagna.

Unknown_09: It looks like Sargon's baby.

Unknown_29: No, don't say that.

Unknown_09: Sargon's gonna eat you.

Unknown_29: Cheese.

Unknown_29: So, I'm not putting it on.

Unknown_29: There we are.

Unknown_29: Starting to take shape already. What it's gonna take, I ain't got a clue. Right, now it goes in, in the oven for 50 minutes.

3:31:57
Unknown_29: On electric, 180.

Unknown_00: I think it's gas mark 5.

Unknown_29: I'm not 100%, but anyway. Screening for 50 minutes.

Unknown_29: Now it's at the time.

Unknown_08: I got it.

Unknown_29: What does this look like?

Unknown_09: How does the oven do that every fucking time she opens it? Is it like shit burning?

3:32:38
Unknown_09: Oh my god.

Unknown_29: That looks alright, eh? No it does not. Turned out better than I expected it to.

Unknown_29: And that's the other problem. I can't understand it. That one, that side stuck for no reason.

Unknown_27: This side was perfect. And I know it doesn't look like what you normally have.

Unknown_29: But that's because there's no cheese on it. But that has turned out better than I expected.

Unknown_29: Oh. Right, I hope that shows you how to make lasagna. Maybe. If you like what you've seen, keep viewing and give me a big old thumbs up.

3:33:11
Unknown_29: Leave me a comment if you want me to make something or just to cook something. And if you haven't already subscribed to me, please feel free.

Unknown_09: I think this woman's like a locale for normies. Because somebody... I fucking ruined it. God damn it. I was trying to pull this up.

Unknown_09: This is apparently the fake Facebook thing they made for her. And she gets ridiculed on this page that the normies made to make fun of her.

3:33:45
Unknown_30: I think.

Unknown_30: Yeah, that looks fucking disgusting. That looks like a health hazard.

Unknown_30: Yeah, there's no way on earth Kay cooked this. This is just some random bullshit. Is she trying to pass this off as something that she cooked?

Unknown_09: Oh, yeah, it's a stolen picture from Chicago Grills, apparently. Maybe this is her official page, and she's trying to pretend that she made this.

Unknown_09: Tag someone so they think they have mates, but really here to have a look at these random donuts.

3:34:26
Unknown_06: Okay.

Unknown_09: Brand new video coming this week. Say me if you want to see it before anyone else.

Unknown_09: Like, two people replied.

Unknown_09: Oh, God. Oh, there's, like, little...

Unknown_09: Oh man, that's genuine fucking disgusting.

Unknown_09: There's baked beans, there's tomato sauce. I don't know what the fuck that burned shit at the bottom is. It looks like bread. And then there's just like boiled weenies in it.

Unknown_30: Holy shit.

3:35:07
Unknown_30: I can't even guess.

Unknown_09: Don't say anything, just tag a mate so they have to unlock their phone to look at this tomato ketchup sandwich? Really?

Unknown_30: Really? Are those like dog biscuits? What the fuck?

Unknown_30: What the fuck is that?

Unknown_30: Does she eat this? Is this like a joke?

3:35:40
Unknown_09: There's more microwave potato chips or french fries and whatever the fuck that shit is on the right.

Unknown_30: Yeah. Fuck this. I'm done. The stream is over.

Unknown_09: It's over.

Unknown_09: Remember to donate on my Patterson mad at the internet. Okay. I need the money. I need the money to support or I'll lose the farm.

Unknown_09: And, um, what else? I don't have a teespring. I can't advertise that.

3:36:17
Unknown_09: I won't be streaming every day this week. I will be streaming on Monday about Chantal, of course, because we're on a fat, fat fuck kick, and I need to see more fat women eating. So I'm going to be doing a formal Mad at the Internet thing on Chantal. So if you're into fat women eating themselves to death, boy, oh, boy. Boy, oh, boy, do we have some quality content coming up, right?

Unknown_09: Okay.

Unknown_09: And, uh... Yeah, fuck this.

Unknown_30: I'm tired.

Unknown_30: Where's my song at?

3:36:50
Unknown_31: Go on home, British soldiers, go on home.

Unknown_25: Have you got no fucking homes out the road?

Unknown_25: For 800 years we fought you without fear.

Unknown_25: And we'll fight you for 800 more. And if you stay, British soldiers, if you stay...

Unknown_25: You'll never ever beat the IRA. But there's 14 men in Derry, and the last that you will bury. So take a tip and leave us when you pay. Oh, we'll fight some really soldiers for the cause.

3:37:28
Unknown_25: We'll never bow to soldiers because throughout our history we're born duty free. So get out you British bastards, leave us be. And go on home British soldiers, go on home.

Unknown_25: Have you got no fucking homes of your own?

Unknown_25: For 800 years we fought you without fear And we'll fight you for 800 more And if you stay, British soldiers, if you stay You'll never ever beat the IRA Those 14 men in Derry are the last that you will bury So take a tip and leave us while you may Go on home, British soldiers, go on home

3:38:17
Unknown_25: Have you got no fucking homes of your own? For 800 years we've fought you without fear And we'll fight you for 800 more We're not Saxon, we're not British, we're not English We're Irish and proud we are to be So fuck your Union Jack, we want our country back

Unknown_25: It's Ireland and Ireland it will be Go on home British soldiers, go on home Have you got no fucking homes of your own?

3:38:54
Unknown_25: For 800 years we fought you without fear And we'll fight you for 800 more And if you stay British soldiers, if you stay

Unknown_25: You'll never ever beat the IRA But there's fourteen men in Derry are the last that you will bury So take a tip and leave us while you may Go on home, British soldiers, go on home Have you got no fucking homes of your own?

Unknown_25: For eight hundred years we fought you without fear

Unknown_25: And we'll fight you for 800 more. And if you stay, very soldiers, if you stay, you'll never ever beat the IRA. But there's 40 men in Derry and the last that you will bury. So take a tip and leave us while you may.